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The Reverend Tholomew Plague · **07-31-2015, 08:34 PM**

Waking up can be a real bitch sometimes, I don't even know why, maybe it's my lack of decent sleep, maybe it's the never ending bullshit that my mind puts me through. Either way one thing is for certain, I am at a point where I find myself not wanting to sleep anymore. That fucking nightmare, always comes at night, never goes away. Every night it is sure to appear.

Allow me to clarify, this one dream, I am being forced under water by some unknown figure, and no matter how much I struggle I can never escape. It doesn't make sense, well it does to me anyways because I lived through this exact moment 21 years ago, but if I was to tell anyone who knew me personally I would get slapped into a mental hospital so fast, they wouldn't believe me.

Wait, why am I talking to myself.

Stop

just think, ok. I get up and stretch for some unknown reason, maybe it's subconscious at this point. I go over to my closet and open it.

There sits the flag I fear I may never use, the pansexual pride flag sitting there folded up, I don't think I'll ever be able to tell anyone that I am not heterosexual, especially not now. Besides I have a girlfriend right now anyways so who gives a rats ass right?

I walk into the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet to find a half drank bottle of vodka and a bottle of anti-depressants.

Damn blood sucking pills,

despite my absolute resent towards these damn things the psychologist is right, I was in bad shape before and I do need them.

I take a couple and then look at the bottle, when I did I drink half of the damn thing anyways?

Whatever, my life at the moment means shit to anyone anyways

have these fuckers not kicked in yet, I can't tell anymore.

I drink the rest of the bottle and throw the thing in the trash, I take a quick shower, it feels nice to know that one of the only things in this world that keeps me from having stress overload is the feeling of hot water running down my back.

Damn it feels good to be warm, especially when I am usually so fucking numb.

After a half-an-hour, has it been 30 minutes, who the fuck cares, I turn the water off and head to the sink and pick up my clothes, typical casual clothing shit that my girlfriend bought to keep me from looking like a fucking emo all the damn time, what is it now two years.

I put the clothes on and brush my teeth quick before proceeding downstairs, I can't find Ashley, she must be at work still, I asked her not to take the graveyard shift at her job, it's still 2 in the morning.

Fucking insomnia. I go to the living room and...

God damn it!

How is he still up, I am finding it so difficult to control myself around him and the one thing keeping me at bay is the knowledge that I would destroy Ashley's mental stability doing that and she has been so good to me, I can't do this to her.

Trevor, my friend since fucking first grade, sitting on the God damn couch watching sports center.

I feel like I should say something but instead head over to the fridge and chug down the carton of orange juice.

Trouble sleeping?

Uh...yeah, it's becoming a pain in the ass.

You know they have pills for that right? Come on man I think you need them.

Yeah right, one medication is enough, I don't need to start mixing shit alright, besides I can't stand the feeling of being controlled by some medication, it sucks, the feeling that what I'm thinking and saying isn't really what I am thinking and wanting to say. That get's irritating after awhile you know, and before you say it, I know, I am aware that it is suppose to help you and it does believe me, but I just can't shake that thought that when I'm on it I'm not really me you know?

That's, uh, rational I guess. At least you are willing to admit something is wrong, that right there is more that most people in your situation would say. Look, you get back to sleep, and I'll make sure everything is alright, that sound good?

I can't really tell how long I am out, but surprisingly, knowing that someone was there with me, especially someone I cared so much for, it gave me comfort in that feeling and had a good nights rest.

When I woke up it was 8 a.m. and nobody was here,

Ashley must still be out I guess, maybe she is hanging with some of her friends from work, despite my aching want to stay home I get up and decide to walk to the local bar, the alcohol takes away the headaches early in the morning, I don't drink it any other time unless I am in desperate need for sleep, I walk down the outdoor deck and begin walking the streets of Pittsburgh, living in the city was my idea it was my hometown as a kid and I just felt an aching desire to stay here, besides the bar is only a couple blocks from my house. So I continue to walk instead of take the car, out of the crowd I notice someone oddly familiar, I look closer and realize it is one of the new rookies that came into to sign his contract with xwf the same day I did, what was his name again, Drew, Drew Archyle, what is he doing here in Pittsburgh, you can't tell me he is site seeing because other then the Steeler's football stadium there isn't much here to see that would be tourist worthy. Maybe he has a second job here? I don't know, I walk past him and he doesn't seem to notice so I don't seem to care either. I'm at the entrance of the bar and walk into to find....

OH NO! Not him, I thought he was gone, this prick, the vain of my existence, I could've swore he left last time I heard from him. I hate him, he makes my blood boil every time I see him, mainly because I don't know which side of him I am going to get anymore, it's insane.

Maybe he won't see me, maybe I'm good, ok just act natural. Nobody here that you're familiar with, just coming in and having a drink, nothing else, no need for blood to splatters these walls when the bartender has been so kind to you right? Just act....

Hello there Jimmy....

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