I click on the tape recorder and spit out the mucus clogging my throat onto the motel floor. Beautiful New Zealand. What a shit hole. Before speaking, I decide Hank should listen to himself first, make him realize how fucking idiotic he sounds.
Hank 'Thunder' Lane Said:Just thinking about my match coming up against Hastur. I'd swear the guy is running scared. Not a peep out of him and the match is right around the corner. He's going to love the attention I show him!
"Ladies and gentleman, Hank Lane. This dumb bastard didn't even realize I had something up almost twelve hours before him and goes on about how I haven't made a peep, how I am 'running scared.' Hahahaha. Yeah Hank, I fucking love this attention you're paying you dense fuck. I mean seriously Lane, half a day passed and you didn't even realize I made a peep? Too busy thinking about killing innocent women I guess. Now, I might know what you're going to say here. I kill people too. That's what you would say if you paid any fucking attention whatsoever anyway, but I don't kill innocent people. I don't hurt innocent people. Every single person I have come across in my entire life has a damn good reason why they need to die, you would kill because you're selfish, I make music. Art. I make the guilty suffer."
"No excuses here, I do what I do to help. Why? Because no one else has the fucking balls to do it."
"Now, I know your motives Hank. Miss Fyre, I'd watch your back if I were you. There's crazy in Hank Lane's eyes. You can see it easily. Standing next to Angel, how his hand curls into a fist for just a second, like a subtle flinch. Like he's planning to do something, how he glares at you from the corner of his eyes, there's no love there, no friendship, nothing welcoming. He looks at you and he sees something disgusting. Then that upper lip twitch that knocks that ridiculous porno-stache up for a fraction of a second. Like he wants to vomit at the sight of you. He's going to kill you Angel. Hahahaha. Sorry, it's just hilarious though, because there's nothing you can do to stop it. Hank is a cold blooded killer, who will snap your neck and fuck your corpse, because he is truly evil."
"..."
"I think the XWF is putting me on a path here. They know what I'm about so in my last match I had to take out a false god, a man who hides in the shadows and a child molester in a luchador mask. Now, I'm up against another child molester who is also a murderer! Or, is going to be a murderer. Either way, that to me is one hell of a message. Hastur, come in and make these sorry fucks suffer for their crimes. Ha ha ha. That is just my job description. Then when I get higher up on the ladder of success in the XWF, I'll make every single bad person suffer and purge this whole corrupt fucking system. I'm here to make the world a better place Hank, and you're going to be an example of what I can do."
I continue to watch some of Hank's promo on the small crappy TV in the motel, hope it isn't too loud for the recorder. Got enough background noise with these fucking crickets! I'm getting pretty sick of seeing this fuck naked, he's smoking a blunt talking to Angel in some loft, fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if some seventies porn music starts to play. At least it would be a little more interesting, my hands wouldn't be restless anyway . . . . Oh shit! Hank just killed a guy! Hahaha, didn't see that coming! At least stuff has picked up a little, way to be entertaining for once you dull prick... Wait a minute. I pause the promo.
"You killed someone for trying to do their job? Fuck, Lane! That is some low shit right there. Those men had a family! They were doing their jobs to put food on the table and you killed them like sick dogs! And you laughed while doing it, fuck. You are sick! I knew you were a cold blooded killer, these men had no right to die that day. A real man would have subdued them and sent them packing, but you! YOU! You disgust me. Torture and homicide... I'm going to break every single bone in your fucking body. I'm on a mission here Lane, I kill for a reason. Not like you. You have no fucking right."
I press play on the remote and continue to watch Hank's promo. Franciso Carzone. I'll remember that name, poor soul might need protecting. A few hours later in the video, they get to a hotel and then I see Hank's ugly mush staring at me. Hahaha. Guess he finally saw my video.... Is this guy so insecure about his sexuality he has to have naked women behind him?
Hank 'Torrential Downpour' Lane Said:Hey, Uh what the fuck was your name again? Oh yes, Hastur.
"Oh don't give me that you ugly cunt. You had no problem remembering my name before, but now that you're acting like a cocky son of a bitch you just have to play the worn out 'I'm too big to remember your name' card. Hahaha, that is pathetic. At least put in the effort to not mention me whatsoever, or at the very least take more than a second to remember my name. Jesus Lane, put in the effort! Show some fucking theatrics you Neanderthal. My name sounds like a disease? ... Right. Yeah, that works. I guess I am a disease. Hello Hank, I'm the cancer that's going to kill you. I'm the disease that is going to spread throughout the world and kill the weak. I like the sound of that, I prefer having a name that sounds like a disease then just a normal name like Hank Lane. Hank Lane who works at the grocery store. Hank Lane who pumps your gas. Hank Lane who can't go within twenty yards of any school. Put something stupid between Hank and Lane like Thunder so you can sound like a force of nature without putting in the effort to be an actual force of nature. In the end I think a disease is better."
Hank 'Tsunami' Lane Said:Dude, do you know what the fuck you are getting into? Do you have any ideal what I am capable of doing to you? I like to hurt people! Do you understand me? It gives me a fucking boner smashing someones face in. I have become the kind of guy you just don't want to fuck with because I just don't give a shit! I stopped caring a long time ago!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE HO HO HA!"
"Do I really need to reply to this? People, look at Hank Lane, then look at me. Then decide on your own who is fucked. Also, 'do you have any ideal'. I'm afraid I don't have any ideal what you're talking about Hank. Slipped of the tongue there Hank? Guess it happens when you're trying not to be distracted tee hee hee boobies tee hee hee. Fucking loser. At least you give people a reason to watch your shit, doesn't make up for your talk, your presence or your personality or lack thereof. But it gives a reason for horny teenagers to watch."
"You like to hurt people. It gives you an erection... I don't know what to say to that. But you stopped caring a long time ago, now that is something I can talk about. It's pretty clear you stopped caring, just this whole lack of anything noteworthy about you. You're a pile of shit with a Groucho Marx mustache hastily stuck on, with the personality to boot. How can I care about you when you don't care yourself? Why exactly should I deem you a threat in any way, when you don't care? Oh I know you don't care about human life, and that is supposed to make you seem tough. But it makes you look pathetic. You are trying to so hard to be the embodiment of MAN! Booze, drugs, muscles, mustaches and women, the man who hurts people cuz he don't give no fucks and just wants to rock n roll all night. You're overcompensating, and it's really funny, but it's so much more pathetic."
Hank 'Earthquake' Lane Said:You just wish you had it this good. What the fuck kind of name is Hastur anyway? Your parents really must have hated you!
"Oh okay we're still talking about my name apparently. Really got nothing have you Hank. Haha."
Hank 'Hurricane' Lane Said:Why the fuck would you agree to wrestle me in the first place? I get it, you must have lost a bet with someone.
"You are just handing me ammunition aren't you? Slow down Hank, this revolver only has six chambers. But you're right Hank, me and killer had a bet, I said to him I bet you I can find the most pathetic, saddest shell of a human being and beat him within inches of his life without breaking a sweat. I am halfway through receiving the winnings of that bet, just the easy part of kicking your hairy ass around New Zealand. Which reminds me, Finisher Finale match. That's fun right? Big explosive ending without the drama of waiting for the three count. Like ending stuff with a bang and just the bang. I like it. But anyway, I didn't actually accept a match with you. I got in touch with management and I said, put me up against someone who needs the shit kicking out of them and they said Peter Gilmour was busy, so I got you instead. I haven't even heard of you before this week anyway, so don't expect the man, the myth, the molester Hank Lane to scare me with his tales on how he's big and tough."
Hank 'Sharknado' Lane Said:There are no rules in fighting
"Why Hank, I think we can finally agree on something. Makes me feel sick that I'm agreeing on something with a lowlife like you though. It seems like Hank has no idea who I am. Like, he looks at me and sees some guy who is a straight laced wrestler and isn't someone who hurts people, kills people for a good reason. Hank is just throwing good reasons at me, filling up every single chamber of the gun pointing at his head. All I need to do is pull the trigger and..."
"Pop."
"His brains are on the floor. It's a charming image. But I digress, we all know this man is a fake. Someone who wants to be the cowboy but keeps falling off his horse, some poor old fool who wants to be the best but just can't no matter how hard he tries."
"Hank 'Thunder' Lane."
"A fly."
"A pitiful little insect dreaming to be a bird."
"Only dreams."
"Goodnight Hank. And since I started with a line from your promo, I think it's only fair to end on another."
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