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Sebastian Duke · **04-28-2015, 05:12 PM**

As Wednesday night approaches, my favorite time of the week closes in quickly. It's a time when all of the talk and all of the story telling comes to an end. It's a time when your reigning defending undisputed XWF Intercontinental Champion goes to work. It's a time when the dominant force that is myself gets to do what he does best- dominate.

On this eve of Warfare, I have to admit to the world that this weeks match hold a special place in my heart. That's because Cain finally gets put in his place. I mean, have you ever seen a loser as big as Cain is talk as much as Cain does about being feared and how he should be feared, and just how all powerful he is and all of that happy horse shit, just to get schooled time and time again?

I've made a fine living out of kicking ass and taking names. I've done it since the day I walked into this place. My resume speaks for itself. See, Cain, there is nothing wrong with being inferior to me. In fact, most competitors are. Some of those won't always be. You? Nah, see, Cain Arkham will forever and always be nothing more than dog shit stuck to my boot.

Cain, you're a loser. You always will be. Don't blame me for that. You have no one to blame but you, yourself and mercurial you. It's your own erratic behavior that has caused your downfall. One week you drop promos, no air quotes by the way, left and right burying your competition. The next, kind of like this week, you fall flat on your face.

See, I know what goes through your mind. You'll wake up in whatever dark alley you passed out in after your last match, whatever it was and whomever it was against. It likely resulted in a Cain loss. Anyway, you venture to some internet cafe, maybe even a Starbucks. You walk over to some hipster sipping on some

ass latte as they troll the innocents on the web. You look him dead in his eye and say 'I'm scary gimme dat!' while spitting all over yourself. You grab hipster

laptop and you log on to XWF99.com and find the latest card booking. Warfare. April 29. Intercontinental title match. Opponent? Your King of Darkness. See that? That's the type of week where you come out here and fall flat on your face and why? Why do you fall flat? Because you know you've already lost before it's even Wednesday.

The similarities between those types of weeks that you have is that nine times out of ten, you're going to lose anyway.

The differences?

You.

In fact, I'm surprised that you haven't had an image change yet this week. You're a murderer, you're some mythical biblical creature, you're not a murderer, you're a murderer again, you're a crazed lunatic. Next week you'll be the mythical unicorn keeper from Atlantis.

I kid.

Well, sorta.

Christ, Cain. Give us all a break and get the fuck out of here with your nonsense. Grow a set of balls and be a man. Stick to whatever you're good at, coincidentally, that's not professional wrestling.

Let's move on to discussing some of Cain's latest idiocy. I know, I know, we only have so much time, so I'll try like hell to keep it short. Number one, I don't want to call you promo. Is Promo going to be your next name change? I mean, mentioning promo and thinking Cain would be scary. At least scarier than anything Cain Arkham himself can do.

Number two, I went suicidal. So did Theo. Not so much out of boredom. I mean, we were both bored as hell. But it's the content of your promo that caused us to want to off ourselves. Yes, Cain, it was that bad.

Number three. I'm not a lion. If I were a lion, I'd be the mother fucking Lion King. Why? Because Simba fucked shit up! And that's what I do, I fuck shit up for my opponents.

Number four. You are no dragon. You being younger mean nothing if you don't have the skill to back it up. Being strong means nothing if you're not stronger than me. You're not, we've proved that before, so let's move on.

Number five. I can see why you wanted to stay in that dream. Because in a dream is the only time you'll ever beat me. Because here in this reality, I'm the King, you are the peasant. I am the champion. You are the worthless challenger. Maybe I am the lion, and if I am, then you are most certainly the prey.

Number six. You are a creature of epic failure. You're not mythical anything. Unless by mythical, you mean mythical champion. And by mythical legend you mean, like Paul Bunyan and Babe the Big Blue Ox. By that, I mean your mythical legend status is fake. It's false. It's a tall tale.

Number seven.

Jesus.

Number seven. You are exactly like a rookie Sebastian Duke. Because a rookie Sebastian Duke? He wasn't very good. The difference between you and I, is that I evolve, while you just flat out change. I get better, while you pretty much just stay the same. By the way, here's another guy calling a 32 year old, old. I'm not slowing down. Not even a little. In fact, if anything, I'm picking up speed. I'm picking up momentum. I'm like a god damn freight train with no brakes. And you? You're just a slow moving cow stuck on the tracks. My tracks. Better get movin' boy. This freight train ain't stoppin' for ya.

Number eight. I'd rather die than face you? No, I'd rather die than force myself to sit through the constant ramblings of a fucking hypothetical monster with a superiority complex and the inability to win. How does that work, anyway? How are you so big and strong, think you're better than everyone, including myself, yet you just can't ever pick up a win over even the lowest on the XWF pecking order?

I just don't understand that.

Anyway, moving on to number.... fuck... letter A. I lost count. Cain says that in the annals of wrestling history there's been future greats dethroning current greats. At least, that's how I take what he's saying. He's saying that I'm great, and I am, but Cain Arkham is the next great and he'll dethrone me.

Cain. Let me tell you something. I may not always be a current great, but I am and forever will be an all time great. That is something you will never be. You won't ever beat me. You won't ever be considered a great because you are not great. Hell, you're not even good. You gotta learn to walk before you can run.

Letter B. Here we go. Cain's a beast. Cain's a predator. Same ole same ole. Wait.

Wait a fucking minute.

Cain, explain this to me. How the fuck can you be the predator, when you're always the prey?

I can't make this shit up folks. He's really saying this shit.

You know what? Fuck this shit. Fuck you Cain. You're a worthless piece of shit with all the physical tools in the world. You just don't have the mental toughness it takes to ever be a great in this industry. One day you may win a title. One day you may actually beat one of the greats. That title won't be my Intercontinental title. That great won't be Sebastian fucking Duke. The day? Surely won't be this Wednesday night!

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