(camera comes on to show Ben Crane's monolith standing proudly in the ring)

(we also see that he sitting in front of it, leaning on it with a present laying beside of him)

Crane: Victory! God, it tastes sweeter than making out with Zooey Deschanel. I'd forgotton how fantastic it is to actually win a match. And Mark Flynn, I have to give you credit, my man. I was worried you were gonna bail on me or worse that you might actually afraid of Angeleus. I mean, he's a tough dude. If somebody weren't a raging psychopath, like myself, you'd probably be fairly intimidated by him.

But no, Flynn, you put all my fears to rest and you SHOWED UP. For the record, I didn't forget about you beating me in the US Title tournament. I was just hoping that that guy was gonna be the one I was partnering with and an even better guy appeared.

Now, I know what you're all thinking. But what about the fact that Flynn cheated? Doesn't that go against your code of honor? Maybe. But I've come to a realization the past few weeks. See, honor in professional wrestling is competition. Which is also something I've been harping about since day one. How it's not about wins and losses but about COMPETITION. There is a fatal flaw in that train of thought, though. Competition, in and of itself, is about doing everything in your power to win. And if you're losing week after week, you're not really competing. You're just jobbing. You might as well go and get an old JOB Squad shirt from Al Snow.

And speaking of JOB Squad, let's see what XWF's weekly BINGO card method of making a show has come up with this week for ol' Ben Crane. A triple threat! Yes, I can just hear all the "oooooohs" coming from the crowd. First up, is KnightMask. Who on name alone sounds like a Sailor Moon character. BUT, I did get to catch one of your promos earlier. And KM, is it ok if I call you KM? I have to ask just who you thought you were praying to? Hm? Some fictional character humanity created to try and explain the utter randomness of their lives? Well, comic books are my religion. And you don't see me praying to Superman every night before I go to bed. No. In the comic book world, in MY religion? The villains are just as important as the heroes. I like the Joker just as much if not more than Batman. Obviously, Venom is just as awesome to me as Spider Man is. So given that context, why is it Christians and other various religions throughout the world only pray and worship their God? The bad guys are just as important. Those are the ones you learn your life lessons from. You don't learn how to be hero by trying to be like Thor, you learn how to be hero by learning not to be like Loki. So KM, the fact that you sit and pray to some non-existant deity only tells me that you have no idea what it takes to be a hero because you never learned the true nature of evil. And before you step into the ring with me, you might want to get on that.

Which brings me to Sweet Cheapshots. Oh my, you are quite full of yourself aren't you? You've done absolutely nothing so far in this company, and yet you're walking around like you're one of the top guys. And even though it seems you are the man who has everything, I got you something that I think you DESPERATELY need.

(Crane reaches over, opens the present and pulls out what is inside...)



JAR, Cheepshots, JAR! You have to be one of the douchiest people I've ever seen. And being around the business as long as I have, that's really saying something. Now, as most of you know, the protocol is to put a certain dollar amount in the DBAG Jar based upon what douchy stunt one has pullled. But you, Cheapshots, money just wouldn't be enough. No, I'm thinking maybe some teeth, blood, maybe a finger or two? I don't know but before the match is done you're gonna be putting something in the jar.