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Cain · **12-18-2014, 09:53 PM**

Techno music fills the air as a sharp dressed Cain Arkham enters the club flanked by his entourage.His entourage aren't what you would expect. You fully expect to see brawny men dressed in black, but instead you see him flanked by beautiful young women. Super model quality. Grade A

The ladies flock their master as he surveys the landscape, his eyes unreadable under his ray bans. The strobe lights throughout the club cause his gold rings to sparkle and his fangs gleam as he grins, sniffing the air..

"There's a few virgins present here, ladies. Their age? Far too young to be here. Now ladies, what I need you to do is seek them out. Bring me the most innocent female virgin you can find, bring her too me. Then we shall go from there."

One of his three beautiful women's lips curl upwards at the corner.

"What will you do, my prince?"

Cain is here on business. There is no smile on his face, no, not this time. He simply answers the girl. "I must speak to an old acquaintance of mine, but that is no business of yours. Now go, wenches. Do my bidding".

His three models were quite obedient to their master. They all separated from their master, and looked for the purest, youngest virgin. Cain, meanwhile, sniffs the air and finds a familiar scent on the air. He turns and moves toward a shadowy corner of the establishment.

"You've got a lot of balls showing yourself around me, Cain." said a figure from the shadows.

This person, this acquaintance of Cain's, he wasn't about to let himself be seen. After all, the two have a long history. This history hasn't ever been made known to the public eye. Cain sits in a chair across from the man sitting in the darkness. He smiles slightly. "Oh, he speaks does he? Nice. I guess you're still angry about the Christmas Massacre of Nineteen Fourty Three."

"You and I both know that I have every right to be, Arkham. Booby trapped gifts are bad for my business."

"Oh really? Having young children sitting on your lap isn't, Nicholas? As evil as I am, at least I am not a pedophile."

THE Saint Nick leans forward, narrowing his eyes on the Original Beast.

"You know I have a problem, Arkham. It's called sex addiction."

"Pshha. You like little boys and girls, ya sick fuck. But, that's not the point. The point is, I have some information you may be very interested in."

Before we go any further, I should explain. The fat man in the red suit and black tie who looks like a white haired Lou Albano knows Cain. The two have quite a history. You see, Cain met Nicholas Klaus near the beginning of time. At first, the two had a few passing encounters, however, in nineteen fourty three, Cain booby trapped millions of presents. Millions of children died that Christmas.

This was bad for Mister Klaus because the toy companies were paying him top dollar to deliver their gifts to children. And as you have seen, Nick "loved" children. After said incident, Klaus was forced to give back a lot of money. I mean a TON of money.

"I am NOT interested in a goddamned thing you have to say, Arkham. You fucking ruined my profits that year, douchebag."

"Wha-" Cain looks shocked. "-did the jolly old fat pedophile just call me a douchebag? The Monarch of Murderers...a douchebag? You know, Nick, that's not nice. Not at all. I guess you don't WANT wholesale milk and cookies."

Nick narrows his eyes.

"....."

Along with kiddie porn, our favorite holiday thief has another addiction. Cain can smell that longing as Nick's knuckles go white from gripping his drink. He then shakes his head.

"...not interested. You literally KILLED my profits that year. I do NOT trust you. You probably poisoned the milk and cookies again, like you did back in fifty seven."

"Would I do that to you, Nick? I need you around, you know."

"Why? You know I stayed sick for a year after that."

"Because, if these miserable flesh bags believe in you then they will definitely believe in you. Understand? I mean yes, they believe in Jesus, and he's like a Mexican on steroids. With Dragonball Z type powers."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just think about it. He's been ressurected once. He has been a carpenter, which as you know, Mexicans hang out at the Home Depot ALL THE TIME. ALSO, like Dende, he is able to heal the sick. So yes...he's like a Super Mexican Namek Goku.."

Nick waves his hands.

"ENOUGH! I see your point, Arkham. But you're getting off track once again. Just like that time we went to speak at the high school in seventy four and inspired the children that they should quit and become pimps and hookers."

"And those very same ADULTS are now successful!"

"Milk and cookies. You were saying?"

"Right, fat ass..." Cain leans forward and begins speaking in hushed tones. "...so there's this card I am booked on. It's a triple threat elimination match where the losers are to be covered in milk and cookies."

"...and what's that got to do with me?"

"Well, I am GOING to win. But I want YOU to come in there afterwards and pull a Donner Party on those two sons of bitches. Just like ya did in ninety four after that little girl peed in your lap and ruined your new suede pimp pants."

"You want me to eat two grown men?"

"Gay."

Cain clears his throat and stands up.

"But yes. I want you to "get rid" of those losers after I humiliate them, because I am in a league above them. They do not deserve to walk the same ground as me."

"Then why don't you kill them? That's kinda your thing, right?"

Cain shrugs.

"I could do that, but it's Christmas Shove It. Besides, think of the publicity you could get by killing those twat waffles. Think about it. Maybe they were naughty and Satan Klaus kills naughty children."

"Um....it's Sant-"

Cain grins evilly and shakes his head.

"Oh no. Satan Klaus. Because you sir, are a beast. People will fear you. They will know that by next Christmas, they better buy some fucking big shit or Nick will "eat them". Think about it. You're a fat supernatural being. It works."

Santa Claus sits there for a moment. He then sighs and looks up at Cain's grinning mug.

"Fine. But you better not screw me over this time. I mean it. You screw me over, I'll have a talk with your boss and have you "fired"".

Cain looks toward his three concubines who bring forth the prettiest sixteen year old Asian girl. Cain grabs the girls arm and jerks her toward Nick, forcing her to sit down. The two men shake hands, as the young girl shivers in Nick's lap. "Here's a little extra incentive for your cooperation, Mister Klaus. Be gentle though. She's a virgin."

"Ho ho ho...I'll think about it. Thank you, Mister Arkham."

-Static-

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