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Ruben A. Mitchell · **12-02-2014, 08:07 PM**

Pictured: Alistair Valentine punching schoolgirl, Akira Tanaka, in the stomach.

ASSAULT CRIMINAL TO WRESTLE?

According to the Georgia Department of Corrections, Alistair Ruben Valentine, who has been accused guilty for punching a school girl in a local train station (pictured above) is to be set free because of his aggressive attitude toward the other inmates. Word has it that he has started multiple fights with the other inmates and knocked them all out at least once. The same has been reported about the numerous security guards on the premises, who weren't able to discharge him before they were knocked out by his hands.

In order to lessen his violent behavior, police have decided to sign him up as a wrestler for a federation known as the XWF (Xtreme Wrestling Federation) where he'll be supervised by his parole officer, Quinn Bixby. Quinn (pictured below) has spent a total of two years inside the police force as a trainee under the supervision of his superior and father, Leon Bixby. When questioned as to what he believes about his son being assigned to watch over Alistair, he had this to say:

"...my son offered to volunteer as a parole officer because he thought it would be better than waiting for someone to pick up the phone and call for help. For his sake, I hope it's worth it."

Alistair is to be debuting under the name Ruben A. Mitchell. He is scheduled to make his debut sometime in late December, where he's expected to fight similarly loathed individuals in this society.

Pictured: Quinn Bixby smiling.

John Samuels · **12-02-2014, 08:16 PM**

"The editor of this newspaper should be fired. Who grammar checks this shit, Lucena?"

Ruben A. Mitchell · **12-02-2014, 09:38 PM**

MEXICAN JOURNALISTS OFFENDED BY JOHN SAMUELS.

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