:::Big Daddy Cool Diesel walks away from “Loverboy” Lane backstage, and a few seconds later runs right into HBK:::
Shawn? Oh, weird, dude, how did you get ahead of me in this room so fast?
:::HBK looks confused:::
Diesel, what are you talking about man? I’ve been in here brushing my hair for an hour. You know I like to give it exactly 500 strokes on each side every day.
403…
404…
405…
Well… okay, Heartbreak, but I swear we were just talking in the other room.
Look big man, you haven’t really been acting like yourself lately. You might want to see a doctor or something to work that out.
406…
407…
Shawn? How come you and the rest of the Kliq didn’t want me in your match next Monday against the Four Horsemen? I’m the WWF Champion, why wouldn’t you want me to fight? And why are we even fighting those WCW losers? Nothing cool ever happens there!
See big D, this is what I’m talking about. How many concussions have you had now? Five? Six?
It’s not my fault! You keep kicking me in the face!
That was AN ACCIDENT!!! I told you! Jesus, man, that was, what, 1995?
Shawn, you’re freaking me out again. Are you sure YOU’RE feeling okay? Do you need me to page Vince?
Page? Diesel, you’re dehydrated or something, man, I’m gonna text HHH and have him swing by with Steph and drive you to the ER, as long as they don’t have their kids with them.
WHAT!?!?! Shawn… dude…
:::Diesel leans in closely to HBK, talking in a near whisper:::
Are you on the drugs, man? You know you can talk to me, right?
Kevin…
Diesel.
Right. Diesel. I’m fine, brother. Look, man, do me a favor and grab me another hair brush from the supply room, would ya pal? This one’s pretty worn out. I’ll totally explain to you why you’re just the bodyguard next week, okay?
Well, okay, Shawn, but I still think you need to get some help. You’re hallucinating or something and I’m worried. I’ll be right back.
:::Diesel swings his big leg over the ropes that you probably had no idea were in this room but totally are, then swings over his second before raising his fist over his head and walking out the door:::
Thank god…
I can’t get a moment’s peace around here lately! Either I’m trying to spoon feed Diesel without making him cry or spit up all over himself, or I’m dealing with chumps like Maverick and his crew.
Let me explain something to every one of you four homos. The wrestling business is not for gay men. This is a serious athletic competition, where grown, masculine athletes wear spandex tights and roll around on the mat together! Can you imagine how awful that would be if any of us enjoyed it?
Maverick, you’ve made a big mistake sticking your ugly mug into KLIQ business! You and you’re little girlfriend Scully should have just stayed out of our way, so that you don’t get hurt! And to top it all off, you went and brought in two brand new kids who couldn’t wrestle their way out of a wet paper bag. I don’t even remember their names! But every, single, person here in the XWF and on the PLANET knows who I am, and who the Kliq are!
Your momma knows who Shawn Michaels is, your sister knows who Shawn Michaels is, and your girlfriend WISHES she was walking next to the Heartbreak Kid! Hey, maybe she will be!
So take my advice, kids. Quit. Get out of this match. Get out of your contracts as soon as you can and go back to school. Do something else with your lives. None of you have a chance in the wrestling business, and you’re gonna find out for sure next Monday night, if you climb into the ring with me,
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