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Christian Gunn · (09-24-2014)

You know Peter it's a good thing my Uncle came by to pick me up so we could go to Australia because my mom had just grounded me again.

For the second time in a week. Do you know why she grounded me?

It's because while I was eating my Captain Crunch I started watching your last promo and about 10 minutes into it I spit my breakfast out all over the counter.

My mom got mad at me for making a mess but she just doesn't understand. She hasn't had to suffer through your promos all week . She doesn't know what it's like listening to a guy who claims to have two college degrees but sounds like he didn't make it out of grade school talk, non stop.

Have you ever heard the phrase less is more? Judging by the size of your stomach I'm guessing not. But it is something you should strongly consider. As well as a low card diet and at least 90 minutes a day doing cardio.

But let's cut the bull crap and get right down to the point.

Does it make you feel like a big man threatening to kill an 8 year old?

I bet it does.

But you know what I find really funny?

Here we are, the day of the match and you are starting to second guess yourself.

On one hand you say things like you are going to kill me and send me to hell, yeah good luck with that.

On the other hand you say things like "Maybe I bit off more than I can chew."

Well first of all, no you didn't. I've seen you destroy a buffet bigger than me but really the point here is, which one is it?

Are you confident or concerned?

If you thought everything I said was bullshit than why spend a half hour talking about it? Why not just laugh it off like everyone laughs off the things you say.

You do know that right? People love to watch your promos but only because they are a free source of entertainment. It's not everyday you get to listen to a 37 year old man child threaten to kill a child.

Unless your name is Peter Gilmour and then it's just the day to day.

You asked if I could spell borborygmus and I have to admit, I can't.

I would have learned how to spell it if you had written it down like you said you did but I didn't see you do that. I just heard you say it out loud, in your promo. Do we type our promos now? Or were you just making notes? I take notes in class sometimes, but usually I just draw pictures of dicks. I don't know why. My friend Dave thinks it's weird but the school guidance counselor says something like 8% of kids have it. Did you ever see the movie Super Bad? I heard they talked about it. I never saw the movie myself, my mom won't let me and even my Uncle wouldn't let me no matter how much I begged him.

You are right about one thing Peter, it is nice when girls want you, but I guess you would know all about that right? That's why you had to make one in a lab rather than actually get one on your own. And please don't bring up your last girlfriend Rosa, my Uncle showed me a picture of her, and just like the great Austin Powers used to say "That's a man, baby."

You seem to really love yourself, you talk about your muscles and your body and your penis so much why don't you just make a clone of yourself so you can go and fuck yourself?

That's right Peter, I said the F word, please don't tell my mommy, she might beat my butt, and unlike you, she could actually do it.

You said I would be the first kid killed by a wrestler but that's not really true. I used a little thing called the internet to check and it told me about a young boy named Daniel Benoit. I really hope you don't ever have kids Mr. Gilmour because based on the things you have said to me I can easily see you doing the same thing to your kid that Mr. Benoit did to his.

I see that the time you sent talking to kids wasn't a complete waste for you. I heard your little remark about me being breast fed. I said it made me smarter so said it made me stupider, that kind of insult sounds like something I would hear on the playground when I am hanging out with my 8 year old friends.

I asked my Uncle if he had ever been with any skanks in his day and he said he had but that at least he didn't have to clone a real person to get a girl.

It sounds like you still don't get that my father is dead. I never met him. You said that you were speaking about my real father when you talked about how he should have beat me. I know you were talking about my real father because that's the only one I've ever had, even if I didn't know him. I'm sorry Peter but that whole thing confused me, it really made no sense. Then again neither did anything that came before it or after it.

Peter do know how to use the internet? Or fact check at all?

You said that I was barely 5 foot tall and 60 pounds, well I'm barely above 4 foot tall, I'm 4 feet and 4 inches exactly and I weigh 50 pounds on the nose. So I have no idea where you got your numbers from, I'm guessing you made them up like you do most of the things you say.

I really hope that what you put on the internet was your last promo for our match because I don't think I could take suffering through another one. That last one was so bad that if my teacher Mrs. Hurt graded it, she would give you an N for ""Needs Improvement".

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Less is more...unless your Peter Gilmour.
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