"Oh hey there. Do you like my wheels? It's battery powered."

Christian rolls up in a black battery powered Hummer H2 that his mother most likely bought at Sears.

"I can't drive a real car yet, I'm only 8. But I am old enough to fight grown men in a wrestling right right Peter Gilmour? My Uncle tells me that you drive a Mercedes Benz, he says that men who drive those only do it because they are ashamed of the size of their package. I wasn't really sure what he meant by that so I had to look it up. Apparently he meant penis. Are you ashamed of the size of your penis Mr. Gilmour? It's ok. Mine isn't very big either. But I'm only 8. I've got a lot of growing to do. Maybe you are a late bloomer. A really, really, really late bloomer."

"Anyway creepy camera guy on my lawn, how about you follow me while I cruise around the development looking for chicks?"

The first thing Christian does is reach down into a small compartment and put on a pair of dark black sun glasses. Then he shoots his cuffs before putting his foot to the gas, or more accurately the plastic pedal that is made to simulate the gas pedal and the Hummer comes to life. It kicks up some gravel as it speeds down the driveway at an incredible 2.5 miles per hour.

As he makes his way down the street he sees two young girls, about his age, maybe a few years older selling Lemonade from their own little Alex's Lemonade Stand. At Christian seems intent on driving past them but then decides to slam on the breaks at the last second.

"Hello Ladies."

"Would you like some lemonade? Only 50 cents." says the taller of the two girls.

"50 cents and all I get is a lemonade? Nothing else?"

"Well what else would you want? This is a lemonade stand."

"How about a kiss on the cheek?"

"Ewww gross." Replies the smaller girl.

Her friend or sister or whatever looks at her and then at me.

"You're that kid, the one everyone is talking about, the wrestler kid."

"That's me."

"Way cool. My Dad was just telling my mom about you."

"Cool."

"Tell you what. For 50 cents you can have a glass of lemonade and two kisses on the cheek."

"Deal." Sluts.

I opened up the little glove box of my ride and pulled out some of the money I've gotten from my XWF merchandise sales. My Uncle tells me that my t-shirts are the top sellers in the whole federation. In case you were wondering Peter Gilmour's "I eat chicken parm for breakfast lunch and dinner" t-shirt isn't even in the top 10. Just like him.

"You have change for a hundred?"

"A hundred dollars? No. Where did you get that kind of money from anyway?"

"From wrestling. Tell you what, how about I give you this instead?"

I reached under my seat and pulled out an official XWF Christian Gunn action figure mint in package.

"What is it?"

"It's my action figure. It resales at 20 dollars."

"What am I supposed to do with it?"

Is this chick for real?

"Sell it to someone, the lemonade costs 50 cents you can get like I don't know, a hundred times that by selling this. Or keep it and put it on your night stand or whatever."

"No deal. I don't play with action figures."

"Fine whatever."

I put the action figure back under my seat and hightail it away from those two uppity bitches. Who needs women anyway? They are just a waste of time and money. I'm 8 and even I know that.

Did I ever tell you guys about the story of the fat 37 year old douche bag from L.A that said he needed guns and other such weapons to beat up an 8 year old? No. Well stay tuned because in a few days I am going to tell that very story and it's going to be on national television. I wonder what said douche bags newly reunited family will think when they see their pride and joy lose a wrestling match to someone that four years ago was still wetting the bed. Yeah that's right, I used to pee the bed. Fuck you if you don't like it. I still also eat Captain Crunch and watch Saturday morning cartoons.

You know what else I do? Despite actually being 8 years old I don't sound like a little child when I speak. Unlike the fat man I am going to face next week. That is of course if Peter remembers that he is facing me. He is known for backing out of matches he's already accepted. He did it to my Uncle, let me repeat that, my Uncle. And why I am I repeating that? Well last week in one of fat man's promos he called Tommy my uncle which is true, but then this past week he called him my father. Idiot. Of course that wasn't it. In fact, I am going to show you a replay of this gem, you are ready? If you are drinking something I suggest putting it down otherwise you are liable to spill it all over the place.

Fat Fuck Dumb Idiot Said:I guess I'll have to do what your deadbeat father should of done a long time ago. Take you to the shed, beat your sorry ass, fuck your mother, kill your father, take your uncle Tommy, break his neck, fuck your mom some more.. then do it again and again!

Hey fat fuck do you know what a dead beat dad actually is? Apparently you don't. You see my dad was a war hero, he died serving our country. A dead beat dad would be the one you grew up with. The one your sister wants nothing to do with. The one your mom doesn't like and the one that still makes you wet your pants when he looks at you. That's a deadbeat dad you dumb shit. And furthermore, how would my father break my uncle's neck and then fuck my mom if he "kills himself" like you said he should do in that stupid seizure like rant?

And John Cena is my hero? I'm not the guy who used to do one of Cena's moves. That's right Peter I know how to use the internet, I know you used to be a huge Cena mark, what did you call your move? The Brooklyn Shuffle? Yeah that's it.

I'm glad you are comfortable admitting to the world that you hate me. An 8 year old. You actually said out loud that you hate an 8 year old. Do you know how stupid you sound right now? You let an 8 year old get under that thick an fat filled skin of yours. You really are a rather pathetic letting a kid get to you like that. You must have been the kid everyone made fun of in school.

King of Cock Sucking Said:And even if people think I’m a child murderer, I can’t go to jail because CHRISTIAN asked for the match. Now granted I could’ve said no, but since he’s the nephew of a guy I want to kill in the worst way, Tommy Gunn, I figured why not kill two birds with one stone. And I’m not running away from Tommy Gunn ok?

A couple things here you fatty mcfatterson. If you kill anyone you are a murder, doesn't matter if they ask for it. Not sure why I am telling you this since I know a few other people have already tried to explain this concept to you before and you clearly don''t get it. Thankfully for you you won't have to worry about going to jail because you couldn't kill me if I put a plastic bag over my head, tied a cinder block to my ankle and stood at the edge of a pool and all you had to do was push me in. Somehow, someway Peter Gilmour the world's joke would mess it up.

And as for my Uncle Tommy, you are obviously running away from him, remember the time you accepted a match with him and then conveniently forget about it? Kind of like what you did to me two weeks ago. See we could have been done this dance of cat and pedophile but instead you had to postpone it one week so you could get your fat ass kicked by the fed's super hero. Another shot at gold wasted on a fat imbecile like you.

Now I think I'll keep cruising around the development for chicks while I wait for your expected and utterly pathetic response. Make sure you load up on those carbs first, I wouldn't want you coming back at me on an empty stomach.