Pest is dressed in his best Cardinal Robes, and walks to the pulpit in a massive Cathedral. There are over 1000 Catholics in attendance today, to hear him speak. Well, not him, the Cardinal who was beaten and had his robes stolen a few minutes earlier, but they don't know they've come to hear Pest speak. He reaches the podium, and the audience cheers. He raises his hand and silences the crowd. Within seconds the room begins to fill with a deafening silence that would drive one insane had the voice of the World's Greatest Wrestling Federation's Hero not spoken.

Mr. WGWF:Hello, I am here today to speak to you about the evils of professional wrestling, and men like Vinnie Lane, the so called Loverboy of the XWF. The XWF, the Xtreme Wrestling Federation, and the scourge it brings. This federation perpetuates racism in the world, the notion that Aliens exist, vampires, demons, and even worse, HOMOSEXUALS. Homosexuals like Vinnie Lane, they get put on some sort of pedestal and force fed to us. These companies force us to believe their Godless Heathen Homosexuals are our new idols! NOT ME! NO! I HAVE ONLY ONE IDOL! And his name is Jesus. Jesus is the only idol this world needs. Not American Idol, not the world of homosexual athletes. None of them can hold a candle to Jesus.


The crowd erupts in cheers of Amen, and Hallelujah. Pest basks in it for a moment before pointing back to the large Crucifix on the wall behind him, complete with Jesus.

Mr. WGWF:That man right there, that perfectly white man. Brown hair, blue eyes, English chin, and perfectly Caucasian features, he died for the sins of these amoral animals, and in the end, not a single one of them has the decency to thank him in their work. We need to bring back the God for "In God we trust". ONE NATION UNDER GOD. Not without God, under God! And how can we bring this back to a God fearing nation?! We need to drive the insolent Cretins out! We must drive Vinnie Lane, Sebastian Duke, and Frodo Smackins out of this country. They perpetuate the decline in morel values that led to 9/11, and Benghazi! Does God still truly bless the USA? How can he? How can he smile down upon us when we lift these men up and allow them to denounce our Lord and Savior? Do you know there is a man in the XWF who calls himself "Morbid Angel", and that he claims Satanic powers? And they allow that to go on, and in fact had him as their highest Champion. And your families watch that filth. We need more athletes like Tim Tebow. Athletes who know the glory of our Heavenly father. Athletes who are not homosexuals.

The congregation begins to cheer for Pest and his words. He basks in the applause more. A wave of his hand and the room falls silent again. He stares out at the crowd, their eyes meet his gaze. Unblinking, unwavering, and unshakeable in their devotion to his words.

Mr WGWF:Instead of focusing on the broad range of blasphemers and sinners in the world, we shall lower it. We shall focus on the biggest threat to human decent in this world today. The man who encourages cross dressing, homosexuality, drug use, hedonism and poor sportsmanship! Vinnie Lane. The man actually cut a promo after he rolled around on a canvas mat with other men. Cut a promo where he cried about losing. He threw a tantrum like a child, and encouraged people in the audience to get naked! People of all ages and genders. In his teary eyed fit he called for a drug induced orgy. What kind of perverse monster would do that? There were children in attendance! This man has the morals of Anton LeVay and Allister Crowley combined. This is the man that wants to be put on a pedestal and be recognized as an idol to our youth.

He went to Wal-Mart to sign posters for children, and ended up berating them for liking different athletes. He insulted a child for being overweight, and made a spectacle of leaving with a harlot for premarital sex. He boasts about this. He spits in the name and face of our lord, and yet he demands your respect. Not only does he do that, but he also dresses and looks like a woman! He does this to confuse the good Christian men into wanting to sleep with him. He enjoys the thoughts of men craving him. This is a truly despicable man, and yet he expects us to ignore this. I say no! For this reason I have chosen to take place in a one time fight with this man. I served my country as a Marine Priest in the Vietnam War, and I will use what skills I learned to put the love of God into this man. I encourage all of you to come to the event or watch at home. Wednesday, September 24th, I will make him come to Jesus! I will use the power of our Lord. I will make him love the Lord, the way our Lord loves him! Now, even though this is not a Mass, I will be offering confession.

Pest kneels to the crowd, Crossing himself, raises to his feet, turns to the Crucifix behind him, Crosses himself again and walks to the confession booth. He steps into the middle booth, and sits. His old bones ache and creak, and yet he waits. Waits for someone to come in on either side. The door on the left hand booth opens, someone sits down, and Pest opens the partition. A voice slowly speaks, it's a man, and he sounds to be in his mid to late fourties.

????:Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession, and I accuse myself of the following sins: I walked in on my daughter in the bath, and I let my eyes linger longer than I should have. Later when my wife and I were having relations, I thought of my daughter. And I borrowed money from my son's wallet, without his knowledge or permission.

Mr WGWF:I see, and why did you borrow the money, my child?

?????:The Marijuana, Father. I am terribly addicted.

Mr WGWF:Do you truly repent for your sins?

????:I truly do. I truly do.

Mr WGWF:Then, my son, I would like you to recite 50 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Maries, and read the book of John. But first you must make ammends with your son, tell him of your borrowing. And pay him back, Seven times Seventy Fold, as the good Lord tells us to. The Lord also would like you to tell your wife, and daughter about your thoughts. Openness is the first step to Forgiveness, my Son.

????:Thank you, father. Peace be with you.

Mr WGWF:And with you. Now, go with God.

There was an opening of the door, followed by the immediate closing. Pest sat and waited, assured in the believe that he had done good as Carndinal Rosch. Perhaps when this wrestling job was over, he could go into business as a travelling Cardinal. The door on the right opened, and Pest slid open the partition. A voice broke the silence again, this time it belonged to a young girl.

?????:Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 3 weeks since my last confession, and I accuse myself of the following sins: I kissed a girl at school, and we both kind of liked it. I also had relations with my brother. We were just play fighting, and it led to us sinning.

Mr WGWF:Do you truly repent for your sins?

?????:I guess so.

Mr WGWF:The Lord wishes you to go home, strip down, and lightly flagellate yourself with rope. Do this for three hours, and your brother should do the same, in the same room. Watch each other so that you both know the either is paying pennance. No, go gently with God, my Daughter.

?????:And you, Father.

The door opens and shuts momentarily. Pest sits back in his seat and breathes. This town is full of perverts, and incestous creatures. No wonder they were so quick to accept that he was a Cardinal. The door opens again, and shuts almost instantly behind the person. The voice of Steve Sayors breaks through the silence.

Sayors:Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I've never confessed, I'm not Catholic, but I was supposed to meet someone here, and I thought why not give it a try. I accuse myself of.

Mr WGWF:Shut up, Steven. It's me, Pest. Why did you come here?

Sayors:I was looking for you. I want to get your feelings on your match with Loverboy.

Mr WGWF:I feel confident I can take the whiny bitch. I mean, he was throwing a tantrum in the ring after his loss to Luca, and he lost to Aidan. He's booked in a fight on Monday, and he has this fight. He's not likely to win, in my opinion. Not to mention, our sordid history shows the odds in my favor. He's only got me down once, and he had to sneak attack me while I was fighting Lucena to do it. There's no chance he'll actually win.

Sayors:Now, there's rumors you picked this date to face him because you knew he'd be fighting on Monday as well. Any answer to that?

Mr WGWF:Yeah, I picked the date before he agreed to fight on the 22nd. It was his own dumbass fault to agree to fight two matches in 3 days.

Sayors:Any thing else you wanna hint at?

Mr WGWF:Are you even Catholic?

Sayors:No.

Mr WGWF:Then get the fuck out of confession booth. There's teenage girls talking about their genitals in this town. I want to stay and hear more. Kindly, fuck off.

Sayors got up and exited the booth before Crossing himself. Pest stuck his head out of the booth and yelled at Sayors.

Mr WGWF:Don't bother! God doesn't bless Homosexuals, or people who associate with the XWF.