The Za stands at a urinal in a dimly lit bathroom, pissing while stretching with his hands behind his head. He finds this the most comfortable position to pee in while drunk and he almost gets all of his urine into the urinal, slightly moaning in relief.

Next to him, a toilet stall violently shakes while it sounds like something is being banged against it.

“Woohoo!” The Za exclaims. “Get a hold of her, Bliz!”

The thuds against the stall wall pick up in pace as the Za hollers on and fistbumps which sends a neon yellow pee stream splattering against the bathroom wall. The radioactive looking piss is an innocuous side effect of the Chechnyan training supplements he orders illegally on The Silk Road.

“Let’s go Bliz! Let’s go Bliz!”

The thuds reach a peak, about three every second before one final pound rings out. This one is especially loud and nearly knocks the stall off its hinges. The sound of a zipper is heard and the stall door swings open.

Aidan Collins walks out of the stall sweaty but completely proud of himself.

“I didn’t know if I’d be able to push that one out. You know, on account of the drinking.”

Just then, an Asian female walks out of that same stall holding her head. The Za, who had finished pissing a minute early but had been standing there with his dick out, pulls his gym shorts up.

“Why did you insist on ramming my head into the wall?” she asks in a semi-concussed state.

“Just trying to get my fuck on,” Aidan replies, proud of himself. “Za, ya gotta smell my fingers. Smells like Kung Pao Pussy! This Hana broad must eat a lot of sushi!”

Bliz and Za laugh loudly.

“She ride your dick like crouching tiger, hidden dragon, bro?”

“Oh, I was hiding my dragon, dude. In her vagina. And I definitely had to crouch, these Asian bitches are short as hell!”

Just then, Bliz notices Hana still standing there.

“Wait… what are you doing?” Bliz asks Hana in agitation. “The whole point was to make you pregnant. My splooge is going to drip out of your queef box if you don’t lie on the ground and get in the turtle shell position. It’s highly recommended in the novel I’m writing on how to make bitches pregnant. It’s called ‘How To Make Bitches Pregnant’… By Aidan Collins.”

“But… there’s pee there,” she says with a look of disgust at the puddle on the bathroom floor that undoubtedly contains some of Za’s urine.

Aidan immediately starts yelling, emulating Arnold Schwarzenegger from Predator.



The sheer volume of his yelling catches Hana by surprise and she drops onto the ground with a splash. She hoists her legs up in the air while lying on her back.

‘Yelling at Your Bitch To Get Her To Do Shit’ is chapter 6 in Blizzard’s book.

“That’s my girl,” Aidan says with a smile. “I’ll be in to check on you later and make sure you’re still doing this. Unless I forget, in which case, use your best judgment and just do what you’d think I’d want.”

The Za chimes in. “Yeah and when you pop that son of a bitch out, you call him Bruce Lee Collins.”

“Yeah, do that!”

Aidan and Za stroll out of the bathroom, leaving Hana on the floor of the men’s room, and it’s revealed that they’re inside a karaoke joint. The bar is pretty run down, located in Phoenix’s K-Town. At the head of the room, a Jackie Chan looking motherfucker sings a Cher song poorly.

BlizZa saunters over to their booth, where one half of the XWF Tag Team Titles lays by itself. It seems they either forgot about it or completely didn’t care about risking it being stolen. Of course, earlier in the night, BlizZa wrestled to what appeared to be a draw in the tag team title match. With a result like that, the belts usually stay with the tag team champions but with the original pin going to BlizZa, it made things complicated. As Miranda Tigris announced the decision to have a future rematch between BlizZa and Kendall Sawyer/Azrael Erebus, both Kendall and Bliz held a title, respectively.

A stagehand tried to confiscate the belt from Blizzard after the match but Bliz quickly escaped the arena after nailing the stagehand in the head with the belt.

“Dude, I wish I was quick enough to take that other belt tonight. I don’t know why Heyman fucking with us counted. We should have both belts.”

“I have no problem sharing, man. French fries, sluts, title belts, it’s all good in the hood.” Aidan thinks about it for a second. “I guess this whole controversy technically makes us the tag team champion.”

“We’re the tag team champion? With no S?”

“Yeah, we are the tag team champion. That’s pretty much a fact at this point.”

“We are the tag team champion!”

“WE ARE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPION!”

Aidan yells and Za joins him as they each grab an end of the championship belt and hold it in the air.

“WE ARE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPION! WE ARE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPION!”

A manager from the establishment walks over to confront the two, who are causing a scene and drowning out the person singing on stage.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, can you keep it down? You’re disturbing the other customers.”

Aidan raises his brow. “You do realize that you’re speaking to one half of the tag team champion? We’re bonafide celebrities bro. You want this place to make TMZ? Then you’ll let me do whatever the fuck I want. That place where Legolas pimpslamped the Biebs got mad coverage, mad attention, and mad dosh subsequently. You want to make money, bruh? Let me whip my dick out and spin that shit like a helicopter. People will see that shit in US Weekly and come down here immediately to buy your shitty drinks and sing Bruce Springsteen hammered. I’m doing YOU a favor, bro.”

“Um, excuse me Bliz…” Za seems offended before interjecting and addressing the manager himself. “What my friend here meant to say is that WE will whip out OUR dicks and spin them like helicopters. For you. Fuck you.”

Bliz is apologetic. “Oh, sorry, Za. Didn’t mean to exclude the other half of the tag team champion. Now run along, sir, and bring us back some brewskis.”

“And whatever meat you got cooking in that probably condemned kitchen back there. Chicken wings or whatever,” The Za orders.

The manager, giving up on the conversation, disappears.

“Dude, he’s going to bring back us some fried cat,” Bliz speculates. "And I don't eat pussy except I do."

The person on stage singing finishes with one last out-of-pitch note. The audience claps politely except for Bliz and Za who simultaneously pantomime jerking off towards the poor chap. The hostess walks on stage reaches into the fishbowl and pulls out the next name to perform.

“Um… Bliz… Zuh?”

“We’re up!” Za exclaims and gives Aidan a high five. “And it’s BlizZa, ya doofy cunt!” he yells at the stage.

Za and Aidan run and jump onto the stage, excited to sing finally. Aidan turns to the hostess.

“You’re going to have to excuse my friend’s language,” Aidan says to be polite. “If you want me to make you pregnant later, just let me know.”

Bliz and Za each grab a microphone. Za holds his mic upsides down like Eminem while Bliz doublefists it like Zoey Ryback pretending to hold Aidan Collins’ dick. The song they chose begins to play.



As the song plays, they alternate verses looking into each other’s eyes.

“I've paid my dues”
“Time after time.”
“I've done my sentence”
“But committed no crime.”

They now turn towards the bewildered audience, who are totally entertained.

“And bad mistakes ‒”
“I've made a few. *cough* I fucked Jen Jetson *cough*”
“I've had my share of cocaine shoved in my face”
“But I've come through.”

They start to sing in unison.

“And I need just go on and on, and on, and on”

“Weeeeeeeeee are the champion, my friends,
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.
Weee are the champion.
Weeeeee are the champion.
No time for losers
'Cause we are the world tag team champion… of the world.”

Bliz and Za simultaneously whip out their schlongs and start whipping them around like helicopters. Some of the Asian customers take videos on their Samsung phones while the manager screams for security to remove the men from the stage. When BlizZa see that they’re about to be ambushed by 3 security guards, they tuck their dicks back away and get into a fighting stances, Bliz in crane pose and Za in shitting bear.

The first security guard rushes forward and gets double clotheslined by BlizZa with enough force to do a complete backflip, landing on his face on the ground. He’s clearly knocked out but Za double stomps on his head for good measure.

“Don’t lose your head,” Aidan instructs the unconscious security guard like a star in an 80s action movie.

Bliz rushes the second security guard, who is the smallest out of the three, and kicks him directly in the nuts before hoisting him onto his shoulders and just throwing him off the stage. The security guard lands on a table in front of a group of early 20s girls, is soaked with the liquor from their vodka drinks, and is set on fire from a candle on the table.

“Sick burn, bro,” Za says to Aidan.

The last security guard, a Yao Ming looking lurch who is like 7 feet tall, stumbles towards Aidan. Aidan, acting quickly, runs towards him and baseball slides between his legs. He then quickly gets up and charges the giant, Ice Picking him in the back as Za hits a jumping uppercut as he falls.

“The bigger they come…” He belches loudly. “The harder they get fucked up.”

The guards are completely demolished.

“High score bro!” Aidan says as they look at the damage around them. “Let’s flee this bitch before those police try to beat on me like Tray-Tray! Hashtag Justice for Aidan!”

“Wait… What about that bitch in the bathroom?”

They both erupt into laughter at the thought of actually caring.

“Good one, Za!”

They jump off the stage, quickly making sure to bring the tag title with them, and run out of the karaoke bar.