((What looks like the interior of a small basketball gym is in the process of being assembled for a show. A couple of young guys in t-shirts with “XXXW” screen printed across the back in comic sans are erecting a brandless wrestling ring in the center, while an older guy in a similar shirt is setting up folding chairs around them. A couple of kids are running around, occasionally getting barked at by the older guy in between drags on his cigarette – apparently the kids’ grandfather. One boy is chasing the other and chucking paper airplanes made out of event flyers at him. Half folded flyers litter the floor everywhere. One of the flyers flits up through the air and opens up right in the POV))


((As the flyer falls away, there is a loud crash. The smaller kid is climbing out of a pile of overturned folding chairs that had been previously set up at ringside. The older man stomps over with a scowl and chases the two kids off.))

Older Man: God dammit, Ethan! Brennan! Stop screaming and stay out of the way while I set these chairs up!

((The kids scatter from the older man, laughing, and run into a corner of the gym where a tall, athletic guy with long, teased, bleached blond hair is bent over a stack of speakers, trying to untangle the mess of cables spilling out behind them while another long haired guy puts together a large drum kit with “Casanova” across the big bass. Turning toward the kids as the screech their way over to him, he smoothes out his cutoff t-shirt, which reads simply “Loverboy” across the front in pink cursive lettering with lipstick kiss prints all around it. He grabs his half empty bottle of whisky off of the top of the speaker just as the two kids barrel into it, knocking it onto the wooden floor with a hollow thump.))

Loverboy: Whoa whoa whoa, little dudes! What’s up?
((The smaller kid just grabs a nearby flyer and hands it to Loverboy with a cherubic grin, obviously hoping for a new paper airplane.))

Loverboy: Ah, cool, gotcha! I’m always down for autographs for my fans, you know?

((The boy’s smile dissolves into confusion as Loverboy pulls a sharpie out of his tight jean pocket and begins scrawling across the flyer.))

Loverboy: Loverboy… Vinnie… Lane… Boom! There you go, my man! Hold onto it, don’t go selling it on eBay once I’m a champion AND a rock star, okay kid?

((Loverboy slaps the flyer into the kid’s chest, knocking him back a step. The kid, clearly puzzled, stumbles over to his older brother and they wander off perplexed.))

Loverboy: Kids, man. So cool. He’s, like, in total shock from meeting his rock n’ wrestling hero, probably. Brings a tear to a dude’s eye, you know?

((The drummer shakes his head a little in silence and makes a paper airplane for the older kid who has made his way over to him.))

Loverboy: These Charlotte fans are way cooler than the ones in Poughkeepsie last week, don’t you think, Donny? Those clowns almost busted my guitar!

((Donny the drummer looks up from putting together a stack of cymbals.))

Donny: Vinnie, we weren’t booked to play at that show! You were just there to job out to their guest wrestler, which you didn’t even do! You hardway pinned him!

Loverboy: Yeah, but come on man, it was Marty Jannetty. He’s like fifty now, and he had a farmer’s tan!

Donny: Yeah, true, but we shouldn’t have started playing during their main event.

Loverboy: I was trying to build some heat, bro! I can beat their champ!

((A muffled voice starts singing the chorus to Iron Maiden’s “Run To The Hills,” and Donny digs a cell phone out of his pocket, loudening it. As Donny put the phone to his ear, the two kids scramble by again, mockingly singing the chorus and laughing.))

Loverboy: Rock on, little bros! I’m in the mood for some rock ‘n’ roll too!

((Loverboy pulls a small boombox from behind the speaker tower and pops the front door of it open. Reaching in, he pulls out an audio tape and flips it over. The two kids skid to a halt and stare at the ancient artifact as if Vinnie had done a magic trick.))

Older Kid: What the fuck is that?

Loverboy: WHOA! So many little kids with dirty mouths around here!

Younger Kid: Well? What kind of ipod is that?

((Loverboy pops the door of the stereo closed and presses play, and immediately the gym is filled with the loud guitar solo from Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher.” The kids cover their ears and grimace while Loverboy air guitars it out, note for note.))

Loverboy: You kids are awesome, you know that? I can’t wait to wrestle your new dad later.

((Loverboy takes a swig of the whisky and then absently hands it to the smaller kid, who immediately takes a massive gulp.))

Older Kid: Mom says you’re playing this concert for free so you don’t have to make a child support payment this month, what does that mean?

Younger Kid: Yeah, and our stepdad said he was gonna shoot work you over, and give it to you stiff.

Loverboy: See, that’s a lie, your mom ain’t made any man stiff in a long time. Not since she stopped doing coke and got too fat to be in videos washing cars in her bikini.

Younger Kid: Huh? You know our mom?

Loverboy: It’s cool, man, don’t worry. I’ll beat your stepdad up quick so he has time to disappoint your mom later tonight.

((Donny returns from where he had walked off to on the phone, snatching the bottle from the younger kid before he can take another sip of it. He takes a long pull on the bottle and then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.))

Donny: Vin, that was Alex… he said a guy named Paul Heyman called him looking for you while he was getting the rest of the gear out of our motel room. Why didn’t he just call you?

Loverboy: I’m out of minutes, bro!

Donny: ((sighs)) Alright, well, look. This Heyman cat says he’s got time to meet with you before he leaves town to sign your deal. Did you actually get a contract somewhere?

Loverboy: Rock on, man, yeah! XFW or something. They need a new megastar, and they liked my demo tape. I was gonna be on their show Madness last night but I got distracted by this waitress from the Denny’s. You know, the redheaded one with the harelip?

Donny: That’s why that chick was in the bathroom crying this morning? Dude, I hooked up with her too!

Loverboy: Awesome bro!

Donny: Yeah, Alex said he was gonna give her a lift back to the Denny’s while he’s on his way here to pick you up. Heyman wants to meet you at IHOP instead.

Loverboy: Oh, cool, he’s got the big bucks! ROOTY TOOTY HERE I COME!

Donny: Yeah man, awesome, I can’t believe you’re actually gonna get a paying gig after what happened over in J-Pro. Just don’t take all day eating cherry crepes, okay? We got this gig.

Loverboy: No problem!

Donny: Good. Oh, look, there’s Alex’s van pulling up now.

((A moment later, a third longhaired guy carrying two big guitar cases walks in smoking a cigarette. His t-shirt is tucked into the front of his leather pants, and the fly is all the way open. Behind him, lugging a huge amplifier, is a busty redhead with a harelip. Her lipstick is smeared across her face and she looks like she’s about to throw up.))

Loverboy: AWESOME! The trifecta!

((Loverboy walks over to the girl, takes out the sharpie again, and signs across her cleavage. The girl’s lip quivers and she starts sniffling.))

Loverboy: Alright, Alex man, let’s get… uh… Gina? Trina? Back to the Denny’s and get over to meet Mr. Heyman. I’m gonna be the next WXF megastar!

((Loverboy and Alex walk out of the gym, leaving the harelipped waitress to finish setting up the gear with Donny.))