I walked into the CONSOL Energy Center, with the European title tossed casually over my shoulder. People were lined up around the building and swooned as I approached. There were screams and hollers from fans and haters alike. I paid them all the same amount of attention though. Which was none. Instead I continued on towards my destination. I was to attend a press conference before the show began. A panel of reporters were scheduled to ask me questions and pick my brain. Why? All because I was going to be facing "The Next Big Thing" Ursula Areano. The fact that my opponent this week was going to be a woman. It was revolutionary in their eyes. Yet as far as I knew it was something the XWF had happen often. A guy vs a girl, wasn't as taboo as it was in other federations. Still I suppose since I came from those other lower federations and this would be my first inter-gender match. I guess it warranted some curiosity. Would I hold back just cause I wasn't used to facing women? Would I still give my full on 100% extreme performance? Naturally I would! I wasn't going to hold back no matter who my opponent was in that ring! I said I was going to fully embrace the XWF lifestyle and if that meant beating the crap outta Ursula Areano...then that's just what I'd do. Even if she seemed like she was hit in the head one too many times as it was.


I walked briskly into the room they had set up for the press conference. Pixie was already there waiting. Seated behind a long white table. She smiled widely when she seen me and waved. I took a moment of reflection as soon as my brain registered how good she looked. What was I doing? I was married with a 2 yr old and here I was with a mistress on the side who doubled as my assistant. When did I become that guy? Oh well....no use reveling in regret now. Just gotta push forward and ride this all out till the end. There was no eject button on life. Although an eject button would be cool when shit hit the fan. Your world comes crashing down, like mine was no doubt gonna do and you push a button and you're instantly ejected from the room. Tossed into the air and maybe even out into space depending how badly shit hit the fan. Ah...if only life were like the random cartoons that went on in my brain.


I walked over to where Pixie was seated and took a seat. As I did this I gazed out at the sea of vultures. Reporters all eager to hear what I had to say regarding my match.





Paul Heyman came shuffling into the room as it seemed the conference was about to begin. He sat next to me and grinned enthusiastically as he brandished a thumbs up sign. Shane was last to arrive but he didn't take a seat. Instead he loomed near the doors and gazed upon all that was going on. This was the closest I had been to Shane since I met with him to discuss my terms of being hired. He seemed much more dark and sinister now. A Bowie knife visibly hanging from his belt. His eyes cold and fixed as he stared into the room. Definitely a man you didn't want to get on the bad side of. He must have sensed me looking towards him because he met my gaze and gave a nod. I returned the gesture and then brought my gaze back to the sea of reporters. They seemed to argue and bicker among themselves deciding who would get a chance to ask the first question.


Finally it was decided and the first reporter stood up. A tall, dark haired man. He looked down and grinned before glancing back up and throwing his question at me.


So did you really join the XWF to avoid drug tests?


There it was. The question to start out the press conference and already we were focused on that.


Well...that's one of the good reasons.


I laughed and others followed suit. The man shook his head.


So you obviously don't give a shit about wrestling. You just wanted to be able to take drugs and be employed under the guise of a pro-wrestler. That's what I'm hearing. Am I correct in assuming those things?


What a jackass!


No. You're not correct in assuming those things. Just cause I'll admit I like to get high and don't have to worry about being drug tested, doesn't mean I'm not serious about wrestling. I mean I am the European Champ. It's not like I joined and instantly started losing or some shit. I fucking love wrestling! It's in my veins and in my blood deeper than anything else could ever be! I put my body on the line each and every time I climb into that ring! I give it my all out there! I wouldn't do that shit if I didn't give a fuck! If I didn't give a fuck, I'd be rolling in and give my bare minimum at best! I'd put in just enough to get a check and roll out! So to see what I do when I'm in the ring and actually think I don't give a shit, that it's just for the sake I can do drugs....you gotta be more fucked up then I could ever be or get!


The man shook his head, sat down and another reporter replaced him. This man was stout with wire rimmed glasses. He wiped his forehead with a tissue before stuttering out a question.


There are some people who say the stunts you pull off in the ring is taking the easy way out. That you putting yourself on the line and taking risks takes no talent. That you're just probably going out there high with no regard for your own safety or the safety of your opponent. Doing something like that doesn't take talent and it blatantly shows you have no respect for this business. What do you have to say about those statements?


Wow, it's like people out there don't get it! I took a long sip of water from a bottle located on the table in front of me. Smirking I began to respond.


Well...I guess people who've never done what I've done would assume I'm taking the easy way out. Climbing a ladder, back flipping off it onto someone and smashing them through a table must be real easy looking to someone who never did it. I will admit I have gone out there and been high as a kite. It's also true I tend to treat myself with reckless aggression and sometimes it's at the risk of my opponent. Here in the XWF though my opponents are out to do just as much damage to me as I can do to them, so it works out. I'm no longer in a business where I should be holding back. Me switching companies and working for one where no one holds back and the action doesn't stop proves I must have a lot of respect for this business. I only wish I could have started here instead of wasting all the time I did in the WWE and TNA.


Telling me what I do takes no talent. That's cold. I can assure you when I get in the ring I don't do anything except give it my 100%. Each move I perform has been perfected over the years and can be executed with pure precision now. No talent would be if I just climbed in the ring and just was a big ol' sloppy mess. I doubt I'd be executing moves! Let alone hitting people with those moves and pinning them for the win at the end of the match. I mean shit.....if I was a sloppy asshole like you paint me out to be, I doubt I woulda done anything with my career at all! I woulda lost my first few matches back in the WWE and faded into obscurity! Don't ever take a risk taker for being careless or even worse untalented. Not unless you're prepared to prove it takes no talent and dive off a ladder while executing a perfect back flip.


The stout man adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.


What you do isn't what wrestling is about though. Those stunts aren't in the true heart and spirit of wrestling. You wouldn't be able to be so popular if things went by the rules of what true wrestling was.


Probably not. Wrestling also wouldn't be as popular and more then 50% of us wrestlers would be outta work. I mean take a guy like Donathan, he'd be booted from wrestling the first time he pulled one of his stunts. Mr. Satellite, John Madison, Unknown Soldier...top names that would be without jobs if we went back to what "real" wrestling was. All submission holds and shit. Wrestling has adapted to such a better art form now. It causes the people who compete to unleash their creativity and broadens the art form to something epic. I wouldn't want to exist in this industry if it was any other way.


The stout man sat down and was replaced by another reporter. This was a younger black man, sporting a Big Bad Leroy t-shirt and a goatee.


I dig where you're comin' from man. You're a cool dude, Jeff. You can pull off stuff not a lot of these bigger wrestlers could. The way you're still executing high flying moves despite getting older is tight as hell! My question is though, this is a TLC match against Ursula Areano...how are you going to be able to do what you do with that fine ass woman in the ring?


Yes, this is my first match against a female opponent. Yes, this is also a TLC match. This is the XWF though, she knew what she was getting into when she joined. She knew what she did when she attacked me. I ain't gonna hold back no matter how brain damaged she already sounds. I'm also not gonna hold back despite what she looks like. The XWF is an equal opportunity as far as destruction goes. She'll just have to learn that first hand.


The black man chuckled and stroked his goatee.


I got you, I got you. She does sound like she's a few beans short a full can when she opens her mouth. She also does seem to know what she's getting into when she threatens to take away your title. What's your outlook on her succeeding in her plan to rip that title from you and become the next European champ?


I think she's been hit in the head one too many times in the past. Must be why she left the XWF in the first place. That and she couldn't claim a win to save her life. Now she returns gets a win to some pathetic bottom carder and she feels all tough. Thinks she's better than what she really is. I guess I'm just gonna have to show her where her place really is. That place is defiantly not with the European title around her waist. Hell that place might not even be in a wrestling ring! If she sounds this delusional from all the hits she must have taken in the past, she clearly isn't long from drooling on herself and barely making sentences with legitimate words. I mean she claims to have Argentina pride but daydreams of riots in Mexico while recalling herself being a little white girl. Not to mention she doesn't know how old she is cause each moment she recalls, the time period is always "unknown". How does she not know how old she is? Is she even recalling her own past? Or is the stuff she's remembering from a movie she seen? What the fuck is that? Clearly those are the brain addled thoughts of someone's who has had their brain knocked lose from one too many hits to the head.


The black man chuckles but tries to compose himself and hold it back.


Yeah, she does sound a bit confused.


Confused? Listen to this. It's my favorite part of her shit talk!


I pull out my cell and click it over to the part in Ursula's promo I was saving just to play at this press conference.

Quote:Sitting and watching the European title fall through the cracks. Watch someone like Jeff Hardy holding it is disrespectful. It makes me sick to my stomach. A title such as this needs to be cleansed. It should be saved by the people that don't deserve it.

What the fuck is that? Seriously! The title should be saved for the people who don't deserve it. I'm not sure how I should take that? I mean should I assume she's just a dumb fuck that said the wrong word? Should I assume she's putting herself down cause she wants the title....so does she mean she doesn't deserve it in her eyes? What does she mean? The fact that she says it's gotta be cleansed first, is really something! Gotta wipe all those people's prints from it that actually deserved to hold the title! It's time for the people who don't deserve the belt, to grab that shit and claim it as their's! At least she knows that's what'll be the case if she pulls off the win. If that dumb bitch claims a victory, the people who don't deserve the belt will be holding the belt. I'll also be dead though cause that's the only way I'd be losing to her. Drop dead of a heart attack or some shit and then she pins me.


I laugh at the far fetched thought of Ursula winning. I really would have to drop dead in order for that to occur. As long as I keep breathing and my heart keeps pumpin' I ain't ever gonna lose this title though.


The black man sits down and is replaced by yet another reporter. It's a small, mousy looking female with glasses. She pulls out a pack of index cards and leafs through them before settling on one. She looks up and meets my gaze towards her and smiles. Before she can speak though Paul interrupts.


These will be the last questions for Jeff. No more questions after this lady.


The woman nods and proceeds.


Jeff, how are things going with your lovely wife Beth?


Good.


Oh so the allegations of you being unfaithful to her are incorrect? Where is she now?


What allegations of me being unfaithful? I never cheated on my wife!


Sure you didn't. So where is she?


Perfect eject button moment right here! Eject me outta this fucking press conference!


It's not really any of your business but she's at home with our daughter. She can't travel around with me to matches with our 2 year old in tow.


So you're telling me there has been no behavior on your part since joining the XWF that might be described as unfaithful?


No. I don't even know why this is coming up! What does this have to do with my match?


Oh nothing. Just following up some stories I heard. If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about. I have no further questions anyway.


With that the woman gathered her things and left. Paul cleared his throat uncomfortably before stating loudly.


That's all the time we have. Please if you'll excuse Jeff, he needs to go back and begin to get ready for his match.


I rose from the table feeling a bit uneasy. Who was that woman and why the fuck would she ask about me being unfaithful? Sensing my worry Pixie squeezed my arm and whispered.


Don't worry. People always assume there's something going on when there's a younger assistant present. She was trying to make you crack. You didn't. You did a good job.


I nodded, walked out of the conference room and headed for my locker room. I hoped Pixie was right. Otherwise shit was definitely going to be hitting the fan sooner than I thought. It's a funny thing to expect chaos and still continue to do the behavior that's gonna lead to the chaos.