calico Said:"I am the be all and end all, the true Omega Prime. Rayne, the time has come for you to reconsider your career path. Facing me in a match is not just dangerous, it's akin to suicide. Do you want to die Rayne? These fans will jump up and down, scream, clap, beg, even pray that you just might be the unlucky bastard to unseat me. But that's not going to happen. These festering little oxygen hogs will just have to find a new hope. Really Rayne, why would you want to put yourself in this position? I'm not saying I'm some kind of career killer. You can make a name for yourself in this match against me. But it isn't going to be a shinning heap of praise. It's more likely to be, oh Rayne, just another asshat who fell before the Omega Prime. It's simple mechanics boys, you losers... me, I'm the Omega Prime. Welcome to the new age."

Jack: Ya got that right, Chewie. It already DID...

- - -

Not too long ago, in a federation not that far away...

XTREME WARFARE

Episode 2

A NEW HOPE



It is a period of civil war. Rebel warriors, striking from a hidden locale,
Have won their first victory against the evil XWF Empire.
They have gathered in secret, hiding in the shadow
But. With every passing day, they grow stronger
And the stronger they become, the more of a threat they bring
A victory, though silent. But the first of many to come.

During his battle with Queen Nash-adala, the leader of the resistence
Young Stormwalker, was quickly ambushed, his light extinguished.
But from the ashes of a once great....person, has risen a curse.
A darkness has fallen, overtaken.....and the phoenix has risen.
Driven. Focused. Guided by that which sought to destroy him
But which has only made him/her stronger.

Now, many months later, Rebels have managed to steal secret plans
To the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Heyman Star, a humongous,
Armored space station with enough hot gas to destroy an entire planet.
Pursued by the Evil Empire's sinister agents {did we mention they were evil?},
And accompanied by the great keeper of The Parm, Petey F'n Solo,
Princess Gordon races home aboard his/her hellship, custodian of
The stolen plans, guardian of the Truth, and captain of the Legion
That can save his/her people and restore freedom to the XWF Galaxy...




[We fade in to the Hoff House. Yes, the HOFF HOUSE. Quick cut to Jack Hoff's ugly mug.]



Yip. U.G.L.Y, he ain't got no alibi, but he damn sure has some words for ol' Ally-Cat, take it away Hoffster!!

Jack: *scratching his forehead. he probably has fleas* I cain't Believe this bullshit......I'm pissed now. An' I don't mean my pants like that poor schmuck ya damned near kicked in the nuts 'fore ya had yer goons SHOOT 'IM IN THE BY GAWD HEAD. I mean Lex Luthor-Style, Ten Percent Bodyfat, Total Package PISSED THE FUCK OFF!! *puts down his hand, lifts his head. and not THAT 'head'. perverts* ALEXANDRA IGNACIOUS ICHABOD ARTICHOKE CRAWDADDY CALLA-GAY. How's it feel tah be called by the WRONG FUCKIN' NAME? Huh toots? Feel good? Does it make ya feel special IT DON'T DOES IT?!

Jack: Let's git one thing straight RIGHT QUICK. Well, two things. I am RADIOACTIVE an' by that I mean I smell like a gat dam factory in Springfield, and I am the Homer BAH GAWD Simpson that will CRUSH YOU LIKE A DONUT in my mouth cuz I'm gonna chew on yer titt-ayz. Dimallisher ain't got nothin' on me, bitch, BUH-BAMM!!

Jack: But more impotently than that, importantly even, is that HAVE YOU WATCHED A SINGLE FUCKIN' PROMO THIS WEEK, CALICO?! Cuz if'n ya haven't, I gotta feelin' yer "new way of life", yer "New Age" consists ah you sittin' on yer ass eatin' bon-bons, listenin' tah Enya, watchin' Dr. Phil, till the day you just DECIDE tah show yer Witch Hazel rear 'round these here parts an' CUT A PROMO ABOUT NOT A GOOD GAWD DAMNED THING. Try'nah give Mat Wart a run fer his money in the promo irrellevancy department? Well if ya are, GOOD JOB SWEETHEART CUZ YA PASSED WITH FLYIN' FUCKIN' COLORS!! If'n ya ain't seen none ah my or ANYBODY ELSE'S PROMOS, y'all can take yer SHINNING HEAP AH PRAISE, SHIN that sumbitch all nice an' spiffy like, turn that sumbitch sideways, an' LEARN HOW TAH PRONOUNCE THE WORD SHINE CUZ I WANT YOU TAH SHINE YER WAND UP ALL NICE AN' SPIFFY LIKE AND CHOKE ON THAT SUMBITCH LIKE MR. XWF'S OVER-SIZED MANDINGO!!

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6846

Jack: I remember watchin' this show called 'Vive La Resistance', or 'Viva La Vida', or 'Viva Las Vegas' or whatever the fuck ya called it, hosted by none-other than Alajandro Cauliflower, The Queen of All Things Magic, Including Little Ponies....An' ya had that ol' glittery, sparkle-bedecked bitch boy on a hangman's guillotine, amirite? Right, OF COURSE I'M RIGHT, I always am. An' you cut his lil noggin off quicker than you chompin' down on E.T.'s eleventh finger. AN' YOU CAN GO 'HEAD AN' PHONE HOME, cuz raYne-bo Brite ain't cummin' 'round these here parts ANY time soon, 'fact he ain't cummin' 'round NO PARTS CUZ HE IS BURIED SIX FEET DEEP YA SHE-BANSHEE!!

Jack: 'Reconsider his career path', what's he gonna do, be a wing salesman fer Clarence? Gonna be a scythe sharpener fer the Grim Reaper, gunna sell pitchforks at Hell's Kitchen, I don't quite rightly see how he gonna 'reconsider his career path' when he's underground gettin' chewed as a three-course feast fer maggots an' worms an' Barney Green's zombie, cuz y'all KNOW THAT MUH FUCKER'S PULLIN' AN MJ, AN' THAT OL' SHEMALE THRILLER IS SCARFIN' DOWN ON SOME DECEASED DICK!! Ol' Chocolate Rayne is dead, d'ya hear me, wit' a capital D-E-D, dead!! Deader than Petey Gilmour's career, deader than Shane 's sanity, DEADER THAN YER VAGINA AFTER IT HAD TOO MANY SPACEMEN PLOWIN' IT LIKE THE CRATERS OF THE MOON, dead!!!!!

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12815

Jack: Ya wanna know how's I know, cuz I'M THE MUDDA FUKKA THAT BURIED HIS ELTON JOHN-ADORIN' ASS!! You care to actually WATCH one ah my promo's, y'all can check out my first, where I took ol' Ziggy Stardust's long-lost 'tarded step cousin an' dropped his UGLY ALICORN-WING WEARIN', SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE, PIMPLE-FACED, PILLOW-BITIN', SELENA GOMEZ-LISTENIN', BELIEBER FEVER BELIEVIN' BOOTY.....an' dropped him off intah that mound ah dirt like Mr. X droppin' Mat Wart's spine on the pine wit' a ROCK BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM, BY GAWD ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12866

Jack: An' I done finished releasing my SECOND promo here in ExxDubbyaEff, the place I CHOSE to grace wit' my Second Cumming, an' as I said on that ol' vidja tape, y'all can call me Hoffy-Wan Kenobi, cuz I AM yer only hope. I am the ONLY person that can SAVE X-to-theW-to-theF. Not Dat Boy Wit' Da Big Ol' Cock. Not Rayne-bow's Bloody Rotten Corpse, an' DAMNED SURE not you, missy! So Im'mona do you a favor. I'm gonna put on a little telethon, Jerry-Lee-Lewis style, collect all the cash from helpful donors, viewers like you, so we can all collect our pennies, nickels an' dimes an' BUY YOU A GAWD DAMNED CLUE.

Jack: So, next time you get put in a match? Come tah play. Come tah PUT IN WORK. Come tah show the WORLD, but ya damn sure BEST not come to another comp'ny, "spread yerself too thin" if'n ya wheel, put yer fingers intah too many damn pee-can pies, cuz I'mma tell you right here, right now. There's a reason it states, IN the rules governin' this place, that, AN' I QUOTE--

Quote:Keep in mind that we have some of the top roleplayers in all of e-fedding so if you're wasting some of your "juice" in other feds, there is a VERY good chance it's going to hurt your performance here. It's almost a guarantee, actually. What makes you think you can beat a top RPer who is giving you 100% of their focus, if you yourself are only giving them 50% of yours that week? Think about it before you try it, and don't be surprised if your performance suffers.

Jack: I watch wrasslin', I check the comppy-tition, I see yer Bee-Witched Butt runnin' 'round the 'BoardWalk' if ya catch my drift, signin' apps, showin' up, then pullin' a vanishin' act tah rival Houdini himself. Babycakes, I tried that, I got my a-s-s HANDED TAH ME. That's why I'm here, that's why I call the ExxDubbyaEff home, an' that's why I focused on THIS PLACE fer my return. Cuz this place? Is the gawd damned best in the biz today.

Jack: Ain't no other place yer gonna find FroYo Fagginz, Cain the ArrTeeExx Champeen o' da wurl, Hunter, Havok, Azrael, Austin, Sebastian, Luca, Griff, Eli, Theo, Good ol' Johnny Black, J-Dub, Archie, Smokie, Swaggie, Maddy, O'Mally, Morby, Minxxy, NAZI, Tony {an' i ain't talkin' cena's friend}, Frostie {the SnowMan}, Ozy, Lizzie, Christie, Jessie, Scorpy, Guppy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey {aka, Dimmy}, Happy, Bashful, an' The DOC-TAH OF FUKKANOMIX, The 5 TIME-5 TIME-5 TIME-5 TIME-5 TIME DURRRTY DICK NEE-YUKAH, Mistah Exx-Dubbya-EFF!!

Jack: No other place ya gonna find Petey Fuckin' Gilly, or Zakariah Misery, or Tri Bute, or THE REAL GAWD DAMNED SLIM SHADY HIMSELF, or Maria Brink's AIDS {which is probably a good thing, come tah think of it}. But ABOVE ALL ELSE....ain't NOBODY gonna find a single solitary place but The Realm Of Xtreme, where you can flip the tube on a Wednesday Night, an' see the millions.....an' MILLIONS of The Hoff's fans scream, clap and PRAY for the "The Queen of Hardcore" Albert Killgore to beg fer MORE, tah SCREAM TAH THE HOLY HIGH HEAVENS ABOVE, while she gits her fanny spanked like the red-headed-step-child SHE IS, by the be all, end all, ALPHA & OMEGA, REAL DEAL SEX APPEAL, LIVIN' BREATHIN' OMEGA FUCKIN' PRIME, The One An' ONLY J-A-C-K to the H-O-Double F HOFF. ......I'm here. An' here's where I'll stay. Believe that, Ally-cat.

Jack: Bottom-line is this, an' y'all can take this one tah the bank cuz it is pure, ah-hunderd percent MONEY. If'n ya ain't here tah show the REAL Ally-cat Callaway, the one I 'member seein' on the TV screen an' fantasizin' over while I had my ugly-ol' HOG of a wife gettin' jealous over that purdy lil, Lucille-Ball colored hair an' Samantha Stevens lookin' face ah yers? .....Then it ain't Reeve Gordon that needs a career evaluation. It's you. Fer right now? ....Go home, Ally-cat. Yer drunker than I am.

With those stirrinng words [and yes that's stirring with two N's] Jack turns around and walks right into the door before falling to the floor.




Jack: I meant tah do that.

|the|



























In the beginning
Good always overpowered the evils
Of all man's sins...

But in time,
The nations grew weak
And our cities fell to slums
While evil stood strong.

In the dusts of HELL
Lurked the blackest of hates
For he who you fear awaits you...


Now? Many, MANY lifetimes later
Lay destroyed, beaten, beaten down,
Only the corpses of Rebels
Ashes of dreams
And blood stained streets.

It has been written that
"Those who have the youth
Have the future"

So come now, children of the beast
Be strong.

And Shout at the Devil.