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JonPlex · (04-27-2014)

When we last left our hero, Jon Plex, he was playing role reversal as a fan for a change. He joined 18,000 other screaming people to cheer on the Pittsburgh Penguins in their game 5 victory over the Columbus Blue Jackets. It was a good night indeed for our beloved leader, but the time for fun and games was over and now he is boarding a plane headed for Seattle, Washington.

Jon Plex
I hate flying… they won’t let me play Words With Friends :(

Alec Baldwin
Tell me about it brother!

Todd Vincent
You’ll be fine.

Jon Plex
Yeah right! You’ve never had to spend hours cramped up on a flying death machine next to you! You are you! Which in hindsight might actually be a worse experience. Care to share?

Todd Vincent
Sure…you’re a moron.

Jon Plex
Meanie!

Todd Vincent
Just put your bag up and have a seat.

Jon Plex
I hope this is one of those flights where the attendant sings the in-flight instructions with a comedic undertone!

Todd Vincent
You are 24 hours away from your first XWF title match and you’re concerned about the flight attendant singing to you how to properly put on your oxygen mask?

Jon Plex
I have a weird way of managing my priorities.

Todd Vincent
Amen to that.

Jon Plex
I just realized something. We don’t have a flight 93 plan! Oh dear…

Todd Vincent
What in the hell is a flight 93 plan?

Jon Plex
Well you see Todd, on September 11th…

Todd Vincent
I know what flight 93 is.

Jon Plex
But you just…

Todd Vincent
THE PLAN! Dammit man, what is a flight 93 PLAN!

Jon Plex
Rude. If you can stifle your anger outbursts then I’ll inform you! If someone of…oh I don’t know… Middle Eastern descent decides this flight is their next weapon in the war of terror…

Todd Vincent
First of all, there are like maybe 20 people on this flight. You have met most of them while signing autographs while we were waiting in the boarding lobby. They are composed mainly of middle aged families going back home, a few elderlies, and a baby.

Jon Plex
I don’t trust that baby…

Todd Vincent
I’m about 99.9% sure we don’t need a flight 93 emergency plan of action.

Jon Plex
Maybe you’re right…

Plex secretly pulls a slingshot slightly out of his pocket and looks at it.

Jon Plex
Then again…you never know…

Todd Vincent
Why do you insist on always making our flights difficult? Is it impossible for you to just relax and act like a normal human being for a few hours.

Jon Plex
I’m sorry you feel that way. I never knew caring about one’s safety made them abnormal.

Todd Vincent
If it is warranted. You are just being paranoid and annoying.

Jon Plex
:|

Stewardess
Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been given the green light to take off. If you’ll please buckle your seat belts and turn off all electronic devices, we will be leaving momentarily.

Todd Vincent
Jon, turn off your phone.

Jon Plex
One second…I’m finishing up a tweet.

@JP123IWIN
bout to take flight #michaeljordan cant wait to be in Seattle #raincity @ToddV is a jerk #erectiledysfunction catch me on madness #XWF champ!

Jon Plex
You know the other day I tried to follow @Act, but it was hard…

Todd Vincent
I’m not even going to tell you how bad of a joke that was.

Jon Plex
Well you know how hard it is for me to be funny on an empty stomach!

Stewardess
Did someone say they were hungry!

Jon Plex
What the…witch where did you come from!?

Stewardess
Excuse me?

Todd Vincent
I apologize, my friend has a hard time behaving like a sane adult in public.

Jon Plex
Todddd, she literally just appeared out of thin air. I really think she’s a practitioner of the dark arts!

Stewardess
Okay… do you guys want some peanuts or not?

Todd Vincent
Oh no…

Jon Plex
PEANUTS!?!?!

A few minutes later…

Air Marshall
Do you understand why I had to taser and restrain you sir?

Jon Plex
For Youtube?

Todd Vincent
We understand sir. Thank you for giving us a break.

Air Marshall
I’ll be keeping an eye on you.

Jon Plex
Good luck pal! One-eyed Willy tried to keep an eye on me once... we didn't always call him "One-eyed Willy!" Savvy?

Todd Vincent
Jon please don’t antagonize the guy anymore. He could have easily had us thrown off the flight!

Jon Plex
Well I’m sorry if I barely overreacted when that witch tried to force peanuts down my throat! You know how I feel about peanuts!

Todd Vincent
Barely overreacted!? Jon you Irish whipped her into the next row and then attempted a moonsault from your seat.

Jon Plex
I know…I’m a badass! It’s been a while since I tried a moonsault. Did it look good?

Todd Vincent
You missed by a good 5 feet and landed on that baby. I’m pretty sure we have a lawsuit waiting for us when we get to Seattle.

Jon Plex
Why are some people such babies…no pun intended.

Todd Vincent
Can we please just stop this nonsense and try to get through the rest of this flight without further incident?

Jon Plex
This all could have been avoided if we had a flight 9…

Todd Vincent
Don’t you fucking say it!

Jon Plex
:(

Todd Vincent
Here we go, they are about to put on the in-flight movie.

Jon Plex
I hope it’s Final Destination.

Todd Vincent
What’s wrong with you?

Jon Plex
What!? It’s a good movie! Death will find a way!

Todd Vincent
Who in their right mind would want to willingly see a movie that starts with a plane blowing up?

Other passengers hear Todd mention a plane blowing up and begin frantically murmuring amongst themselves.

Jon Plex
Oh nice one TODD! Now people are going to flight 93 plan against us!

Todd Vincent
….

Jon Plex
Wait a minute. Is that Sawyer?

Todd Vincent
Huh?

Indeed, Kendall Sawyer is on the screen at the front of the plane. The flight attendants have mistaken her recent promos for a chick flick.

Jon Plex
Well this just sucks ass!

Todd Vincent
I think I would rather watch a movie about a plane blowing up.

Jon Plex
What’s next? Sawyer gets a pap smear and the gynecologist ends up being her psycho ex-boyfriend who has masterminded his way through medical school to wind up in this exact moment to extract his revenge on Sawyer for breaking his heart in high school!?

Kevin Garnett
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!

Jon Plex
All I know is this broad better find a way to escape her captors and make her way to Madness. If I bought this shirt for nothing…ohh you don’t even want to know how many mean letters I’ll write to her!

Todd Vincent
I guess she doesn’t take you too seriously Jonny boy! A taste of your own medicine perhaps?

Jon Plex
Well that’s fine. She’s entitled to feel however she wants about me. She is more than welcome to continue being held against her will at gunpoint. Honestly she needs to sort these family problems out. Family comes first. I’ll just continue feeling the way I do. Sawyer is a confused and mislead gash who’d have a hard time wrestling the lid off a jar of pickles to compliment the sandwich she just made me. How can she even fathom the idea that she can wrestle with the likes of myself and have success?

Todd Vincent
You’re the expert on women remember? You tell me.

Jon Plex
I think all that nail polish has gone to her head and gotten her a little loopy. Maybe she feels it’s better to be a failure at something she loves rather than being good at something she hates… like making sandwiches.

Todd Vincent
And you’re not sexist…

Jon Plex
Realist Todd…realist.

Todd Vincent
I agree the girl is a total bore and more than likely stands no chance in winning the European title on Madness, but you are just being downright mean!

Jon Plex
Why is it so hard for you to understand? It’s not income taxes! You shouldn’t be asking yourself why I am so hard on Sawyers because she is a female.

Todd Vincent
Ok then, what should I be asking myself?

Jon Plex
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Todd Vincent
They….well…son of a bitch you’ve done it again!

Jon Plex
;D

Stewardess
Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing soon. I hope you have enjoyed your flight and we hope you choose us for your future sky travel! Except for the nut case, no pun intended, never book with us again!

Jon Plex
That bitch! No pun intended is my gig!

Todd Vincent
Jon, be reasonable.

Jon Plex
No way, she’s getting laughs off my material!

Todd Vincent
I’m talking about Sawyer. It’s obvious the girl has some deep, personal issues going on in her life. A few skeletons in her closet that are coming to light. Walk a mile in her shoes before being so quick to judge.

Jon Plex
Todd, if I walked a mile in her shoes, I would just be one mile away from her with shoes I do not want. Probably have a few blisters too. I haven’t wore heels since college!

Todd Vincent
Fine. I guess you two can just settle it in the ring tomorrow night. It's going to be just you two anyways so might as well keep hounding her.

Jon Plex
What do you mean “just you two?”

Todd Vincent
It has been rumored that Wyatt Reynolds will be a no-show. Nobody has heard anything from him this week.

Jon Plex
He probably got too drunk at a clan rally in the swamps and fell into a gator’s mouth!

Todd Vincent
Wouldn’t that be nice.

Jon Plex
Mr.Scene…what do you think about the whole Sawyer situation. Hey that has a nice ring to it. Sawyer Situation 2014, keep it tuned here for all the latest updates and expert opinions!

Good one boss! Well, umm, I don’t know if I'm an expert... I’m still kind of new here and trying to get a grasp on this whole thing. Though I share your view on the equality issue between men and women. I think women will never be equal to men until they can be bald, have a beer gut and still feel sexy!

Jon Plex
Thank you! Finally someone else gets it! Bravo!

Todd Vincent
You two were made for each other.

Like peanut butter and…

Todd Vincent
Mr.Scene no!

Jon Plex
PEANUT BUTTER!?!?!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Until next time, all hail Plex!

Jon Plex
Oh no you don’t! Come here motherfucker!

#moreplexplease

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