This story takes place on February 1st, and was ended with permission from the owner of mentioned characters. It directly ties in with one theirs, so check it out. Enjoy.
Frodo dropped the bag of blood off at Zak’s door. He decided he was in a mood for something new, so he’d head back to Jolly old Engerland. As much as he loved Zak, he needed to get away for a little bit. He didn’t even pack a bag, he’d just buy new clothes there. Luckily for us he keeps his Passport with him at all times. So, he drove to the airport and purchased a ticket. Then he paid $3500 to have HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxie towed to Michigan, for Crack to drive.
It was an 11 hour flight to London, which gave Frodo plenty of time to nap. He didn’t bother letting anyone know he was going to London. He’d call them as soon as he lands to tell them. If they get upset then that’s on them. For now Frodo would enjoy his time in London, maybe go see the Globe Theatre, visit Peter Molyneaux, and maybe jerk off Prince Phillip. Who cares, he was free from anyone right now, and goddammit it felt good.
Welcome to London, Frodo Smackins? Or as you’ll go by here, Fordo Swaggins. First thing first, call Crack and let him know where Frodo was, and when to expect him, and to expect the Galaxie. Next thing was to call Zak and let him know. He thought he’d be mad, but Zak didn’t seem to care much. Frodo’s next step was to check into a good hotel room. Not one too fancy, but one decent enough. He didn’t want to stay in the palace, they probably frowned up Heroin in high up places, but he wanted comfortable enough.
He found a lovely Hotel down on Oxford Street. It was probably a four star in America, which made it a Tentacle Of Silver here, or something. Frodo didn’t really understand England. But he had a plan, and it might be a good one. He was going to get “proper” wasted, jerk off to “telly” and finally see what the hell a crumpet is. It sounded like some sort of weapon. Could the British have a super weapon and be advertising it all over the world without anyone realizing what it is? Are they that clever? I mean, no one really understand this country. What in the hell is a Jammie? The only things people understand, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And that last one is questionable.
Come to think of it, Frodo didn’t even fully understand Doctor Who. He flew around in some sort of blue box just doing random ass shit and being smug? What the fuck is that? I mean, Fordo liked it and all, but he wasn’t sure why the show was so good. The sexy ones left. Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness, Donna Nobel, Martha Jones, David Tennant, and that weird tree girl from end of the earth. What happened to Tree girl? I know, she died, but Jack died and Rose brought him back. Why not bring back the tree girl?
Rose Tyler, selfish bitch Extraordinaire. How could she use the heart of the Tardis to save Jack, but not Treeko? Or anyone else who died. She’s such a selfish churd. She’s not someone he’d want to hang out with, not ever. But anyway, he needs to get settled in his hotel suite. Once checked in, he went to take a nice hot shower, or as they call it in London a “Swimmy Swam”. Really he just let the shower run as he sat in the tub. He got out after about 30 minutes, and sat down to try and figure out this “telly” crap.
There was nothing on Telly, so our fearful young Hobbit pulled out his rubber band, tied it tightly around his wrist, pulled a tiny little black rock, put it in a spoon and heated it up with a little bic lighter. Once it was nice and melty he pulled it into a syringe, and pressed it firmly against his arm. His tiny fingers wrapped gently around the body of the needle. As he was about to depress the plunger he stopped and looked at the camera that was affixed on him at all times.
”You really thought I was going to do Heroin, didn’t you? Nope, I’m clean now. No matter what country I’m in. Clean, I said.”
With that he pulled the needle away from his arm, walked over to the sink and shot the fluid down the drain before breaking the needle. Then the tiny fighter took a nap. He had a plan, and it didn’t include getting high in a country where he could barely speak to the people. Once awake he showered again, put on his old dirty rags from yesterday and went off to buy some new clothes. He took a cab, or “Swindly-Swoo” over to Bond street so he could hit up Fenwicks. Our intrepid hero proceeded to buy a rather lovely variety of clothing, mostly jeans and plain t-shirts. He was a simple man, but they did have a blonde wig, which would make for a wonderful disguise for hiding. He didn’t want to be recognized in the old bit of wet willies, that meant in this country.
With his newly donned blonde wig and a pair of fresh sunglasses he had purchased our hero heads into the sunny town of London to explore around. There was all kinds of sights to be seen, people to meet, bars to go to, and fun to be had. First thing first, he’d have to go and find a place to eat. He was hungrier than a…Well someone who’s hungry. Fuck, he was in England they don’t speak English so why go with a metaphor anyway? Wewt he found a restaurant that was open! So, he sat down and loudly announced for the world.
”I am Hungry, and I want some friggen food. Don’t bring me your England menus, I am an American and demand to see a menu in English!”
The waiter rushed over and whispered in Frodo’s ear.
”Sir, I’d kindly ask you to not yell so loudly. We are a business after all, and don’t fret our menus are all in English. Would you like something to drink, perhaps a tea? Maybe something relaxing?”
”Listen, Monty. I want a coke, and 4 eggs, poached. And lots of bacon. I don’t want your weird british bacon, I want real made from pigs ass bacon. No ice.”
”Right away sir, my name is William, by the way.”
Frodo stood up at this point, and began to shout loudly.
”Well, lookey here. They’ve got the goddamned prince of England serving me eggs. I guess you realized…there is an emphasis on the Z learn how to use it foreign bastards…that I am your superior. Bring me eggs and a fat titted whore now. And my COKE! Clap Clap.”
He then literally clapped right before he was tossed out on his ass, and then politely asked to never come back. Fine, luckily they threw him in front of a McDonalds. Now that’s food he can understand in any language. His day went pretty much the same way, he’d go have fun exploring and getting kicked out of places before finding something a little more his speed. Until night fell, and he found himself at a pub, apparently there was a soccer match on. Must have been good because everyone was in a good mood. Things were finally beginning to look up for Frodo, until she walked in the room.
He recognized her, so he walked over to say hello.
”Hey, I recognize you. You’re that girl from the videos and twitter. Ellery Sweet. Hey, I’m Frodo Smackins. I’m a huge fan.”
”Oh my god, a Tranny Chaser. Why are all tranny chasers fat disgusting slobs who live with their mothers? You’re so nasty.”
”Actually, I’m a professional athlete from The U.S. I came over here last week to participate in that big XWF Shove it. The one where people died. I was there. I don’t live with my mother, I have a nice apartment and a lovely car. If you’d like to actually spend some time with me I’m sure I can show you I’m a nice guy. I have a lovely semi-boyfriend…”
”Oh my god, these everywhere. disgust me…”
Before she could finish her sentence Frodo threw a punch to her rather pretty face, knocking her the fuck out. He then looked at her friend who was with her and spoke very plainly.
”When she wakes up remind her that she’s just a in heels. Even if she gets a pussy she’ll just be a in heels. She was born a man, and will always be one, no surgery can fix that. I don’t care how cute she is, if I see her or hear about her talking crazy I’ll knock her the fuck out again.”
Frodo then headed off to drink more. At the bar he met a familiar face, one who was clearly already a bit drunk. Frodo began to drink with him, still in his blonde wig. Apparently the man at the bar had trouble recognizing our hero, but he kept buying drinks, and telling Frodo how awesome the man’s boss was. Frodo knew these things, but alas he allowed it to continue. The pair even left together.
The next morning Frodo woke up before the man, but just laid in bed there for a bit. He felt his companion wake up and begin to look around trying to see who he took home. Then he spoke, and it must have hit him.
”Why does my ass hurt?”
Frodo just turned and looked at him before speaking.
”Oh, Jimmy. Was I your first? I’m sure Theo will be so proud…”
Frodo’s phone rang, he looked and sighed.
”It’s my brother, fuck this. I’m not talking to him. He thinks he’s some gangsta. Bitch, you’re a fucking cop.”
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everywhere. ![[Image: ZXX7HJw.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/ZXX7HJw.png?1)
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