The scene opens as I shove hot slab of meat after hot slab of meat into my mouth. WHOA WHOA WHOA! Stop right there you dirty minded whores! This is not a Frodo promo, I'm not talking about dicks! I'm talking about triple stacks of course! The only hot dripping wet meat that will ever pass through the lips of big Scorpbowski. I finish off the triple stack in my right hand, polish off the one in my left hand, and then start ripping through my chilli cheese fries like my dick of doom rips through Rose Smith's back door when she gives me Gilmour's tears as lube. Slides right in, honestly the best lube I've ever used. I'm not joking, KY and Astroglide don't have shit on Gilly Tears so get in touch with Rose and pick yourself up a bottle. Yes, she bottles them. Apparently he cries a lot, something about not being a real man, whatever, not my problem. Anyway as I slump down in my Wendy's VIP booth aka the booth I always sit in when I come here, I begin to look around. First I glance up on the wall observing the many murals hanging up of my lord and fast food savior Wendy Thomas. As I stare at her radiant red hair I feel compelled to touch some of the grease left on one of my triple stack wrappers and do the sign of the cross. Ah, feel much better now, makes me feel at peace.


Scorpio: AH!


I suddenly feel like my body is on fire and beads of sweat drip from my forehead. By pure chance I reach around my neck and touch the vile of holy Wendy's grease I keep on a necklace. Oddly enough as soon as I do the feeling goes away, weird. GOOD GOD! I start to look around the room once more when suddenly a wild hottie appears!





Holy shit! I mean HOLY FUCKING SHIT! She looks just like her... I mean she's a dead fucking ringer AND SHE'S AT WENDY'S! Alright Scorpio here we go, get your cowboy boots on because it's time to tame some strange, YEE-HAW! I put on my most sensual expression and glance over at her.







Who can resist a sexy face like that? I mean come on brah, if I flash that look at your women her panties will become a god damn flash flood zone, ask Rose Smith! Trust me, if you see this face coming towards you when you're out with your girl, RUN! I bet you a month's supply of triple stacks that if I were to walk up and ask her who you are she'll say you're her brother even if you're standing right there! Anyway, after giving my snookie wookum's doppleganger the most panty wetting look to ever grace gods green earth, I also give the spitting image of my little hood rat Juliet a wink. She laughs as I strut over and introduce myself.


Scorpio: Hey gorgeous I'm....


Hottie: Scorpio, I know exactly who you are.


Scorpio: Ah, my reputation of awesomeness proceeds me I see.


Hottie: Actually I only saw one of your matches and it was when you lost to Jim...


My hand covers her mouth before she can say anymore.


Scorpio: SHHHH! They say that if you say his name he'll appear and start lynching darkies.


I remove my hand from her mouth and she starts cracking up.


Hottie: I bet he will, I bet he will.


Scorpio: So what's your name honey?


Hottie: Shena.


Scorpio: Well that's not strange at all.


Shena: Says the guy walking around Wendy's in a sparkly jacket and face paint.


Scorpio: Hey, say what you want about me but you leave the sparkly jacket out of this!


Again she starts cracking up but as she laughs I swear I hear another voice.


Voice:..........


I can't make out what it's saying but it seems like their is a faint voice coming from around us somewhere even though we're the only ones in the dining area, hmm.


Scorpio: So tell me, how do you feel about dicks of doom?


Shena: Well I guess I would feel about it like this.



She reaches out and rubs my crotch, oh yeah, she wants the D. Wait what am I saying? Of course she wants the D, all women do. Hell even some men do! Some men in the XWF to be more precise but I don't swing that way! So stop sending me text messages asking me to pull out me telescope and look at Uranus, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!



Voice: Do it now, now.



Scorpio: Did you say something?



Shena: No, umm, must have come from the kitchen or something.



Scorpio: Yeah, I guess so.


Shena: Hey, why don't we go back to my place?


Scorpio: Only if you make me breakfast.


Shena: Or I could just buy some Wendy's.


Scorpio: Marry me.


She just grins as she picks up her purse and stands up from the booth, she then takes a couple of steps and I start to follow. That's when I see it, a sight that stops me dead in my tracks. She drops a Burger King wrapper. I immediately do as my training dictates, twist the cap off the bottle of holy Wendy's grease that hangs from my neck, and splash the back of her head with it.


Scorpio: THE POWER OF WENDY COMPELS YOU!


I watch as she stops moving but doesn't say a word. Shit did I make a mistake? NOPE! Suddenly she starts convulsing and smoke begins to pour off of her. She then turns around while still shaking and her skirt flies up, I now realize where the voice was coming from as I see a hideous monster between her legs. No brahs, not an old nasty looking beat up vagina, A REAL MONSTER! The hideous beast between her thighs now starts screaming at me.


Va Jay Jay Monster: THIS ISN'T OVER! WE SHALL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR FALSE FAST FOOD DEITIES IN THE NAME OF THE ONE TRUE GOD, THE KING!


Scorpio: So would that make him a king god or a god king?


Va Jay Jay Monster: Well I think it would make him a... STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! DIE SCORPIO!


The women's body suddenly starts to bloat and the vagina monster seemingly takes full control mutating into an even more grotesque sight.







Oh shit, oh shit oh shit oh shit, OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! Come on Scorp, think, THINK! If you're going to let yourself get killed by a giant pussy then you might as well let Peter Gilmour cut your head off. Yeah, NOT HAPPENING! I quickly throw what holy grease I have left at the monster, it burns the beast but I don't have enough to do any fatal damage to something like that. I mean would you look at that fucking thing? With no other choice I do the only thing I can think of and DICK OF DOOM! The monster just swats me away like I'm nothing and I slam hard against a nearby wall. The beast then starts to creep towards me and I think I'm finished until I hear the sound of a chainsaw and suddenly I see a blade cutting through the vagina monster as blood squirts everywhere. I then here a loud boom as parts of the creature splatter all over the walls and it falls to the floor dead. With the creature down I can now see my savior in all of his glory. BRUCE FUCKING CAMPBELL IN A WENDY'S UNIFORM!?!?!? He just holds up his shotgun like a boss as he looks me over and says.....


Bruce: That's right brah. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?


Scorpio: Okay... but why the hell do you have on a Wendy's uniform?


He twirls around the shotgun before sticking it in a holster on his back and walking behind the Wendy's counter.


Bruce: Bad economy. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!


Oh my god Bruce Campbell is broken! No wait, suddenly I'm jerked out of sleep which doesn't happen very often. Usually I'm jerking it right before I go to sleep but that's neither here nor there. Regardless, I'm jerked from my sleep by a loud ass alarm clock which I quickly slap the fuck out of. I then lay there and stare around my dark room...


Scorpio: Fuck, it was only a dream. Still, I need to make a trip to god damn S Mart.
















The Final Sting





I've got to say that I've been pretty bored siting around waiting for old Zekie poo to open his mouth thus inciting a retaliation which would be the equivalent of having an atomic bomb shoved up his ass and detonated. However, nope, no dice. That's okay though Zeke, if I was you I wouldn't want to say anything to me either especially after what I just witnessed go down between you and Christine Nash. I bet you feel good about that exchange don't you Zeke? Feel like you proved something huh? Think you crushed her verbally? Got a warm fuzzy feeling inside now do ya?










You're hilarious Zeke, fucking hilarious. Do you want to know what you and Nash sounded like going back and forth at each other? You Sounded like a couple of arguing over which one of you is more . Wait let me rephrase that, you sounded like a couple of arguing over which one of you is ! No matter how idiotically you want to word it at the end of the day all that matters is that YOU'RE BOTH FUCKING ! Hold on Zeke let me go ahead and break it down for you since you probably still have no fucking clue what I'm talking about.




How much have I paided for meth? Yeah, because that makes perfect fucking sense. - Zeke


And yes Christine, that’s exactly what I want. I want your pressure boy toy in the ring, face to face, man to man. - Zeke




Precious, the word you were looking for there was precious my little aids filled buttercup. You know like the fact that Theo's name actually came out of your curtain jerking mouth like you belong in the same sentence as him is so precious. Makes me want to just run up to you and pinch those diseased little cheeks of yours, yes it does, oh yes it does. It didn't end there though brah because of course making one fucktarded mistake while calling somebody else out for making a fucktarded mistake just wouldn't display how much of an epic failure that you truly are. Doing it multiple times on the other hand, yeah, that begins to put it in perspective.



I don’t know the pain you’ve live thru.But I do know what I’m going to do you. - Zeke

But I actually don’t know the pain you’re going because I won’t feel anything except victory. - Zeke

When bitches see me they immediately hop on the AIDS infested dick, and not even think about the consequences - Zeke











HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA! You think a weak minded jerkwad like you could step to Theo and not get eaten alive? Brah, even without the aids you wouldn't stand a fucking chance because putting coherent sentences together is a struggle for you so how the fuck could you ever execute an effective game plan inside the ring? Here let me demonstrate exactly how a Pryce Vs Zeke match would go, the bell rings, PRYCE WINS, PRYCE WINS, MY GOD PRYCE WINS! Want a rematch? The bell rings, PRYCE HAS DONE IT AGAIN IN RECORD TIME, WHAT A PERFORMANCE! Read my lips brah, you're an insignificant shit stain who has an ego the size of the sun but talent the size of Gilligan's Island. Not only that but watching you is about as appealing as watching Ben Stein jerk off onto Amy Winehouse's rotting corpse. For real brah, would you like to know the only thing that keeps you from being the most generic motherfucker to ever crawl out of genericville? The fact that you have aids, THAT'S IT! Everything else that you do has been done a billion times over, everything you say has been said a billion times before, all by people a billion times more talented than you might I add. So the one thing that sets you apart is the fact that you're the aids guy... AND YOU WANT TO CURE YOURSELF!?!?! Trust me brah you're better off letting aids kill you and actually still having a career no matter how insignificant it is than you are getting rid of the aids and watching your career completely flat-line due to people giving less of a fuck about you than they already do. I will give you credit on one thing you said in your last promo though because it was spot on. Taken out of context? Yes, but spot on none the less.




I’m like Peter Gilmour - Zeke

Awesomeness Achieved


1x XWF (World) Champion


1x XWF Tag Champion (with Frodo)


1x XWF X-treme Champion


16x XWF Heavymetal Weight Champion (UFO / Ark)


Two Month Long UFO/ARK/HMW Title Reigns


Longest (personal) Reign 11/12/14 - 12/18/14


Reigning Bra And Panties King


Donkey punched your mother!


Banged Rose Smith Repeatedly


Seriously Brah I Did


Said it was the best she ever had


And she could feel it in her spine


Scorpin Master!


AAOOOOOOOOWW!!!


I'm pinning the Witch Doctor So Hard Right Now


Would you pin me?


I'd pin me.





#DickToFaces