“He’s so damn ugly he makes my gums ache.”

The scene opens to a woman seated on a couch, her long matted hair covering her face. She continually claws at the skin on her forearms, leaving them red and slightly bloody. In front of her is a television screen showing Frodo Smackins delivering his latest promo. With every word Frodo speaks, the woman grunts, groans and shrieks.

“Blah, blah, blah. What is this talking pustule rambling on about!? Day-in and day-out it’s the same damn thing! What is the fascination with the testes of the elderly? Is he running out of shit to say already? Boy, oh boy is he in for one rude ass awakening.”

“Hey, you, quiet down over there.”

The woman lets out a shrill laugh as the camera pans out, revealing a room full of people all wearing white bath robes. Several of the people are huddled around one of the barred windows, cooing at a passing squirrel. Four large orderlies in white uniforms patrol the room. The woman sits alone still laughing as an orderly approaches her.

“You, fat boy, do you hear this garbage?”

The guard lets out a small laugh.

“Yeah, it’s kind of funny.”

“Kind of funny!? What the fuck is wrong with you, were your parents related or did your mother dip her titties in lead paint before she fed you? This garbage isn’t humor. This is a prepubescent boy spitting out as many dick and fart jokes as he can before his mommy catches him and washes his mouth out with soap! I’ve heard more entertaining noise come out of my asshole on taco night.”

“It’s just television, I can change the channel if you want.”

“Tubby, if you touch that goddamn television I will cut out your spine and fuck your wife in the ass with it.”

“Now you just settle down, you can’t talk to me like--”

“Like what, fatass? Like I’ve got a bigger set of fucking balls than you do? We both know it’s true. I’ve seen you looking at me as I walk by. What are you, some kind of too? Is that what’s so goddamn funny? Some kind of humor that the rest of can’t understand because we’re not too busy thinking about jamming our penises up little children’s asses? You make me sick. And yet here I am, taking your pills and wearing your robes and eating your disgusting laxative tacos. I should be the one standing around looking at your balls, you pathetic fat shit. But then I guess I’d have to sit here scratching at my empty sack and listening to the midget make the same boring ass jokes over, and over, and over, and over again. Anything would be better than this shit! How about some knock knock jokes? Maybe a why did the chicken cross the road joke? Knock knock. Who’s there? Fuck you Frodo, and you too fatboy. That’s who’s fucking there. Wasn’t so hard, was it? Why did the chicken cross the road? To say fuck you, Frodo and you too fat boy. SEE!? I just made more funnies in two seconds that he has in two of his god-awful promos. I should be on that television, not that delusional little cocksucker. I wonder what’s lower, his sperm count or his IQ?”

“Easy there. Sounds like someone is just begging to go back to her room to cool down for a couple hours. What do you think about that?”

“I think it’d be best if you just shut your cum catcher, because my time in this place is just about up. I told you he’d come for me, didn’t I!? Didn’t I!? He’s fucking here, I know it. And he’s going to march right through that door any minute and he’s gonna fuck you all up! And then he’s going to bail me out of this fucking hell hole and get me some real tacos that don’t give me the Barney squirts.”

“You say the same shit every day. And every day you sit here and wait like a stupid little girl that just got stood up for prom.”

“You’re a fucking idiot. You’re dumber than the little shit that can’t stop talking about sheep fucking! He’s coming. He’s coming tonight… and he is going to break your fucking spine!”

The agitated orderly sigh and steps in front of the woman, prompting her to jump to her feet and stand nose-to-nose with the guard.

“What now, fatboy? All that talk of sheep fucking give you an idea? You gonna try to stick that little prick down my purty lil’ throat? I swear to God if you put that flaccid, little, child sticker anywhere near me, I’ll rip it off and turn it into a Christmas stocking. You’ll cry and bitch and moan worse than that little Frodo fucker. Two dickless , like peas in a mentally pod.”

“Whoa there, you’re grumpy. I think it’s time you take a little nap.”

The orderly signals for his fellow co-workers to help him restrain the woman. As they all surround the woman she lunges forward, into the arms of the heftier orderly she shrieks at the top of the lungs as the men get her off her feet and begin carrying to her room. As they make it to the hallway the lights all shut off, and are quickly replaced with a loud siren and a dim red light illuminates the hallway. The men all stop and stare as the woman begins to cackle maniacally.

“I fucking told you. You’re all fucked! You didn’t listen to me and now Big Red is here to fuck you all up!”

Titan begins to move forward as the lights go black once more. Panicked voices and the woman’s shrieks of excitement fill the dark picture, nearly drowning out the warning sirens. Slowly the voices become fewer and fewer. The siren stops and the light turn back on, revealing Titan standing stoicly among the guards’ bodies and blood covered walls. The woman is seated atop of the large orderly, poking his nose and laughing.

“Who’s the stupid little girl now? You fat piece of shit.”

The woman stands up and pats Titan on the shoulder.

“You still got it, Big Red! That was like, the most beautiful musical I’ve ever heard! The screaming, the bones breaking, the blood gurgles… You sure know how to get a girl’s engine revving! Please, please, please tell me that you’re gonna do the same shit to that little midget fuck! I can’t stand that smug little shit eater!”

“The small one will pay for his words. His incessant need to drone on and on has worn on our nerves and we are going to make him--”

The woman looks around the hallway, her head bolting around to each corner of the room.

“What the fuck? Are you doing that whole disembodied voice thing again? I told you, Big Red, you need to cut that shit out, speak for yourself otherwise people are going to think you’re a pussy like that Frodo bitch.”

“...We do not care for the opinions of those without the mettle to face us in the arena of combat. We will enter the cage on Monday night and prove to Frodo that we are the--”

“And you’re still doing that ‘we’ shit? They’re gonna throw you into a place like this. Not that uh… that’s really going to keep you in or anything. But still, that’s gotta be annoying, right? Just talk like a normal guy, get into that cage on Monday, and beat the holy hell out of that furry little fuck. Sound like a plan, Stan?”

“Titan.”

“Yeah, yeah, we are Titan. Right?”

“We ARE Titan.”

“Yeah I get it. I get it. Look, Big Red, I appreciate you coming to rescue the damsel in distress and all but could we please get the fuck out of here? I’ve got a hankering for some waffles and 2-ply toilet paper. The shit they give you here is awful, it’s like they want you to sand off your own asshole. But yeah, anyway, let’s go!”

The pair turn toward the end of the hall way. Titan slowly makes his way down the corridor as the woman skips behind him, humming. As they reach a door Titan stops and the woman skips right into his back. Titan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crimson mask, much like his only smaller. He hands it to the woman who lets out a long groan.

“You can’t be fucking serious.”

“We become you. You become us.”

“You’re so fucking lucky that I like the tall, brooding type.”

The woman dips her head and puts the mask on. She moves next to Titan and the two regain their stride, this time the woman keeps pace without skipping. As they reach the door the woman nods and the pair exit the hallway and the scene goes black.

1X - GOAT.