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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Wordsmith Lunacy (RP:4)
Author Message
John Raide Offline
We can chase the dark together



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Teens, some men, few kids

(cheered BECAUSE they'll break rules & bones)


#1
01-07-2014, 03:33 PM



"Wordsmith Lunacy - A troubling look inside the mind of Eli "Cotton Eyed Joe" James IV"
by John Raide

[Image: man_mountain_rock.jpg]
(Nice tie-dye shirt, Eli)



[Image: 200_s.gif]


It's mid day. Sun is high in the sky. We're sweeping over a vast mountainside and we're slowly trickling all the way down ... down ... down...

Through the trees at the base of the mountain we see a figure approaching toward us. He waves, then holds his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun.

"Hello there. So glad you could make it. I hope you didn't run into any issues finding me based on the coordinates I gave. No? Good."

As the figure gets closer we realize this is none other than John Raide.

"Now, for those familiar with the landscape behind me you may recognize the area as mountains here in Northern California. However, for artistic purposes, they have been rechristened as Bullshit Mountain aka home of the nefarious Eli James the fourth. Yes, I'm just as surprised as you that there are three others. But, you know how they do it in the south, just fucking like jackrabbits, not giving a care if it's your brother, sister or second cousin twice removed."

A black box suddenly appears in the corner of the screen ...

"Below me, to my right, your left, you should see a black box. In a moment, we'll see the floating head of Eli James as he attempts to spin us another engaging yarn of what a bright, good ol' southern boy he is. Now, I was so impressed by Eli's last promo of his floating head like his was in the Bohemian Rhapsody music video that I thought for continuity purposes we'd keep it the same."

In the box we see Eli's head appear in the black background ...

Quote:"I enjoy being entertained by the senseless."

"Me too, Eli. This is why I enjoy watching you run your belligerent mouth and trying so hard to put that home school education of yours to good use. This also probably explains why you're so in love with hearing yourself talk."

Quote:"I love laughing at those who think they are talking intelligent, but are just a mockery of stupidity."

"Please explain to me how someone can be a mockery of stupidity? I'm asking for real. Are you implying that you enjoy laughing at people who mock the behavior of stupid people? If that's the case, you must enjoy me making fun of all the stupid things you say. Or, are you saying that by someone speaking intelligently they are in fact making stupidity feel ridiculed or hurt in someway? Let's come back to this one."

Quote:"It gives me great pleasure revealing truth..."

"You mean spinning bullshit. I don't think there's one thing you've said that has made a lick of sense except that I pissed off your kissing cousin Amos."

Quote:"You said, I am "Old, tired, out of tune and in dire need to be fucking retired." You've been in my body? You know I'm tired? What is old? A man who is in his early thirties? Retire when no one has been able to stop me? When The Black Circle are in fear? Because I lost the United States Title to a coward in a cheap way? No.. I think you wish I would retire because you know the truth. You can't beat me.. you won't beat me.. and ya never will."

"Of course I know you're tired. Take a fucking look at yourself, Husky Harris -- the spare tire around the waist, and the bitch tits. I think the reason you look like you got the meat sweats all the time is you break a sweat putting your swamp ass smelling jock strap on. No wonder you were gassed when I laid you out in the middle of the ring."

John pauses the video of Eli for a moment and smirks ...

"Look, I think The Black Circle are a bunch of parasites, but I can pretty much guarantee they're not afraid of you Tommy Bahama. You may have been on a little hot streak before I arrived, but I'm like nothing you have ever faced before, and on Wednesday it all comes to an end."

Quote:"It seems my same old talk is gettin' to ya.. is that why ya have to yell? If I'm so old, need to retire, weak, and sayin' the same old 'garbage'... then why challenge me?"

"You really are one dense motherfucker aren't you? I have explained this to you again, and again, AND again. My goal from day one has been to eliminate you. To snuff you and your kind out for good. You're like a rat at the bottom of the food chain that has gotten too fat off scraps and think you belong at the top. You're disillusioned and I'm here to take you out for good. Get it? Got it? Good."

Quote:"If what I speak is truth, then why do I need new material, boy?"

"You are not the truth. I'm the truth. You sit upon a pile of your own bullshit here on Bullshit Mountain and think your word is law. It's not and it never has been. I'm real impressed by your basic math skills. It seems that flashcards do work for people with learning disabilities. There is nothing legitimate about you except you're a hillbilly that had access to a dictionary and a bible and thought that if he hid behind it enough people would believe all the propaganda."

Quote:"I cannot be killed by a man or anything man has made. I am forever. I am eternal. My truth is eternal."

"Seriously, whatever fucking moonshine you're on, I want some. If you're forever let's go see you jump off a building and see if your so called messiah will catch you. He's going to need a huge fucking net to catch your husky ass, but let me know how that works out. I'd ask you to explain what truth you refer to, but then I realized I had a root canal I needed to get taken care of."

Quote:"Funny.. I walked into a fight with Mr. Radio and you were lurking in the shadows..."

"Negative, Ghost Rider. I was sitting in the front row watching you get winded stepping through the ropes. Then I saw you do the best impression I've ever seen of an old dog going to die under a porch."

Quote:"I won't have to go pray to the invisible wizard. I don't believe in an invisible wizard. I'll go pray to the invisible, yet visible Almighty whom I've seen and heard. When you see me, you'll see Him."

"Invisible, yet visible? Are you really this fucking stupid? Exactly what did Papa James teach you other than hunting in a coonskin cap? But please, by ALL means keep believing in your invisible, yet visible, yet translucent man in the clouds, Eli. Shit, your flop sweat probably smells like moonshine too."

The black box in the corner of the screen fades out...

"For the record, I never said you were physically weak, Eli. You're just weak in the brain. It's why you talk yourself in circles hoping if you spin enough bullshit people will start to believe it. I'm not one of you're sheep, Eli. I also don't say things like, "choke on your stupidity" which is actually not physically possible. It does seem to me you keep coming back to two words, coward and stupidity and I'd argue that perhaps you've been projecting your own fears onto others. Doubt is a scary thing. Once it gets in the mind, there's no telling what type of damage it might do."

John turns to walk off as we -- end transmission.

[Image: tvsnow.gif]

[Image: John_Raide_zpsc05d7d5c.jpg]
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