Dear Janet:

I hope that by now you’re getting all caught up. I understand that you’re going through a lot right now, but I promise that you’ll make it through all of this. By the way, you did a great job the other day when your father showed up to the arena unexpectedly. I was worried that Mr. Supernova’s elixir was going to wear off and you were going to ruin the whole project. Luckily, your old man got the hell out of sight just seconds before the elixir’s effects wore off. Can you imagine if he would have stuck around just a few seconds longer? I’m pretty sure I would have had to kill the old man. He did seem a little curious about your behavior that night, but there’s nothing to worry about.

So back to where we left off in the previous letter…

Jessie Diaz. Do you want to talk about Jessie Diaz for a couple of minutes?

Heh, of course not. I’m kidding. We’ll get to Jessie here in a minute because I know right now that you couldn’t care less.

You want to know how that run in with your father went.

We can do that.

Let me take you back to Lethal Lottery. We were all backstage in our private conference room.

“Holy shit, Nova! What the fuck just happened out there? Why is John—I mean—why is FLO covered in Shane ’s feces?”

“Because the objective of the match was to bury your opponent in Shane’s feces, John… Come on, you made up that stipulation yourself.”

I began to pace back and forth, seething, pulling my hair out. Boy, was I pissed that night. I definitely wasn’t in the mood for the spaceman had his fucking jokes!

“Don’t fuck with me, Nova!” I yelled, spitting in Nova’s face. “I will cut Zak Misery’s head off if I have to. What happened?”

Mr. Supernova remained calm. I swear, you could throw a plastic bag over the guy’s face and he’ll still talk to you straight.

“Exactly what I said might happen, John.”

“God damn it, Luca!”

I lose it. For no reason other than my anger, I take my balled up fist and I slam it into the side of Luca Arzegotti’s face, sending him crashing into a row of chairs.

“What the fuck, John?” says NAZI as he kneels down to check on Luca. “Calm the fuck down.”

I had never struck my brother like that, not even in our King Match.

I grab the imposter John Madison (Janet)—and I bring her to the center of the circle. My brothers all stare at her in silence. She’s still completely covered in feces and is sporting a bandage over her left eye.

“Nova, tell me why Flo (Janet/John Madison 2) here is covered in shit and why she is missing an eyeball. But more importantly, explain why she is missing her crown!”

“The strength of the elixir lessened towards the end of the match, John. I told you that it was a risk for you to send her out there without testing the recipe first. I imagine that for a brief second she forgot who or where she was and that’s when Theo caught her by surprise.”

NAZI helped Luca back on his feet. Luca seemed to be doing okay despite the grogginess feeling.

“Again, I warned you that this might happen, John. We should have tested this at a house show before putting it into motion.”

The explanation from Nova, although it was reasonable, just irked me even more.

“I told you, Shane. This is why we need to hold more house shows! GOD DAMNIT, LUCA!”

I lost my temper again and this time struck Luca on his testicles with my knee. At that moment, NAZI got physical with me and pushed me away.

“One more time, John, and I’m throwing you out of this room myself.”

“Well, fuck. Good for Theo, I guess.”

“The important thing is that the crown remains right here in The Black Circle.”

“Sure, sure…”

This was when the door to the conference room came open and in walked your father.

“Janet!” he cried as he ran into your arms. “My girl…”

The two of you embraced for about a minute despite the fact that you were covered in Shane ’s excrement. It was a touching moment between father, daughter, and Shane’s feces. I was caught off guard just as everyone else in the room was. Who the fuck let this guy in?

“Hey guys,” said Steve Sayors from behind the cracked door. “This old man claims to be John’s father. Weird, I thought that John Madison hated his father.”

Of course it was fucking Steve Sayors…

“Alright, thanks Steve.”

He was quite sad by what you had been put through, Janet. He removed his jacket and began to clean you off.

“Dad…” you said to your father in a scratchy voice. “I’m okay.”

Your father then turned his attention to us.

“What the hell did you people do to my daughter? She doesn’t deserve this!”

Your father then grabbed Luca Arzegotti, kneed him in the balls (poor fucker) and hip tossed his ass onto the floor.

Luca(in pain): “What the fuuuuck…”

“I’ll take on every single one of you right fucking now.”

Your father then went after NAZI, but NAZI blocked his attack and forced him to the floor with an Aryan Armbar.

“Easy NAZI,” you said. “After all, he is my father.”

NAZI released your father’s arm.

“Hey Dad, you selfish fucking prick. Where the fuck have you been all of these years?”

Success! There were just enough traces of the elixir still in your bloodstream to make you think that you were still John Madison. I have to be honest, I was jealous that you got to scold your father with my voice.

You grabbed your father by his patch of white hair and brought him to his knees.

“You have a lot of nerve attacking my brother Luca like that, old man. NAZI! Hand me your Luger.”

“Umm, excuse me?”

“Holy shit, Adolf, just hand me your shitty Nazi gun!”

“Okay…”

NAZI whipped out the Luger P08 that contained my—OUR signature scribbled on the pistol grip. He handed the gun to you as you held your father down. You then took the Luger and held muzzle to the back of his head. My eyes widened as did the rest of the group’s, except for Luca who was still on the ground holding his groin.

“Eat shit, asshole.”

You then pulled the trigger on your father without even blinking. Blood splattered across the floor as the old man collapsed onto the ground, the side of his face smacking the linoleum floor.

“Haha! Thanks, Adolf!”

You then returned the Luger P08 to NAZI’s hand which remained frozen as the rest of his body.

“Holy shit, NAZI! You made Janet kill her own father because she thought she was still me! You sick fucking, genocidal, Jew burning Nazi!”

Following my outburst, the elixir’s effects suddenly faded away, and you collapsed to the floor in a similar fashion to your father’s death.

So you see, Janet. I didn’t have to get rid of poppa, because you did it yourself. Thank you for that, because with him out of the way we can focus on us now.

And speaking of us, we have ourselves a little match scheduled on Monday night.

We have ourselves a match with Jessie Diaz.

So you’re probably wondering why I put you in this match. After all, it just came out of nowhere, didn’t it? The answer is there if you look at the other names featured on the card.

Mr. Radio…

Allison Green…

LJ Havok…

Marshall, Matthew, and Michael…

Umm, no thank you. We already defeated Liz Hathaway and beat down Peter Gilmour until you had to be pulled off of him. The idea is to move upwards and Jessie Diaz matches that criteria.

After all, she is he Trio Tag Champion and has fought in several high profile matches. She’s perfect for next week.

We don’t hold a grudge with Ms. Diaz. We’re not going to sit here and bash on her lifestyle or her mental health issues. We won’t even bring up the popular idea that she’s the weak link on her trio team. Besides, she’s already spending enough time and energy going back and forth with Tony Santos over these issues. It is pretty entertaining to watch though.

No, we don’t view Diaz as a "weak link." We see her as an equal member of her trio, which is good for us.

If I thought she was a weak link, I wouldn’t have put us in the match with her.

This is your chance to shine, Janet. Yes, we have Egyptian Snow Pharaoh at ringside. I’m glad that she’ll have an up close view to see what we do to Ms. Diaz.

As for the Unknown Soldier… Well, he and I have never seen eye to eye, but I suppose that having Satan in our corner could be beneficial. After all, he is a former United States/Satan Champion and former Trio Champion. Fuck it, in actuality it doesn’t matter. In all honesty, the involvement of those two seems to be nothing more than an excuse for them to continue their pissing contest. Just focus on Diaz and deal with the other crazy assholes if they get involved.

For now I must end this letter, Janet.

Love,
John