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Rebel · (09-12-2013)

The scene opens at a bar. Not some classy, high-end bar either, it's a hole-in-the-wall bar named Dewey's. This place is a dump, but has alcohol and the chance for a fight, and that is just what Jonny Rebel likes.

The smoke from various cigarettes and cigars fill the room exactly like how the clouds cover the towns spread throughout the Appalachian mountains in the mornings. It's nearly impossible to see more then 10 feet in front of you. An old jukebox sits near the bar, but hasn't worked for years. It's busted tubes, and broken glass cover tell the story of a recent fight that happened.

The bar itself is pitted and stained with all kinds of fluids, some which even the bar keep can't identify. Various names and cuss words are scratched into the old wooden bar. There is room at the bar for damn near 20 stools, but only 7 sit there. On the floor in front of the bar, broken legs and seats from the stools, lay everywhere.

Behind the bar, an old man walks with a limp and a dirty brown rag. He wipes the bar occasionally, but actually makes the bar more disgusting with each swipe of the rag. His matted gray hair, and long silvery bread drops hairs into the drinks as he makes them. A few bottles sit behind the bar on some rickety shelves. The shot glasses and cups used to serve customers are stained from time and lack of cleaning.

Jonny Rebel

In just a few short days, I'll be flying into space to compete in Mr. Radio's Shove It: Into Space show. Not only will I be fighting 5 other XWF wrestlers, but I'll also have to deal with ravenous and dangerous creatures from the Australian outback.

I'm not worried about the match, though. I'm looking forward to it like a kid on Christmas morning. I get to whoop ass like never before. I mean, it's not every day you get to go into space. I just wish that it could be with better opponents. I could say that I'm not trying to disrespect my fellow XWF peers, but I am trying to disrespect them. I think I should have a pass right into the main event title match. But it's OK.

I've actually come to the realization that my opponents for Shove It: Into Space, bare strikingly similar features to the Australian creatures that will be introduced into the match. Let us take a moment to reflect on these similarities.

Jonny downs the shot of whatever he is drinking. He lets out a gasp as the drink burns going down. He slides the shot glass towards the lame bar keep.

Rebel

Hit me with another one, Sal.

Now, Matt Lennox, you are brave for signing up for this match after losing tome on Warfare. I look forward to beating you again. After watching your DVD and wrestling you, I've decided that you remind me of a Bandicoot. They are these little marsupials that defend themselves with their hind legs. They are nearly extinct because. like you Matt, they are utterly useless to the world. They have no purpose in life. They scurry around and do nothing else. Just like you have a DVD, the Bandicoot has a video game created after it that is an epic FAIL.

Then I've got Hunter Payne. Just a few weeks ago, I whooped this dude's ass. He got lucky and beat me while I was hand cuffed. That is great. Hunter, you remind me of the Frilled Lizard. They have a flap of skin around their neck's that expand to make them look more bad ass. They talk a big game, but like you Hunter, fail to deliver the goods. And you wonder why your shrew of a girlfriend Joy, is always fucking you over.

Nazi, I don't know anything about you man. I don't know if you are a douche' bag like the majority of the XWF roster, or if you are a decent dude. The name Nazi doesn't really help me think you aren't a D-bag though. I've seen you walking the halls though, and you remind me of a Potoroo. Potoroos are "rat" kangaroos. The Potoroo is one of Australia's rarest animals. It wasn't discovered until 1980. Just like you Nazi, you appear when least expected. I hope to have a good match with you.

Now, David "Shadow" Mosier, Just like Nazi and Smoke Man, I don't know you. You guys signed up for a match that you have no chance in winning. I get it though. You guys wanted the experience of going into space. Well, you will get that, and only that. I'll be taking the glory of winning this match, back to Earth.
But you sir, remind me of a dingo. Dingo's aren't native to Australia. They got there and started fucking and fucking over and over again. Them horny little bastards multiplied like the crabs in Joy Giovanni's crotch. Like you David, dingo's think they are wanted, when in reality, they are a nuisance and trouble makers. They need to be shot and put down. Sorry Shadow, it's just how things go man.

And last and certainly least of all, Smoke man. You remind me of a koala. You couldn't scare a 5 year old if they had just watched "IT" and you showed up as Pennywise at their door. You seem like a nice guy man. That's great and all, but just like the saying goes, good guys finish last. Only when we wrestle, you will not be finishing the match. Someone is going out the airlock and I plan on making it you.

The bar keep refills Jonny's glass. Jonny down's it and gets another refill.

Rebel

And you guys must be wondering what I see myself as right? I think I'm like a Tasmanian Devil. I'm strong and powerful, yet fast. I tear through shitheads like you guys and leave a path of destruction in my wake.
This Saturday night, I'm walking out of that space station with the TV title.

The scene closes with Jonny going up to a guy to start a fight.

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