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~~Sean Falcon~~ · (09-06-2013)

I stand backstage at an XWF live event in some shit hole in the mid west. Iowa, maybe. Who remembers being in Iowa for anything? I close my eyes as I wait for my music to cue up. I close my eyes, so that I can focus on what I'm about to say.

There it is.

I make my way down the aisle as the yellow colored lighting strobes. The moronic fans boo me and I love every damn minute of it. These fuck tards wouldn't even know what talent is if it came over and slapped them upside their fat, triple whopper with cheese eating faces.

I enter the ring and bask in the jeers and the boos and retrieve my microphone from some dip shit ringside attendant.

I live for this.

”The time has come! The Xtreme Wrestling Federation is officially on notice! Sean fucking Falcon the third is BACK! It might be true that I returned at ThunderBowl but lets be honest, I was not quite back to my usual better than you self yet.

“See, in just a couple of days I walk in to Night of Sacrifice with a first round bye! With that as a fact I think, no, I know its safe to say, Supernova, I'll be seeing you in the finals.

“Let's talk about some pieces of absolute shit, shall we? The first piece of shit is some space flying Star Wars reject named Mr. Radio. Let's take a look at some of his little speech.”

Quote:”When I do that I have to then face Sean falcon the third. Easiest...tournament...ever.”

”Turn your radio down and your television up, Mike. Yeah, I know its a house show. Its a figure of fucking speech.

“Easiest tournament ever. You're right about that. The thing is, its not easy for you, its easy for me because supposing you could even make it through Lawson, then you have to face a very fresh Sean Falcon. Radio, I'm better than you in every conceivable way. The fact that you think for one damn minute that you are better than anyone is laughable.”

Quote:“A few months ago I fought Mr. Satellite for the TV title. Yes, he was still the champion a few months ago. I was still some what new at the time so I was exactly prepared for what was to come.”

”Just wait. His nothingness continues.”

Quote:Now Sean falcon.... The third... Beating this guy is how I got started in XWF. I remember actually being better than him in some sort of a tag match and I scored the fall and got that TV title match. Sean falcon's my bitch! Yeah, I said it! What is he going to do? take his earring off and start slapping me? My spot in the finals is already mine.

”You didn't beat me at anything in the history of ever. It's not possible. We've never faced each other in a match, so you making me your bitch is also laughable.

“Don't forget who helped you get that shot, numb nuts! It was me, mother fucker! The only reason you had a shot at winning that match was because I was in it! Look into the mirror, Radio. Look deep within your own eyes. Look deep within your soul and tell me that its not true. Yeah, you ended up with a title opportunity alright. Then you squandered it away with a shitty performance. YOU, my spaced out friend, will bask in mediocrity for the rest of your career while I will go on to greatness!

“You can continue to regale us with your boring tales of wars past. I'm sure all your fan enjoys it. Its just a shame, because no one else does. You don't stand a chance of making it out of the first round. Which by the way is also a shame because I'd be extremely happy to flush you like the slimy piece of shit you are.”

Quote:Ladies and gentlemen, on September ninth, I will be apart of the very exclusive Night of Sacrifice, death match tournament.

”Ladies and gentlemen its Mr. 24/7 John Austin! He'll be at Shove It on September 9th to win the tournament. Y'know, John, I hope you do show up on the 9th because I'll have already won the tournament two days prior.

“Fuckin dumbass.”

I fast forward through the rest of Johns speech.

”I really thought you would've had something interesting to say. No, I'm lying. I knew you wouldn't. I'm not going to bother making anyone suffer through his second promo, because, I think he made us suffer enough through his first one.

“I realize though, he talks about Morrison and Shadows and Juan Madison and no Sean Falcon. Those are three guys I could beat with my eyes sealed shut, my arms tied behind my back and both legs missing. Go ahead, John Autism. Ignore me. Ignore the only guy that could've beat you at ThunderBowl.

“All it tells me is you're not doing your homework. Not surprising for a pot head. By the way, what is barbwire? Do you mean barbed wire? Just curious.”

I totally skip Ball Breath, too. More nothingness.

Quote:So Parodoxica, I congratulate you on beating my team. But how you beat me still confuses me. You beat me because people I thought were friends showed their true colors and backstabbed me and beat me down worse than Rodney King. Yeah, that bad. It was the most embarrassing night of my entire career and one I will remember for the rest of my life.

”If it isn't Peter Gilmour. Sit down folks. This might take awhile.

“Actually, I happened to watch Wargames and I have to point out your own stupidity, Peter. Not that that is even hard to do. I have to ask. I really do. Since when was a lariat a worse beating than what Rodney King got? King got beaten down by like four cops or some shit and you're crying over taking a lariat? Maybe they should've beat you like Rodney King.

“I have to tell you, Gilmour. You are a habitual loser in a big match situation and that tells me two things. One, you don't stand a snowballs chance in hell of winning this thing and two. Pardoxicas team beat you because everybody beats Peter Gilmour.

“For the record, I thought every night of your career was an embarassment.”

Quote:But Duke, you weren't there when I got screwed over on MEGA MADNESS when that bible humping prick Eli James attacked me and cost me the chance to take over the XWF and wear the King of the XWF crown. You never did shit for me other then have me as a play toy.

I thought we were friends man. But I should've known. I should've fuckin' known this would happen. I knew you would fuck me over. I know deep down you truly didn't mean to kick me out. You knew full well that I was a key asset to the Brotherhood, even though Griffin and I didn't get along. But adding Parodoxica into the group? That I don't get. You replace me, the strength of the group with a weak link like him?

”What the fuck is this shit? Is this the stages of grief happening before our eyes? Anger... Denial... Reasoning.... Yeah, I think it is. An asset? You're not a fuckin asset to anything Gilmour. You're a walking talking living breathing fucking sideshow.

“What's that Peter? More excuses for all your losses? Have you ran out and started all over again? I'm pretty sure you lose like 9 out of every 10 matches. I can't wait to hear your excuses when you lose to me. That should be fun. And by fun, I mean, Pete talks and the rest of the XWF laughs at him.

“You were the strength of that group? All I see is a loser that only wears gold because he never defends it. Paradoxica a weak link? I don't know the man from the next guy, but his team beat yours, which is typical. Any team is only as strong as its weakest link. By cutting you out, without even adding anybody, they were already stronger. You're a fucking anchor. Everything you touch sinks to the bottom.

“You don't care about me? You don't care if its Sean Falcon? You should. Because everybody knows that if by some off the wall chance you do manage to get through rounds one and two, you don't stand a chance of winning it all for reasons we already discussed..... and because I'll be the one beating you for the one... two.... THIRD!

“With his sudden ability to morph into different forms, be sure to catch Peter Gilmour as he stars in the XWF Films presentation of “The Incredible Parm.” Don't make him hungry!”

I begin to fast forward through more promos.

”D Shadows... More Ball Breath... Cam Lang... Smoke Man... More John Autism... Archie Loser... The whore of Jamestown, or wherever the hell Eli is from... ahhhh, the King himself! Well, sort of. I guess Swift Moron lives after all. See, and everybody thinks King Madison is so terrible. I like him. He's been a good King. He's faced anyone thrown at him and I expect he'll continue to do so. Why? Because no matter how good you are, or in Gilmours case, how bad you are, greatness always beats weakness.

“King Madison is such a good man with a big heart that he not only resurrected Swift Moron, but also Peter Gilmours slut mother. King Madison, I want to formally lay the offer on the table that if you ever need work done that you don't have time to handle and the rest of your Circle doesn't have time to deal with, you just call Sean Falcon and consider it done!”

I pause for a moment. Not a Mark Flynn pause, but a pause nonetheless.

“Y'know, I thought I'd have fun running down all these stupid ass clowns, but they do a good enough job doing it themselves each and every time they open their mouths.

“The fact of the matter is that Sean Falcon is coming to Night of Sacrifice. Sean Falcon will walk into round two and then right through the finals. Why? Because ain't no one better than me. Not now. Not ever. Believe it. Dispute it. I don't really care.

“Sean Falcon has come back to the Xtreme Wrestling Federation and this time, I'm here to win it all! No fucking wannabes like Shawn Hero dragging me down. No dumb cunts like my wife standing in my corner. Just me. Sean fucking Falcon the third!

“All of you are officially on notice! Sean Falcon.... has arrived!”

I toss the mic as my music plays once again. The fans continue to boo me and once again, I love every second of it.

Fade.

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