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John Austin · (08-25-2013)

The sweat drips down from my head, bead by bead. The nerves start to go haywire in my arms and neck. The sensation is just twitch, twitch, fucking twitch. Ahhh the joys of a being a professional wrestler, tired and body parts starting to malfunction. Time for the docs to turn me into Frankenstein again. Well I complain but at least my bank account is large and in charge. Oh well, time for another episode of Straight Outta Compton.

It's time for another edition of Straight Outta Compton. Last week's episode, I spoke about the upcoming Shove-It and my partaking in the Thunderbowl match. I will continue to speak about the match this week and offer a few words of wisdom for my opponents, but first, time for me to rant, why cause I am awesome like that. I recently caught up on some old episodes of Conspiracy Theory with Jessie Ventura. A couple episodes I watched this past week was the infamous now banned episode, Police State and the Time Travel episode. It got me to thinking, I am a true conspiracy theorist and there is one huge conspiracy going on in XWF right now.

Now I would mark out so hardcore if we could bring in Jessie Ventura to do a episode regarding this conspiracy but we all know he is a busy man. This conspiracy is of how John Austin has yet had a chance to face John Madison. Let's look at the facts everyone, I have been in XWF since March I believe. I won my debut match which most guys can't do. I pretty much stole the show at the Wild Card pay per view. I defeated that Canadian disaster, Matt Lennox on now four different times. I helped cost Team Crimson Knights their tag team titles. I could go on and on. I have done all these things and yet guys who don't deserve the chance, get to take on King Madison. I tell you it's one big conspiracy, bigger than the JFK assassination and don't even get me started on the nine eleven fiasco.

Now I know all you motherfuckers listening are saying "but John...you have another chance to face Madison next week" well no shit, I already know this, my point is I should have faced him sooner and not have to eliminate however many pieces of trash to face the king, that's all. So all of you XWF faithful that are listening to this right now that are even thinking of being apart of Thunderbowl...don't show. Don't waste your time, just go to the bar and relax and let me do what I do best. I am Mr. two two six two four ...the greatest PURE! wrestler in the world today and for my career to be written in the books of the gods, I need to become king. It's my only destiny and a destiny that I will fulfill come hell or high water.

Nothing means more to me than being the king. Well I take that back, I would love to spend a night with one Sara Jay *laughs* but sadly, she would turn this ol boy down, so being King of XWF will have to do...for now. I get asked a-lot at personal appearances, do I have any friends in this business? and yes I do. Personally behind the scenes, I am good friends with Andrew Morrison and Christine Nash. Those two both are real good friends of mine and when I become the first Thunderbowl winner and defeat the evil king, I will personally have Morrison and Nash at the right-hand of my throne. When all is complete, I will only like to be referred as your royal highness or King John. Why because both sound bitchin.

So now, only Sean Falcon has been confirmed so far for this match. Sean if you are listening brotha, I find you to be a incredible talent but don't think for one second I will take it easy on you. You appeared shortly after I did and you have wowed the XWF nation with your skill but come next weekend, your skill is not going to be worth a damn against me. All I have to say to you is good luck, cause you are going to need it. For those who will be entering whether it is you Duke or whoever. Don't waste your time guys...you know who the winner of this match will be, so don't even bother coming. Ah yes, I can hear it now *does best Howard Finkel impression* ..."The winner of THUNDERBOWLLLL ....JOHNNNNN AUSTINNNNN!!!!!!!" *We hear a track played of a crowd cheering and clapping*

Ah yes, words to my sweet ears, GOD! I can't wait! ....Well everyone, this has been Straight Outta Compton part duo...stay tuned next week motherfuckers for the final installment. This is your modern day Frankenstein saying throw up the devil horns and rock out to some Ronnie James Dio.

John Austin signing out.........

We hear Holy Diver by Dio playing as our feed fades out. Stay tuned for the final installment of Straight Outta Compton

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