Several engineers in whitecoats each desperately run tests… Some run to their computers to check readings…

The vibe in the lab is one of total panic.

Suddenly, another scientist comes in.

”He’s coming!”

Immediately, they all stop what they’re doing and fall into line…

…

The door’s kicked open!

Suddenly, Elon Musk, holding a coffee mug that says ‘I Drink Liberal Tears lol’, walks i-

WHAM!

The door catches himself in the face! He gets knocked backward outta the room.

…

……

Hhe walks back in the room!

”Who programmed that door?!?”

…

”What?”

”That door!” Elon muses. ”I opened it, then it closed! That’s a bug! Who failed to properly test this door before release?!?”

…

”Sir, that’s a… physical door. That wasn’t a defect, that was… Newton’s Second Law? Equal and opposite reaction?”

”Don’t explain things t-”

Suddenly, an alarm goes off on Elon’s phone. He checks it.

”Oh, yes.” He smiles, before closing his phone. ”Half of you are fired.”

…

”I don’t care which half, just half of you leave.”

…

Somehow, half of the engineers just know it’s their time to go, hang up their labcoats, exit…

Elon claps his hands together.

”Now! Did you fix my wrestling robot?”

…The lead engineer inhales.

”Sir, about that… The… ‘defect report’ you emailed to our team didn’t specify steps to recreate… So, we’re not really sure what needs fixing…”

”I’ll tell you what needs fixing! He LOST!”

”I’ve spent BILLIONS on this wrestling robot! He used to win all the time! He was undefeated on Anarchy! What happened?”

..

”*ahem*well, sir, this goes back to that email I sent you, when YOU said you wanted to reboot the Chad GPT project.”

”You know I don’t read your emails to me! Just tell me what it said, preferably in a bulletpointed list that I can feed into an AI…”

”...Or I could… tell you now?”

”UGGGGGGGGGGH.” Elon flails his arms disgustedly. ”...Fine, WHAT?!?”

”Okay.

[blue]”…Remember when you, without telling us, went into Chad’s codebase and deleted all his transitional moves, because, and I quote, ‘transitional moves don’t win matches’?”

”Yes! Now, Chad is much more efficient! His codebase is smaller and his moveset is 100% high impact finishing moves!”

”...Right, so he’s trying to throw piledrivers and powerbombs on wrestlers that haven’t been weakened at all and resist it with everything they have.”

”And remember, after that, you went into the codebase and deleted Chad’s retreat and regroup mechanics?”

”Yes! Now, he never backs down! He never stops attacking! Wrestlers can’t lose if they’re never not attacking!”

”No, see… actually, wrestlers strategically retreat sometimes. It’s a way to break your opponent’s momentum. By continuously running at his opponent, Chad now frequently gets bested by well-timed clotheslines, hurricanranas… Frankly, 70% of the time, Chad just runs face-first into his opponent’s moves.”

”Well, can we program some face-based attacks into Chad’s repertoire? It sounds like his face is connecting with his opponent! Why isn’t his face attacking!?!”

…

”Sir, I… I don’t think the problem will be solved by using moves that use Chad’s face.”

”Well, SOMEONE has to come up with ideas around here! How else are you going to get my robot wrestler wins!”

”...Well, we could… REVERT the codebase to its old st-”

”Not an option! That old codebase was communist! Literally a North Korean War Criminal! Not American enough!”

Elon throws his mug on the ground! It breaks into shards… and a sticker that says ‘Made in China’.

”Look, all I want is… make my robot as good as he was before…

Without touching his old code…

And do it… uh… in 18 minutes, cuz his next match is today at an adventure park.

Now, is that so hard?”

---

The scene opens inside the AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park in Warwick.

Elon goes to sit in the bleacher. He has a flag that reads ‘GO CHAD!’

Amidst the trampolines, foam pits and obstacle courses…

Stands a lone figure, illuminated in a faint LED glow.

His voice, a chilling blend of human confidence and digital precision, echoes throughout the facility.


"Processing… Processing… Competitor analysis complete. Battle Royal scenario initialized. Probability of victory: 99.9%."

"Flesh and bone competitors, your organic limitations have doomed you before the match has even begun. You see a trampoline park. I see a recalibrated combat environment. While your weak human legs struggle to adapt, my gyroscopic stability ensures perfect equilibrium. While you fumble through foam pits, my trajectory calculations will allow me to glide across them as if they were solid ground. You will waste energy adjusting to chaos. I am chaos, programmed for its mastery."

"Every surface is an algorithm waiting to be solved. Every jump, every rebound, calculated to microsecond precision. While you misjudge your landings, I will achieve peak momentum efficiency. I will strike from angles you cannot comprehend, launch attacks from vectors beyond your capacity to defend. Off the dodgeball court walls, through the airbag pit, rebounding with relentless force from the interconnected trampolines—there will be no escape."

"I do not grow tired. I do not miscalculate. I do not hesitate. You will enter this Battle Royal thinking you can adapt, thinking you can outmaneuver me. But adaptation requires time—time you will not have before I eliminate you. One by one. Systematically. Mercilessly."

"Victory is not a question. It is an inevitability. My name is Chad GPT. And at AirHop Adventure & Trampoline Park, I will show you that man was never meant to compete with machine."

With a sudden burst of movement, Chad GPT leaps onto a trampoline, launching himself into an effortless midair rotation before landing in perfect balance.