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Prof. Bobby Bourbon · (12-27-2024)

You're Dick Powers.

I'm Big Dick Energy, no joke.

You will learn the difference.

Dick Powers are insisted on by incels like Nick Fuentes who deserve to get fucked up, night after night, until they don't have nights.

Dick Powers are what Elon Musk think exist when he ejaculates pematurely.

Dick Powers are why we have a King Charles and not a Queen Diana.

Because I would hail a Queen Diana.

Fuck, I praise your sister, Pussy Powers, way more often than any sort of Dick Powers.

She died in a tunnel.

I would have spent myself in hers.

Instead, I get to think of Prince William's balding ass head when my high school crush thought he was hot, and now they're fit for each other.

Prince Harry has balls at least. Fought for his woman and denied his crown.

Shit, Prince Harry has balls the most last I checked.

You, no balls. Just dick.

Womp womp.

So, I'm on Anarchy now.

And, welp, also going to IIW to fight for a championship.

Because fuck Warfare, why would you even go there?

But the people want a champion.

And the people, well, they're tired of getting dicked.

Sorry.

Not sorry.

I am a joke, last I heard.

Well really, I make people laugh here and there, they smile when they watch my promos, they're happy when I cut one.

Shit, I wish I made people giggle as much as you do, strong work! The allotted comedy hour is a tough spot to take, I get it, I reckon some people think you stepped out of the way to give it to me, and damn, that didn't happen at all.

I have never been all that funny.

I just shine.

I stand. I don't concede.

Welp, some lesser dinks would take a walk when the world was against them, but here we are.

Shining.

Someone spitpolished your asshole.

Someone gave you fealty.

Someone heralded you as special because you made them happy.

I took the brunt.

I got to be the hated one, the reason not to go the XWF, the monster that was too big to take and only real pros could harness it.

You're just Dick Powers.

Me, I'm kinda goofy. I get it.

People think I might just be a joke, dismissable.

Feel free to take that idea up with the XWF.

Thad knows I'm no joke, I've whooped his ass like he never had a dad.

Sorry. Too soon.

I would have whooped his dad's ass first but he chickened out.

I pinned Doc. That used to mean something until, well, I did. Weird how it became worthless because I did it.

Shit, Game Girl used to be a thing around here until I squared off with her.

Not to bitch about shit, though, I never got famous for beating up on pussies.

I certainly never got famous for beating a dick.

I have always gotten some cred for standing taller than the next dick.

Name a dick.

I'm bigger.

You are, though, after all, Dick Powers.

I have, unrequitted, Big Dick Energy.

So fuck your powers.

Fuck your cape.

Fuck your angst, and stances on why you should somehow, someway, be heard beyond Madison Dyson like you're an actual legend in this business like Corey Black or Gator like some sway should come your way.

Sounds like a way to prop up the status quo instead of, I dunno, going out on your shield.

As I intend, as they are too terrified to acknowledge better or meaner or, well, younger.

Hold up, let's simplify.

I am hung like a moose and willing to fuck around.

Gator, Doc, and Vinnie got tired of fucking.

I fucked up plenty, including those I can barely mention for fucking them up so well.

Gator, Dawk, and Lane got tired for fucking.

I kept kicking ass, had better dates, and still breathe destruction upon bitches Vinnie still wishes he could.

Thad's pal's weren't the first protected bitches in XWF history.

Now, well, I'm here, I'm going to fuck them up, and the revolution is on Anarchy.

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