Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

'The Natural' Dick Drizzle · (11-25-2023)

At the head of a long, mahogany table sits Don Ewan McTaggart, the feared and respected leader of the Scottish Mafia. Across from him, in a chair that seems too small, is Dick Drizzle, his loud suit clashing with the room's somber tone.

"Dick, I appreciate ye coming. We have a matter to discuss, one that could... alleviate your... current obligations to us."

"That's all? You just want to chat? Woooo! You should've said so, Donny boy! Dick Drizzle is always up for a good talk! Especially if it wipes my slate clean!"

Don McTaggart leans forward.

"It's about my nephew. I want him in the XWF. And you're going to help make that happen."

(laughing) "Is that it? Get your nephew a gig? Consider it done! Woooo!"

Don McTaggart’s eyes narrow slightly.

"Not so fast, Dick. My nephew... he's special. He's got... how do I put it... an incontinence problem."

"You mean he can't stop going to the loo? And you want him in the wrestling ring?"

"Aye. It's a bit of a family embarrassment. Can't have him in the family business with that issue. But in the XWF? Under the right name, it could give him something to do and keep him from embarrasing me."

Dick raises an eyebrow, skeptical.

"Right name? On television? With his... condition? You're pulling my leg!"

Don McTaggart leans back with a serious look on his face.

"His stage name, as he's chosen, is 'Loady' Potty Diaper. And you, Dick, are going to make sure that name sticks."

Dick bursts into laughter, thinking it's a joke, but the Don's expression doesn't change.

"You're serious? 'Loady' Potty Diaper? He picked that himself?"

"Aye. And it's your job to ensure he's known by nothing else. Do this for me, and your debt? Consider it forgiven."

Dick's laughter fades as he realizes the seriousness of the situation.

"So let me get this straight, Donny. You want me, Dick Drizzle, Wooooo! To parade your nephew around the XWF, under the name 'Loady' Potty Diaper? And he's got a little... issue with the plumbing?"

Don McTaggart nods.

"Aye, Dick. It's a sensitive issue, but one that needs addressing. He can't be involved in our... usual business. But the XWF, it's show business. He can make a name for himself there, and under that name, he'll be someone else. Not a McTaggart with a problem, but a character, an entertainer."

"A creative challenge, huh? Woooo! The Drizzle loves a challenge! Consider it done, Donny! 'Loady' Potty Diaper is gonna be the next big thing in the XWF, and Dick Drizzle's gonna make sure of it! Woooo!"

As Dick leaves, Don McTaggart picks up his phone, dialing a number with a sly grin on his face.

Don McTaggart: "It's done. Prepare the lad."

LATER

The camera pans to a packed Scottish pub, it's really crowded and noisy, everyone's having a good time. In the midst of this lively scene, Dick Drizzle, a wrestler as flamboyant as he is old, stands confidently on a small karaoke stage. With microphone in hand, he's dressed in a suit so loud it rivals the noise of the crowd.

"Wooooo! Ladies and gents of this fine establishment, you're in the presence of pub royalty! I'm here to talk about one thing, and one thing only – the upcoming showdown at Anarchy Ignites with Bulk Logan! Wooooo!"

Just as he gets into his spiel, a scuffle breaks out near the bar. Without missing a beat, Dick deftly sidesteps a flying pint glass, catching it mid-air and taking a casual sip.

"Wooooo! Listen up, Bulk Logan! You may be the big man on campus, you may have the fans, but let me tell you something, brother, you're lookin’ at the man! Wooooo!"

"Bulk, you might have the muscles, you might have the tan, but when it comes to being the dirtiest player in the game, you're looking at him! Wooooo! I've been dive-hopping and brawl-dancing long before you were saying your prayers and eating your vitamins!"

As he speaks, the brawl spills out near him. Without missing a beat, Dick grabs a patron by the collar, giving him a stern look before sending him back into the crowd, never losing his stride.

"You see this, Bulk? This is the world of Dick Drizzle! I'm the king of this ring, any ring, every ring! Wooooo! You might have the power, brother, but I have the brains and the guts to take you down!"

"Bulk Logan, you're nothing but a big, blonde phony! You're all show and no go! And come Anarchy Ignites, I'm gonna show you what it means to fight a real man! Wooooo!"

Another brawler lunges towards him, but Dick sidesteps, tripping him up with his cane that he carries for show, not because he needs it. It draws laughs and cheers from the crowd.

"You think you're the immortal one, Bulk? Ha! Meet Dick Drizzle, the time-defying party legend! I'm the beer-chuggin', bar-brawlin', heart-stealin', thrill-seekin' wild man! Been to every party, thrown the wildest bashes, and outlasted every last tough guy who thought they could keep up! Wooooo! Immortality? That's just another Friday night for the one and only Dick Drizzle! Wooooo!"

Dick takes a dramatic pause, staring directly into the camera.

"And Bulk, remember this – to beat the man, you gotta meet the man, and brother, I AM THE MAN! Wooooo!"

The scene fades.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Wooooo!
Author	Message