On a television screen, a gloved hand inserts a key into a lock and twists…
FREEZE!
…Rewind…
PLAY!
On a television screen, a gloved hand inserts a key into a lock and twists…
FREEZE!
…Rewind…
PLAY!
On a television screen, a glov-
”Mister Flynn!” The voice of Irwin, Mark Flynn’s number one fan cuts in…
The camera pans and backward… We see Flynn and Irwin standing over the television screen, as Flynn repeatedly rewinds and play the feed.
The one of Leap of Faith.
The segment where Flynn outlined his exact plan to pettily foil Corey Smith’s Uni Title reign…
Before being locked in his dressing room.
Irwin clears his throat. ”What are we… hoping to achieve here?”
Flynn irritatedly squeezes the bridge of his nose, holding his conspiracy-addled notebook in his right hand.
”Some hint… Some clue as to the identity of the guy who FUCKED UP MY PLAN.”
Flynn scrolls through feeds…
One shows Corey in gorilla position, getting ready to head down the ramp for his Universal Title match.
”Corey may be a magical boy who cheats on Peter Pan…”
Irwin sheds a single tear for the irreparable harm done to the OTP of the XWF… ”Too soon.”
”But I don’t THINK he can be in two places at once…”
…Flynn flips feeds.
Over to the BoB locker room.
The door is closed. No one is allowed in or out.
”Still think it could be Bobby, Mister Flynn?”
…
Flynn exhales.
”I dunno. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes…” Flynn shakes his head. ”Bobby has been daring me to cash-in first. He’s been calling this a Briefcase Cold War, daring the other guy to blink first… Why the HELL would he try to STOP me from cashing in at Leap of Faith? That would leave him the only guy with a briefcase!”
…
Flynn flips feeds.
…
To Theo’s office.
Empty.
…
He flips feeds once more.
To Theo’s skybox.
Empty.
“Ah…” Irwin nods. “You think Theo had something to do with it? Playing his old game to trying to control who holds the Uni and keeping you out of. theconversation?”
…
Flynn grits his teeth, as Theo’s words, handing over the briefcase, echo in his mind.
Quote:”*I* believe in ‘Good Guy’ Mark Flynn.”
…
Flynn exhales.
”Nah.” Flynn crosses out Theo’s name in his notebook. ”I don’t think Theo had anything to do with it.”
Irwin nods, taking in Flynn's words.
…
Then, double-takes!
”...WHAT?!?”
Flynn side-eyes Irwin, before nodding. ”Nah. Theo’s clean.”
…Irwin squints… His whole face goes through a cycle of every expression at once. Confusion. Confoundment. Joy. Terror.
”...Sir… Last month, you LITERALLY said Theo was paying someone to paint the lines of your parking spot at XWF HQ a quarter-inch smaller every month, so you’d think you were getting bad at parking.”
…Flynn shakes his head. ”But… No. If Theo wanted to stop me from cashing in the briefcase… He never woulda given me the briefcase.”
”So… Who does that leave?”
Flynn snaps his notebook closed.
”Nobody. We’ve got no suspects.”
”Shit.” Irwin moans.
Flynn sneers. ”Never fear, Irmano. We’ve got him right where we want him.”
Irwin squints, skeptically. ”How so?”
“If this guy wants to stop me from cashing in… He’ll have to strike again tonight!”
…Irwin’s eyes widen. ”Oh! Yeah!”
”We’ll set a trap after I defend my belt.” Flynn nods confidently, as he reaches by his ankle… He lifts up his 24/7 briefcase!
”Trust me, Ir-dawg. As long as I’ve got this thing… We’ve got this guy chasing us! We're in control!”
The two nod confidently, before disappearing off to the right...
...
As a mysterious shadow quietly trails them...
As "Vengeance" by Power Glove begins to play over the PA system, spotlights begin to shine all over the arena in the shape of a 'D'. The letters B.O.B. get added to the mix, causing the audience to boo. Eventually, the lights all come together on the curtain at the top of the ramp to form the name B.O.B. D, as D walks through them and down the aisle, wearing an "I Mastered Your Mind" t-shirt
HHL: "Big D's wearing Mastermind's shirt!"
PIP: "He's probably the only one here!"
B.O.B. D then walks up the steel steps and climbs into the ring, where he taunts the crowd by pointing at the shirt he's wearing and laughing.
HHL: "D may want to be careful. He taunted Mastermind an awful lot leading up to this match and, if he's not careful, he could live to regret it."
PIP: "If he's lucky, he won't have to worry about living to regret it............ 'cause he'll be DEAD!"
A figure is seen walking out from the back wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. The hood is over his head so he can't be seen, his head looking down.
He stands in a stance as a white light appears on his front, he unzips his sweatshirt and reveals the front of the t-shirt:
As it continues, he turns around and takes his hooded sweatshirt off revealing the back of the t-shirt which reads:
He turns back around and poses as the white light bathed on him reveals: MASTERMIND
PIP: "And here comes the self-proclaimed Master of Minds!"
Mastermind smirks as he walks all the way to the ring, with the Misfits Manager Antony The Jerk, walking not far behind; followed by Melanie 'Crayzee' Childs and Kris 'The Hammer' Von Bonn.
HHL: "He brought the reinforcements."
PIP: "B.O.B. D did NOT and it could cost him! Mastermind essentially has eyes on all sides of the ring!"
HHL: "A huge advantage, for sure!"
As the Misfits surround the ring, Mastermind climbs in and goes toe to toe with B.O.B. D, who doesn't back down. The ref tries to get between them, but that only further exacerbates the situation, causing both men to start swinging as the bell rings.
DING! DING! DING!
B.O.B. D
- vs -
MASTERMIND Singles
PIP: "And they're comin' out swingin'!"
Neither man bothers to protect themselves, with each one taking, as well as delivering, blow after blow to the head. Eventually, they both back off, with Mastermind coming forward again with a Clothesline. B.O.B. D ducks it, and slips behind his opponent for a German Suplex! Upon hitting the move, D rolls out of the ring, grabs Kris Von Bonn by the back of the head, and tosses him into the barricade!
PIP: "That's one Misfit down!"
HHL: "Big D should focus on the action inside the ring!"
As B.O.B. D slides back in, a recovered Mastermind lays into him with a barrage of Stomps. He then picks him up and attempts to Whip him towards the ropes, only for D to reverse it. On the rebound, Mastermind avoids a Clothesline, bounces off the other side, and hits his opponent with a brutal Spear!!!!!
HHL: "And a hook of the leg!"
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!
PIP: "That Spear may have caught B.O.B. D off guard, but it wasn't enough to keep him down!"
Mastermind gets up and waits for his opponent to do the same. Once he does, MM goes for an Enzuiguri, which B.O.B. D ducks, allowing him to get behind his opponent and connect with a second German Suplex!!! Just like before, D exits the ring after, only this time he approaches Melanie Childs. She goes to slap him, but Mastermind orders her not to from the mat.
PIP: "What's he doing?! I wanna see her slap the shit out of D!"
HHL: "Mastermind knows he'll get disqualified if she does."
PIP: "Do it anyway!"
Despite being blatantly unhappy about it, Childs resists, opening herself up to be grabbed and tossed into the barricade!!!
PIP: "That's 2 down!"
B.O.B. D approaches Antony The Jerk, pointing at him as the manager begs and pleads. This distraction allows Mastermind to slip out and Clothesline D from behind as Antony laughs at him.
HHL: "A big mistake by Big D!"
PIP: "And THAT'S why Mastermind keeps these guys around!"
Mastermind brings B.O.B. D to his feet and rolls him into the ring, following close behind. MM gets up and waits for D to do the same, before running at him with a Bulldog. D manages to shove Mastermind off, sending him bouncing off the ropes and back, where D connects with an earth shattering Spinebuster; staying on him for the pin!!!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!!!
As soon as Mastermind throws him off, B.O.B. D rolls under the bottom rope and approaches Antony the Jerk, once more. Antony looks all around for help, but his allies are still recovering, causing him to tuck tail and run up the entrance ramp.
PIP: "Antony wants nothing to do with B.O.B. D and, after seeing what he did to The Hammer and Melanie, I can't say I blame him!"
HHL: "That's the risk of being ringside."
PIP: "Tell that to the fans who sue for getting a little blood in their beer!"
B.O.B. D points up the ramp, before turning around and getting hit with a surprise RKO-Stunner that grounds him! Mastermind gives the camera a sinister look before tossing his opponent's body back in and covering.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!
An irritated Mastermind gets to his feet and, once B.O.B. D does too, he wraps his arm around D's throat in a Sleeper Hold!
HHL: "The Mind Sleeper! If Big D doesn't do something, fast, it could be lights out!"
B.O.B. D struggles for a moment, before eventually dropping down and tossing Mastermind forward, breaking the hold.
PIP: "How's THAT for something fast?!"
Mastermind quickly gets back up and rushes at D, who drags him to the canvas, by the arm. He then attempts to lock in a Crippler Crossface, but MM fights it off. After a back and forth struggle, Mastermind is able to roll forward, slipping out. and allowing him to hit a Dropkick that causes D's head to snap back before crashing to the mat. Rather than cover him, though, Mastermind instead walks over to his opponent's legs and locks in a Boston Crab.
HHL: "The Mind Controller!!!"
PIP: "B.O.B. D may not be able to respond to the referee after that last shot!"
HHL: "That's a good point, Pip! If Big D is unconscious, Mastermind will win!"
Luckily for D, he's just conscious enough to answer the ref, a resounding "NO!" Mastermind continues to apply pressure as his concussed opponent tries to the quickest way to the ropes. B.O.B. D fights through the pain, slowly crawling towards the bottom rope as Mastermind tries to keep him in place, to no avail. Finally, D makes it to the rope, forcing the break.
PIP: "Not sure how much longer B.O.B. D could've lasted!"
HHL: "I'm sure he hears THAT alot!"
PIP: "Do you really think B.O.B. D gets laid enough to hear that?"
HHL: "Good point."
The referee makes Mastermind let go of D, but not before getting extra damage with his free 4 count. Afterwards, he brings his opponent to a vertical base and goes to Irish Whip him, only for it to be reversed! Instead of sending him to the ropes, B.O.B. D pulls Mastermind back towards him, connecting with a Belly to Belly Suplex. As he goes to get up, a revived Kris Von Bonn and Melanie Childs climb up onto the apron, distracting the ref.
HHL: "The Misfits are back!"
PIP: "B.O.B. D couldn't win fast enough!"
Seeing Mastermind's cronies, D walks over and shoves the ref out of the way, confronting them. As he does so, Mastermind gets up and charges at his opponent. Sensing this, B.O.B. D is able to step out of the way, causing Mastermind to run into his cohorts, sending them flying into the barricade!!!!!
PIP: "And, just like that, the Misfits are gone again!"
Mastermind grabs his head at what has transpired, allowing B.O.B. D to slip behind him and connect with a Dan Slam!!!!!
HHL: "Big D with the Dan Slam, and an arm draped for the cover!"
1!
2!!
3!!!
WINNER: B.O.B. D
PIP: "And B.O.B. D bounces back from his loss at Leap of Faith!"
HHL: "And it doesn't look like he's done, either!"
B.O.B. D approaches his opponent in a threatening manner, but instead of attacking him, he takes off his shirt.
HHL: "He's not..........."
PIP: "I think he is!"
B.O.B. D bends down and places the shirt overtop of Mastermind.
D then flips Mastermind off before leaving the ring.
PIP: "That man has a future Tag Team Title shot and, with this momentum, he could be a serious Contender with the right teammates."
HHL: "The situation could be even more interesting if Ned walks away as one half of the Champions later tonight."
HHL: Folks, welcome back from commercial break! You’re about to see a doozy of a match!
PIP: Bobby Bourbon has been putting on dynamite matches with off-beat stipulations, week-in and week-out! But this match tonight… might t-
HHL: It might take the cake!
PIP: DAMMIT!
We hear the sound of a microphone disconnecting, like someone ripping their headset out of its mixer.
PIP: MOTHERF***ER! I WROTE THAT LINE TWO WEEKS AGO, HEATHER! YOU… FFFFFFFFFA-
…
HHL: My commentary partner is… taking a moment to cool off, I think. Let’s… let’s go ringside.
’Comanche’ by The Revels plays
The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.
As Comanche blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. He stops and raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring.
Behind him, the rest of B.o.B. follows Bourbon down the ramp! Dolly Waters! TK! Crash Rodriguez! And B.o.B. D!
HHL: Bobby Bourbon, two short weeks ago, left Leap of Faith with a 24/7 briefcase! As far as he’s concerned, he’s already punched his ticket into becoming the first-ever three-time Universal Champion! As far as he’s concerned, the road from here to there? Should be a cakewalk!
The sound of a mic plugging back in!
PIP: SHOULD BE A CA…. FUUUUUUUCK!
It unplugs again.
Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The rest of B.o.B. stands outside the ring, in Bobby’s corner.
”y'already know who it is” by Value Select plays
Some Guy...
Some Guy?
Yeah, That Guy.
That Guy bursts through the curtains with a microphone.
He raps the opening bars of his entrance theme.
"Y'ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS, SO I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT! YOU KNOW WHAT I DO SO NO NEED TO TELL YOU!"
"YES! THE BOY'S GOT NOTHIN' NEW TO SHARE! SO, I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M ON THE MIC, TO BE FAIR!"
He walks along the side of the entrance ramp to the fans in the audience.
HHL: And his opponent is… um…
"CUZ Y'ALL KNOW ABOUT..."
He holds the mic out to the crowd. No one says anything…
HHL: Uh… hang on… I should have notes…
"Y'ALL KNOW WHY..."
He does it again... Nothing.
HHL: Uh…
"Y'ALL KNOW HOW..."
The same. Silence.
The mic plugs in.
PIP: Y’all know who it is!
HHL: …I really, really don’t.
"Y'ALL KNOW WHY I FUCKIN' LOVE BOYSENBERRIES!"
He hands the mic to someone from the ring crew, as to not break it, before sliding into the ring, ready to go!
The two men meet, center of the ring, as B.O.B. surrounds the outside.
Around the ring apron are different cake stations!
A slip-n-slide, slathered in buttercream frosting!
A toppings station with every kind of cookie crumble and fruit topping known to man, machine and wolf!
And a chocolate dipping fondue vat!
The official dips a thermometer into the chocolate vat to make sure it’s serving temperature!
And of course, next to the announce table, it’s the bevy of cakes! The competitors will both try to throw each other into the cake! The one who successfully throws their opponent into the cake wins!
YKW finger guns with a smile at Bourbon’s stablemates!
HHL: Whaddya think the story is there, Pip?
PIP: YKW sometimes seems disconnected from reality… It’s possible he thinks B.o.B. Is here to back him up?
HHL: I hope he’s not counting on that!
The official signals to the timekeeper, the fondue chef, the tasting judges and the cast of British Bake-Off, who will play no role in the match and are only here to ensure the XWF is not infringing their copyright.
All approve!
DING DING!
BOBBY BOURBON
- vs -
YA'LL KNOW WHO Icing On The Cake Match
First to get tossed into the bevy of cakes ringside loses.
YKW springs out of his corner with a string of rapid gut strikes!
LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT! Like clockwork!
HHL: Y’all-Know-Who going for an early knockout here!
YKW grins, as he reels back his hand!
OPEN-PALM STRIKE!
…
Bourbon…
Hasn’t budged an inch.
Like a disinterested bear, Bourbon growls.
HHL: YKW has a lot of heart.
PIP: But he’s 160 pounds wet! There’s a significant size inequality here between competitors!
YKW grins, impressed, smacking Bourbon on the shoulder affably!
Bourbon responds by scooping YKW under the armpits…
AND BIG BOY TOSSING HIM EIGHT FEET IN THE AIR!
YKW lands flat on his back, resting against the corner turnbuckle! Flanked by D and Dolly on the outside!
PIP: Wow, we’re one move deep and YKW is already in deep trouble!
Bobby plods backwards into the opposite turnbuckle!
YKW tries to scramble, pulling himself up by the bottom ropes… Ooooh, but his side aches from that sky-high throw!
Bourbon runs forward! Somersaults!
CANNONBALL to the bottom turnbuckle!
…But nobody’s home! Bourbon’s spine eats mesh and steel!
YKW was pulled out of harm’s way… By Dolly Waters!
HHL: What?!?
Dolly scoops YKW by the neck and tosses him back under the bottom rope and into the ring!
Bourbon slowly scrambles up, clearly a little rattled from the surprising lack of fleshy cushioning he thought would be there for his cannonball…
Meanwhile, the lightning fast YKW zips across the ring, hits the ropes, and dashed toward Bobby’s corner!
WHAM! Shotgun DROPKICK to Bourbon! The Bastard gets blasted between the ropes and out of the ring!
Bourbon’s back hits the apron awkwardly, but he manages to land on his feet! He spins to see Dolly, pointing and laughing at him for YKW nailing him on that exchange!
HHL: What’s going on here, Pip?!? Is B.o.B. turning on Bobby Bourbon tonight? Is Bourbon getting kicked out of B.o.B.?!?
PIP: …Nah, I think they just think it’s funny to mess with him.
Bobby has a few words with Dolly, who keeps laughing!
YKW peeks over the top rope! And sees his opponent distracted! YKW beams! An opening!
YKW again sprints off the ropes!
Bourbon and Waters are still trading verbal barbs… YKW goes for a d-
SHORYUKEN!
Effortlessly countering YKW’s dive, Bourbon catches the enigmatic one SQUARE ON THE CHIN!
YKW double-somersaults backwards, landing on his front!
HHL: WOW! What a knockout blow! You could count to fifty if you wanted!
PIP: But this match isn’t about pin falls, Heather! It’s about getting thrown into cake!
Bourbon spins back toward Waters, who gives him a polite golf clap for an adequately performed move.
Bourbon reaches into the ring and grabs his opponent by the ankle, tugging him outside to the floor with minimal effort.
Bourbon drags YKW by the scruff of his neck along the side of the ring… Over to the Frosting Slip ‘n Slide!
Bourbon grabs YKW by the back of the neck AND back of the tights.
Takes a couple steps back…
Pendulums YKW backwards…
Takes a few tip-toes…
And BOWLS YKW down the frosting slip ‘n slide!
PIP: Y’all Know Who is covered in frosting after that move!
HHL: Sure I do, Pip! It’s… uh… Bourbon’s opponent, of course!
YKW, covered head-to-toe in pink buttercream, skids to a stop in front of the timekeeper’s table, next to TK.
Bourbon makes a square with his hands… putting YKW in the center!
HHL: Bourbon is taking aim!
As Bourbon mentally calculates for friction, velocity and mass…
Crash Rodriguez sidesteps toward the slip ‘n slide… He retrieves from his pocket… a translucent yellow bottle…
HHL: What the hell is that?!?
Crash squeezes the bottle and it squirts all over the slip ‘n slide.
PIP: *sniff*...
…
PIP: *sniiiiiiiiiiiiff*...
…
PIP: Is that… liquid butter?
Bourbon back-pedals a few steps for accuracy, as Crash sets up the slide for slippin’, absolutely dousing the slick, frosting-covered plastic in melted butter.
At the far end, TK plants a boot on YKW’s shoulder… And gives Bobby the thumbs-up like he’s gonna hold him in place…
Bobby runs! He slides!
Crash quickly dives backwards, ducking and covering…
BOBBY IS LIKE A SPEEDING BULLET ON THE SLICK PLASTIC SLIDE.
…TK smiles.
Bends his knee.
AND KICKS YKW out of the way!
YKW rolls off to the side!
Bourbon slides WELLLLLLLL past where TK and YKW were…
AND GOES HEADFIRST STRAIGHT THROUGH THE METAL BARRICADE!
The entire front row gets a heaping helping of Bobby Bourbon knocking them over in their seats!
Coming together in mirthful laughter, the other four Brotherhood Bros point and laugh at Bourbon, looking ridiculous.
HHL: With friends like this, who needs enemies?!?
Bourbon, pretty woozy from his physics experiment gone wrong, slowly climbs back to his feet, pushing a couple fans over by their faces, to regain his balance…
Meanwhile, YKW pulls himself up to the announce table… With various topping buckets!
Bourbon, getting pretty pissed off here, heads toward YKW with a headful of steam…
YKW glances over at Bourbon and starts trying to scamper away…
But his hands gets caught in a bucket full of powdered sugar!
Bourbon winds up for a HUGE HAYMAKER!
YKW reels his fist out…
Bourbon swi-
YKW blows the powdered sugar right into Bourbon’s face!
Bourbon is temporarily blinded! He waves in front of his face…
YKW exhales, smiling with rel-
WHAM! Bobby BACKHANDS YKW square in the jaw!
YKW rolls backwards… Straight towards the chocolate fondue vat!
Bourbon wipes his face clean of the powdered sugar, as his allies goof on him for taking so long with this jobber…
Meanwhile, YKW sees the chocolate fondue sauna… And crawls… toward it?
PIP: Y’all Know Who has an idea!
HHL: Sure, it’s a… the smaller one!
YKW… dips his fists in the chocolate! Liquid chocolate pours down his closed fists! He grits his teeth as very warm chocolate coats his knuckles…
Bourbon, meanwhile, looks over at YKW… He charges ov-
WHAM! HE SLIPS LIKE A CARTOON CHARACTER AND FALLS ONTO HIS BACK!
The four bastards giggle, surrounding him… Crash lifts up what was on the ground…
A literal banana split! With banana, whip cream, chocolate syrup and ice cream!
HHL: Clearly, the Bastards came into this match well-prepared for prop comedy!
If Bourbon wasn’t pissed off already, he is now, pushing through his comrades to get to his opponent!
Meanwhile, YKW finally fishes his hands out of the liquid chocolate. He quickly takes his still liquidy hands… And starts… Dunking his left hand in the M&Ms… And his right hand in the giant jawbreakers!
HHL: Okay… I seriously have no idea what this guy is doing…
Bourbon pushes past his fellow bros, all egging him on for not being able to take a joke! Bourbon dashes up to YKW, grabs him by the should-
WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAM! YKW hits Bourbon with a spinning backfist! THOSE JAWBREAKERS MIGHT HAVE JUST BROKEN BOURBON’S JAW!
HHL: HOLY HELL! WHAT A SHOT THERE!
PIP: YKW’s punches may have been soft before, but they sure are HARDER now th-
HHL: Now that he’s coated his fists in hard cardy, huh, Pip?!?
PIP: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
The sound of a microphone being yanked out of the mixer again.
…
HHL: …I… I’m just calling the match… Jesus.
Bourbon rubs his jaw… As YKW HAMMERS him in the gut with his M&Ms hand. Bourbon doubles over in pain!
YKW takes his stiff, chocolate-hardened hands… Wraps them around Bourbon’s head… AND YANKS HIS BODY WEIGHT DOWNWARD…
DDT! DDT ON THE PADDING OUTSIDE THE RING!
HHL: WOW! You wanna talk about knockout blows?!? That one might’ve done it!
Bourbon lies facedown on the concrete… YKW excitedly gets on one side of that No Good Bastard and starts trying to roll the Rotund Wrestler… Straight toward the chocolate vat!
HHL: This fellow mentioned having some experience in dessert-combat environments! ANd it is paying off tonight!
…A microphone plugs back in.
PIP: AND THAT’S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES! HA, BEAT YOU TO IT, HEATHER!
…
HHL: I don’t even think that one works here…
YKW rolls Bourbon… Five feet away…
Bourbon starts to stir…
Three feet away…
With a foot against the ground, Bourbon puts on the brakes…
JUST BEFORE THE VAT STARTS, Bourbon shoves himself to one knee… Then shoves YKW a few steps backwards!
HHL: Oh man! Somehow, Bourbon found the strength to keep himself out of that chocolate vat!
YKW backs up a few steps, into the apron! He points to the crowd… Y’all know what’s coming next!
HHL: I really don’t!
YKW springs forward… Looking for a running should-
BOURBON SCOOPS YKW UP AND OFF THE GROUND! URANAGE SLAM! YKW hits the padded concrete like a fat kid cannonballing into a pool! The entire crowd ooooooohs at the sickening thud!
YKW scoops his back, agonized, as Bourbon drops to one knee, still recovering…
HHL: What a close call for Bobby Bourbon…
Bourbon stays on one knee… catching his breath…
As Crash… perhaps-too-obviously… slips another banana split beside his feet…
Bourbon snarls and kicks it away!
HHL: Ah! Crash Rodriguez went to the banana split well once too often! Bourbon saw it coming…
Bourbon yells grumpily at Crash! Crash shrugs, suggesting he thought Bourbon might want a mid-match snack…
As Bourbon shouts, thought, B.o.B. D sneaks beside YKW and drops… something in his hands…
PIP: Ooooh, think again, Heather! Looks more like a little misdirection!
Bourbon waves off Crash, who back-pedals away defensively… B.o.B. D quickly jogs away, so Bourbon doesn’t suspect anything!
Bourbon finally gets back to his feet, shoving himself to a vertical base! He huffs, as he leans down to scoop YKW off the gr-
YKW sits up… In his hands!
A BANANA CREAM PIE!
HHL: The funniest of all pies!
Bourbon’s eyes widen! He tries to shiel-
BUT YKW AIMS TRUE WITH HIS THROW!
CATCHING BOURBON IN THE FACE!
Bourbon back-pedals!
STRAIGHT INTO THE CHOCOLATE FONDUE!
The crowd roars! Bourbon disappears beneath the chocolate, fast as quicksand!
HHL: Oh my god! How deep is that vat, Pip!
PIP: It’s bottomless, Heather! It’s a wonder of confectionary science!
....
YKW lifts his chocolate-covered arms triumphantly… Collapsing to his knees in front of the chocolate vat!
The Brotherhood of Bros politely clap, like, what a true champion!
YKW falls on his face, exhaustedly…
HHL: An incredible showing tonight by the underdog!
…
HHL: Whose name… escapes me…
PIP: This feels like that part of the horror movie where you feel like the monster is beaten, then just before the cred-
SWAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Like Jason Voorhees leaping out of Camp Crystal Lake, Bobby Bourbon emerges like a fantastical cacao monster from the chocolate vat, grabbing YKW by the ankles!
HHL: HO-LEEEEE SHIT!
PIP: Nah, it’s just chocolate.
YKW’s eyes widen in terror. His fingernails dig into the padding as he desperately tries to crawl away… BUT BOURBON ONLY PULLS HIM CLOSER!
Bourbon tugs himself out of the chocolate Vat… He is covered HEAD-TO-TOE in a thick-layer of liquid chocolate!
Bourbon scoops up YKW by the scruff of his neck… AND BIG BOY TOSSES HIM TOWARD THE CAKES BY THE ANNOUNCE TABLE…
YKW SOARS…
…
BUT STOPS JUST SHORT! Rolling next to the cake table, but not through it!
HHL: Close call! Bourbon almost ended the match right there!
PIP: Thing to keep in mind, Heather! Guys like Bourbon don’t miss twice!
Indeed, like Godzilla or Crimson, the massive chocolate-covered Bourbon takes slow, massive steps toward YKW, currently lying exhausted in front of the cakes…
Breathing heavily… Bourbon grabs YKW by the scruff of the neck once more…
He loads the enigmatic one between his legs…
HHL: Bobby Bourbon is going Bourbon-bomb this mysterious little fellow through the cake table! This one is about to be over!
The front row picks up their cake tarp like this is a Gallagher show as Bourbon… slowly… surely… signals for the end…
He scoops YKW…
Throooooooough the aiiiiiiiiiir…
Oooooooooonto his shoooooooooulders…
HHL: Bourbon can typically tear off a Bourbon Bomb lightning fast… He’s moving a little slow right now…
YKW is on Bourbon’s shoulders… Ready for the ultimate ride…
…
All that’s left is the BOMB…
…
……
…
Bourbon…
…
BOBBY BOURBON IS COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED!!!
HHL: WHAT?!?!
Dolly Waters waves a hand in front of Bourbon’s face…
His pupils move!
BUT HIS BODY IS FROZEN SOLID IN HARD CHOCOLATE!
HHL: Bourbon’s body is completely stuck in solid chocolate!
Dolly grins.
As the other three Bastards help YKW off Bourbon’s shoulders!
Dolly directs traffic as Crash, D and TK gently lift Bourbon just enough off the ground… to rotate him so his back is facing the cake…
Then, the group all take three steps back and nod at YKW, gesturing like… go for it.
YKW looks around… smiling!
He smacks his leg and…
Y’ALREADY KNEW HOW THIS WOULD END!
HHL: I really didn’t!
(Superkick)
HHL: Oh, okay.
YKW’s Superkick barely nudges Bobby…
Just enough to tip him over…
STRAIGHT INTO THE BEVY OF CAKES!
THE BELL RINGS!
Y’ALL KNOW WHO WON THIS MATCH
HHL: I really don’t!
YKW rolls into the ring, pumping his fists as the crowd cheers, mostly for the insane dessert-themed wrestling match they just watched!
Meanwhile, Bobby Bourbon lies frozen in chocolate… Surrounded in crushed cake…
As the four Brotherhood of Bros reach into their pockets…
And decorate the pile of chocolate, cake and Bourbon with…
Candles?!?
They line the cake with as many candles as they have in their hands…
And start to sing!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
The crowd joins in!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
The entire arena chants!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BOURBON!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Bourbon angrily grumbles inside his suit of chocolate armor as Dolly pushes a plate of crushed cake on top of his face…
They then start singing FOR HE’S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW as the feed cuts to a commercial.
The stadium falls into silent as a spotlight flashes onto the top of the stage, revealing the silhouette of Isaiah King, head bowed and wearing what looks like a leather jacket open at the front. As the base hits the speakers, he raises his head and takes a big breath. He slowly raises his fist into the air and his adoring fans scream in support. His mouth curls into a smile as he starts walking down towards the ring.
Introducing YOUR "Heir Apparent", Isaiah KIIIIIIIIINNNGGG!
He walks up to a fan wearing his merch, pressing his forehead up to his before continuing his way to the ring. Sliding under the bottom rope, he raises both hands to his side like a cross, palms open and challenging his opponent.
The arena flashes white as spotlights from around the venue converge at the entrance room as "You Know My Name" begins playing bombastically. As the lyrics start, Ned Kaye stands at the point where the spotlights merge to thunderous applause. He lifts his fist up in the air, awaiting the crowd to do the same before rushing down to the ring, serenaded by blue hues that light up the ramp following his steps. The lights above the stadium darken in their blue color as Ned gets closer to the ring, little bits of ember adorning the X-Tron and ramp, orange breaking up the blue. He leaps over the ropes into the ring before looking down, breathing the moment in, and pointing out at the crowd, ready to fight just with their energy alone. Jumping a bit from the adrenaline, he makes his way to his corner as he prepares for the bell.
The arena goes dark and a blue spotlight points to the entrance and from behind the curtain comes the Blue Tango! He looks out to the crowd then takes a slow jog down the ramp. Tango slides under the bottom rope and visits each middle turnbuckle around the ring before resting in his corner.
The arena lights begin to flicker as the music of The Atomic Bat begins to echo through the building, signaling the arrival of the masked crusader. The excitement in the arena is palpable as the crowd rises to their feet, eagerly anticipating the arrival of their hero.
Suddenly, the revving of an engine can be heard, and the Atomic Bat appears on her Atomic Batcycle at the top of the ramp. The crowd's excitement intensifies as she revs the engine, sending sparks flying from the back of the bike.
With a deafening roar, the Atomic Bat zooms down the ramp, her cape billowing behind her. She expertly circles the ring on her bike, showing off her skills to the audience before finally coming to a stop and dismounting.
The Atomic Bat removes her helmet, revealing her masked face to the cheering crowd. She takes a moment to soak in the admiration of her fans before making her way to the ring.
As she climbs into the ring, the Atomic Bat surveys her surroundings, taking note of any potential threats. She remains focused and composed, ready for whatever challenges await her.
The crowd continues to cheer and chant her name, showering her with love and admiration. The Atomic Bat acknowledges their support with a nod and a wave, showing her gratitude for their unwavering loyalty.
As the match is about to begin, the Atomic Bat takes a moment to mentally prepare herself, visualizing her strategy and getting into the zone. She is determined to emerge victorious, not just for herself, but for her fans as well.
With a fierce determination in her eyes, the Atomic Bat waits for the bell to ring, ready to unleash her full arsenal of moves and prove once again why she is the hero that this city needs.
Before the action gets underway, the teams have a brief discussion between each other as to who will start things off. The Just-Us League wastes little time, and the Blue Tango is who’ll step in first to start things off for the champions. As for the challengers, however…
Pip: Look at ‘em, Heather. The match hasn’t even started yet, and already they’re arguing with each other!
HHL: I wouldn’t quite say it’s a full-on argument yet… but the two of them seem to be in a very heated discussion, regardless.
Both Ned and Isaiah seem to be in a deadlock as to who will start first! Their competitive spirits are on display, the two of them both eager to try and make the first move. Just as the referee begins to move over to get their heads in gear, Ned finally relents, sighing as he does so and letting Isaiah take the lead.
The Heir Apparent smirks, ready for action as he gets into his trademark boxing stance. The Blue Tango keeps about as good of a poker face as he can, but his eyes contain a hint of amusement within them as the bout looks to get underway.
HHL: Well, we’ve got action for the tag team titles now underway. The Just-Us League, the surprise team that’s come out of nowhere within the XWF but has held a stranglehold on the belts for months now, going up against a very talented team in their own right… but the mish-mash formation between them seems to be cooking up some problems right from the get-go here.
Pip: Like oil and water right now, Heather! They’re banking on their rivalry trying to push them forward in this match, but it can just as easily end up exploding right in their faces! Isaiah King shouldn’t have to be shackling himself to Ned Kaye in this match! He could beat the Just-Us League in a Handicap match, and now he has to keep eyes in the back of his head!
HHL: Well, the tag champs have gone through their own fair share of extremely tough challenges over these past few months - now’s the time to see whether or not they can do it again.
Both Tango and King circle around the ring, locking eyes with each other. King lightly bounces on his feet as he does so, and Tango cracks his neck. King takes a huge step forward, lunging in with a sharp jab to try and cave in Tango’s nose on the spot! Tango barely sees it coming in time, managing to move his head, but it still narrowly brushes past his ear. Tango grimaces, backing up as King tries for a second jab, but this time Tango brings his arm up to block and parry the blow.
King is undeterred, however, as he brings his other hand in for a massive body hook! Tango’s eyes widen as the air threatens to huff out of him entirely, and it looks like he’s about to be on the ropes!
HHL: Isaiah King off to a strong start here, already giving the Blue Tango a run for his money!
Pip: See what I mean now, Heather? Isaiah King is the future of this company, and he’s about to get another taste of gold here tonight!
King lines up for a haymaker out of nowhere -
BUT TANGO SHOVES KING AWAY! Some separation gets created as King is moved back to the center of the ring! Tango rushes in now! King sees it coming, dropping down to the mat to try and trip Tango up! But Tango keeps rushing forward, leaping over King and looking every bit like the heroic defender of the night he was born to be!
Tango keeps moving, hitting the other set of ropes now as King goes onto his feet. He’s still got a full head of steam, and King reacts by leapfrogging over the rushing Tango now! Tango once more hits the other ropes, and King tries to cut him off one more time with another Haymaker attempt -
But a SUPERHERO ROLL underneath King’s lunging arm has Tango slipping behind Isaiah King! King’s eyes widen in realization as Tango has just enough time to leap up and hit a massive SUPERHERO REVERSE NECKBREAKER!
BAM!
Pip: You know what the difference is between a regular old reverse neckbreaker and a superhero reverse neckbreaker, Heather?
HHL: You can tell a bit of that extra ‘oomph’ and velocity is present in the superhero versions, if you look hard enough. The verticality really helped Tango there as he managed to battle back before things got too far out of hand for him!
King looks to be slumped in the corner now, and now it’s Tango’s time to shine! A determined look enters his eye, as he tightens the glove on his fist! He rushes into the corner, looking for a running SUPERHERO UPPERCUT -
BUT KING SIDESTEPS! TANGO HITS THE CORNER HARD! And that’s not all - King grabs Tango by the skull and immediately starts bashing it right into the top turnbuckle! Once, twice, three times! The crowd winces the entire time, and Atomic Bat is trying her best to keep Tango in this! Ned squints at Isaiah, noting the increased ferocity out of nowhere.
HHL: What a brutal beatdown here by Isaiah King! Showing he’s got no depths he won’t sink to if it means he can use this savageness to his advantage here!
Pip: And they say superheroes exist in the real world…
As the referee looks to get involved, King immediately snaps and turns to stare him down. A tension-filled conversation ensues, and Tango looks to use this opportunity to crawl to his corner. His nose looks crushed, and a waterfall of blood is gushing down his face. His eyes look a bit glassy, but he manages to take a deep breath and reach out to the Atomic Bat…
King realizes what’s happening, but as he goes to grab the Blue Tango, he’s too late!
TAAAAAAAG!
Pip: IT’S THE FREAKIN’ BAT!
HHL: And she’s coming in like a house of fire!
King immediately tries going in with some strikes, but the Bat is completely fresh! She manages to slip past some of the incoming strikes, before hitting true with an armdrag! King gets right back up to his feet, only to be planted with another armdrag! King gets up once more, and tries yet again to bring the fight, but the Bat responds by going behind and jumping up for a massive German SUUUUUUUUUUPLEX! King lands hard on his neck!
King instinctively goes back to his corner to try and get a breather, a grimace that equaled both pain and anger showing on his face. Ned takes the initiative though, tapping King on the shoulder to bring himself into this match!
TAAAAAAG!
And in comes Ned! King looks to try and protest, but he’s being shooed out of the ring by the referee!
Pip: You see that, Heather?! Isaiah King is being screwed right now! He can’t even trust Ned to tag himself in a fair manner!
HHL: Well, it certainly looks as if he’s seen better days…
Both Ned and the Bat look to get things going in a fast and furious manner! The two quickly lunge at each other, trading forearms with each other! Ned goes down low though, looking for a lightning-quick leg sweep to take the Bat off her feet!
The Bat leaps over it, though! She looks to spin with Ned’s momentum as he comes to his feet, looking for a swinging neckbreaker!
Ned rolls with it though, coming to the Bat’s back as he pushes her to the ropes, creating a bit of separation between them!
But the Bat runs forward, leaping off the ropes to go for a Springboard Back Elbow!
The elbow hits right on the cheekbone! Ned gets taken down as the Bat looks to capitalize, but it’s at that moment that Ned goes for another leg sweep, and this one is actually successful as the Bat gets taken down! Ned shoots back up on his feet, and leaps into the air for a double stomp -
BUT THE BAT ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Ned stumbles as he lands, and turns around -
FACEBUSTER BY THE ATOMIC BAT! She looks to try and quickly end this match on the spot by grabbing Ned’s legs and trying to turn him over into the Sharpshooter, but Ned is struggling and kicking his legs! He pulls them in to bring the Bat closer - and he manages to pull her into a Small Package!
OOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOO!
KICKOOOOOOUT!
HHL: What a back-and-forth exchange by both competitors in that ring! Ned Kaye’s natural agility never ceases to amaze as he went back-and-forth with the Atomic Bat’s own supernatural quickness there!
Pip: Ned got bailed out by the Bat being sloppy. You can’t count on that happening again.
Ned lunges for the Bat, but the Bat counters with an Irish-Whip sending Ned into enemy territory! She struts on over to the Blue Tango, who’s recovered and itching for some action!
TAAAAAAAAG!
In comes the Tango! The Bat brings Ned to the center of the ring, hooking him up for a German Suplex, right as the Tango comes off the ropes! He manages to hit Ned with a clothesline, and at the same time, the Bat goes back for the German Suplex!
Ned hits the mat hard from it, gritting his teeth! Tango sees the opening, and makes the cover.
OOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOO!
KICKOOOOOOUT!
HHL: Ned forced on his back foot here, but he’s showing a bit of that grit and determination with knowing not to give up even in the face of some massive offense!
Pip: You wanna know the odds of this happening right now if it was Isaiah King in the ring instead of Ned, Heather? Zero.
The Tango looks frustrated for a moment, but quickly calms himself down. King, irritated, tries reaching out to Ned for the tag, but as Ned goes to make his way over, the Tango quickly lunges in and cuts Ned off, bringing him back to the center of the ring with a SUPERHEROCANRANA! Ned looks dizzy and stunned as he takes a moment to try and find his bearings.
And at that moment… the Blue Tango gets a bit of a smile crossing his face. Ned slowly tries to make his way back to his feet, but as he does so, the Blue Tango starts moonwalking his way back to Ned! The crowd starts coming alive as they know what’s coming! The Blue Tango turns around, going for a Superman Punch!
AND WALKS RIGHT INTO A NOTORIOUS KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ned feels like a second wind has gotten into him, and moves to his corner as he size up the Blue Tango, ready for the follow up-
TAAAAAAAAG!
HHL: What the Hell?! Isaiah King has just tagged himself in when Ned had the upper hand!
Pip: Ned had it coming! He tagged himself in earlier, and he was just on the ropes a little bit ago!
HHL: Doesn’t look like these men are taking it kindly to each other…
The very heated discussion from earlier is taking place once more, both men trading words. Their eyes harden towards each other, and it’s unclear at this rate if blows are going to be thrown…
HHL: These two can’t throw the match like this! Say whatever you will about them, but the Blue Tango is looking out of sorts right now! They still have the potential to win and become tag champs!
Pip: I told you before, Heather! This is like oil and water!
THE BLUE TANGO RUSHES IN AND PUSHES KING RIGHT INTO NED! Ned goes stumbling out of the ring from the force of the impact! King turns right around - ONLY TO EAT A SUPERMAN PUUUUUUNCH!
King falls onto his knees, and the Blue Tango doesn’t waste a moment! He brings King over to his corner, nodding with the Atomic Bat!
TAAAAAAAAG!
The Atomic Bat looks to go to the ropes as the Blue Tango has King in powerbomb position! He grits his teeth, hoisting King up high as he looks at the Bat!
The Bat leaps off the top rope, hitting Isaiah King with a Bat Stomp springboard dropkick! And the force of the impact sends King crashing down with the crucifix powerbomb known as the Cruci-justice Bomb! Tango rolls out of the ring, looking to cut off Ned’s interference as the Bat hooks the leg!
OOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOO!
THREEEEEEEEE!!
Winners and STILL Tag Team Champions: The Just-Us League!
HHL: What a fast-paced encounter, but ultimately it wasn’t enough. Ned and King proved to be their own worst enemies, even when it looked like they had the upper hand.
Pip: Ned was a two-ton anchor there. King needs to ditch him and fly solo again if he knows what’s good for him.
HHL: I wouldn’t say that, Pip - this team can have some potential here. But first and foremost… they’re gonna need to get on the same page. If they even want to…
Warfare goes to commercial as the show rolls on.
We cut to a shot on the outskirts of an exquisite vineyard. An overbearing palatial estate sits in the center of the property, flanked by a luxurious fountain and acres upon acres of vitis vinifera, aka wine trees for you uncultured fucks!
HHL: “This is a glorious vineyard! I didn’t know they had such nice wineries in Seattle, I thought everyone here just smoked plants. I had no idea they liked drinking them as well!”
PC: “Well Heather, of course the normal Seattlian would never be allowed access to THIS prestigious den of alcoholism. Those plebians would never be able to afford entry!”
HHL: “Well then, how did the XWF get access to it? You know they hate to pay for things around here!”
PC: “The reason we have access to this great vineyard is because Angelica Vaughn selected a WINE CELLAR BRAWL as her championship stipulation against Dionysus! And someone very kindly reached out and offered their winery for use in tonight’s television championship match.”
HHL: “It must have been one of Angie Vaughn’s superfans! Ever since the TV champion became the Superstar of the Month, her stock has gone through the ROOF!”
PC: “Well, maybe….I’m not sure if Harmon Grayson Hayes considers himself a super fan or not!”
HHL: “Wait, are you telling me this is HGH’s winery?!”
PC: “The one and only!”
HHL: “I didn’t know he had money like this! I bet Angie Vaughn and Dionysus are going to tear his wine cellar up!”
PC: “Oh it’s okay, he said he wanted to remodel it soon anyways!”
We cut to a shot inside the building as Dionysus’ entrance music plays over the winery’s PA system. The lights in the building dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the lobby. As "Leaving Dionysus" play, the spotlights all point to the front door of the building, which opens up only to reveal a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open through the doorway, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield, causing an echo through the building, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
HHL: “Dionysus is ready to win back that Television championship, and hold it high over his head once more!”
PC: “He told the champion that he wouldn’t be bringing his clones to the fight, so I guess he’s bringing foreign objects instead! What a guy!”
An employee of the winery points Dionysus towards the door to the cellar staircase, opening it for him so that he may walk down the steps. When Dionysus reaches the bottom of the staircase he looks relatively bewildered by the idea of fighting inside a wine cellar with no ring, but he shrugs it off just as he shrugs off his elaborate entrance gear, placing the Thyrsus and shield in an empty corner of the cellar.
EYES
ON
VAUGHNEMOUS
NO, I WON'T GIVE IN, I WON'T GIVE IN
TILL' I'M VICTORIOUS
AND I WILL DEFEND
I WILL DEFEND
Angie Vaughn elegantly steps down the staircase to the wine cellar. Her eyes glow as she takes in the culinary wonders around her!
HHL: Vaughn chose this match because both she and Dionysus are both huge fans of alcohol making! Brewing! Fermenting!
PIP: Hopefully, the wonder of HGH’s wine cellar doesn’t prove too much a distraction for Angie!
Vaughn eventually snaps out of it long enough to make it down to where Dionysus and the officials are, ready to go!
The sound of a bell ringing is played through the PA system, and that’s when the referee standing awkwardly in the middle of the cellar calls for the action to begin! Angie Vaughn and Dionysus both charge out of their respective corners of the wine cellar, meeting in the middle right next to the referee for an intense lock-up exchange! Angie Vaughn is able to get better positioning in the clinch, showing off excellent technical skill, but the much larger Dionysus is still able to push her back with relative ease! After a few short seconds, Dionysus now has the TV champion pressed up against a rack filled with wine bottles!
HHL: “They’d better be careful if they don’t want all those wine bottles to tip over!”
PC: “I think that’s the purpose of a wine cellar brawl, isn’t it?!”
The referee warns Dionysus about the risk of the wine bottles falling over, but the challenger pays the ref no mind. Regardless, Dionysus takes Angelica away from the wine rack by lifting her up high into the air with a mighty suplex! But the ceiling of the wine cellar isn’t all that high, and Angelica Vaughn is able to firmly plant her feet into the roof of the ceiling! The sudden force from Angie’s quick footwork takes Dionysus by surprise, causing him to stumble and drop the champion straight onto the concrete ground, headfirst!
HHL: “That had to hurt!”
PC: “I think that might’ve felt worse than just taking a suplex!”
Dionysus quickly picks himself up to his feet, but Angelica Vaughn is a split second slower. Dionsysus rushes to the champion as she’s on the rise, then he clasps his arms around her waist and flips her over his head with a tiger suplex! Angelica Vaughn busts her lips open as she lands face first onto the concrete once more.
Dionysus picks himself up and, feeling the momentum, decides to set Angelica Vaughn up for a quick BRUTE FORCE ending! As Angie picks herself up to her feet Dionysus is right there, waiting, stalking- and then he pounces! Dionysus comes flying in with an absolute bevy of haymakers, finishing off the combination with a near deadly right hook!
The only problem?
Angie Vaughn ducked out of the way, causing each and everyone of Dionysus’s fists to fly into a different bottle of wine lining the wall! With splinters of glass and wood now embedded into his fists, Dionysus can’t help but shriek. Angie Vaughn looks over at him, equal parts concerned and intimidated.
HHL: “Dionysus could have finished her off if he would’ve connected with those big punches!”
PC: “But now those punches might do even more damage to her, because his fists have become weapons!”
Dionysus roars in a pained rage as he chases down Angie Vaughn, but running after the much smaller woman proves to be no easy feat for the big man. The quick and agile Angie always remains just out of his grasp, elusive enough to keep her distance as she runs around the racks of wine and inconveniently placed tables laid throughout the cellar. Eventually, Angie ducks around the corner of a wine rack- but when Dionysus rounds that very same corner, she’s nowhere to be found. Dionysus looks around the area, clearly confused.
PC: “Where’d the champion go?! Is she running?!”
HHL: “No, look!”
The camera changes angle to show Angelica Vaughn crouched down on the other side of that very same wine rack. She looks to the camera with a smirk and a wink before pushing the wine rack over onto Dionysus, who is forced to the floor as dozens and dozens of wine bottles break upon him.
PC: “I don’t think HGH is going to be happy about the destruction of all this wine?!”
HHL: “Well what did he expect when he invited Angelica Vaughn to have a WINE CELLAR BRAWL at his vineyard?!”
PC: “Probably a lot less broken glass and fewer broken bones! Dionysus looks like he might be DEAD beneath that rack of wine!”
But Pip was wrong, Dionysus just looked that way because of all the red wine spilled atop him! We hear a piercing roar from beneath the rack of wine before the big man punches his way to a standing position, albeit completely covered from head to toe in wine, glass shards, and admittedly some of his own blood. Angie Vaughn cringes at the sight of the monster she’s created here tonight.
Dionysus shakes his head and, instead of charging Angelica Vaughn once more, he calmly walks over to the corner of the room, walking past more rows of corked wine.
HHL: “Has Dionsyus had enough already? Is he leaving here tonight?”
PC: “No, look! He’s grabbing those magical weapons of his!”
Dionysus picks up his Thyrsus and shield, equipping the items like one would in an RPG before walking back over towards Angelica Vaughn for the big boss fight. Angelica Vaughn didn’t see what Dionysus was getting up to when he was grabbing those weapons, all the rows of wine blocked her view: but likewise, Dionysus doesn’t know that Angelica Vaughn was cooking up schemes of her own!
As Dionysus reaches the spot where Angelica Vaughn once stood, he once again looks around for a trace of the ever-elusive Television Champion. He hears her quiet breathing before looking up into the sky, realizing that she’s climbed a rack of wine and is now diving at him from the top! Angie Vaughn keeps her moonsault modest to avoid smacking her head on the low ceilings, but it works nonetheless! Dionysus is propelled to the floor and forced to drop both of his foreign objects. Angelica Vaughn covers him for the pinfall attempt, and the referee rushes over to count the fall!
1!
2!!!
KICKOUT!
Not so fast! Dionysus roars back to life as he flings one shoulder up into the air at the very last possible second.
PC: “Angelica Vaughn almost had him right there, her sneaky games are working well tonight!”
HHL: “They’re not sneaky games, she’s just thinking outside of the box! That’s what she does! How else could she have come up with something as cool as the first-ever Wine Cellar Brawl?!”
Angie Vaughn quickly slides off the challenger, but when she stands it becomes clear she is now dripping in a mixture of blood and wine: Jesus vibes anyone? Either way, Dionysus is shaking the cobwebs out of his head as he tries to get it together. This offers Angelica Vaughn a perfect opportunity to land a sick kick on his head! This knocks Dionysus loopy again!
HHL: “Angie Vaughn is really having her way with Dionysus right about now!”
PC: “I wish she would have her way with me….”
HHL: “Gross, Pip.”
As Dionsysus slowly pulls his bloody and mangled body back to it’s feet, Angie Vaughn is clearly setting him up for her big move! She comes blasting back towards him with the VAUGHNEMOUS, a running soccer kick to the face!
THAT SHE MISSES, BUT DIONYSUS ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!
HHL: “Angie Vaughn just went crashing foot-first into a rack of wine bottles!”
Angie Vaughn gets her foot caught in one of the racks for wine bottles, and she’s struggling to pull her leg free as Dionysus smirks at her. The big bloody man grabs a wine bottle off the rack before shattering it over Angie’s head, drawing blood from her face. Angie Vaughn slumps over, and Dionysus grabs yet another bottle and shatters that on her head, too! Dionysus then pushes Angie Vaughn over to the floor where she lands backfirst, bleeding and looking much worse for wear!
PC: “That Vaughenmous was a whiff, and now the momentum in this match has seriously shifted!”
Dionysus lays atop the TV champion for the pinfall. The referee drops down to count!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!
Angie Vaughn throws up a wild shoulder just before the count of three. This frustrates Dionysus, but he doesn’t take his eye off the ball for even a second. He calmly walks over to his Thyrsus before he begins beating the hell out of Angie Vaughn with it. Angie Vaughn squirms around on the floor and flails with her arms, trying to defend herself, but it’s no worse. That foreign object is just whacking away at her!
HHL: “Dionysus is really laying those blows in right now!”
PC: “That’s what foreign objects are for, Heather!”
Eventually Angelica Vaughn stops moving, about three dozen Thyrsus shots in. That’s when Dionysus decides she’s finally had enough, and decides to cover her for another pinfall attempt.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!
Somehow Angie gets a shoulder up! Much weaker and less impactfully, but that shoulder still gets up regardless! The blood and glass covered Dionysus stares down at Angie Vaughn, dripping blood from his face to hers. The two are completely covered in wine, but neither of them find time to whine about it. Instead, Dionysus uses Angie’s hair to pick her backup to a standing position. Both wrestlers look wobbly, probably from the blood loss both have suffered. Yet nevertheless they fight on, as Dionysus goes to stomp Angelica Vaughn out with an advanced move!
PC: “It looks like the challenger is trying to set up something big here!”
HHL: “Big might not be enough, it will take a GARGANTUAN show of force to take that title belt off of Angie!”
The aplty named WINE MIXER (Shining Wizard followed by Lionsault off a wine rack) puts Angelica down for the count! The ref counts the pin!
1!
2!!!
3!!!!!!
WINNER AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEW TELEVISION CHAMPION: DIONYSUS
Dionysus, the blood and wine-covered mess that he is, bounces off Angie before letting loose a wild roar. The referee brings the TV title to him, where he raises it up over his head to absolutely no applause whatsoever, but only because there are no fans in attendance for this Wine Cellar Brawl!
PC: "What a huge championship win for Dionysus tonight!"
HHL: "Angelica Vaughn gave it her all, but maybe putting the match in a wine cellar was a bad idea after all! Especially with an opponent who has a signature move named after the stuff!"
PC: "Wait, but what's this?!"
HGH suddenly steps out from behind a curtain with a big smile and a big receipt! He lays the receipt down atop Angie's chest, clearly intending to hold her financially responsible for all the damages to his wine cellar!
HHL: "That rat! He only agreed to let Angie use his wine cellar so he could force HER to pay for his remodel!"
HGH then walks over to Dionysus and pretends to go for a handshake, before taking his hand away and spitting at the feet of the new TV champion. Dionysus gives the millionaire an icey death stare before the camera cuts from the scene.
HHL: Folks, we’ve had a hell of a show so far! And we’ve still got two matches to go!
PIP: And they’re both guaranteed to be action-packed, Heather!
'Icky Thump' by The White Stripes starts to play.
The fans boo!
Oh, how they fuckin boo.
So many boos.
Still booing.
Yes, they are STILL booing.
Slade Durant slides through the curtain amidst the loudest boos ever heard on planet earth. Louder than any heavily-infested ghost house.
HHL: Wow! The wrestling world HATES Slade Durant!
PIP: And he hasn’t even wrestled a match here yet!
Slade takes his time walking down the ramp. He snatches signs from fans supporting their favorite XWF wrestlers. He grabs a kid’s soda and dumps it over their head. Slade snatches a fans beer and takes a sip...it's disgusting ...he slings it into the crowd, hitting an elderly person in the head.
Durant reaches the ring, walks up the steps and enters through the ropes.
HHL: The XWF Universe is making their thoughts known tonight! Slade Durant is an unpleasant, pungent ASSHOLE!
PIP: That may be true, Heather! But he’s also a former world champion! He reigned atop the WCC as its World Champion!
HHL: And then, he lost in record time to 43-time World Champion, Chet Dakota!
Slade’s ear wiggles. Someone in the arena just mentioned CHET DAKORA.
Slade frowns...his eyes narrow and become filled with murder.
’Eleanor Rigby (Strings Only)’ by The Beatles plays
Bursting through the black curtain!
The X-Treme Title on his shoulder!
In his trademark bomber jacket and blue tights!
It’s Mark Flynn!
…
Being booed.
…
But hey! Not as loud as usual!
Flynn looks around, the arena, surprised. Typically, the boos for Mark Flynn fill every nook and cranny of the arena!
…He shrugs, nodding, like, he’ll take quieter boos!
HHL: Mark Flynn! Formerly the Most Hated Man in the XWF! Has spent the last few months, since losing the Universal Title, trying to turn over a new leaf! He claims he’s decided from now on he’s a GOOD GUY!
PIP: People did not believe him, Heather!
HHL: But, after a stamp of approval from XWF CFO, Theo Pryce, it’s possible that opinion are shifting! Could Flynn finally be getting recognized as a good guy?
At the top of the ramp, Flynn extends his arms, revealing the back of his bomber jacket… It reads ‘GOOD GUY!’
Flynn spins back around and walks down the ramp.
HHL: At Leap of Faith, Mark Flynn won his final X-Treme Title defense and secured a 24/7 briefcase!
PIP: But, after the match, he was prevented from interfering in the Main Event match by a mysterious figure locking his dressing room from the outside!
HHL: Flynn *claims* he only wanted to go ringside to mess with Corey and wasn’t actually planning on cashing in!
PIP: But we’ll never find out what would’ve happened! Is Flynn just looking for an easy Uni reign? And who locked him up at Leap of Faith?
Flynn drops off his briefcase with the timekeeper, before rubbing his hands together like it’s time to go to work!
He slides under the bottom rope! Durant goes to charge in for an early ambush… but Flynn springs up, fists ready!
…Durant backpedals to his corner, snarling. Flynn smiles, hands the title off his shoulder to the official, and back-steps to his own corner, never taking his eyes off Durant’s.
HHL: This will be a fascinating match, Pip! Flynn claims, as a former heel himself, he knows every trick in Durant’s arsenal.
PIP: And anyone whose seen Flynn’s old matches (before his recent change of heart) knows how vicious and rule-bendy Flynn used to be!
HHL: This will be a CLINIC, Pip!
The official steps between the two competitors, raises the belt, then hands it over to the timekeeper!
The official signals to both competitors, verifying they’re ready!
Slade comes out of his corner first, raising his arms for a collar-and-elbow tie-up!
Flynn raises his eyebrows, like, ah, happy to oblige… And meets him in the center of the ring, ready to lock-up.
…BUT SLADE JABS HIS THUMB FORWARD, looking to blind Flynn!
HHL: The dirty tricks start early with Slade Durant!
PIP: Start? They never stop!
…
But, Flynn slips his head to the side, like he saw it coming!
Indeed, he wraps his arm around Durant’s extended wrist and twists it! Durant grits his teeth in pain, as Flynn lifts Durant’s arm over his shoulder, twisting it once more!
HHL: Ah! Flynn backing up his claims to know Durant’s tricks! He saw that thumb-to-the-eye coming and had a counter ready for it!
…Durant seethes furiously, as Flynn neatly tucks Durant’s twisted arm behind his back, lifting his forearm! A textbook hammerlock!
Durant tries twisting his way out of Flynn’s grip like a rat, but Flynn’s technical prowess serves him well, holding onto Durant’s wrist deftly!
HHL: You can see the frustration on Durant’s face here. He wants to take control and quick!
Durant’s eye whir around him… He sees Flynn’s foot on the mat.
Durant grins a sickening toothy grin…
He raises his foot to stomp Flynn’s!
HE STOMPS!
…
But Flynn’s slides his foot back!
As Durant lands on his ankle, Flynn takes his foot!
And trips Durant with a kick the back of the knee! Durant topples onto his back! Flynn circles around the ring, arm raised, like a matador!
The crowd applauds, (mostly because they love watching Durant get schooled!)
PIP: Oooh! Flynn made it look like he’d made an exploitable mistake with his stance!
HHL: Only to trip up Durant and punish him for underestimating Flynn!
After some self-congratulatory circling, Flynn spins toward his opponent, ready to get back to it…
But Durant has stayed on the mat, crawling backwards, begging for mercy! Please!
…Flynn scoffs, like, please, the ol’ crawling backwards like you’re helpless routine?
Flynn scrambles forward, looking to finish off Durant…
…
When Durant reaches into the pockets of his tights… And pulls out… powder?
He cups it into his right hand, and as Flynn draws near, he blows the powder right into Flynn’s face!
Flynn doubles-backwards defensively!
…
Flynn squints… He rapidly blinks!
And covers his eyes! He can’t see!
HHL: Oh no! I think Durant brought powdered glass in his tights! That’d normally be an automatic disqualification!
PIP: But this is X-Treme Rules! Anything goes!
Flynn swats in front of himself, near where he last saw Durant…
But Durant, agile like a cat, slides out under the bottom rope!
Flynn stumbles forward until he gets to the turnbuckle. He grabs the pad, squeezing it, immediately recognizing it as an indication he’s in the corner.
But Slade reaches under the bottom rope… grabs Flynn by the ankle! And trips the X-Treme champ! Flynn lands flat on his face!
PIP: Durant takes control!
HHL: Impressive trick by Slade Durant! Not even Mark Flynn could see powdered glass coming!
PIP: And now, he can’t see AT ALL!
Durant laughs outside the ring, slapping his knee, as Flynn tries to scramble to his feet…
But as he does, Durant rolls back in the ring, under the bottom rope! He sprints!
And catches Flynn with a running knee to the ribs! Flynn gets flipped over Durant’s leg, landing on his back!
Durant’s mean streak refuses to let up for a second, following this opening, with a series of vicious stomps to Flynn’s ribs!
HHL: This is why it’s so dangerous to give Slade Durant even a slight opportunity! Once he starts hitting, he doesn’t let up!
Indeed, after the sixth or seventh stomp, Flynn rolls onto his front, getting a momentary respite, just enough to start climbing back to his feet…
As he does, Slade slowly circles behind the still-blinded Flynn… Then catches him with a liver punch! Flynn curdles, struggling to keep his feet, agonized by that deliberate dirty punch!
Flynn blindly swings with a desperation back fist! That Durant narrowly ducks! Durant follows his dodge with a throat thrust! Flynn cradles his neck, struggling to breathe after that shot!
PIP: This right here? Is why Durant is a former world champion! He got ONE opportunity and from there, found a road to completely DISSECT Mark Flynn!
Durant wraps Flynn in a front-face lock… He delivers a vicious spinning middle finger to the XWF Universe as he circle around the ring, grappling Flynn.
The crowd viciously boos Durant! Hurling insults and curses to his family line!
HHL: Durant drawing on the hatred of these wrestling fans! He loves this!
Replenished by their anger, Durant tucks Flynn’s arm behind his he-
IN A FLASH, Flynn snaps Durant up and over! Snap Suplex!
Durant cradles his back, as Flynn holds his grip and floats over the top of Durant!
The official drops to count!
1!
2!
Th-No! Durant forces his should up off the mat!
PIP: Wow! Flynn almost stole that match while blind!
HHL: Flynn’s practiced those moves so many times, it’s muscle memory!
While he’s got Durant in his mits, Flynn tries to neatly transition from a pin to a side headlock!
But Durant, slippery as a greased eel, slips out of Flynn’s grip, rolls backwards and dips back to the outside!
PIP: Wise tactics by Durant! Adopting a guerilla warfare ‘ambush-and-evade’ strategy!
HHL: Wise?!? More like cowardly and underhanded!
PIP: To-May-To, To-Mah-T, Heather!
Flynn exhales impatiently… He climbs to his feet, blindly pawing, trying to determine his opponent’s location!
Slade hovers on the outside of the ring, circle-stepping behind Flynn.
PIP: Seems like Durant is taking his time resuming the attack here!
HHL: He got in Flynn’s hands for a moment and almost got pinned! The next time Durant strikes, I imagine he wants it to be the finishing blow!
Flynn continues stepping blindly, searching around the ring!
Slade starts to peek his head in under the rope!
“He’s behind you, Flynn!” Calls a man in the third row!
Flynn spins around, with a BACKFIST!
Durant quickly retreats back to the outside, rushing around the apron, as Flynn swings a combination of strikes directly in front of him!
“NO!” Yells a fan in the second row! “He’s outside the ring!”
Durant sound toward the fan who just yelled that, shushing him with a hiss! As Flynn strokes his chin, thinking…
Durant rushes behind Flynn, hovering outside the ring. Again… he tries to sneak up behind…
“MARCO!” Flynn calls out!
“POLO!” The section of fans behind Durant call out!
Flynn spins around in a snap! Durant tries to rush around the ring behind Flynn!
Flynn sticks a finger in the air! “MARCO!”
“POLO!” Says the section that is now behind Durant! Flynn points directly in Durant’s direction!
He keeps running around!
“POLO!” Scream out the fans as he steps in front of them! Flynn’s finger effortlessly traces out Durant’s path!
HHL: Brilliant! Flynn and the fans have devised an improvised echolcation system so Flynn can detect Durant’s location!
PIP: inspiring! All it took was a common hatred of Slade Durant!
Durant looks around, as the fans scream louder and louder! “POLO! POLOOOOOO!”
Flynn is pointing straight at him!
Durant stops and screams, “SHUT UP!”
Flynn steps backwards toward the ropes!
“ALL OF YOU SHUT U-“
BASEBALL SLIDE CATCHES DURANT STRAIGHT IN THE FACE!
Flynn nearly loses his footing, side-stepping toward the railing! The fan gives him a couple pats of acknowledgement as he steps closer!
Durant tries to strategically retreat, backing away from Flynn!
Immediately, the crowd starts up yelling “POLO!” The ones beside Flynn even give him friendly guiding pushes toward where Durant is!
PIP: This is becoming ridiculous! This match is supposed to be one-on-one, not ten-thousand-on-one!
HHL: Like you said, Pip! It’s X-Treme Rules! Anything goes!
Flynn steps closer and closer!
Durant seethes angrily at the crowd! Looking around, as Flynn gets closer and closer!
Durant looks at the crowd, the ring, the…
The ring apron!
Durant slips-and-slides under the apron! Under the ring where the arena can’t see him!
Immediately, the crowd goes quiet! The crowd stops leading Flynn! Flynn looks around like… what happened?
PIP: GENIUS! Durant goes to the one place where the crowd has no visibility!
Flynn steps away from the railing, pawing forward, toward the ring… He touches the ring’s edge and paws forward, looking for his opponent…
JAB! Something metal juts out from under the ring, catching Flynn in the ankle! Flynn is hobbled to one knee!
Durant emerges from under the ring (to a cacophony of boos)… with a steel folding chair!
Durant lifts the chair above his head aaaaaaaand!
WHAM! Flynn’s face gets caved in! He crumpled like a deflated balloon onto his back, bleeding from the face… as Durant tosses away the chair and dives on top of Flynn, hooking the leg.
PIP: Falls count anywhere!
The official rolls to the outside and counts!
1!
2!
THR-NO! Flynn, a trail of blood dripping down his forehead, somehow finds the wherewithal to kickout!
HHL: Incredible! Despite that hellacious chair shot, Flynn stays alive!
PIP: But for how much longer!
Durant scoops Flynn up from the padded concrete by his scalp! He draws a thumb across his throat calling for the end!
PIP: Durant, calling for the Slade Slam!
Slade locks Flynn in a reverse guillotine hold… He goes to li-
In desperation, Flynn launches a high kick over his shoulder…
It catches Slade square in the face! Slade gets driven backwards toward the ring, as Flynn crawls forward to the steel barricade!
Durant, furious that Flynn’s still fighting, scoops his steel chair back off the ground!
Meanwhile, Flynn scampers up to his feet, getting a few backslaps from fans…
Durant sprints, chair over his head, toward the X-Trent champ!
As he runs!
…Flynn!
Flynn bends over!
BACK BODY DROP! Durant goes flying over the barricade!
The folding chair… is crowd-surfing around the audience!
Flynn paws the barricade… And hops over it!
Slade scrambles to his feet, panting to the aisle… he doubles over, catching his breathe.
HHL: This fight is going into the crowd!
Flynn is guided by the crowd toward the aisle, where Sla-
Wham! Slade catches Flynn with a right-hand, driving him deeper into the crowd!
Behind Flynn, a concession guy rolls his cart, calling out “Peanuts! Crackerjacks! Sodas! Beer!”
WHAM! Flynn gets ROCKED with another right hand, driving him backwards into the snack cart!
The concession cart guy yells at the wrestlers!
“HEY! DON’T TOUCH THE SNACK CART!”
…Slade snarls, getting in the arena employee’s face! “WHAT IF I DO?!? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!?”
…The concession staff shrinks backwards, as Slade turns toward Fl-
FLYNN CATCHES HIM WITH A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO THE THROAT! Durant’s back hits the ground!
…Flynn breathes heavily, as he spins toward the cart… Where the employee shivers.
“Snack cart?” Flynn wheezes, his eyes still blurry.
“Y-y-yeah.”
The X-Treme champ reaches into his pocket…
…And fives out…
A dollar.
“Water… And a… couple salt packets…”
…The cart employee mean-mugs Flynn’s dollar.
“Water is $5.50…”
…Behind Flynn, Durant begins to stir…
“...But, for you, a dollar works!”
The worker takes Flynn’s dollar, and slides into his hand the water… And two salt packets.
Quick as he can… Flynn sets the water between his knees…
Tears the salt packets open. Lifts the water, untwists the cap…
Pours the salt into the bottle.
Twists it closed…
And shakes it!
PIP: What the hell is Flynn up to here, Heather?!? Is he making…a weapon?!?
Flynn lifts up the bottle…
Durant gasps and grabs Flynn’s arms!
HHL: Whatever he’s doing, Durant doesn’t want him succeeding at it!
Durant and Flynn spin, holding the water bottle above them!
Durant KICKS Flynn in the ribs! Flynn doubles over, clinging onto the bottle for dear life!
Durant releases it and hooks Flynn in a front facelock! He signals for a DDT onto the concrete!
HHL: This will finish things for sure!
Durant swings his le-
FLYNN LIFTS DURANT OVER HIS SHOULDER!
NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Durant’s vertebrae CLATTERS AGAINST THE CONCRETE FLOOR!
Durant’s aching back springs off the floor as he howls with pain!
Flynn crawls up to his feet, using the snack cart.
He untwists the water bottle…
And pours it…
INTO HIS OWN EYES!
…
Flynn blinks! His eyes recognize the shapes around him! He lifts the bottle in the air!
The crowd pops! Mark Flynn can see once more!
PIP: Wait, I’m confused. What just happened? Did Mark Flynn just make a magic potion or something?
HHL: He made saline solution, Pip! Equal parts sodium chloride and water, designed to flush his eyes of unwanted partic-
PIP: You can just say magic, Heather. No one needs to know the specifics of wizardry!
HHL: …Regardless, Flynn can see once more and Durant might be in trouble!
Flynn spins around to where Durant was, looking to finish the mat-
…
Durant is goine!
Flynn spins left! Right! Where is he?!?
…
Suddenly, from behind…
THE SNACK CART IS TIPPED OVER ONTO FLYNN!
Flynn gets knocked onto his face as popcorn and crackerjacks scatter everywhere! HOT MELTED BUTTER SEEPS ONTO THE FLOOR!
…And who stands behind the pushed cart!
Who else but Slade Durant… With a beer bottle over his head!
PIP: Mark Flynn may be able to see, but he sure didn’t see Slade coming!
Slade hovers behind Flynn, the bottle raised over his head… Looking to deliver a bludgeoning strike!
The crowd howls booing!
Slade reels back!
Slade swings…
…
BUT FLYNN CATCHES DURANT’S ARM! TRAPPING HIM!
He drags Slade to the ground!
FUJIWARA ARMBAR!
FUJIWARA ARMBAR IN THE AUDIENCE!
HHL: OH GOD! FUJIWARA ARMBAR IN THE AISLE! NO ROPES FOR DURANT TO REACH FOR!
Durant tries to think elastical, snakey thoughts to wriggle out of Flynn’s grip! But Flynn holds tight, cranking Durant’s arm out of its socket!
Durant…
DURANT!
DURANT HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO TAP OUT!
WINNER (AND STILL X-TREME CHAMPION): MARK FLYNN
The official raises Flynn’s arm, who exhaustedly scrambles to his feet!
The crowd roars with approval (though, maybe just because Slade Durant was made to tap out!)
HHL: Oh my God! What a WAR, Pip!
PIP: Slade Durant came to the game with a deep bag of tricks! Deeper than even Mark Flynn saw coming!
HHL: But Flynn found a way, with tenacity and fortitude, to fight through and pull off a major victory over a former world champion!
Flynn raises his arms, as the official passes him his X-Treme title belt!
Flynn raises it triumphantly!
…
Then he squints.
”Wait, where’s my briefcase?”
…The official looks back toward the timekeeper. The timekeeper looks around his area…
But shrugs!
HHL:...Wait. Where’s Flynn’s briefcase?
”OVER HERE!”
The arena spins!
To the top of the ramp!
Where a masked figure has Flynn’s briefcase!
PIP: It’s CHET DAKOTA!
HHL: …What? He’s wearing a ski mask, it’s impossible to see his face?
PIP: I’m calling it right now! The man ruining Flynn’s life is CHET DAKOTA!
”Don’t worry, Mark Flynn. This briefcase is finally in the right hands!”
Flynn is furious!
”That briefcase is MINE!” he howls, so loud and so intensely that he doesn’t need a microphone.
”Mark Flynn. You’re saying this is rightfully yooooooours?”
”YES!”
”Well, then…”
The masked figure lifts his hand to his mask…
And casts it away!
IT’S NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL!
The crowd is in shock and disbelief!
Mark Flynn’s mouth is agape! In horror!
HHL: We haven’t seen the War Criminal since…
PIP: Since Mark Flynn tried to end his career throwing him into an electrical box!
NK lifts the microphone.
”I suppose, if this is yours…”
NK points at Flynn.
”Call this PART ONE… of a slow painful operation… TO TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU! As you wished to take from me!”
NK drops the mic… And disappears back behind the curtain!
Flynn dashes down the aisle! Over the railing! And up the ramp!
HHL: Flynn is in hot pursuit!
PIP: But, the X-Treme champion has a new unexpected wrinkle! His old partner, NK is back! And he has gone from Flynn’s partner… to his worst enemy!
HHL: Flynn said earlier, as long as he's got the briefcase, he's in control... What about now that NK has it?!?
HHL: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to a night that has already seen it's fair share of electrifying action! This is, of course, Weekend Warfare and for those who have been living under a rock, we have a colossal main event in store for you tonight!
PIP: Now, now, let's not waste time with pleasantries. Our main event tonight is the clash between two remarkable competitors, or well at least one remarkable competitor, the jury is still out on the dude who hasn't been around for 20 years.
HHL: Five, PIP, five years. But you're right, this clash is about to unfold inside that steel cage ominously above the ring.
PIP: So this challenger, Christian Andrews, is making his long-awaited return after FIVE years of absence. He is a former X-treme Champion with an undefeated record of 4-0.
HHL: And let's not forget his opponent, the current XWF Universal Champion, Corey Smith. He's got quite the past already, but just recently with everything that has gone down, you have to wonder what his mental state is going to be and how he's going to fare against Andrews.
"Chop Suey" by System of a Down plays
The arena's lights dim, and the opening chords of "Chop Suey" by System of a Down reverberate throughout the arena.
HHL: And here he comes, ladies and gentlemen! The enigmatic Christian Andrews, known as "El Duende que Camina," is making his way to the ring after a five-year hiatus. The anticipation in this arena is almost tangible!
PIP: Andrews has an aura of mystery surrounding him, Heather. He's a veteran, he's cunning, and tonight he's back to reclaim his place in the spotlight.
Andrews strides down the ramp with purpose, exuding an air of confidence. He climbs the steel steps and enters the cage, his eyes locked onto the ring.
HHL: There's something about his demeanor, Pip. He's focused, determined, and the fans are clearly behind him.
PIP: Well, he's about to step into the cage with the Universal Champion, Heather. The stakes don't get much higher than this.
"Identity" by Grandson plays
As Andrews awaits his opponent, the lights in the arena flicker, and a mixture of red and blue spotlights dance across the crowd. "Identity" by Grandson blares over the speakers.
HHL: And here comes the XWF Universal Champion, Corey Smith! He's had quite the journey, from Lux to The Engineer, to just regular Corey and now he's standing tall as the Universal Champion. I'd say he's doing pretty good for himself!
PIP: That's right, Heather. Smith has been through a lot, and it's only gotten more convoluted these last few weeks but tonight we'll see the culmination of this journey in this cage match against the returning Christian Andrews.
*****Smith walks down the ramp, his jacket flashing with vibrant lights. The crowd roars in appreciation of the champion.*****
HHL: The atmosphere in this arena is electric, Pip. Corey Smith has captured the hearts of fans with his resilience and passion!
PIP: Well, he's going to have to tap into that resilience tonight, Heather. Andrews is no pushover, and he's got a lot to prove after being away for so long.
Both competitors are now inside the steel cage, and the referee checks them for any foreign objects before signaling for the match to begin.
HHL: The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife, Pip. This match is going to be a collision of two completely different worlds.
PIP: That's what makes this main event so intriguing, Heather. It's the clash of past and present, mystery and determination.
The bell rings, and the match is underway. The cage provides a brutal backdrop for this showdown as Smith and Andrews circle each other cautiously.
HHL: The crowd is on the edge of their seats, Pip. These two competitors are sizing each other up, looking for any opening.
PIP: This is chess, Heather, not checkers. One wrong move, and it could cost them the match.
The two competitors lock eyes, and the crowd's anticipation reaches a fever pitch. Suddenly, Andrews lunges forward, aiming for a quick grapple, but Smith slips out of his reach with nimble footwork. Corey wastes no time however with a lightning-fast kick to Christian's midsection. Andrews stumbles back, and Smith seizes the opportunity to unleash a rapid series of strikes, pushing Andrews further into the corner.
HHL: The tension in the air is nearly suffocating, Pip. You can feel the intensity of this match-up from every corner of the arena.
PIP: That's right, Heather. The cage amplifies everything. Every strike, every slam, every emotion is magnified within these steel confines.
HHL: Corey Smith showcasing his striking ability right out of the gate, infused with what looks like a plethora of rage. He's not giving Andrews any room to breathe.
PIP: Smith's got the speed advantage, and he's capitalizing on it. But let's not count out Andrews just yet.
With a sudden burst of strength, Andrews shoves Smith away, breaking free from the corner. He regains his composure and charges forward, aiming for a clothesline, but Smith ducks underneath and bounces off the ropes.
HHL: Corey with the rebound! He's coming back with speed!
PIP: Watch out, Christian!
Smith launches himself at Andrews with a leaping forearm smash, connecting squarely with Christian's chest and sending him crashing to the mat.
HHL: What an incredible strike by Corey Smith! The impact was absolutely devastating!
PIP: That's the risk of taking on a speedster like Smith. He can change direction and strike with pinpoint accuracy.
Normally Corey would go for a quick pin here hoping to catch the veteran off guard, but there doesn't seem to be any desire for a quick match here. Instead, Corey pounces on top of the bigger man, unleashing lefts and rights and forearms down onto the challenger.
HHL: Corey Smith is clearly releasing some pent up anger here tonight, and Christian is just bracing right now, taking the shots!
PIP: Combined with his speed, Corey is just showing how deadly he can be!
Corey tries to mount Christian but Andrews places his hand on Smith's chest, pushing him sideways and off of him with impressive strength. As Christian turns over onto his hands and knees to stand, Corey wastes no time pouncing back on top of Christian, this time on his back trying to bring in jabs from the sides.
Andrews however stands up with little to no trouble, and while taking a wild shot to the jaw, he grabs a hold of Corey's other hand, his left one that was clinging to Christian's body as he stood, and Andrews flips Smith with a modified judo throw before holding onto the arm and locking in a kneeling arm bar.
HHL: Andrews had to do something to stop the onslaught of offense from the much younger, much fresher…
PIP: And much more pissed off.
HHL: Corey Smith. And he does so excellently, with the arm bar to slow things down.
PIP: Andrews showing the veteran side of himself here.
Corey has no desire to hang out here in this position and slowly works his way up to his feet, trying to throw a wild punch into Andrews side but missing as Andrews steps out of the way. Christian notices the movement of his opponent and when Corey tries to throw another punch, Christian releases the arm! Christian now fires back with a major right hand to the jaw of Corey, sending the small man to the ground! Smith stands back up though and charges Christian, who quickly sends him up and over with an arm drag, locking the arm bar back into place.
HHL: Christian plants Corey into the ground with one punch!
PIP: But nothing is stopping the Universal Champion as he is quickly back up and... OH!
HHL: Over he goes! Christian snaps back on that arm bar that Corey just tried to fight out of!
Corey visibly frustrated, or in pain, the two emotions mixed on his face. He fights his way back to his feet and with a front roll, breaks the grip of Andrews slightly, enough for Corey to roll backwards back to his feet and come up holding the wrist of Christian! Corey spins the wrist in his hands around into a wrist lock, but Christian quickly uses his weight to push Corey to the ropes.
Christian then propels Smith forward with an irish whip from the hold, but as Corey hits the ropes and comes back, Andrews leans forward knocking the air out of the champion with a shoulder tackle! Christian's turn to hit the ropes, as Corey quickly spins his body toward Andrews and drops down in front of him causing Christian to jump over him. Christian hits the ropes on the opposite side and comes back getting caught with a high dropkick from the champion!
PIP: Corey Smith showing why he's the champion, no matter what type of offense Christian implements here, Corey seems to be on top of it!
HHL: You have to wonder if it's not just his energy and drive that's out working Christian? We know people have brought it up before but there's more than a 20 year age gap between the two competitors tonight…
Christian who took the dropkick and stumbled backwards into the ropes, sees Corey rushing forward. Christian has it in his mind to look for a back body drop toward the cage wall behind him, but Corey is no fool. As Christian bends down to launch Corey as Smith approaches him, the Champion hesitates just enough to bring one foot up in a beautiful kick, right between the eyes of the bent over challenger. Christian's body flings back to a standing position like a rubber band snapping, and Corey wastes no time, this time launching a flurry of punches and punch combinations into the challenger.
HHL: You would think Christian seriously disrespected Corey with how Corey is taking out all his frustrations here tonight.
PIP: His house did get burned down... do you even remember Leap of Faith?
Christian takes the lefts and rights as they come, making a mental note of how hard this smaller opponent is actually hitting. Do these shots hurt more then what Christian remembers? Andrews has had enough now, reaching forward and what looks like a bear hug, but then uses his body weight and strength to force Corey Smith backwards. With one fling of the hips and launch of the back, Christian sends Corey up and over him with a belly to belly suplex, this time the Champion goes back first, upside down, into the unforgiving steel outside the ropes! Corey's body drops down back onto the top rope before twisting onto the ground. A hush from the crowd shows concern, as Christian slowly backs away and drops to one knee, desperately looking to find where his breath went off to.
HHL: Belly to belly! Corey is sent flying!
PIP: Ohhhh, that was a sick landing though. Corey might be seriously hurt!
HHL: It's like you said earlier PIP, one wrong move and it could be over!
Christian pulls Corey's body away from the ropes and bends down, lifting Smith up by his neck. Christian stares into the eyes of his opponent, as he pushes him backwards into the ropes. Corey's body almost robotically bounces off the ropes and swings back toward his opponent, who quickly devours any life left with a massive clothesline, sending Corey Smith to the mat hard, a resemblence of roadkill in the middle of the ring.
HHL: Corey looks done! That one move, that one landing... I don't think Corey knows where he's at!
PIP: A massive clothesline!!!! I think Corey just saw his life flash before his eyes.
Christian covers, still catching his breath as the referee reclutantly drops to the ground, not able to check on Corey as he counts.
1...
2…
Just as the referee's hand meets the mat for the second time, Corey shoots an arm up lifting his shoulder off the ground and breaking the pin.
PIP: The sound of the mat must've woken Corey back up!
HHL: He's alive!
Christian casts a knowing smile, nodding toward his opponent on the ground. Christian slowly rises to his feet, stumbling a few paces back from the Champion, and waits as Corey Smith brings himself to his feet. Christian charges forward as Smith reaches his feet completely, but before Christian could land his hands on his opponent, Corey spins around and slides his hand behind the head of the challenger! With one giant push, and one massive momentum burst from his opponent, Corey sends Christian flying, face first into the cage! Christian stumbles back, right into a beautifully executed roundhouse kick, nearly taking Christian's head off!
HHL: A roundhouse kick perfected, and just like that the momentum has swung again!
PIP: Both these competitors doing what they can, it's going to come down to the wire, I can tell already!
Corey covers Christian after watching Christian's body crumble to the mat, and the referee drops down respectively.
1...
Christian quick to power out and roll himself away from danger. Or so he thought. Corey stalks his opponent on the ground as Christian comes to a stop, and charges forward looking to find Christian's face with his knee! Andrews however quickly pulls his head out of harms way and as Corey slides by, Christian reaches around his opponent's waste and stands up, deadlifting Corey into the air in a belly to back position!
HHL: Corey's in trouble!
Christian launches Corey backwards, with a German Suplex! The impact causing the crowd to quiet down from their normal cheers, before Christian holds on and rolls through with the momentum, coming back to a standing position and deadlifting his opponent yet again! With a second swing, Andrews sends Smith backwards with a second German Suplex! This time as he rolls through, Christian shifts his hips as he brings Corey up into the air for a third time in a belly to back suplex position, but positions himself purposefully by the ropes! Christian launches Corey backwards with a third German Suplex, but this one sends Corey back-first into the cage again!
PIP: A three-part German Suplex series, a nod to Christian's influences, and here goes the final Suplex…
HHL: INTO THE STEEL CAGE!
PIP: Oh my!
HHL: We're not used to seeing this kind of brutality from the challenger here…
PIP: We're not used to seeing the challenger, period!
As PIP makes his point, Christian ensures to make his, using his body and shoulder to roll Corey over from his stomach onto his back, covering.
1...
2...
Corey kicks out again, not nearly as close as the count indiciated. Christian slams his fists into the ground, clearly showing his own frustration.
PIP: Christian couldn't have really expected that would be it? That this is all it takes to dethrone our Champion…
But he did. Christian has meticulously studied his opponent and knew where his weaknesses are, and was fully intent on making a statement by "dethroning" Corey Smith in record time. However, Corey was showing that he was in fact, a fighting champion by every definition of the word. Christian brings himself up to his knees, and motions to the crowd that he's going to end the match here.
HHL: Christian looks to be signaling for the Soul Stealer! He's going to try and put the Champion away!
PIP: Why is it, that every time somebody signals for their finisher in a wrestling ring, they almost never hit it…
Sure enough, PIP cursed the ring Christian walked on. Christian bends down to pick Corey up, and lifts the Champion to his feet, putting him back first onto his shoulders. Corey lets out a yelp as his now bloodied and cut up back lays across Christian's shoulders, and Christian looks to flip him for the inverted DVD, the Soul Stealer. However as Christian flips Corey forward, Corey shifts in midair using the momentum to put Corey in a favorable position in front of Christian, grabbing Christian's neck in one fluid motion and coming down hard with a jawbreaker!
HHL: This was like a variation of the Corey Special Number 4!
PIP: Except not from the top rope, from the top of Christian's shoulders! This is insane!
HHL: If Corey could pin, this is it! Christian might be done for!
Corey lands flush on his back however after the move, causing him to yell out in pain. Christian is also flush on his back, but rolls toward the ropes quickly to avoid the potential danger he's in. The crowd erupts for both men, cheering "this is awesome."
HHL: The crowd clearly excited, and respecting of that move!
PIP: Christian showing his veteran tendencies here, rolling toward the ropes in case a pin attempt is made. I wonder if he purposefully did that, or if it was just instinct?
Corey brings himself up to his feet and hobbles over to Christian, but Corey has no intention on pinning him. Instead he brings the challenger to his knees and backs up, calling for the Extra Face Pain De-Lux! As he positions himself before the challenger, he arches himself sideways and swings his back foot forward, looking to connect with Christian's head!
PIP: The Corey Smith specific buzzsaw here, and Christian is done.
HHL: Here goes the kick! And…
While the crowd, the announcers, and Corey himself waited for the sound of the impact on the challengers skull, it never came! Instead, Christian ducks under the kick which spins Corey clean around, and quickly positions Corey back onto his shoulders! With no taunting, no crowd control, and more importantly, no hesitation, Christian flips Corey forward onto the mat with a high impact Soul Stealer, landing Corey right on his head and neck! The crowd gasps collectively, the arena buzzing both with shock and with excitement knowing we may very well have a new Champion! The announcers try to speak but their voices are caught up for a moment before finally getting something out...
HHL: The Soul Stealer! It's over! It's over!
PIP: My god he did it, we have a new champion!
Christian looks down at the lifeless body of his opponent, and smirks. This was his moment, this was his match, and he wouldn't have it any other way. As he glances to the crowd to confirm one last time his place in XWF history, his confidence, his demeanor, and his momentum suddenly come to a halt. In the middle of the crowd, staring right at him, was Christian's friend Nick. The hurt, the pain, all evident on his face as Christian stutter steps forward, shocked. Corey's body contorts on the ground beneath Christian as he slowly rolls toward the cage door.
HHL: What…
PIP: Who the hell is Christian looking at? What is he doing?
HHL: Corey is crawling toward the door! Christian doesn't see!
Christian steps forward some more toward the ropes, placing his hands on the steel cage, his fingers interlocked with the intricacies of the cage. The crowd cheering him on and warning him of the incoming problems were all deaf to him, as his eyes never swayed from Nicks. Christian was stunned, shocked, and at least for the moment, stopped.
PIP: WHAT IS HE DOING? LOOK BEHIND YOU!
HHL: Corey has reached the door, the door is opening! It's opening!
Christian shakes his head, as if pleading for forgiveness and suddenly remembers where he's at. Christian quickly turns around but Corey wasn't escaping like everyone originally thought. No... he used the ropes by the door to pull himself to his feet. Corey charges forward, a boot extended, and Christian... well, he just simply wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for the impact, he wasn't ready for the damage it caused, and perhaps, he just wasn't ready for this match. The boot met his face with such velocity yet such purpose, Christian didn't even feel his body hit the mat.
HHL: What the hell?!?!?! Corey with a Face Pain De-Lux out of nowhere!
PIP: YOU DUMB BASTARD! How on earth does he turn his back on the Universal Champion like that?
Christian's body moves without his permission, sliding himself back up to his knees, not allowing him to quit. Not allowing him to check out. It turns out to be the wrong move however, despite his attempt to fight, and his attempt to keep going, Christian again didn't see the kick coming. As he stood on his knees, looking forward, Corey spun around with a huge swift kick, a coup de grace to his kneeling opponent.
HHL: Christian was still fighting! He isn't staying down!
PIP: The Extra Face Pain De-Lux. Christian just dropped lifelessly, I don't think he's even still in the arena right now. Hell, he may not even be on earth.
Corey Smith wastes no time this time, rolling the body of the bigger man over as the referee drops to his position to count.
1...
2...
3!
WINNER (AND STILL UNIVERSAL CHAMPION): COREY SMITH!
Special Thanks To:
BOB D
Charlie Nickles x 2
Liam Desmond
Peter Principle
Christian Andrews
RANDOM THOOTS
Ok just jumping into reading my first XWF show in a long time. Here are some random moments i enjoyed about the show as i read(and skimmed lol srry) through the show)
Love the Mark Flynn 'video feed' stuff. Not exactly sure what's going on here. But i love and am interested in the investigation on who is after Flynn fron cashing in. Love the last idea image of the shadow watching.
Dig the mastermind t-shirt stuff.
COOL MOMENT>>>
Like the Misfits stuff and CONGRATS BOB.D!!
YKW’s Superkick barely nudges Bobby…
Just enough to tip him over…
STRAIGHT INTO THE BEVY OF CAKES!
Love the Bobby, Dolly, BOB birthday stuff. Good stuff. Funny stuff.
HOLY HELL ATOMIC BAT IS AN AWESOME THEME!
Lmao Love the TAAAAAAAAAG just taging in when they want.
CONGRATS JUST-US-LEAGUE!<< Good match.
HHL: “This is a glorious vineyard! I didn’t know they had such nice wineries in Seattle, I thought everyone here just smoked plants. I had no idea they liked drinking them as well!” << LOL. Good stuff.
Not sure what the backstory is with Angie, Dionysus and Grayson. But i'm interested. WINE SELLER BRAWL! Good stuff. Haha
Fun match. I lol'd at HHL: “Angie Vaughn is really having her way with Dionysus right about now!”
PC: “I wish she would have her way with me….”
HHL: “Gross, Pip.”
No WHINING in the Wine Seller Match. Haha
The aplty named WINE MIXER (Shining Wizard followed by Lionsault off a wine rack) puts Angelica down for the count! The ref counts the pin!
GOOD ENDING TO A WACKY MATCH! CONGRATS DIONYSUS!!! NEW CHAMP!
Slade vs Flynn!
Behind Flynn, a concession guy rolls his cart, calling out “Peanuts! Crackerjacks! Sodas! Beer!”
WHAM! Flynn gets ROCKED with another right hand, driving him backwards into the snack cart!
The concession cart guy yells at the wrestlers!
“HEY! DON’T TOUCH THE SNACK CART!”
…Slade snarls, getting in the arena employee’s face! “WHAT IF I DO?!? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!?”
…The concession staff shrinks backwards, as Slade turns toward Fl-
FLYNN CATCHES HIM WITH A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO THE THROAT! Durant’s back hits the ground! << Liked this sequence,
Lmao. Love the Bottle/2 salts/sequence too. Haha. WTF. Poors it in his OWN eyes. Wtf. Haha. Funny stuff.
DURANT LOSES! HAVE MERCY! Congrats CHAMPION FLYNN!!!
IS CHET DAKOTA RUINING FLYNNS LIFE!!!!????!!!
NO! Wtf! It's THe North Korean Criminal!!!! I don't know him but it feels like a BIG return!! Love it. He took the briefcase.
A great story run angle with a GREAT pay off! Good stuff!
Corey vs Christian
GOod match.
Wtf is Christian looking at. I love the boot from Corey. Weird ending but i kind of loved it. Love Corey Smith as the dominating's champion.
OVER ALL. My first show i read in years (sorry) but i give it a solid 8-10. Fast faced. Not much filler. Good angles setting up the future. Good stuff all around.
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
The following 4 users Like Peter Principle's post:
![[Image: 4235893084%20Front.jpg]](http://www.ooshirts.com/gen_image/4235893084%20Front.jpg)
![[Image: 4235893084%20Back.jpg]](http://www.ooshirts.com/gen_image/4235893084%20Back.jpg)
![[Image: KUQzquc.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/wRLj41m3/KUQzquc.png)
![[Image: smile-will-yun-lee.gif]](https://media.tenor.com/VwmTFKZ6a3IAAAAC/smile-will-yun-lee.gif)
