"Woo Saah! Someone is at the door!" I was being lazy. I was in the kitchen and much closer to the door than Josslynn was but I still called out to her. I was cooking Hot Pockets though. In the microwave but that still should count as cooking. Looking at the clock on the wall in the kitchen, it read 7PM. "Joss! Someone is knocking!!"

"So answer it.." She says strolling out of the back room. She wasn't wearing much but had an old baggy T-Shirt of mine hanging down around her like a nightgown. Probably some underwear but nothing more. She turns and heads back to the room, leaving me to answer the door. I'm so letting her Hot Pocket burn.


The knuckle tapping turned into a hammerfist. "Who the fuck is knocking like they the Police?!" I shout coming out of the kitchen. Removing my apron that says Kiss the Cook and crumbling it up and aggressively tossing it on the counter. Grabbing at the door, I turn the knob and pull it open in a rush. Eyes piercing to find whoever wanted to knock like they were trying to start trouble. 

"About fucking time! Were you taking a dump?" 

Austin Ramsey. The dread of seeing this prick on my doorstep. We have had a spat that was ongoing. A beef if you will between what has become like a Brother to me. Fuck him. I wanted to slam the door shut and act as if nobody was there. Then Todrick appeared and she had with her two babies. Newborns, a few months old now and in truth, this was maybe the second time I had actually been able to see them. Busy with work and what not. I make excuses. I'm not a newborn kind of guy.

"Hello Ms. Todrick!" I greet her with a smile as I also completely ignore Austin. The beef was real. "And are those my Godbabies?" They were, I knew they were and I knew they probably looked at me and saw a stranger. "GB1 and GB2! How do you do!"

"Babe! This asshole just called our babies GB1 and 2 because he doesn't remember their names!" Austin was a snitch and didn't need to be. Toddy can hear us and her glaring stare when I said it let me know she had heard me. He just snitched to be a snitch. 

"I remember their names.. I just like giving nicknames. Yours is PB. Punk Bitch!" Austin jumped at me and rightfully so but Todrick stomped on the ground and snapped her fingers and we both froze. 

"I swear you two get on my NERVES!!"

"I do know their names though.." I suck with names. Luck is the Lady tonight and mine came in just in the nick of time. 

"Toddy! Austin!" Josslynn says with excitement as she pushes past me to greet our guests. After hugging with Todrick, Josslynn squats down and squeals at the Twins. "BABIES!!" 

"Great, does Joss not know their names either? Jason sure as fuck doesn't.." Austin was just accusing everyone.

Josslynn snaps her head and gives me a look before taking one of the babies from Todrick. "You know their names!" She tells me.

"Dominic and Diana?" I said but it was almost questioning my own words. 

"He's guessing.." Austin states.

"Oh would you two stop acting like damn fools!" Todrick has finally had enough! Handing me Dominic, Todrick steps past us and enters the home. "Yes, I would love to come in.." It was then I realized I hadn't invited them in. In my head, I at least knew that Todrick wasn't a vampire. She went in without an invite and as I scolded Austin with a stare, I questioned if he was a nightwalker. He returned the look and headed inside as well. 

I still have my doubts about him. "My bad, how rude of Joss to not have invited you in.." I say in jest but Josslynn hits me with a punch to the arm. Heading into the living room, I started making faces at Dominic and he responded by slapping me. 

Cute kid. 

"Ouch!" Fucker pulled my beard like he wanted to take some home with him. 

Austin laughed.

Dominic laughed. it was most definitely his kid. 

"So we have a favor to ask.." Todrick announced as Josslynn and I took our attention off the babies in our arms for a moment. "Wanna babysit?" 

"Who?" I asked as if there was someone else she could have been asking. 

"The twins. Todrick said with what felt like she could have added a 'dumbass' at the end but she didn't. Austin jumped in to be a sarcastic shit as usual though. 

They will probably babysit you Jason.." I shot a mocking expression at him as Todrick adds some details to her favor request. 

"We want a night on the town. Just us." Turning, Toddy gives Austin a loving gaze. "As their Godfather, your butt been should have spent time with them!"

She wasn't lying.

"I… Umm..?" 

I stumbled to find a proper excuse. I needed an excuse. Staring over at Joss, our eyes had a conversation, I felt she was on the same page as I was. We would get out of this easy, I gave her a smile and she blurted out. 

"Not a problem. Say no more!"

"Say huh?" I let the words slip out. We were NOT on the page. Austin laughed as he clapped his hands together. Todrick looked happy. 

"Good shit!" Austin says and quickly adds. "We got all the information you'll need. I sent you an email. Emergency contacts, medical records, the whole nine! We will leave you to it, thanks again.. Josslynn!" He almost shouts with excitement but as he passes by me, I don't get a thanks, I get a middle finger in the face. 

"We will swing by to pick them up no later than Noon."

They left the diaper bag on the floor as Austin and Todrick Ramsey hurry to kiss their babies, give thanks a second time (to Josslynn mostly) before heading for the door. I heard all of that take place but my eyes were still locked on Josslynn. After they left, I questioned some shit.

"What just happened?" I ask. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I gave you that look so we could have an excuse to NOT babysit.." Showing her the look again, it was all in the eyes, the stare. 

"What look? That look? You look constipated.." She turns her attention to Diana and makes baby noises at her which gets a giggle from the baby girl. "They're babies! We can handle it for one night.."

I wasn't sure we could. Fur Babies, Animals, Former Sisters, sure, we can handle that. They don't need to be fed like babies do. Burped like babies do. Changed like babi..

Oh fuck that! 

"Yooo I'm not capable of changing a diaper!"

She laughs as she wipes some drool from Diana's smiling mouth. "Jason is gonna have to learn isn't he? Yes he is! Yes he is!" Suddenly her cute baby voice was the worst. I am very bitter right now. 

"Maybe they won't need to be changed?" I asked a dumb question knowing it was a dumb question. 

"Toddy will unalive you if you leave her babies in dirty diapers overnight. I will hand her the knife.. Youtube it, I'm sure there is a tutorial for it." 

"I am not youtubing how to change a diaper.. You don't know how?" 

"Nope and I'm not gonna be the one who learns either, Godfather!" She was using a happy baby voice so Diana would giggle and interact but her words were mean. Hurtful even. 

"This is gonna be a long night.." I said with a sigh. I had no idea how right I would be.




"Austin texted me back." Checking my phone, I read the tweet out loud so Josslynn would hear. "They don't like cartoons. Try to find a good Horror movie.."

"And you thought we would be listening to Baby Shark.."

"I blame Theo. He put that song in my head the other day on Twitter.. The prick!"

I found Killer Klowns from Outer Space on Paramount+ and figured it would do the job. Bright colors but also a horror based movie. Nothing too gory. I didn't want to be a part of them becoming little sadistic child killers. As the movie played, it didn't take long for them to get stuck on the television. 

"This is gonna be too easy! We got this!"

Josslynn was sitting on the opposite side of the couch as I was. We had the twins in the middle but Josslynn reaches over and pats me on the shoulder. "You've got this, I'm going to take a nap!"

I spoke with confidence. More than I should have had but an exaggerated brag was always in the chamber. "I make this look EAAAASY! My Godbabies love me!"

In the long oversized shirt, Josslynn gets off the couch and stumbles towards the back room. I watched her with a head full of thoughts that I didn't want to let it take over my mindspace. Right now, I was enjoying a bad movie with my Godbabies. 






"Pumpkin!" I shot awake. I must have fallen asleep but found myself in relief as I took in a deep inhale. "Thank gawd.. Just a dream.."

I let myself sigh as I laid my head back on the couch. Then I remembered! I snapped up and looked around. I checked under the table, in the closet near the front door. I hurried into the kitchen and checked the cabinets, inside the fridge, the oven and even the microwave. I found no babies.

"Fuck.." I muttered as I left the kitchen and scurried down the hallway. The bedroom door was closed and as I opened it and busted into the room louder than I probably should have, I shouted. "JOSSLY–"

There had been a peace in the room that died once I entered. Josslynn was laying in the middle of the bed with the Twins laying under each of her arms. She used pillows as walls along the sides of the bed so the babies couldn't roll off. All three of them HAD been sound asleep. That was until I barged in like an asshole. 

"Waahhhhhh!"

Diana shook awake and instantly roared in tears but it was Dominic's eyes that had just opened and stared at me with disgust that caught my attention. He wasn't crying, he looked mad as hell. Josslynn just looked ashamed as her head shook from left to right. "Good job, Jason.."






"Aaaggghhhh! Fuck nooo!" Clearly by the sound of my voice, I was mad. I was livid! Her footfalls in a rush, Josslynn hurries from the back room with eyes wide as she comes around the corner. "You little shh–" I said like I had been slimed on Nickelodeon.

"Heeey!" She yells at me for almost cussing a baby. I look at her standing frozen like I was paralyzed. Dominic was on his back with his legs in the air and was just dying of laughter. "What's wrong?!"

"Look! He peed on me!"

Now she was laughing which made Diana start laughing and she was over by the TV on the floor playing with toys. This was some booooshit and I wasn't finding it even remotely funny. 

"Tag. You're up. I need a minute, now we both need to be changed." I felt the warmth of the pee, the boy has a grown man bladder. It helped reaffirm why I never wanted children. As I head to the back room, I stop and turn back because I was highly bothered. "I think he did it on purpose!" I was pointing at him as Josslynn finished putting him in a new diaper. 

"He's a baby! They pee on people all the time! Sure you don't want one?"

"Don't even joke like that right now.."

She lied about not knowing how to change a diaper but that's besides the point. Dominic had his head to the side and was smiling at me. He knew that I knew! I growled and stomped into the room letting the door slam shut behind me.






My mouth hurt because of a smile that I was unable to remove from my face as I came out of the back bedroom. I had changed but I also took time to 'freshen up' which for me meant that I got high. My favorite part of hotboxing a room or vehicle was when the doors and windows open and the smoke rolls out like there had been a fire. I watched it do just that as I stepped out into the hallway and pulled the door closed. 

I had a plan in place. Turning the corner, the living room came into view. Josslynn was feeding the Twins on the floor. She had a blanket laid down and there were baby toys scattered about. 

"Hey.. Hey, look!"

She turned to look and scoffed out a laugh. "Look at you! I don't know what is redder, your eyes or that stupid nose!"

I was wearing a red clown nose. Something I picked up after seeing that movie "Mr. Right" I felt I had a lot in common with the character that Sam Rockwell played. To the babies, I would be one of the Klowns that they saw during the movie earlier. Diana smiled but Dominic once again gave me that same bothered stare that he most definitely got from his Daddy. 

"That boy just doesn't like me.."

"He is probably wondering what you have on your face. Not everyone tattoos their head.. Here, make a new bottle for me."

She tosses the empty bottle and I have to lunge out some to catch it. Bad throw, skills on the hands though. "Nice catch!"

I made the bottle. The formula had instructions so it wasn't hard to do. I let my mind drift off some, remembering what my dream had been about. I had forgotten about the red nose on my face as I reentered the living area. I would soon fit the concept of the nose entirely. 

"Catch.." I said it and didn't hesitate to underhand the bottle towards Josslynn. She wasn't paying attention and as she turned to catch it, the bottle went right through her hands. 

KLUNK!

"WAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Dominic's face was just locked in like it was a sniper hit. I flinched as soon as I saw it connect and Josslynn gasped as she dove over Dominic as if to protect him after the fact. 

"WAAAAHHHHHHHH!! WAAHHHHH!!" 

He hadn't cried before now. It was loud, the boy had some lungs on him. He only stopped crying to take a breath. Diana's little chin curled up as her eyebrows folded and she too started crying. Crying but not with a range like her Brother had. Josslynn had Dominic up in her arms, held to her chest. She gave me a foul look as her head shook from side to side. 

"You.. You were supposed to catch it…" I tried to say as if fault would somehow fade from myself and be shared with her. 

That wasn't the case. I really felt like the red nose was sitting on the face of a real clown. It didn't help that I just stood there. I didn't rush over and actually check on him.. I was bad at this kid thing.






"WAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh my gawd! Will you shut up? How have you not lost your voice yet?!"

I was tired. I was running on empty in both patience and energy. Dominic was still crying, he had a little scuff on the bridge of his nose. I planned to blame one of the animals.

"Are you hungry? Here is your bottle."

He shoved the bottle away as his lungs had rested long enough to start singing again. 

"Waahhhhhh Wahhhh!"

"Ohhh waahhh yourself!"

"Waahhhh…"

I paused. He stopped crying and was staring at me with intentions I wasn't sure he understood seemed evil. "Now you want to stop crying?"

"Waahh.."

"Was that a fake fucking cry?" I took offense. I was bothered because this boy was crying just to cry. "Did your Dad put you up to this?"

He gave me a smile. The hairs on my arm stood up. Creepy ass baby grin and I was alone. Josslynn had taken Diana to the room. Both were no doubt asleep but Dominic here was a ball of fucking energy. 

"One of these days, I'm gonna kick your Daddy's ass.. How about that?"

"WAAAAHHHHH! WAAAHHHH! WAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

"Waaaah!" I was shouting at a baby now. Combating his cries with my own. 

"Waaahhhh!"

"Waaaah!!"

"WAAAAHHHHH!"

He got louder. I wasn't going to lose this challenge. He was challenging me. "WAAAAAH WAAAH WAAHHH!" We were almost face to face trading cries. 

"WAAAAAAAHHH!"

He was shedding tears, drooling but I don't believe he was truly crying anymore. This was an act. "This is some booshit! Nowhere in that email did it say you were a Monster!"

"Waahh?"

I tilted my head at him because that was just a lazy cry and had a questioning vibe to it. I want to kick his ass but it's not his fault. It's his Father's fault. I blame Austin. 

"You know.. I never wanted kids. Just not for me." He settled down, laying on the couch, I was sitting next to him. He was just watching me. I vented. "You and your Sister tho? I don't know why but.. I was pretty fucking thrilled!"

Dare I say, this boy let himself stretch out a grin. Like he understood what I was saying. 

"Out of all the Parents you two could have gotten? You have the best.. Well, Toddy anyway. Your Dad is a piece of work."

"Waaahhhh.."

He gasped a cry more than an outright cry. "Ohh stop! You know your Dad is a whole handful of mixed nuts." Dominic giggles. His eyes close as he gives a big smile. Like a laugh without any noise. Babies had their moments of being adorable. "You're alright kid.. Your Godfather loves you even if you are a prick like your Daddy! You have a good soul like your Mother. Balances itself out nicely.."




"Jason, someone is at the door!" 

I heard both the knocking and Josslynn's voice as she called out from the bedroom. I wasn't sleeping, I was resting my eyes. It had been a long night but finally, I had gotten Dominic to fall asleep. He had been so for a few hours now. A peace had finally been found. The light of day coming in through the windows burned a little as I opened my eyes. 

"Hey! You can't hear the door?" Josslynn comes down the hallway and snarls at me. 

"Ain't that some shit…" I almost let my own voice grow more than a whisper. I had Dominic laying along my side with my left arm keeping him in place. "Shhhh you'll wake him.." Nodding towards the door, I add. "That might be them."

Letting the reversal of roles fall to the side, Josslynn hurries to the door and answers it. It was The Ramsey's. "Come in, come in!" Now she invited them in. Correcting a mistake from earlier. 

As they entered the living area. Todrick as she seemed anxious to see her babies and her joyous smile only got bigger seeing Dominic who was still asleep.. "Awww My baby!" She lifts him off of me, waking him up as she smothers him in kisses.

Austin comes around the corner and has this hound dog, sniffing for trouble look on his face. Made you want to hit him with a shovel to be honest. 

"Heh.. Long night Cashe?" 

"Easy peasy." I was completely full of shit and I hoped that sarcasm was heard in what I said. 

"How were they? Did Princess Diana give you any grief? She can be a handful!"

"Say huh? Diana? No.. She was great! It was that little mons–"

Being interrupted at that moment was probably for the best. "Look Diana! It's Mommy and Daddy!" With baby Diana in hand, Josslynn comes out of the hallway. Both Toddy and Austin turn to see their Daughter.

"There's my girl!"

Everyone forgot about what I was saying. Nobody cared about how my night was, not really. These babies make all the noise, get all the attention and I'm over it. Right now, all of them can get out. I wanted coffee and a blunt. "You guys want to get ready and go out for lunch? Our treat?"

I look up and meet with Josslynn staring back at me. We are locked in on each other, she nods, shrugs all with her eyes. I am picking up what she is putting down and for once tonight, we were on the same page..

"We'd love to!"