IT made Kieran feel dirty, but after poking his nose around the business and getting the lay of the land, he decided to bite the bullet.
     He made a Twitter account.
     Back in 'his day' (pfft, like it isn't going to be his day all over again), Kieran would have never suspected that the blue bird would be the place to go for budding wrestlers to shill their wares, slide into each other's DMs - that wasn’t even a phrase back then! - and inexplicably advertise their attendance at a fucking titty bar of all places. It was… weird. Mind you, Skype was only just taking over from AOL Instant Messenger back then, and Kieran didn't exactly jump on that bandwagon either. He was hardly a futurist in that sense. Still, he thought it prudent to follow the herd in this situation. He did like titties after all…
    Sitting at the table in the middle of the living/dining/being-robbed-by-whores space in his Ghanian hotel room for the week, he took a sip from his coffee mug. He had been taking his sweet time with it while scrolling mindlessly through whatever drivel the internet had to offer today, and the black elixir had begun to cool in the air. He gulped it down happily nonetheless.
     His eyes remained fixed and in a daze.
     Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. More and more bullshit served up by the self-fellating and the sycophants. Kieran scoffed at all and sundry, unironically looking past the fact that he could suck his own dick with the best of them. Metaphorically speaking.
     "The fuck?" His 'robust' vocabulary rose to the surface as he set his mug back down on the table. He missed the coaster in the process.
     He read over the tweet that occasioned the curse again.
     Mark Flynn, the current XWF Universal Champion, had apparently dropped a promo for Madness and it was already the most viewed promo in the history of this iteration of the brand.
     Kieran hadn't watched it, but on principle the very thought disgusted him. Mark Flynn was the King of the Midcarders, only managing to rise above said station after the top of the card had finally cleared out - with the only other former Universal Champions on the roster other than Kieran himself being the monumental disappointments in Raion Kido, Peter Vaughn, and Bobby Bourbon. But it wasn't the fact that it was Flynn who took the honours that bothered him.
     This Madness was to be the triumphant 'Return of the King'. This was supposed to be HIS moment.
     Kieran King wasn't good at sharing.
     He was even worse at tolerating when things didn't go his way.
     Not that he would ever say it aloud, but Kieran was wholly aware that people weren't exactly throwing a parade to welcome him back. To circle back to the Twitter Machine - the XWF's own account hadn't even announced his signing! He was the only former Universal Champion signed to the still young Madness brand, and all he received was crickets. Meanwhile,they would roll out the red carpet for [insert random douchebag here].
     Kieran was cranky.
     Before he had a chance to irrationally decide on his next move, a banging was heard on the door to the hotel room. He left the phone next to the mug and with some irritation, went to find out who the hell wanted what.
     "Excuse me, Mr. King." The bellhop stood sheepishly in the passageway, eyes darting from Kieran's face to the floor and back. "I was very sorry to hear about your recent burglary. I just wanted to ask if there was anything I could do for you."
     Kieran should have known. The hotel staff had been stopping by every day (and sometimes twice) ever since that hooker he had brought round had tried to clean him out. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that some of the things she took were theirs as well. He could appreciate that. His frustration came from having asked them to stop just yesterday. Yet here was another poor sod knocking on his door.
     "No–," he began to say, before changing his mind.
     A half-cocked idea formed in his head.
     "Wanna make fifty bucks?"



KIERAN pushed the door open to his own room again, and found the bellhop seated exactly where he had left him about an hour ago.
     The nameless bellhop startled a little upon his entry.
     "How did you get on?"Kieran dragged a seat around from the other side of the table, and sat on the corner next to the bellhop.
     "All done, sir."
     "Yeah?" Kieran smirked. "Let me have a wee look then."
     Taking control of the laptop, Kieran quickly navigated his way to bringing up some statistics on the screen. Sure enough, the bellhop had done it. Exploiting a loophole in the counting, Mark Flynn's promo was now no longer the most viewed promo in the history of modern Madness.
     Kieran's was…
     …not?
     "What the fuck is this?" Kieran pointed at the screen.
     It was a Lexi Gold promo that had caught his attention.
     And it had more views than either Flynn's or Kieran's.
     "Why is…" He didn't finish the thought. He saw a pile of tissues in the small paper basket on the wall behind the bellhop. "Jesus fucking Christ dude! I don't think Lexi even shows some skin in that one. You know you can see more of her if you just literally looked anywhere else on the internet, right?"
     The bellhop's hand moved towards the computer.
     "Not now, creep!"
     The hand quickly snapped back to his side.
    "Very sorry, Mr. King." He bowed his head deferentially. Kieran didn't seem pleased.
     "Ten," Kieran said.
     "I'm sorry, sir?"
     Kieran stood and pulled his wallet out of his pocket.
     "You get ten dollars." He flicked an American note in the bellhop's direction.
     "But you said 'fifty'!"
     The protest fell on deaf ears.
     "And you whacked yourself off at my fucking dining table!" Kieran looked at the bin with revulsion. "Multiple times, it seems! You're lucky you're getting a single fucking cent and that I don't tell your bosses about this! Take the fucking money and get the fuck out of here!"
     A swift kick to the bellhop's chair prompted him to his feet. He snatched at Kieran's cash and looked back at the former Universal Champion.
     "What the fuck are you waiting for?" Kieran barked. The bellhop began moving towards the door. "And take your goddamn jizz with you!"
     The bellhop scrambled backwards, taking the whole wastebasket rather than fishing through it for his seed. He and the man-milk left through the door, leaving Kieran with the second-most viewed Madness promo.
     'At least it's not Flynn,' he thought to himself.
     It might only be temporary, but he still found that much to be kind of funny. Time well-spent, he concluded.