Quote:LEAP OF FAITH

Latina Submission Machina transitions the rollup into an armbar! La Reina is trapped! She’s got nowhere to go!

The referee gets in close to La Reina, checking to see if she’s going to tap out, but La Reina hangs in there. She screams in pain as her arm is twisted in ungodly directions, but she refuses to give in!


Bama: “Vinnie look there goes that libtard photographer again! Probably from FRANCE!”


The photographer sticks his camera right into the face of LSM, leaning in between the ropes to get as close as he can… and when he pulls the trigger, the whole flash bulb assembly explodes!!!


Vinnie Lane: “What the heck just happened?!?!”


Bama: “The French bastard just tried to do La Terrorism!”

LSM screeches and grabs at her face, blinded and burned. She stands and stumbles, and La Reina is right there to scoop her up…


OSIRIS’ JUDGMENT!!!


La Reina makes a cover!


1!


2!!


3!!!



DING! DING! DING!!!

Winner and NEW Anarchy Champion - “La Reina” Daniela Raye-Weathers

Vinnie Lane: “I can’t believe it! I don’t even think La Reina knows what happened to LSM, but she reaps the benefits!”


Bama: “They ain’t done yet Vinnie… LOOK!!”


After La Reina is given her new title and has started heading away to the back…

The cameramen leap into the ring and grab LSM. The now former Anarchy Champion can barely defend herself as the two grab her by the arms and legs and pull her out of the ring.

While flailing, LSM snatches one of the masks away from the face of one of the cameramen, and it reveals…


TOMMY WISH!!!


Bama: “WHAT THE HAY-ULL?!”


Wish and his still-masked accomplice continue dragging LSM away from the arena, kicking and screaming. They soon disappear into the backstage leaving the audience stunned!


Vinnie Lane: “What the heck just happened? Tommy Wish abducted Latina Submission Machina right here in front of our eyes!!”

Why is this happening to me?


At the end of my greatest championship run yet?


Before the biggest tournament of my career?


What did I do to deserve this….


I have the biggest opportunity of my life on the horizon, and I’m shackled to a concrete wall! My bed has mysterious stains on it! The walls are mind numbingly bare! This isn’t supposed to happen to women like me, women who know how to defend themselves!

I sit back against the wall and tuck my head between my legs as the realization sets in that these shackles are never going to budge. A few tears roll down my cheeks as I think about the life I should be living right now. I should be training at world-class gyms to prepare myself for the world-class competition I’m up against. I should be promoting the show on a binational media blitz, because I’m the biggest Lucha star in the Cup! I should be signing autographs, I should be kissing babies, I should be winning La Reina’s heart….but instead I’m trapped here, in this moldy basement room.

Why is this happening to me?

Because I’m attractive? Because I’m young? Because I’m successful? None of these answers sat well in my stomach. I clutch my guts as I feel my empty innards constricting and tightening. I can feel myself beginning to dry heave, but I know I have nothing in my stomach to throw up.

This is the worst day of my life. Worse than the day I learned who mi padre was. Today was even worse than the day mi madre died. I could die today, at any time, if Tommy Wish were to snap. My career is on the verge of dying, my whole life’s work could be wiped out or left by the wayside if Tommy just keeps me here forever.

I lift my head and begin to look around the room…doesn’t Vinnie Lane have drones that follow every XWF star? …..so where’s my drone, and why hasn’t anyone come to help yet?

Does no one care about me? Of course they don’t. I have no family left in this forsaken world. My old friends Dolly and Vita seem to have completely forgotten about me. My mother is dead, and my father doesn’t even know I exist.

I whisper aztec curses beneath my breath as I pull and strain against the iron chains shackling me to the wall. A sudden glow from the necklace around my throat catches my eye and causes me to stop resisting for the moment. I found this necklace in a hidden location in my mom's old house, but I never understood what it meant…until now. Until the moment I needed its power most!

As Charlie falls into the grassy knoll the black hole behind him suddenly rushes to a close. The black hole squeezes in on itself until it disappears entirely. As the camera zooms in on The Nickleman he appears to be free of the blood and gore from the hospital, as if he were cleansed by going through the black hole. Charlie rubs a newfound bump on his head before he rises to his knees, then his feet. The Nickleman looks around and finds himself in the middle of a forest clearing.

Come on, fatso, we have to be quick! If we sit around all day eating cheeseburgers he’s going to come find us!

Charlie looks down and sees the little blonde girl crossing her arms and staring at him with authoritative intent.

What the fuck was in that baggy I snorted…

The girl rolls her eyes before she starts stomping away towards the treeline.

You coming or what?!

Charlie rolls his eyes before he tucks his head and starts jogging after the bossy blonde child.

I still don’t know what’s going on! Who even are you!

If you haven’t figured it out on your own by now, there’s no point in telling you. You’re obviously not smart enough to understand! Just go with me, we’ll get there soon!

Charlie throws his hands into the air in frustration as he follows the little girl into the forest. The two duck under some branches and into some trees, with Charlie having much more difficulty doing so. The Nickleman gets mollywhopped and mollywhacked by more than a few low-hanging fruit branches before the pair finally dip onto a somewhat cleared path amidst the trees. The Nickleman sets to picking splinters and berries out of his hair as the little girl comes to a sudden stop.

Look around for a sign from her…she’ll be able to find us if we channel our minds on her!

What the fuck are you talking about? Did you snort a line from my baggy or something? We need to find a sober fucking adult.

No, look!

The little girl points to a glimmering patch of air on the path in front of them. The few rays of sunshine poking through the treetops reflect off the shimmering figure some ways down the path.

We have to follow her!

What? Why?

Because she needs help, even more than I did!

The little blonde girl takes off running down the path and Charlie has no choice but to follow her. The absent father and the little girl that isn’t his start running down the not-so-well trodden path. They duck between some trees and turn around some rocks as Charlie tries to stay close to the sprinting girl. As the two come upon a particularly tall patch of grass, the blonde child turns back and calls out a startling warning to The Nickleman.

Watch out for the snakes in the grass! They’ll get you when you’re least expecting it!

Huh?!

As the pair sprint through the tall grass The Nickleman feels something beneath his feet. He looks down and sees a snake with a rattling tail! The creature strikes out with its fangs, but The Nickleman is able to jump out of the way! As he looks around mid-sprint he’s able to see that there is a slew of snakes slithering around in the grass beside him. The creatures are only of moderate size, but their rattling tails and sharp fangs would give any man cause to pause. Charlie cocks a curious eyebrow as he notices the heads of the snakes appear to be deformed and distinctly ape-like. If anything the snakes bare a slight resemblance to Bobby Bourbon, Thunder Knuckles, Marf, and Oswald.

Don’t look into their eyes, they’ll mesmerize you!

Charlie shakes his head from side to side as he looks away from the treacherous snakes and continues sprinting after the blonde girl. It doesn’t take long for the pair to pass through the tall grass and come upon the bank of a small river. Charlie puts his hands on his waist and bends over, clearly struggling for breath, but the little girl doesn’t give him any time to pause!

Over there!

She points to a little hobo shack built along the side of the river before she runs towards it.

Wait…I need a sec!

You need a diet, fat man!

Charlie growls instinctively before taking off after the child. As the odd couple nearly reaches the hobo shack, the flotsam front door suddenly barges open! Charlie and the child both stop on a dime as a powerful figure steps out from his little hobo house.

UNKNOWN SOLDIER!

What are you doing here, weirdo?

Unknown Soldier lets out a little ‘hmpph’ as he reaches into his pants pocket. He pulls out a familiar pendant, showing it to the pair. The girl scratches her head, completely unfamiliar with it. Charlie, on the other hand, immediately tries to snatch it away.

Hey, Maria used to have one of those! Were you going through a dead woman’s things?!

Unknown Soldier pulls back as Charlie reaches forward to grab the pendant. Soldier bats Charlie’s hands away before the pendant suddenly glows blue. Charlie steps back as the blonde girl raises a curious eyebrow.

I never saw Maria’s do that before…

Look over there!

As the pendant glows blue we see the shimmering figure of a woman walking down the coast of the riverbank. The pendant suddenly stops glowing as the mirage disappears.

I’m looking for my War Games captain. I heard she’s missing.

And what’s that fancy jewelry doing?

Soldier holds the pendant out for closer inspection.

It’s a symbol of dark power I’ve carried with me since I was a child- but it’s not the only one. Witches, warlocks, and weirdos all across the galaxy use these pendants to enhance their powers- and for our purposes, to find each other.

But why would Robyn have one of those?!

Charlie looks between the blonde child and the painted man curiously, not quite sure what the hell they’re talking about.

I just figured she looked the witchy type. The sexy little freak paints half her face up like a damn skeleton, there’s no way she doesn’t have a few laying in her closet and under her bed!

Fair enough. She always did seem a bit ‘off’ to me. Either way though, we need to save her! If I don’t free her from that freak’s little basement, I won’t be able to team her up with Dolly and Vita!

Now what in the ever living fuck are you people talking about? And more importantly, why should I give a fuck about any of it?!

Unknown Soldier and the girl just looked at Charlie and rolled their eyes, clearly already exasperated with his aloofness.

How much explanation could you possibly need, Nickleman?

Well, at least a little more than you’ve given me!

Where do I even begin….

Charlie Nickles sits at a rinky-dink table inside an overly decorated Mexican restaurant. Mexican flags, luchador masks, and even a few bricks from the Alamo are plastered all over the walls of the mostly empty restaurant. Charlie looks around at the decorations a bit before turning back to one of the two menus located on the table. He picks the menu up and starts reading through his options.

Not much to pick from here, eh? Pretty much the same slop all the time it looks like.

Charlie cracks a smile as he puts the menu down and leans back in his chair.

Gosh darn, even when I’m not trying to think of work I’m still thinking of work! Look at me, here in the restaurant with my daughter, and I still can’t get my mind off the match. Shit, it’s not even much of a match at this point, because I’ve clearly pulled away from the whole pack.

They’re all serving up the same slop as one another, Raion Kido and Alias are practically finishing each other’s sentences! Charlie’s pathetic, Charlie’s humiliated, Charlie hasn’t done anything, Charlie hasn’t beat anyone, Charlie’s fat, Charlie’s stupid….god damn, I’m starting to think they have the same ghostwriters!

Charlie shakes his head as his phone starts to ring. Charlie pulls it out of his pocket only to groan when he reads the caller ID.

I I W MNGMT.

Ugggghhh more work shit?

Charlie rejects the call before stuffing his phone back into his pants.

I’m getting job offers all over the world after pinning Crim’! IIW is begging for me to come back to their show and beat up their world champion some more. OCW is desperately trying to book me for a card. Shit, I’ve even gotten a few calls from SPLAT! asking if I’d be interested in getting on twitter again!

God damn, I might just be the biggest star in the whole fucking world. I headline Warfares, I headline Savages, I headline Pay Per Views, and I headline Super Shows! The Brotherhood of Bastards invades IIW and they respond by giving me a fucking job offer. Even Chris Page is kissing my ass and writing me checks these days!

Charlie cracks a laugh as he pats the wallet tucked inside his jeans.

Page’s money is paying for dinner tonight! Cause unlike Alias…I’M EATING GOOD, BABY!

Alias ain’t ate shit but his words since Leap of Faith. I ate up the 24/7 champion and the tag-team champion! Alias complains that he ain’t got shit to eat no more, that there’s nothing left on the menu to fill his appetite- but that ain’t true at all. Corey Smith was running around undaunted and unchallenged for a year, but Alias never saw fit to order him a slice of that! North Korean War Criminal was running around here with a golden waist and a flawless record, but Alias never tried to bite off a piece of that!

There’s plenty of fresh food running around, you just got to get off your ass and go find it! But what did I say earlier? A lazy dog just won’t fucking hunt…and Alias is the laziest dog of all. That hound really screwed the pooch this time, that mangy mutt ain’t done nuthin’ but lay in the corner in a puddle of his own piss since Leap of Faith! No wonder that dog ain’t eating anymore, ain’t getting up to hunt anymore: that dog is damn near dead!

I’ve been running laps around the XWF and eating up everything in sight, but can Alias really say the same? The warpath he was on in 2021…is the warpath I’m on in 2022! I lay waste and I wreak havoc: it's just what I’m known to do at this point. Raion Kido was running around with a perfect record: until I beat him. NKWC was running around with a perfect record: until I beat him. When people compare a match against Charlie Nickles to shooting a free throw they’re right, but they don’t even know it. Charlie Nickles is like a free throw because I’m the ‘and-one’ that happens every time a perfect record gets dunked on!

Charlie pounds the table in joy as he guffaws at his own punchline. The hostess at the other end of the restaurant looks at him curiously but says nothing.

Alias better watch out because I’ve got my back to the basket, and trust me- my fade-away isn’t the same as his! I fade up, up and away over glass ceilings- Alias just fades away from the scene entirely! As it was before it shall be again, or whatever fucking biblical shit he’s spewing nowadays.

Raion Kido better take notes, because this is how you’re supposed to deal with someone that has whooped your ass twice. Kido likes to take the childish route, and then call me predictable?! Every Kido promo can be summarized as follows: He beat X and Y, and his opponent has only beaten Z and Q, and they’ve both beaten W, so clearly Kido is going to win!

Charlie Nickles rolls his eyes at the played-out bit.

Every. Fucking. Time.

And it’s never mattered. Not even once. Who cares about who beat who however many months ago, Raion? X and Z and Y aren’t going to be in that ring with us, it’s just going to be C, R, A, and D, baby- so what do Peter Vaughn and Mark Flynn have to do with any of it?

Shit, what am I supposed to do? Get up here and dismiss all of Raion Kido’s arguments out of hand simply because I just beat Crim’?. You know if you had a cynical mind, you might speculate that I waited this long to address any of Kido’s bullshit intentionally, just so it had time to really sink in and spread all over the airwaves. Kido’s been telling everyone for three weeks that I can’t beat HIM, because I couldn’t beat Mark Flynn and the Crim’.

And now I’m fresh off a singles win over Crim’- the only one in history. If I got up here and just talked about THAT, well, that alone would take all the wind out of Raion’s sails and knock his house of cards right down. Because I mean, if it’s all about WHO beat WHO and WHEN they did it…well…C beat NKW-C one-on-one just a few nights ago…and WHO else has ever done that?

Kido’s own logic would crown me champion on that basis alone.

Charlie shook his head from side to side as he leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together.

It’s a shame it doesn’t work like that.

Because in reality, nothing that happens before that bell rings will really matter. All that’s going to matter is what happens during the match. The only matter anyone’s going to see in the match will be the brain matter of my opponents, flung all across the ring!

I’m coming to the Cannabis Cup and I’m laying it all on the line inside that ring, just like I’m known to do in every main event far and wide. So what if the match isn’t *officially* the main event? We all know everyone’s going to tune out after they see the big match, and that’s why it’s still the main event, baby!

I’m Mr. Main Event, and it’s about damn time I got that strap put around my waist to prove it. I’m more than ready to be the universal champion damn it, because I’ve been the acting uni champ for the last four fucking months! Since Alias became ‘that guy’ again, he’s only beaten ME…and Big Preesh. I beat the shit out of ‘unbeaten’ Jason Cashe, and then the very next week I became the only person in HISTORY to beat Crim’ one-on-one, so shit, why the fuck don’t I have a belt to defend against these guys? I’m the fighting champ’ everyone wants a piece of, I’m the fightin’ champ this company deserves, I’m just not the guy with the fucking belt!

It’s insane if you think about it. I orchestrated the fall of Jim Caedus, and then management straight fucked me out of a match with Peter Vaughn. And now I’m sitting here, main eventing show after show, pinning TOP GUY after TOP GUY- and what’s Alias doing? Just beating Charlie Nickles every two months?.....Would Alias say that he’s doing impressive work? Because I know I’m doing some of the most impressive work this federation has EVER SEEN, straight up! I know I’m doing the most impressive work War Crim’ has ever seen. So now it’s time to put that fucking belt where it belongs!

Charlie scoffs at the situation before picking his menu back up and mindlessly looking at it.

I would be a better uni champ than Alias, and that’s not even in dispute by this point. I show up on cable, not only that- I show out! I bite any DiOGee who thinks they’re tough enough to test my bark. I drive ratings, I drive stories, I make the fucking wheels on this bus go round and round! Alias just sleeps in the backseat and gets out for a quick piss break every couple of months.

And shit, what the fuck would Raion Kido even do as champion? Turn the belt into a god-damned comic book prop? Raion Kido isn’t grown enough to handle the responsibilities of being the champion. Raion Kido isn’t mature enough for that role. That Kiddo’s not like me, that Kido doesn’t have any experience carrying the weight of a whole federation on his shoulders. He hasn’t been in the main event since I last put him there, so how could he ever be in a main event without me?! There’s just no precedent for it!

Raion’s whole shtick in the XWF is that he’s the guy who can beat ANYONE- except for Charlie Nickles! So what the fuck would having the uni belt around his waist do for him? I’ve been hunting the uni like a crazed dog ever since January, and if I don’t win it now, I’m not going to fucking stop! I’ll come after Kido like I came after Alias, like I came after Caedus. And then what’s he going to do when we’re booked one-on-one? We all already know the answer to that one.

Charlie looks smugly into the camera before a little smile creeps across his bearded face.

I’m a great white shark baby and I smell the scent of blood in my tank. I’ve been sniffing it since January, and I’ve been hot on the trail ever since. I’m coming to the Cannabis Cup with six months of championship-chasing behind me, with over 300 days as an XWF title-holder under my belt, with a bellyful of rage and a mouth full of venom!

I ain’t never going to stop chasing the uni til’ I win it, and then you can bet your ass that I’m never going to let it go! But I won’t be a whimpering pussy that ducks challenge after challenge, the way Alias-chicken that he is-DUCKED my invitation to show his ass in Columbus. When I’m the uni champ I’ll go wherever the people want me to go, and I’ll lay the smack down on any motherfucker that dares step to me at any place, any time.

THE WAY A TRUE CHAMPION SHOULD! The way that Alias never has, and the way that Raion Kido never will!

Charlie chuckles to himself before a quiet Mexican doll tucked away in the corner catches his eye.

And don’t even get me started on what kind of champion Dolly Waters would be. She’d be just like the last blonde bitch, and barely ever show up to work. That dumb bitch wasn’t even able to make all her scheduled appearances to promote the show, how the fuck would she ever promote the company as it’s champion? Dolly Waters got her panties twisted in a bunch cause I told some tall tales and white lies about her, does anyone really think she could handle the pressure of being the universal champion? Is she the kinda gal that can handle the heat inside those kitchens? I don’t think so. If Dolly ever became the uni champ, then she would REALLY draw my ire…and I don’t think she wants that. I don’t even know what Dolly would do when I started to fuck her pussy with an umbrella. I wonder how loud she’d scream when it opens?

As Charlie looks back towards the menu his eyes are finally able to settle an appetizing order.

Tequila shots! I’ll definitely have to get her some of these when she gets out of the bathroom. Speaking of, she’s been in there a long time…

Charlie sets his menu down as he glances over to the restrooms set back in the far wall of the restaurant. The camera fades out as Charlie looks across the restaurant and waits for his dining partner to come back to the table.

We cut back to a shot of Charlie Nickles, Unknown Soldier, and a small blonde child standing outside a hobo shack next to a river. Charlie has his hand on his chin, like he’s deep in thought. The child and Soldier, meanwhile, look exasperated beyond belief.

So you’re telling me we are in an alternate dimension right now? The dimension of space that opens up in the time gap between Warfare and Savage? And that XWF roster members who rarely show up on television sometimes get trapped here between appearances? What the fuck? Why haven’t I ever been here before?!

Because you’re booked for almost every show, Charlie!

But you’re getting booked a lot too, Soldier! And I don’t know who that little girl is, but I think I’ve seen her around from time to time!

You have seen her around from time-to-time, mostly on Thursday nights, and that’s quite literally why the fuck she’s here!

So why are you here! And why am I here?!

I’m here because I used to live here, you idiot! I had to come get some old shit, and then when my pendant started going crazy I realized someone else who shouldn’t be here anymore was here, too!

Me?

No, you idiot! My War Games Captain!

But what does any of this have to do with me?!?!

Soldier and the girl roll their eyes before burying their faces in their hands.

Why is everyone being so cryptic and weird?!

It’s the curse of the phantom that roams these lands, Charlie!

He used to live here, in between appearances on the shows! He even tried to get his ashy left hand in my pants one time!

But recently, as traces and appearances of him have become more faint, his impression here too has diminished. Now he roams these lands as a phantom, a ghost in the shell of this federation that just won’t, or perhaps CAN’T, leave. But he’s become hungry, eternally, because a starving phantom can never eat.

But he can kill!

I still don’t get what any of this has to do with me.

She must have called you here!

It’s possible.

Who’s she?

Soldier and the child answer at the same time, causing Charlie to look even more confused.

Robyn! She’s the one who sent that mirage into the hospital to save me, and she led us here!

My War Games captain! She called out my name in this great mystical ritual of witches and warlocks, known as ‘The Draft’....and I knew I had to come save her. She must have called out for you as well, but I honestly can’t imagine why. You’re kind of fat and useless.

HEY!

But he’s here somehow…how could that be?! I explicitly started living here so that I wouldn’t have to see him anymore! He shouldn’t be in this plane of existence at all!

I’m not sure, but with the dark power of the pendant we may just find out.

What are you talking abou-

Without answering, Soldier presses the pendant against Charlie’s forehead. The necklace glows red, as Charlie begins convulsing. The Nickleman’s arms begin to shake as green foam starts fizzing out of his mouth and down his chin.

What’s happening?!

The magic is working!

As Charlie stands tall he feels a sudden shock inside his skull, and his vision goes blank. While he still stands beside the blonde child and the true dark magician, his mind and soul are pulled into another dimension entirely: into the memories of the pendant. A cloudy fog overtakes The Nickleman as he sees himself soaring out of the sky towards a nice house in the middle of the desert. He falls through the ceiling, feeling no pain, until his perspective suddenly stills. His gaze is forcibly fixated on a familiar woman in a familiar room. In her arms, a newborn infant coos and caws.

Maria?

The woman dots the child’s nose before placing her inside of a multicolor crib with green, white, and red railings. The child laughs as a single tear drops down from the woman’s eye into the child's crib. Atop the crib sits a mobile, but instead of something cheery, dead rats are swinging around in a circle. Around the woman’s neck sits that same familiar pendant.

Lamento que tu padre no esté aquí para ti, Robyn. Pero no te preocupes, hija: lo maldeciré con mil rencores por su insolencia.

Is that….a baby LSM?

The woman leaves the child to nap in the crib as she walks out of the room and into the hall. Charlie’s perspective follows her, and he sees her walking down the stairs of the family home. The woman Charlie recognizes as Maria walks through the very same living room that he saw dozens of times while he was shacking up with her. But when Maria went to the bookcase, however, Charlie saw something he had never seen before: a secret passageway. Maria pulls a book off the shelf and suddenly the bookcase turns around to reveal a secret stairway. The woman goes down the dark stairwell, and of course Charlie’s perspective follows. Partway down the stairs the woman pauses as she hears a child crying upstairs. She sighs and shakes her head.

Si tan solo su padre no fuera un bastardo, alguien podría estar ahí para ella siempre.

The woman continues descending down the staircase until she gets to the bottom and flicks on the lightswitch. Charlie’s mind is completely rattled when he sees a shrine dedicated to himself, adorned with a few locks of his hair and a Mexican birth certificate. Charlie's perspective zooms past Maria and towards the shrine. As Maria begins a witchy ritual, Charlie’s perspective is locked onto the words on the paper.

Chares Nichols nunca conocerá la paz en su vida, no mientras su hija nunca conozca a su padre. Con este fin, mi Dios oscuro, te ruego. Te doy mi vida, soy tuyo para recordar si esto se hará.

Charlie’s mind and soul slowly floated away from the shrine after he read the names on the paper.

Nombre: Robyn Gonzalez
Madre: Maria Gonzalez
Padre: Charles Nichols (Ciudadano extranjero)

Charlie’s perspective floated away, right past the screaming child all alone in her crib. Charlie tried to reach out for the infant, but he couldn’t move at all, he was being pulled back to another dimension entirely. As Charlie was forced to abandon the scene, he thought back to the choices he made all those decades ago, his choice to abandon Maria.
Could he be the father of Maria’s child?

As Charlie floated into the sky high above the home he broke, he knew in his heart that it was true. The Family Man finally realized, after 20 long years, that he had a child in need of saving.


CHARLIE! CHARLIE! CHARLIE!


Charlie blinked his eyes a few times as he awoke on the ground just outside the hobo shack. He pushed himself up to the ground and dusted the dirt off himself as Soldier held the glowing pendant out in front of him.

What happened?! You collapsed!

What did you see?!

I think I saw my daughter….

She’s here, too?

Charlie turned back towards the Unknown Soldier, his awe-struck face betraying his sudden realization.

She’s the one who’s been here for months….my daughter’s wrestling Alias is the name of your War Games captain.

The little girls nods in understanding.

It makes perfect sense! That’s why we’re all here together in an alternate reality, somehow united under a common banner! I want to bring LSM, Dolly, and Vita into a faction under my management. Unknown Soldier wants to start strategizing with his War Games captain. And you….you want to rescue your daughter!

Well what are we waiting for?!

We should go before the phantom finds us again!

If we all channel our minds together and place our hands on the pendant, perhaps we can find her and save her!

Unknown Soldier holds the red glowing pendant out and everyone quickly places their hands on it as they close their hands. The three unlikely allies concentrate hard on their common linkage: The Nickleman’s daughter. As the three put their minds together and concentrate, a sudden burst of light shoots out of the pendant. As the three open their eyes they see a mirage of a woman with a half-painted face, standing in front of a light green portal to parts unknown.

Let’s go!

Charlie charges through the portal, but before Soldier and the girl can follow it suddenly closes!

Charlie, you broke the spell!

Wait!

It’s too late. Charlie is already gone, chasing after his lost daughter in this zany dimension of reality. As The Nickleman enters the portal he immediately feels his body start to float amidst a sea of darkness. There is nothing to observe: no sights, no sounds, no sensations at all. There is just one Family Man, chasing after the only daughter he has never known.

After what feels like an eternity within the nothingness, Charlie suddenly plops down onto the hard ground.

Who’s there?!

As Charlie looks up he finds himself trapped inside a dark room. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and shakes it from side-to-side to activate the flashlight app. As he does so, LSM immediately closes her eyes and looks away, pulling on her chains to do so.

ROBYN!

Charlie?

LSM squints past the light and pulls on her chains as she lunges forward.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

That’s the plan!

Charlie sets the phone/flashlight down on the only piece of furniture in the room: a moldy looking bed. Charlie immediately rushes over to his latina daughter and starts messing with her chains.

These are locked! I’ve tried opening them for weeks!

The shackles immediately click open.

WHAT THE? HOW’D YOU DO THAT?!

Charlie looks at his daugther with a big ol’ smile.

When you’ve resisted arrest as many times as I have, you learn a trick or two! Maybe I can teach you sometime…daughter.

Robyn is immediately taken aback. She pauses, frozen for a few seconds, before a huge smile flashes across her face. She grabs Charlie and pulls him in for a big, wholesome hug.

I love you too, but we should probably get out of here and get something to eat! I’m starving!

Get me the fuck out of here!

The hug breaks and the two immediately sprint for the door after Charlie grabs his phone.

It’s probably locked!

Charlie walks up to the door and pushes it open before turning back to Robyn.

It wasn’t locked- you were just chained up. Lazy security, I guess.

I hate Tommy Wish!

Well that will certainly be interesting. Now come on, baby girl- we got a show to make!

Charlie gestures for his daughter to follow him as he leads the way out her personal prison, his cellphone’s flashlight serving as the guiding light for LSM’s salvation. She balls her hands into fists as she follows Charlie out of the room, up the stairs, and into the light of day for the first time in months.

As Charlie sits at the table, still perusing the menu of the restaurant, he is suddenly joined at the table by a painted-up LSM! Charlie flashes a smile as he greets his daughter upon her return.

It’s good to see you again! I swear you took months in there!

Robyn laughs as she picks up the menu and starts looking it over.

Look dad, girls take a long time in the bathroom! I had to do my makeup.

LSM puts her menu down and gives her dad a warm smile as she shows off her painted face.

How’s it look? It’s the first time I’ve ever done it myself.

It looks amazing!

As Charlie is in the middle of lovebombing the young daughter he abandoned, the waitress finally walks up to the table with a notepad and a pen in her hands.

So, have we decided what we want?

Charlie turns to the waitress and places his order as he hands her the menu.

Three little piggies in a blanket, please!

....I guess we can do that?

And four shots of Tequila, please!

Charlie looks over to Robyn, who is quickly looking through the menu to find her order.

Actually- make it five! I think my daughter will probably want one.

The waitress makes some marks on her pad before she turns to LSM.

And for you? Anything to eat, or just the shot of Tequila?

I just want something with a wish-bone, please. It can be from meats unknown, just tell the chef to have a little mercy on me, okay?

LSM politely hands the waitress the menu as she shrugs.

Sure, I guess we can do that, too. Strange orders from you two…

As the waitress walks off with a bit of sass Charlie scowls in her direction.

That’s going to hurt her tip.

Oh come on dad, you need to be nicer to people! Especially Dolly! The things you said to her were foul.

Oh come on Robyn, I didn’t mean any of that shit I said about Dolly. I was just trying to get under her skin- and it worked! While I was busy beating Crim’, something Dolly ain’t done in six years here, she was busy crying her eyes out and going through my old videos, trying to find some sort of contradiction! But there ain’t no contradiction!

CHARLIE AND DOLLY ARE THE BEST!

That’s why I had to make up a bunch of shit about Dolly to make her feel bad and make her take her eyes off the prize. Now she’s completely distracted, and she’s too caught up in her emotions to even focus on the match. What’s funny is Dolly called it out as it was happening: even she observed the fact that I was saying anything I could to throw dirt on her name….and the pretty little bitch still ate it all up!

Charlie cracked a hearty guffaw as he pounded the table in merry joy. Robyn, however, crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at her father.

You really should apologize to her for what you said. She’s my friend too, you know!

Charlie rolls his eyes and sighs before he leans forward in his chair and looks his daughter in the eyes.

Oh come on, caught me some slack. I’ll make it up to her, I’ll do something real special for her sometime after War Games, after it’s all had some time to cool down. We’ll all be back to smoking dope and chugging booze together in no time!

Robyn rolls her eyes and bites her tongue as she briefly looks away. Charlie holds his arms out at his sides, as if to say ‘cut me a break’. Robyn sighs before turning back to her dad with undue gratidude.

I understand…and hey- thanks for saving my life.

Oh, don’t even mention it! You’re my daughter now, Robyn, and that means I’d do anything to keep you safe!

I appreciate it.

I love you, Robyn!

Robyn smiles from ear-to-ear as she blushes. She looks away form the camera as the scene slowly fades to black.

I love you too, dad.

Now let's make sure to eat quick...I'm excited to take you to the Velvet Rabbit for the show! It's every father's dream to bring their child to the strip club!