07-16-2022 LIVE FROM THE MODA CENTER PORTLAND, OREGON SAVANNAH KNIGHTLEY - vs - THE CELT - vs - ANGELICA VAUGHN TRIPLE THREAT STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP XAVIER LUX - vs - "THE CASINO KID" JUSTIN YORK STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP BARTHOLOMEW LICHTER - vs - LIAM ROBERTS STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP JASON CASHE - vs - CHARLIE NICKLES STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP XWF TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP JENNY MYST© - vs - BOBBY BOURBON SAVAGE RULES - DOLLHOUSE MATCH

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PIP: Hello, everyone! Welcome to Saturday Night Savage! And Happy Guinea Pig Appreciation Day, Heather!

HHL: ... Are you calling me a guinea pig?

PIP: No! And that wouldn't be an insult anyway, guinea pigs are adorable. I just felt like last show, we got to celebrate Independence Day, so why not continue with the holidays?

HHL: I doubt too many are celebrating for guinea pigs today, Pip.

PIP: Well, it's also National Fresh Spinach Day...

HHL: That's even worse...

PIP: Oh, and it's the end of National Ventriloquism Week!

"HHL": I Love That Week!

HHL: HEY!! Did you just put words in my mouth??

PIP: I would never do that.

HHL: Let's just talk about tonight's show, okay?

PIP: We've got an incredibly stacked card! We start off with an unpredictable triple threat between Savannah Knightley, Angelica Vaughn, and The Celt!

HHL: Those are three starts who could really be going places in the coming months. Anyone could come out on top in that one!

PIP: I know who I'll be rooting for!

"HHL": Go Angelica Go!

HHL: Stop that, Pip...

PIP: Right. Next, we've got Xavier Lux making his Savage return to take on "The Casino Kid" Justin York!

HHL: Lux would really like to make a big splash tonight, but York's going to be looking to be the cocky spoiler!

PIP: After that, we get a feud that comes straight to us from another show, as Liam Roberts and Boots Lichter come out from Anarchy to give us a brawl tonight!

HHL: We'll see if Liam can shut down Team MAGA tonight.

PIP: The goodness continues with a true PPV-worthy classic between Jason Cashe and Charlie Nickles!

HHL: I don't know how anyone can pick a winner out of that one. It's going to be a war!

PIP: Just in time for War Games, too! And then, in our main event, Jenny Myst defends her newly-regained Television Title against the Grand High PooBOB of the XWF, Bobby Bourbon! But it's not just any match, it's a Dollhouse match!

HHL: You can always count on Myst to make some unique stipulations, can't you?

PIP: The night is stacked, so why wait? I say we get things going right away, eh, Heather?

"HHL": You're the best announcer ever, Pip!

PIP: Aw, thanks, Heather!

HHL: Don't make me hurt you.

PIP: Right, well, moving on, let's start the show!

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HHL: Wrestling fans, we hope you’re ready for a fight, because the action is coming right atcha!


Announcer: Our first match of the night is a Triple Threat match! Coming to the ring first, standing 4'11" and weighing 105 lbs, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, here is SAVANNAH KNIGHTLEY!!



Savannah Knightley walks down the ramp to the ring.

HHL: Savannah Knightley coming down to the ring, coming off a huge upset victory over Vita Valenteen on Anarchy, the week before she won the Plump Pigeon tournament!

PIP: And then she turned around and lost that five-team Anarchy match.

HHL: Lot of talent in that match and she and Liam Roberts put up some fight! There were a few moments that looked like they might pull it out!

PIP: Then, they didn’t.

Knightley enters the ring.

Announcer: Next, standing 6'6" and weighing 299 lbs, from Inverness, Scotland, here is THE CELT!!



The Celt walks to the ring with a tear away kilt, a claymore strapped to his back, and a trag wrapped around his forearm arm.

HHL: The Celt turned some heads in his last match! He took The Casino Kid and Johnny Blacksnake to their very limits!

PIP: And then he lost Heather. He got tossed out of the ring and played no factor in the end of the match.

HHL: Hey Pip? You wanna try doing your job and selling this match?

PIP: I’m waiting for the talent to show up.

The Celt enters the ring and stares at Knightley undistracted by the pre match chaos around him.

PIP: Aaaaaaaaaand here she comes…

EYES

ON

VAUGHNEMOUS

NO, I WON'T GIVE IN, I WON'T GIVE IN

TILL' I'M VICTORIOUS

AND I WILL DEFEND

I WILL DEFEND



PIP: This is what I’m talking about, Heather! THIS IS THE ENTRANCE OF A SUPERSTAR!

HHL: …It’s a little much, if I’m being honest.

The lights in arena turn into an explosion of pinks, purples, greens, rainbows, unicorns on fire, lucky charms, rivers of sugar, and mountains of Meow Mix Ocean Explosion tuna treats as Angelica Vaughn walks out onto the ramp. She pauses with her hands on her hips, letting her cape sway gently, and gives her opposite coast home crowd a wide smile. Behind her, a blur of black and red speeds forward and under her arms as Sarah Lacklan slides in front of her and matches her pose, her head nearly a full foot under Angie's. Sarah tilts her head way way way back and up and flashes her Billion $$$ Smile, and the two wink at each other. Angie then takes her hands off her hips and pushes Sarah forward, making the former Universal Champion squawk in wide-eyed surprise, before the two make their way down the aisle.

As this is going on, the Celt takes off his claymore and sets it at ringside… He turns to the turnbuckle and starts to prepare himself… In the opposite corner, you can see a thought forming in Savannah Knightley’s head…

Halfway to the ring, Angie slows to a stop, her face turning slack, with her jaw falling to her chin. Ahead of her, Sarah sighs and rolls her eyes before backing up to Angie and, with a gentle firmness, pulling her away from that Cute Boy she had noticed sitting in an aisle seat. Angie looks longingly at the verified Cute Boy while Sarah shakes her head.


DING DING DING

SAVANNAH KNIGHTLEY - vs - THE CELT - vs - ANGELICA VAUGHN TRIPLE THREAT STANDARD MATCH

The Celt tears off his tearaway kilt and… WAIT, KNIGHTLEY IS GOING FOR THE ROLL-UP!

PIP: WAIT! SHE CAN'T DO THAT!

HHL: Why not? The bell already rang! This match is started!

1!

Vaughn, with her intro music still blaring, turns away from the Cute Boy, towards the action, hearing the official’s count.

2!

She’s tries to sprint towards the ring in her entrance attire, but she’s still fifteen feet away!

THRE-NOOOOO! The Celt has the wherewithal to kick out!

HHL: Thank God, the match is starting. Smart move by Knightley trying to take advantage of Vaughn’s… excessively long entrance.

PIP: THANK GOD?!?! HOW DARE YOU, HALLIWELL! We were almost robbed of the chance to watch an Angelica Vaughn match!

HHL: I mean, if anything, making Angelica run to the ring probably made it happen about 15 minutes faster.

Vaughn does slide under the bottom rope, forgoing her usual over-the-rope step to enter the action quickly.

Celt’s kickout drives Knightley back into the corner… But just as he rises back to his feet, Vaughn is there with a rapid-fire series of muay Thai knees to the chest and ribs! Celt is backed into the parallel corner…

As Vaughn drives Celt backwards, Savannah thinks about joining the action… But instead hangs in the corner stretching and enjoying the view of watching her opponents batter each other.

PIP: Wise moves so far by Savannah Knightley. She kick-started the match and then backed away to let her opponents burn through their energy.

HHL: It’s unsportsmanlike, but it might get her the win over two much-larger, higher-profile opponents.

Celt is now completely cornered… Angelica takes a few steps back, her cape blowing behind her (even though they’re indoors, somehow). She breaks into a sprint, looking for a running yakuza kick…

She fires it off!

BUT CELT DUCKS IT! Vaughn tangles herself over the top rope, and Celt heaves her up, arm around her throat aaaaaaand

URANAGE SLAM TO THE MAT! Vaughn just got slammed almost THROUGH the mat!

Celt catches his breath resting against the turnbuckle, looking grumpy to have started out getting sneak-attacked like this… but while he does… Knightley bounds across the ring, leaping! She hops onto the Celt’s thighs and… PULLS HER WEIGHT BACKWARDS! Monkey flipping The Celt OVER ANGELICA VAUGHN and ACROSS THE RING!

HHL: The Celt taking a lot of offense here in the early going!

PIP: Ya gotta remember, The Celt outweighs both of his opponents COMBINED by fifty-plus pounds. If they aren’t looking to make this a de-facto handicap match, then this is the Celt’s match to lose.

The Celt is quickly back up to his feet, looking more pissed off than beaten. Knightley, trying to keep the momentum going, springs up to the second rope and delivers a spinning crossbody!

She connects with The Celt!

…

But the Celt is barely budged… Catching her in mid-air.

PIP: …Oh dear.

HHL: This is no-man’s land for Knightley!

In one fell swoop, Celt heaves Knightley over his shoulder and starts aiming her toward Vaughn who is stirring near the corner…

Celt starts up a running powerslam! Vaughn sees it coming…

WHAM!

Celt slams Knightley to the mat! …But Vaughn slips out of the way at the last moment!

HHL: Great ring awareness on display by Angelica Vaughn!

Knightley cradles her head and neck from the force of that slam, as Celt hooks the leg!

1!

TW- Quickly, Vaughn stomps Celt square in the face, breaking up the pin!

Celt stubbornly tries to blow off Vaughn’s kicks to the face… But she’s got a little too much kicking power, and he ends up driven back again, working his way to a vertical base as he makes a limited retreat. Knightley lays on the mat sucking air temporarily as Vaughn uses her kicks to drive back The Celt.

PIP: Angelica Vaughn out here, making use of her lengthy, powerful legs…

HHL: …Jesus Christ, Pip

PIP: …What?

HHL: LENGTHY, POWERFUL LEGS? You fuckin’ creep.

PIP: I-It’s in her goddamn bio, she must be proud of them, I-I’m just using her words!

HHL: Disgusting.

Vaughn forces The Celt back into the ropes… And hits him with a big boot to the face!

The Celt takes the hit to the skull… And bounces off standing… ROARING in opposition!

HHL: Whoa, the Celt is getting pissed OFF!

Vaughn, unfazed by the furious Scotsman, backs up to the ropes herself and delivers a RUNNING BICYCLE KICK TO THE CELT’S FACE! Knightley stirs, crawling into the corner, climbing back to her feet using the ropes…

The Celt looks dazed, bouncing off the ropes hard… But hitting Vaughn with a clothesline on his way back! Both opponents drop to the mat!

Celt, looking like taking a Vaughn bicycle kick to the face might have been a bad idea, woozily and weakly covers… But Knightley sprints out of the corner and delivers a baseball slide kick to the Celt’s face! The big Scotsman tumbles backwards out of the ring and under the bottom rope!

In a flash, Knightley covers Vaughn!

1!

2!

THR-NO! Angelica Vaughn kicks out!

HHL: Wow! A near victory for Savannah Knightley! Could you imagine how much her stock would raise if she found a way to win this one?

Knightley scrambles backwards… Trying to come up with an idea that might put away the Vaughnemous one… As Vaughn works her way back up to her feet….

In a flash, Knightley steps up and leaps atop Vaughn’s shoulders!

HHL: Oh my! Hurricanrana from Knightley!

Knightley leans backwards to deliver the rana…

…

BUT VAUGHN HOLDS HER STANCE FIRM…

PIP: Oh my God, the sheer strength! Knightley’s maneuver is completely STOPPED by the strong, yet supple shoulders of Ang-

HHL: PIP.

PIP: WHAT?!?

HHL STRONG YET SUPPLE?!?!

PIP: …Okay, when you repeat it back to me, yeah, I can see the problem there.

Vaughn, with incredible strength, heaves Knightley back up onto her shoulders aaaaaaaaand…

BOOM! POWERBOMB TO THE CENTER OF THE MAT! With Knightley’s shoulders stacked…

Meanwhile, the Celt is rolling under the bottom rope back into the ring…

The official counts!

1!

The Celt hears the count!

2!

HE DIVES WITH A SHOULDER BLOCK!

THRE-NO!

The Celt catches Vaughn in the face with his shoulder, bumping her back to the mat! The match continues!

Vaughn scampers to remain out of the grip of her much larger opponent… But the Celt scoops Knightley off the mat and hucks her into the corner, trapping Vaughn against it as well!

Both opponents cornered, the Celt runs to the opposite corner… He points at his opponents… He breaks into a sprint!

Knightley, currently in front of Vaughn, ducks behind her and shoves her forward!

The Celt dives into the corner! STINGER SPLASH!

Vaughn takes the full brunt of the Celt’s body… But Knightley’s strategic shifting and using Vaughn like a cushion, largely kept her out of harm’s way!

Vaughn drops to one-knee, recovering from the splash…

The Celt reaches forward, looking for another big slam…

But as he does, Knightley runs out of the corner! She springs off the downed Vaughn’s shoulder and delivers a RUNNING KNEE STRAIGHT TO THE CELT’S DOME!

PIP: Holy Hell!

HHL: I don’t think we’ve ever seen Knightley do that before!

The Celt drops to the mat, seeing stars! Knightley does her best to hook his tree-trunk of a leg! The official drops to count!

1!

2!

THREEEE-NO! Vaughn manages to reach forward and yank Knightley off The Celt.

HHL: Oh, so close!

Knightley scampers up, shoving Vaughn away. Vaughn lands back against the turnbuckle. As Knightley goes to follow up on the shove, Vaughn’s leg springs and…

WHAM! SUPERKICK! Knightley just about got her DOME ROCKED TO NEXT WEEK BY THAT KICK!

Knightley stares up at the arena ceiling like a space cadet after that superkick… Vaughn clings onto the top rope to keep her footing after the Celt’s splash… The Celt woozily rocks himself back up to his feet after that incredible running knee from Knightley!

HHL: All three competitors here have fought like hell. It’s still anybody’s match!

Vaughn, seeing that the Celt is back up, runs at him, hoping to knock him back down with a running kick...

But the Celt reacts, dodging the kick and tossing Vaughn over the top rope! She disappears from his sight as he turns back, shaking his head.

Knightley, still out of it, sits up and rocks her way to her feet, trying to turn around.

She walks right into the Celt's arms, as he lifts the much-lighter wrestler high into the air above, yelling as he gorilla presses Knightley up and down several times! He finally ends it by turning it into a powerslam, driving Knightley into the mat!

PIP: This looks bad for Savannah!

HHL: The Celt is looking to end it!

With Knightley down, the Celt stands over her, taking a moment for his head to clear. He then steps on her throat, applying the Triumph as he demands her submission!!! Knightley's legs kick frantically as she tries desperately to get free!

And then the Celt goes tumbling towards the nearby ropes, falling through them after the running dropkick to his back from Vaughn!!

HHL: Vaughn's back!

PIP: She must have saved herself from falling outside by using her long, silky arms...

HHL: ENOUGH, PIP!!

Knightley sits up, coughing heavily, trying to get some oxygen after the damage to her throat. But Vaughn doesn't give her a chance to recover, running in...

VAUGHNEMOUS!!!!!

The kick lands, with Knightley collapsing backwards. Vaughn falls for the pin...

1!


The Celt gets up outside, grabbing at the ropes.


2!

He slides inside, reaching out for Vaughn... but he's a second too late!


3!!!!

Winner By PINFALL - Angelica Vaughn

PIP: YES!!

HHL: Vaughn pulls off the perfect timing, building on The Celt's handiwork to put Savannah Knightley away!

PIP: What an incredible brain she's got!

HHL: That's... okay, that's less sexist, I'll let that one slide.

PIP: Way to go, Angelica!!

Vaughn celebrates in the ring, as a disgruntled Celt rolls out, leaving the ref behind to check on the hurting Knightley.

---

The scene opens up to a room where Tommy was standing in front of a WarGames 2021 logo in a camo jacket and black jeans, with a pair black jordans with a snapback. There's scrambled footage of all this year's participants for this year's Wargames, and it cuts back to where the beat kicked in, as it filtered in black and white.

Yo, you know what time it is
We got some soldier shit to do
As we reach the line of fire
This anit the one for one affair
We tryin to stay alive in this shit
I could be the loner who’d left out
As a super monster takes over the show
Oh, i say too much but think again
I’m going into this year’s Wargames with a
Parental Advisory sticker on my name
No worse then having dubbed Notorious
bein delirious, with a has been and three neverwas
No dick print sitting on swole for the world seek
No worse than Meat who’s all a bunch of clowns
Even ICP wouldn’t see them pee on the mic like them
Three outta four isn’t bad for a team of leechers and asskissers
At least one of them don’t need played out introductions
Speedrunnin isn’t a skill to be proud of, but gaming is a habit
Not enough lives to spare for meat hooks and alibis
I guess I can take a hispanic, War criminal with nine baldheaded pushes on
No WarMasters can bare no arms, since they got none to own
All four can go to the morgue, and plea for a centerfold gold
When they tell themselves “that they are better than the rest”
They can duress in all that press and media, then they can’t handle the pressure
I can’t lie to myself i’m think i’m way below the bell curve
But if you got Latinx Machina, a cursed out spirit with heart of a Dyson
Then you mix it in with the side of Unknown satanic entity you need more then a sticker
Because this year we are not only going to set the ring on fire
We’ll piss off the parents and adults who’d send them to see the show, bitch!

Then it showed Tommy’s Team portrait on the wall, that had a big parental advisory sticker, which he peeled off and tore up as the scene shifted back to the arena.

---

The lights in the arena go completely dark as 'One for the money by Escape the Fate' hits the speakers. Only a spotlight hits the very top of the stage as you see a man and his wife standing with his back turned, the back of the shirt reads 'Casino Kid'.

Announcer: This will be a singles match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, standing 5'11" and weighing 195 lbs, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, here is "THE CASINO KID" JUSTIN YORK!!

Pyro goes up into the air from both sides of the stage as all lights then come on and Justin York and his wife turn and begin down the ramp, Taunting fans as they go. Once entering the ringside area, he takes a walk around the ring rudely gesturing to the crowd and taunting some more before holding the ropes for his wife to enter and getting into the ring and giving his signature middle finger to the camera with a cocky smirk while boos reign down from the arena.

HHL: York came so close to a big Triple Threat victory last Savage, but Lexi Gold managed to take it away. Now York's looking for a rebound win here tonight against Lux.

PIP: It's just a temporary setback. York's going to be fighting for the Television Title soon enough, mark my words! Hey... what are you doing?

HHL: I'm marking your words.

PIP: Don't do that! I might be wrong!

HHL: And if you are, I'll be sure to let you know it.

The lights in the building start to flicker, matching the opening riffs and drums of Disturbed's 'The Infection'. After the intro, a brief pyro explosion goes off in the entrance and as lyrics of the song begin, Xavier Lux steps out from behind the smoke left by the pyro.

Announcer: And his opponent, standing 6'2" and weighing 225 lbs, from Los Angeles, CA, here is "VENOM" XAVIER LUX!!

He stands there sporting his finest black and green gear, looking around at the XWF crowd most of whom boo him loudly after his recent actions. He shakes his head in disappointment and instead focuses on those that do cheer loudly, and even try to fight the boos with a brief “Venom! Venom!” chant. He smirks before making his way down the ramp, keeping his focus on the ring. Once he gets to ringside, he hops on the apron, wiping his boots showing his respect to the canvas where he is about to practice his craft. He then gets inside and makes his way to the corner, climbs to the second turnbuckle and again just looks around at the crowd who is now giving him a mix reaction. He acknowledges a fan here and there who is showing him support before hopping down from the ring; he checks in with the ref and then gets ready for the match as his music dies down.

HHL: Lux has had some rollercoaster runs here in the XWF, but he got one of his highest-profile victories last Anarchy, taking down the former Anarchy Champion, Daniela Raye-Weathers.

PIP: Yeah, but jumping to Savage puts Lux in an even deeper pool of competition. I know Barrows asked him to come here, but for all we know, Barrows just wanted to sacrifice him to York.

HHL: Or he has faith that Xavier Lux can be a major contributor to the success of Savage!

PIP: Or that. I prefer the sacrifice angle myself.

The bell rings, making this one official.

XAVIER LUX - vs - "THE CASINO KID" JUSTIN YORK STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP

DING DING DING

As the referee gets out of the way, Justin York walks cockily out of the corner, approaching to meet Xavier Lux in the center of the ring. York seems to be bragging about himself, saying that Lux is getting in way over his head on Savage. This is York's turf now. Lux listens silently for a few moments, nodding towards York, then lashes out, hitting a backhanded insult smack that staggers York backwards! York, rubbing the side of his face, looks infuriated. He runs forward, but right into a Lux hip toss! York rolls and leaps up, charging again, into a second hip toss! York pops up again, hurting, as Lux steps towards him with his foot ready. But York, seeing it, quickly drops and rolls out of the ring, ending up next to his wife! He seems to be cursing towards Lux as he recovers, with Lux fired up in the ring.

HHL: That didn't go as York had planned it.

PIP: No matter how much better you might think you are, you can't leave yourself open like that. York needs to take the full 9 count to reconstruct his battle plan.

HHL: Luckily, he's got his wife there with him.

The two talk on the outside, with York calming down. Lux looks annoyed at the delay, telling the ref that he didn't come here just for a count out victory. The ref keeps going, nonetheless, so Lux opts to slide out of the ring, coming around the outside towards York. His wife, seeing it, steps in front of him, telling Lux to back off. Lux looks ready to get her out of the way, but he doesn't have a chance, as York jumps past her, hitting a forearm smash! Lux stumbles back, with York immediately taking the initiative to land several more strikes, driving him back next to the turnbuckle post. He grabs Lux's arm and quickly whips him into the post, causing Lux to fall to the ground, clutching at his injured shoulder!! York, smirking, turns and rolls into the ring and gets up, telling the referee to get his count over and done with, since this one is over.

HHL: Unlike Lux, it appears York wouldn't have any problem with a count out.

PIP: And why should he? A win is a win, take your money and enjoy the victory!

The referee does his job, ignoring York telling him to count faster.

1!

2!

3!

4!

Lux slowly pulls himself up, using the apron. He rotates his shoulder back and forth, working through the aching joint.

5!

6!

7!

York tries to taunt Lux, telling him to stay outside, but Lux ignores him, rolling painfully into the ring to stop the count. The ref signals that the match is going to continue, earning some cheers from the crowd. They may not be fully on Lux's side, but they're not fully on York's, either. York, meanwhile, runs in, kicking Lux while he's on his knees, as if aiming for the injured shoulder. Lux takes the hit, wincing from the impact. York immediately grabs him, dragging him into position as he turns towards the center of the ring. He leaps, flipping Lux around and hitting a Canadian destroyer!! The crowd pops, even as York scrambles around to make the cover, expecting this one to be over.





ONE!






TWO!





And Lux kicks out with some force, surprising York! He looks out at his wife, stunned for a second, before getting to his feet.

PIP: York was expecting an easy pinfall there, but Lux has plenty left in the tank, bum shoulder or not.

HHL: It makes me wonder if York has come into this match underestimating his opponent.

PIP: Who, Justin? He'd never do that. He estimates everything perfectly!

Lux tries to pull himself up, but York kicks him back down. He locks onto Lux's shoulder, applying a shoulder claw submission!! Lux grimaces in agony, struggling to fight his way back up, as the referee circles both men, waiting for a sign of submission. But Lux is already managing to rise up from his knees, ignoring the pain as best he can, as York loses his leverage. He releases the hold, smacking Lux in the head with a forearm instead, and then runs to the ropes, coming back charging with a clothesline. But Lux ducks under it, avoiding the shot, leaving York to rebound off the other side. Lux stays turned away, though, so York rushes back in... and Lux leaps up, scoring a Pele kick!! York crashes hard to the mat, with Lux rolling over to make the cover, trying to hold him down.





ONE!






TWO!





And York kicks out, avoiding the pin!

HHL: That's the Knockout Pele Kick that got Lux the win over La Reina!

PIP: That move's almost becoming another finisher for Xavier! But big props to York, being able to kick out after it!

HHL: Lux is going to need to keep lashing out with those talented feet of his if he wants to put York away...

The referee checks on Lux, making sure he's truly good to continue, but Lux just shakes him off. He doesn't care about his shoulder, as he's focused on the man in front of him. He kicks out at York, who instinctively catches the foot, blocking the 'strike'. By the time York realizes it was a mistake, it's too late, as Lux snaps around and scores an enziguri kick!! York drops to his knees, stunned, as Lux gets to his feet. Feeling the momentum shifting his way, Lux runs to the ropes and comes back, leaping onto York's shoulders before he can fully rise, and snaps him down with a kneeling hurricanrana!! York's head hits the mat hard, knocking him senseless. Seeing this, Lux starts to push York over, wanting another cover, even as Stacey York jumps up on the apron, yelling that the referee should disqualify Lux. She doesn't actually say why, just that he should. The referee, distracted, moves over there, telling York's wife to step down, ignoring the pin cover taking place.

HHL: One... Two...

PIP: Oh, quit counting! It means nothing if the ref isn't slapping the mat.

HHL: But Lux might have had the victory right here, if it wasn't for Stacey!

PIP: I'm sure, if Justin heard the count, he would have instinctively kicked out.

Lux gets to his feet, frustrated. He ignores Stacey and yells at the ref, telling him that he's failing at his job. The referee, annoyed, tells Lux to back off, then orders Stacey to drop off the apron. Behind Lux, York is crouching, trying to recover. Lux, seeing this, moves back over to York, grabbing at his arm in order to send him into the corner for the Toxin! But York responds, suddenly lashing out... hitting Lux with his Knuckle Duster poker chip ring!!! Lux collapses backwards to the mat, as Stacey suddenly jumps back down, telling the ref that everything's good. The ref, confused, looks back as York finishes 'adjusting' his trunks, hiding the ring. He goes off the ropes and returns, jumping up and dropping an elbow onto Lux! He makes the cover, extremely confident, as he doesn't even bother to grab the leg.






ONE!






TWO!






THR- KICK OUT!!

PIP: And it's... not over?!? How in the world did Lux wake up after that? I thought we were moving on to the next match!

HHL: I'm glad we're not, after York blatantly cheated!

PIP: It's never blatant if they don't see it, Heather...

York is extremely upset, angry with the referee. He points towards his wife, apparently saying that the ref spent too much time with her, even though it worked to York's advantage. The ref isn't hearing it, continuing to flash the "2" sign to him. York, fuming, walks back over to Lux, who has managed to sit up, rubbing at where the ring hit. York drags him up, snapping at him that he's Mr. Saturday Night Savage. He lifts Lux up, setting him in place for the Casino Crusher!! He starts to toss Lux... and Lux shifts his weight in mid-air, avoiding the knee and landing on his feet. He immediately leaps... PELE KICK!! York collapses to the mat, as Lux stands over him, glaring down at the man.

HHL: What a reversal!

PIP: That shouldn't physically be possible, to get out of the Casino Crusher like that!

HHL: Well, you just saw it with your own two eyes, Pip!

PIP: And I feel like I need to get my eyes checked, because I still don't believe them!

Rather than going for a pin, Lux has simply been standing over York, watching as the wrestler struggles to get up. He looks completely dazed after that kick, reaching up to grab hold of Lux for support. Lux just glares at him, before grabbing York by the arm and whipping him towards the corner! York hits hard, stunned, as Lux charges in after him, leaping into the Toxin!! York slumps in the corner, completely senseless. Lux again doesn't try for a pin attempt, though, as instead he works to lift York up into the corner. He climbs up with him, hanging onto him, as he asks York about that proclamation again. He then lifts York up onto his shoulders, as the crowd gets to their feet...

HHL: Uh oh, we've seen this before!

PIP: Hang on, ref, step in and block them!

But the ref can do nothing but count as they both rise up on the turnbuckle, with York trapped on the shoulders of Lux. Stacey York can do nothing but watch as her husband struggles to get free, to no avail... as Lux gives him THE CURE OFF THE TURNBUCKLE TO THE OUTSIDE!!! A "Holy Shit!" chant erupts from the crowd as both men are down.

HHL: I think York actually hit the guardrail!!

PIP: What a horrendous ending! I guess we're just getting a double countout, right? Ref do your job and end this quickly!

HHL: I don't think so, Pip. Lux is up!

Lux is leaning against the nearby apron, breathing heavily as he stares over at the downed York. His legs are up against the railing, with some in the crowd reaching over to grab at his shoes. Stacey comes over, checking on her husband, and turns, asking Lux to back off. Lux completely ignores her, stepping past her and grabbing hold of York's arm, dragging him physically towards the ring! They get to the edge, with Lux hauling the barely conscious York up and rolling him under the bottom room. York just lays there, not moving, as Lux pulls himself in. He makes sure they're all clear of the rope and makes the loose cover, putting a single forearm into York's chest.




ONE!




TWO!




THREE!!!!

Winner by PINFALL - Xavier Lux

HHL: Xavier said he was coming to Savage to make an impact. I can't see how he could start out more forcefully.

PIP: I can't disagree, even if I want to. Damn it, York...

Lux is up on the turnbuckle, raising up his arm with the healthy shoulder towards the crowd, who seems to respect that last move. York's wife is with him, checking on him, concerned, as we cut away.

---

We cut to a shot of Charlie Nickles seated on a bench inside of a locker room. He has his elbows on his knees and his hands beneath his chin, as if he were caught in some up in some deeply meditative thought. The Nickleman slowly raises his gaze until he's staring directly into the camera lens.

We are 8 days away from Zenith, just 8 days away from that clock finally striking midnight, just 8 days away from a new world disorder. Are you as excited as I am?

Charlie Nickles cracks a big' ol smile, allowing the audience to see the plaque-filled cavities spread all around his meat-munchers.

It's been years since a real man was the captain of this ship, years since a real man was running this house. We've fallen into such disrepair since then. Our universe is vast, expansive, infinite...but when I finally become the captain of this boathouse, I'm going to put the whole universe in the palm of my hand. That's how I'm going to fix it right up, one bloody stroke of my brush at a time.

The Nickleman removes his hands from beneath his chin as he leans back on the wooden bench.

The time of the XWF's reckoning is near. On July 24th, on night three of the Cannabis Cup Super-Show, my phoenix will burn one last time before I rise anew as the master of the universe- as the champion of all.

It could be no other way...

Charlie Nickles reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a big thick stack of Yu Gi Oh dueling cards!

Because I hold all the cards now!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Charlie Nickles throws all the cards into the air as he rocks back and forth on the bench, giggling and guffawing to himself like a madman.

PC: "I'm not sure what drugs Charlie did tonight, but I know I wouldn't want to face him in a match! He's been on a roll since Leap of Faith!"

HHL: "And that's why you're not cool, Pip. But Jason Cashe? Cashe is cool, and I heard he's looking forward to knocking Nickles' back tonight."

PC: "It's a tall task!"

HHL: "It's going to be a great match later tonight, that's for sure! The real question is: can Cashe do enough damage to keep Nickles out of the Cannabis Cup alltogether?"

PC: "Stay tuned to find out later tonight!"

---

Boots Lichter walks to the ring amid a chorus of boos from the audience.

Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, standing 6'0" and weighing 189 lbs, from Sayre, Pennsylvania... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS... LIIIIIIIIIIICHTEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!

HHL: Not much love tonight for Bartholomew.

PC: Well he usually appears on Anarchy, Heather, so these fans probably just aren't used to him! They're only booing him because they don't recognize him!

HHL: I think they're booing him because they know more about him than they'd like to.

Liam Roberts walks to the ring with a few splattering cheers for him around the arena.

Announcer: His opponent, standing 5'11" and weighing 167 lbs, from London, Ontario, Canada, here is LIAAAAAAAAAM ROOOOOOOOOBERTS!

HHL: Not a half bad reception for Liam here tonight.

PC: When people found out Liam had a big dick after the last episode of Anarchy, his stock went through the roof!

HHL: Oh Jesus, I knew there was a reason I didn't watch that show...

BARTHOLOMEW LICHTER - vs - LIAM ROBERTS STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP

DING DING DING


Boots and Liam stand across from each other, both men just staying in their respective corners, waiting for the other guy to make the first move. Liam takes a step out of the corner and Boots does the same, but a few seconds later Liam runs to a DIFFERENT corner, and then Boots Lichter does the same! The two men move franticly, as if each is convinced the other is about to give chase. Nonetheless, both wrestlers still stand in the corner after the opening minute of the match: just a different corner than they started in!

PC: Neither Boots nor Liam are known as offensive wrestlers per se, so it's no surprise to see a defensive stalemate in the early goings of this one!

HHL: Boots and Liam are two of the most offensive men I've ever seen.

Boots and Liam look at each other, both slightly confused, until the referee hollers at them both to start fighting already. Liam and Boots are both reluctant to get out of the corner, but when they finally do, they both walk towards the middle of the ring with puffed out chests. Boots and Liam are now face-to-face and chest-to-chest, with Lichter being a hair taller and a tater tot thicker than Roberts. Liam pushes Boots in the chest, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps. Liam starts talking mad trash as he advances.

PC: Liam with the first move! A vicious shoulder shove!

HHL: Riiight. 'Vicious'.

Boots brushes some dirt off his chest before looking up at Liam, clearly offended by the rude shove. As Liam takes another step closer to Boots, Lichter raises his right foot in the air and brings colliding into Liam's jawbone! Liam looks to be KOed upon contact as he drops to the mat like a sack of superkicked bricks!

HHL: Holy crap- that was an incredible superkick out of nowhere!

PC: THIS IS NOT A SUPERKICK!

HHL: Uhhm yeah it was, Pip. We all just saw it.

PC: That's what Boots calls his finishing move, Heather! THIS IS NOT A SUPERKICK!

Boots falls on top of Liam before hooking the leg and making the cover. The referee slides down to make the count.


1!

2!!


3!!!

Winner by PINFALL - Bartholomew "Boots" Lichter

Boots climbs off of Liam Roberts and puts his hands in the air as the crowd boos him relentlessly. The bell rings repeatedly as Boots Lichter looks down at Liam Roberts with a cocky grin.

PC: What a huge win tonight for Boots! He put Liam down in just a couple minutes!

HHL: Liam Roberts needs to change up his gameplan soon, because what he's been doing just isn't working!

PC: Maybe there was nothing he COULD HAVE DONE TONIGHT, Heather, because Boots came out here and showed us all just how much power he has in one kick!

HHL: Did he though?

As Liam Roberts finally starts to roll around on the mat Boots exits the ring through the ropes and begins walking back up the entrance ramp.

PC: Either way, Lichter is walking away from tonight's episode of Savage as a WINNER- just one more accomplishment he can add to his resume!

---

JASON CASHE - vs - CHARLIE NICKLES STANDARD MATCH - 1 RP

The hymn-like hum vibrates through the area before Lauren Hill soulfully brings in the chorus. Jason Cashe comes out from the back with Josslynn Spencer holding his hand. His eyes are covered by sunglasses. Looking around the arena at the live audience, his eyes stay hidden behind the shades. Taking a long drag off an air joint, Cashe howls up into the sky, a few fans howl with him. Josslynn gives him a 'good game' slap to the butt and they head down to the ring.

ANNOUNCER: From Houston, Tejas by way of Decatur, Georgia.. A truly Troubled One they call DiOGee.. Jaaaassoooon! CAAAASHE!!

Stopping as the aisle turns to ringside, Cashe drags a foot creating an imaginary line. This is the line where when passed, the talking stops.

As Cashe is making his way down the ramp, there appears to be some commotion in the crowd. A deranged fan jumps the guardrail in the entrance ramp and is now standing face to face with Jason.

PC: Wait a second Heather, that’s… that’s not just some deranged fan!

HHL: You’re right! My god, that’s… that’s Charlie Nickles!

Charlie lowers a smiling glare onto the unsuspecting Cashe and bull rushes him. A running atomic elbow smash to the forehead blasts Jason back. Leaving him flipping and stumbling back up the ramp.

Before Jason can even try shaking the cobwebs from that decimating blow, Charlie has grabbed him by the back of his waist and runs him to the opposite guardrail, flipping him headfirst onto the concrete floor where the fans are standing.

Charlie vaults the guardrail and begins yelling as he smashes Chases head repeatedly. His arm raising and smashing down with a fist over and over, each time his fist rises up you can see it getting redder and redder as Charlie has beaten it onto a state of numbness.

Nickles mounts Cashe and bites down on his forehead, yelling and laughing in the process while simultaneously strangling out the XWF Star Of The Month. He has Cashe right where he wants him, blindsided and unable to mount any offense.

But Charlie knows he has to get Cashe to the ring now to finish this thing off. He looks around the stadium and at the end of the row where these fans are, he sees a set of concrete steps with a railed off balcony on top of a 10 foot fall onto the concrete tunnel way. Charlie then thinks he could always just kill Jason along the way.

He begins leading Cashe up the stairs, setting him up for what could be a very dangerous maneuver. He’s still measuring Cashe, but about a good few steps ahead of him. There’s just enough space for Cashe to rally.

He locks his arms around Charlie’s waist just as Mickles has made it up the first landing of steps. Cashe lifts with his incredible strength and…

PC: OH MY!!!

THUD

An incredible tiger suplex from behind sends Charlie plummeting back down, neck first onto the concrete. The fans explode as both men smash into the floor and roll around in agony.

Cashe wobbles to his feet first and kicks Charlie in the face while he’s down. Cashe climbs back up to the first landing of the steps, he turns and eyeballs the downed Charlie before leaping back down the steps…

A short diving knee smash to Charlie’s face just as he stands…. Is reversed!

Somehow Charlie catches the huge man flying toward him up around his shoulders and immediately slams him back down, neck first, steps first, with a falling power bomb. The crowd explodes again, however neither man is able to capitalize, as Cashes knee still connected flush against Charlie’s temple.

Nickles is the first man to his feet, he’s panting and sweating, pulling himself up the rail of the steps, but Jason isn’t far behind, tearing at the nickleman’s leg trying to slow him.

Charlie turns and let’s Cashe taste his boot, this gives him a few steps advantage back up the steps, but didn’t fully stop Jason who is recovering quickly and giving chase.

Both men reach the top of the stairs, 5 landings up, ten feet above the concrete floor of the stadium tunnel. There’s only a metal rail in the concrete ledge that separates Charlie and Jason from the floor.

The two men have locked horns and are beating one another in the head. Each delivering a flurry of fists to the others forehead. They wobble and break loose. Charlie kicks Jason in the abdomen which doubles the stocky man over. Charlie backs up to the metal rail and begins to charge…

BUT CASHE IS CHARGING RIGHT BACK!

Cashe spears Charlie off of the ledge!!!!

The two men plummet 10 feet and smash awkwardly onto a series of merchandise tables. The arena comes unglued as both men lie there lifeless and broken.

The moment is instantly iconic.

XWF officials, the commentary team, and even Theo Pryce who has stepped out onto the entrance ramp, are all in disarray. Pryce covers his mouth looking into the carnage as he orders security officers over to Charlie and Cashe to break up the fight.

The security officers, a half dozen or so, all teach Charlie and Jason as the two men begin to stir. One of them lifts Charlie up by the hair. Bad idea. He gets tan head first into the concrete wall of the stadium tunnel. Another duo of men lofty Jadon from behind. Each one of them catches a left or a right elbow to the mouth…

…and now Charlie and Jason are at it again. The two men brawl all throughout the fans. Charlie steals a chair from a boy and swings wildly at Cashe. Jason ducks and the chair cracks the skull of the boys father who screams out in horror. Jason rips the chair away from Charlie and slams it onto the Nickleman’s spine.

Charlie falls forward, leaning over, his back turning to a chopping block as over and over Cashe beats the metal chair onto Charlie’s back. Jason has him dead to rights. He approaches Charlie, but a well timed low blow from Charlie levels Jason to his knees.

Charlie shouts and DDTs Cashe onto the floor right in the center of a circle of fans. Charlie pops to his feet shouting in celebration while raising a fist in the air, reminding everyone that he’s still the king of Saturday nights. Nickles rips Jason up from the floor again and leads him down to the barricade at ringside.

But when Charlie drags Cashe to the barricade he’s met by…

PC: Wait! It’s Mac Bane! This isn’t fair!

[ted]HHl: Nothing about this fight has been fair, Pip![/red]

Bane snags two handfuls of Charlie’s hair and badges him across the nose with a sick headbutt, blood spews from his nostrils as he crumbles behind the barricade. Bane reaches down to grab Charlie again, but

It’s Marf Swaysons!!!

He bangs a forearm into the back of Bane’s skull and then jerks him into a devastating German suplex smacking his head into the ring steps behind. The stairs explode and even lane on Marf, causing him a great deal of damage.

Charlie rises up from behind the the barricade, a twisted smile on his lips as blood stains down his flannel.

While Marf and Max Babe continue to brawl on the ring floor, Charlie lifts Cashe and sits his legs stralibg over the barricade. Nickels brings Cashe up to his feet, both men standing on the barricade now, and drives him ring-side of the floor with a mean belly-to-belly suplex.

Nickles is up, he pulls a chair from under the ring and….

HHL: oh no! Talk about what’s not fair, Pip, I believe Charlie has a bag full of thumbtacks!

PC: Always ten steps ahead that Charlie Nickles!

The chair swings down from over Charlie’s head and cracks across Jason’s skull. Charlie repeated this vicious attack another four times in a row as the fried falls quiet and concerned. Cashe is lightly twitching on the stadium floor, blood leaking from his ears.

Charlie rolls him under the bottom rope and joins him in the ring, and the match is finally, officially, underway…

Nickles wastes no time dumping the thumbtacks all around the ring canvass as the fans begin roaring and stirring. Charlie is sizing Jason up as the big man pulls gingerly up to his legs from the ropes.

The thumbtacks are everywhere, and Charlie is ready to seize this opportunity. He grabs Jason. But Cashe!

He grabs Charlie’s arm, and pulls him toward him, ducking under and wrenching the arm around. He yanks Charlie toward him, bashing him with his trademark forearm, the mark of Jason.

Charlie’s head whips, but Jason doesn’t let go! He delivers another mark of Jason! Charlie is in a bad way! A third mark of Jason has Charlie Nickles completely out on his feet!

Jason rouses the crowd, then kicks Charlie in the gut…


S.A.D!!!!!!!











Is countered!!!!!













Charlie rises with an unconscious uppercut!















Devil Hook Drop! Into the thumbtacks! Cashe head first, Charlie back first!

Both men are lying motionless, even through the horrible pain of the steel thumb tacks piercing their skin. This war has taken everything out of them.

But the ref spots it!!!!

Each man lying on their back, has an arm draped on the other! A double pin!




1!














2!!

















It’s going to be a double pin finish!!
















Until Jason’s arm just barely slips off Charlie’s chest.










3!!!

Winner - Charlie Nickles

HHL: At the last second!!

PIP: It just took a muscle spasm to change the course of the match!

HHL: These two have to fight again, and maybe we'll get to see it at a PPV!

Doctors move in to check on both wrestlers, as we cut away.

---

HHL: Well, we’ve had a great show for you so far! We’ve got even more great action co-



From behind the curtain bursts Mark Flynn, wearing a black suit and sunglasses. Following closely behind him, wearing his own pair of sunglasses, camouflage fatigues, and a tag belt on each of his shoulders, is the North Korean War Criminal.

They stand at the top of the ramp, back-to-back! Flynn raises his arms, NK raises the belts. The crowd rains down booos.

HHL: Oh god, not these two…

PIP: What’s the problem, Heather? Can’t handle THE TRUTH!?! The Tag Team Champions are here to present the FACTS with a veneer of LOGIC and REASON.

HHL: Flynn and NK might be least-reasonable XWF Tag Champs of All-Time!

PIP: Even if that WAS true… WHICH IT’S NOT… That still makes them the Tag Champs! Ha, you owned yourself!

Flynn and NK stroll down the ramp and walk around the ring. They reach the timekeeper’s table.

They hover menacingly over the timekeeper, who eventually uncomfortably gets up out of his chair, so Flynn can steal his chair. Flynn snaps it shut and also steals the timekeeper’s microphone. Flynn rolls under the ropes… Leaving NK looking a little glum, not having his own chair.

HHL: Disgraceful.

PIP: If you have strength, FLAUNT IT. See, this is the problem with you LEFTISTS CUCKS. Unlike the tag team champions, you don’t exude str-

NK hears yelling and sees Pip get heated. He smiles in recognition. In a flash, NK reaches under PIp and steals his chair. Pip falls flat on his ass and NK runs after to catch up with Flynn, who’s seating up his chair in the ring.

HHL: HAHAHAHAHAHA

PIP: Sh-sh-shut up, Halliwell!

HHL: Sorry, You were saying, Pip?

PIP: …I was saying, Thank you to the Tag Champs, for giving me the chance to stand and stretch my legs.

HHL: Sure, you were.

NK finishes unfolding and setting up his chair beside Flynn’s, who is sitting in the center of the ring. NK very carefully adjusts the chair, to be perfectly aligned next to his tag-team partner… Edging it, oh-so-carefully.

HHL: All right, I think the chairs are fine the way they are.

PIP: Presentation is the most important part of the truth, Heather. You can never have your scene too perfect when you’re about to reveal the lies of your opposition.

The War Criminal reaches out into his front chest pocket for his trademark bubble level… He watches the bubble…

…Left…

Right…

…

In the center. Flawless.

NK smiles, before taking his seat, the tag belts still on his shoulders.

Flynn presses the microphone into his chin.

”Folks.”

He stands up and kicks the chair out from behind him. It skitters outside the ring under the bottom rope. He comes up laughing.

”TODAY IS A GREAT DAY.”

NK tries to replicate Flynn’s maneuever, but as he kick, his legs gets stuck on the inside bit of the chair. He eventually shakes it off and it falls over to its side. NK briefly stands one foot on top of it like a hunter over a slain best.

Flynn leans into his partner. ”AND WHAT MAKES TODAY A GREAT DAY, NK?” He presses the microphone into his partner’s face.

NK looks down, as if he’s surprised to be referred to….

”Ah, um… Is it that… today is National Bridal Sale Day?”

Flynn shakes his head smiling and ruffles his partner’s hair. NK looks surprised and befuddled. Despite them being tag partners for almost a year now, The War Criminal’s clearly never seen Flynn in a… ‘good mood.’

”No. See, in this SHITHOLE TOWN of PORTLAND, OREGON…”

Immediately the crowd rains down a thunderstorm of hate, booing and the like.

Flynn chokes up tighter on the mic.

”I said, IN THIS HIPSTER HELLHOLE THAT GOD FORGOT, WHERE YOU CAN GET A VEGAN TACO FOR DOGS ON EVERY STREET CORNER, BUT YOU CAN’T FIND A MAN WHO CAN CHANGE A TIRE, POOOOOOOOOOORTLAND, OOOOOOOOOOOOOREGON!”

The already deafening boos go three times as loud.

Flynn grins, before raising his wrist to his face.

“Here. In Portland. It’s 8:59 PM.”

NK glances at Flynn’s wrist… And nods, confirming that fact.

”BUT! Where XWF Headquarters is located… The clock is about to flip to midnight…”

Flynn shakes his watch…

“AND IN THREE…”

“TWO…”

“ONE…”

Flynn punches through the air.

“AHHHHHHH! I DID IT! I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER TO EVER LIVE! I DIIIIIIID IT! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Flynn falls onto his knees pumping his fists. NK excitedly shakes his fists, confused but psyched for… something.

HHL: Sorry, I’m confused. What did Flynn do?

PIP: Of course you wouldn’t understand, Heather. You’re blind to the truth!

HHL: Do YOU know what’s going on, Pip?

PIP: Of course! …But I won’t tell you!

Flynn stands up. He raises the belt nearest to him off NK’s shoulder.

“See, MARK FLYNN… and the NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL. Just hit DAY ONE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY-EIGHT of our reign with the XWF Tag-Team Championships.”

NK sees Flynn lifting his belt, and copies it, lifting the belt off his own shoulder.

HHL: Yes. That’s true

“And there are ONE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS LEFT in the year.”

HHL: …Okay.

“Which means, if we lost the belts tomorrow. We’d still be the longest reigning tag-team champions of 2022.”

HHL: …What’s going on here?

“You know what this means? WE’RE THE” Finger-quotes. “presumptive… XWF 2022 TAG-TEAM OF THE YEAR!”

Suddenly, FIREWORKS FROM THE CEILING!

Confetti and streamers drop down from the ceiling.

The 33-piece North Korean marching band comes from behind the curtain and storms down the ramp blaring excitedly!

Two cadets hang a banner on the ring apron saying ‘2022 XWF TAG-TEAM OF THE YEAR (presumptive)’.

PIP: YES! YES! THEY DID IT!

HHL: …It’s the middle of July, I don’t even think Vinnie and Theo have sent out nominee ballots for 2022…

PIP: FLYNN AND NK HAVE DONE THE UNTHINKABLE! THE POLLS WERE RIGGED AND THEY WON IN A LANDSLIDE ANYWAY!

HHL: How were the polls rigged, Pip?

PIP: You’d love to know, wouldn’t you, you NEOLIBERAL SHILL?!?

HHL: What does ANY of this have to do with my politics?!?

PIP: WAKE UP, YOU SHEEP

Flynn leaps onto the middle turnbuckle and lifts the belt as the crowd boos. NK giddily leaps up himself and replicates lifting his own belt.

Flynn hops down, belt still on his shoulder, and walks to the center of the ring. He reaches into his front-pocket and pulls out a little index card.

HHL: Oh, for God’s sake, he’s gonna give a speech?

PIP: He’s earned that right, Heather! He’s an AWARD-WINNING Wrestler!

HHL: Presumptively! He HASN’T EVEN WON THE AWARD YET!

NK sees Flynn doing another bit and scrambles off the turnbuckle to join him at his side. He leans over Flynn’s shoulder, bringing his face towards the mic.

Flynn reaches around his pockets… Fumbling, looking for something.

NK reaches into his own chest pocket and retrieves a set of reading glasses, which he sets on Flynn’s nose. Flynn smiles and nods at NK, before pulling the notecard up to his face.

”Oh god, so many people to thank… I wanna thank the ENTIRE tag-team division for going straight to shit and getting the Hell out of our way!

”I, of course, would like to thank The Glorious Leader himself for willing our greatness into being!”

”I wanna thank Them No Good Bastards, last year’s tag-team of the year, for doing everything they possibly could to ensure that they wouldn’t repeat!”

”I would extend my deepest gratitude to the manufacturer of the poster where the cat is hanging from the tree branch, for reminding me to always hang in there, baby.”

“And to Theo Pryce…”

Flynn inhales deeply… NK pats Flynn on the back… As a single tear rolls down Flynn’s cheek. NK pats his heart, seemingly touched. He reaches into his hip pocket and retrieves a handkerchief, which he dabs at Flynn’s tear.

”To my… To my old friend, Theo…

Flynn sniffles.

”...”

”GO FUCK YOURSELF.”

Flynn laughs heartily as the crowd descends into even more boos. NK balls up the handkerchief and tosses it into the front row laughing.

HHL: Wow, Real nice. Flynn and Theo used to be trios partners, great to see how ‘success’ hasn’t gone to Flynn’s head...

PIP: DON’T RAIN ON HIS PARADE, HE’S EARNED THIS.

HHL: He’s celebrating winning an award that won’t be announced for five months, he LITERALLY hasn’t earned this.

“Theo Pryce has done everything in his power to SCREEEEEEEEEW us out of rightful place in history. He played a cheap trick with that official counting the pin on the wrong man at Bad Medicine last year.”

HHL: Oh my God, Flynn is still out claiming the world is out to get to him… It was just bad officiating!

PIP: Do you have any proof that it’s not, Heather?!?

HHL: That’s not how proof works!

“If he hadn’t gotten in the way of our ascension… If he hadn’t calculated the profits and decided to steal the belts from us and give them to APEX on a silver platter… We wouldn’t be on Day 168. We’d be on Day 266. And we’d be the LONGEST-REIGNING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME!”

The crowd boos that notion.

PIP: Well? Is that true, Heather?

HHL: …Is what true? If Flynn and NK had beaten APEX and everything else remained the same? Yeah, this would be Day 266. Which would be a record. But they didn’t!

PIP: But you said so yourself, Heather! Flynn and NK lost on bad officiating!

HHL: …

Flynn and NK both point in the air simultaneously.

“BUT! It took that setback to figure out Theo’s shallow bag of tricks. Now? We’re unfucking stoppable. And Theo has no REAL cards left to play to DENY OUR DESTINY.”

Flynn points at the crowd.

“Go ahead Pryce. Send whoever you want at us. The MAGA boys, The THUGS, The Disintigrators… The Bastards Part V: This Time, It’s two Jim Jimsons.”

“Hell, you can even send your new pet project, The Trilogy. Jason Cashe and Raion Kido? Kaye and Kido? Kaye and Cashe?”

Flynn chuckles.

“Hell… Get in the ring yourself with one of these no-talent hacks you put your money behind.”

The crowd pops loud all-of-a-sudden, excited at the idea of Legend Theo Pryce returning to shut up these two loudmouths.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER, THEO.”

“Because no matter what scheme you pull? What trick you store up your sleeve?”

“It’s going to crumble to dust… At the hands of TRUE TALENT. AT THE HANDS OF ACTUAL, DESERVING LEGENDS.”

Flynn, amidst a cacophony of boos, lifts his belt into the air.

“At the hands of Mark Flynn…”[/color]

NK raises his own and clinks it off his partners’.

“And The North Korean War Criminal.”

Their music blares again, the band storms back up the entrance, leaving a mess of confetti and streamers behind them… The banner remains up as the obnoxious tag-team champs, laugh and cackle, heading back up the ramp, lifting their belts high to even more boos.

HHL: Well, as usual, Flynn and NK have left a huge mess following their appearance… We’re going to have the ring crew sweep up. We’ll be right back, folks!

---

As Arch Enemy blares throughout the arena, all eyes focus on the entrance ramp. Some time goes by, but finally the curtain moves and Bobby Bourbon steps out onto the stage. This is a very different-looking Bourbon, however. Per match stipulations, he's wearing a blonde wig, a lavender shirt, paint-stained overalls, and even what appears to be knee-high fishnets. He stops on the ramp, surveying the whole arena, many of whom are currently losing their minds at the sight of him. He shrugs, raises his fists at 45-degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod to the ring.

HHL: This is an extremely unique look for Bobby Bourbon tonight, forced on him by the Television Champion.

PIP: I have to give props to Jenny for this one. This is a hell of a way to use your champion's advantage.

HHL: It really works against him. Not only does Bourbon have to LOOK like Jenny Myst, he actually has to WRESTLE like her in order to win!

Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The XWF Universe in attendance, becoming hooligans, all chant in unison.

Announcer: Introducing first, the #1 Contender... standing 6'5" and weighing 290 lbs... from Washington DC... here is "The Grand High PooBOB of the XWF", BOBBY BOURBON!!

The arena lights go dark, and then fill up with a purple hue.

There is a white and pink fog that rolls through the entrance way as the sound of a child giggling can be heard in the background of the arena.

Announcer: And his opponent, the XWF Television Champion........hailing from Las Vegas Nevada, JENNY MYSSTTT

The camera zooms in on the entry way as Jenny steps out... with her hair slicked back and wearing a suit and tie! She walks out onto the ramp, raising her arm, where she's got a stuffed bald eagle on it!! After a few seconds, the Television Champion laughs and whispers something to the eagle before tossing it behind her, before smiling and skipping down to the ring.

HHL: So it looks like Jenny Myst has come as... Bobby Bourbon!

PIP: So does that mean she can only use Bourbon's moves, while Bourbon can only use Myst's moves?

HHL: This is going to be a crazy match...

XWF TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP JENNY MYST© - vs - BOBBY BOURBON SAVAGE RULES - DOLLHOUSE MATCH

DING! DING! DING!

PIP: "Alright, there's the bell and this Television Title Main Event is now underway! You have to think, Heather, was this really a wise stipulation for the TV Champion Jenny Myst to choose?"

HHL: "After seeing Bobby Bourbon in fishnet stockings, Pip, I'd have to agree."

PIP: "Well, not just THAT… The competitors tonight aren't just playing dress-up tonight… They're exchanging move-sets, too! Bobby is to wrestle like Jenny and Jenny is to wrestle like Bobby…"

HHL: "So Bobby goes gymnast and Jenny goes powerhouse? Makes sense."

The champion and the challenger stand in opposite corners. Jenny Myst, the champion, is the first to make a move. She rushes across the ring and lands a lariat across Bobby's midsection and bounces off of him. The two make eye contact before Jenny takes a bounce off the ropes to assist her in a shoulder charge that again does nothing against Bobby's midsection. Bobby swings his tree trunk of an arm down and slams Jenny to the mat with ease. The official steps between the fallen champion and challenger and scolds Bobby Bourbon about his choice of offense.

PIP: "This is absurd."

HHL: "Hey, I think Jenny has him right where she wants him."

PIP: "How so?"

Jenny sneaks up behind the referee and leaps over him! She straddles her legs around the standing Bobby and wraps her arm around his head in a guillotine! Bobby attempts shaking her off, but Jenny releases her legs around him and wraps them around the top rope! Bobby tries pulling the two of them away, but Jenny keeps the hold intact as well as her legs on the rope! The referee freaks out again and screams at Jenny, who suddenly uses the momentum from Bobby's struggles to let go of the rope and swing him around, landing a tornado DDT!

PIP: "Bobby is down!"

Jenny jumps up and lands a 100 lbs. sentan across Bobby's chest. He almost immediately rolls to his side and to his hands and knees. Jenny follows up with a kick to the belly, but again, it doesn't stop Bobby from continuing through his motions which shortly leads back to his feet. Jenny, frustrated, takes a step onto Bobby and kicks him in the side of the head!

HHL: "Enziguri! Don't see Bobby pull off too many of those!"

The referee scolds Jenny about the rules, as well.

Jenny follows up by barely assisting Bobby back to his feet. She cross-chops him into the corner and starts with kicks to the lower midsection as she hangs onto the middle rope. She then climbs to the middle turnbuckles and starts delivering fists to Bobby's head… The crowd lets a few go then gets to a count of two before Bobby shoves her off and sends her flying then rolling across the ring. Shaking off the beat down, Bobby stomps across the ring as Jenny rolls backwards back to her feet. She charges again, but is forced to duck an illegal big boot from Bobby. She darts past him and springs off the ropes hitting a cross-body! Bobby isn't even sent back a step when the small body of Jenny Myst crosses the close to 300 pounder. Bobby questions the referee if the move he is about to do is legal or not, then proceeds to take a couple of giant steps before piling down onto Jenny in a powerslam! Bobby hooks the leg! The referee hesitates, but drops to the mat fo the count!









ONE!
























TWO!!












PIP: "The champ kicks out!"

Jenny manages to get a shoulder up at the last minute and roll out from under Bobby. She crawls her way to the corner where she uses the turnbuckles to help herself up. She takes refuge there for a moment before Bobby rushes in and hits her with a big splash! Jenny crumbles in the corner after getting buried by the big man, but isn't down long before Bobby pulls her up to her feet and lifts her up to the top turnbuckle!

HHL: "It appears Bobby is looking for a high risk maneuver, Pip! That's more Jenny's style, right?"

PIP: "Moreso than Bob's!"

Bobby throws her arm behind his head and goes for a superplex! He pulls, but Jenny manages to wrap her ankles around the top turnbuckles and hang on! Bobby tries again, but Jenny's ankles won't give up! Jenny smacks Bobby across the face with an elbow, then another, and another! He staggers for a moment before Jenny sunset flips over his head and catches Bobby off balance!


SLAM!


HHL: "Does that count as a Bobby Bomb?!"

PIP: "I suppose it could?"

Bobby folds up on the mat after being pulled down off the middle rope by Jenny in a sunset flip powerbomb! Jenny covers Bobby!

PIP: "To retain the title!"





ONE!!!








TWO!!!!

















PIP: "And no! Bobby kicks out!"

A discombobulated Bobby rolls away from the hold and gets to his hands and knees. He breathes heavily as he slowly works his way towards the ropes. Jenny takes her time and stalks Bobby from the other side of the ring.

She runs up to Bobby, but the challenger grabs her! He spins her around, knocking the referee over the top rope in the process with Jenny's feet, and slams her down to the mat. Bobby notices his mistake, shrugs it off, then gets up. He picks up Jenny and sets her up for a Bobby Bomb!

PIP: "Bobby looking to end this, but he's using the wrong move to do it! I don't know if this is going to fly…"

Bobby looks down at Jenny, shrugs again with a short laugh, then pulls her out to set up Myst Opportunities….

HHL: "That any better, Mr. Collins?"

PIP: "Well we're understanding the rules now, which is good."

Bobby has Myst in his grasp and is just ready to fall back when Jenny collapses in his arms. Bobby shakes her a few times to bring her back to life, but Jenny's body lies lifeless in Bobby's arms. He lets her drop to the mat, but, playing possum, she springs back and hits Bobby between his two legs with a vicious low blow! Bobby buckles over enough for Jenny to grab him around the head and whip him around with Myst Opportunities of her own! Bobby is out! Jenny covers him and pulls the leg as the referee just manages to slide into the ring….

ONE!!!

















TWO!!!!


















THREE!!!!!

WINNER AND STILL XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION - JENNY MYST

PIP: "I don't know how this is going to play out later, Heather, but Jenny just went against her own stipulation…"

HHL: "Regardless, Pip, Miss Myst is the winner and STILL the XWF Television Champion! That's her first defense as champion!"

PIP: "Indeed it is! One IS a streak, ladies and gentlemen… And with that and everything else tonight behind us… I'd like to wish you all a good night! Thanks for hanging with us and we look forward to seeing you all at WAR GAMES on July 31st! Don't miss it!"

---

SPECIAL THANKS TO: MARK FLYNN (X2) CHARLIE NICKLES (X2) DOLLY WATERS TOMMY WISH

We catch up with Bobby backstage.

Welp, good job Jenny, I guess you won after breaking the rules right in front of the referee and everything.

I'm going to hang tight back here until I am given my rightful Television Title that you lost for breaking your own rules.

You know Jenny, despite Bobby being the biggest Bastard around he's right on this one. You did break your own rules to secure the win. So I think the only fair thing to do is schedule Jenny vs Bobby Part Deux on the first Savage after War Games.

And this time, Bobby gets to pick the stipulations.

Oh and to my old friend Mark Flynn, I think you have some unresolved guilt that you need to deal with. Maybe you and I can sit down, share a drink and reminisce about the good ole days instead of having all this tension? What do you say? Help me help you.

*giggles, hugging Goldi tightly*

"You hear that shit Goldi? They are rewarding Bobby for losing. I guess I can't be too mad though, they did the same to me and look, now I have you back! Difference is, I deserved it. Oh well. On to War Games!!!!"

I’m back! Great show and I know I’m late to the party but congrats to my girl Jenny on holding down a strap! Now I have goals. Can’t wait to step back in that ring

(07-17-2022, 05:23 AM)Theo Pryce Said: You know Jenny, despite Bobby being the biggest Bastard around he's right on this one. You did break your own rules to secure the win. So I think the only fair thing to do is schedule Jenny vs Bobby Part Deux on the first Savage after War Games.

And this time, Bobby gets to pick the stipulations.

Oh and to my old friend Mark Flynn, I think you have some unresolved guilt that you need to deal with. Maybe you and I can sit down, share a drink and reminisce about the good ole days instead of having all this tension? What do you say? Help me help you.

I want to be ringside for this one boss man! I will sit in with the team and give my wonderful insight!

(07-17-2022, 05:23 AM)Theo Pryce Said: You know Jenny, despite Bobby being the biggest Bastard around he's right on this one. You did break your own rules to secure the win. So I think the only fair thing to do is schedule Jenny vs Bobby Part Deux on the first Savage after War Games.

And this time, Bobby gets to pick the stipulations.

Oh and to my old friend Mark Flynn, I think you have some unresolved guilt that you need to deal with. Maybe you and I can sit down, share a drink and reminisce about the good ole days instead of having all this tension? What do you say? Help me help you.

Looks like Ozzy's payment finally hit your account. Glad to see you're finally working for the Bastards. I lost to Alias, I got another crack. Bobby lost to Jenny, he gets another crack. Keep up the good work in the booking room, boss-man, because that's what we here at BOB like to see!

(07-18-2022, 03:20 PM)Charlie Nickles Said:

(07-17-2022, 05:23 AM)Theo Pryce Said: You know Jenny, despite Bobby being the biggest Bastard around he's right on this one. You did break your own rules to secure the win. So I think the only fair thing to do is schedule Jenny vs Bobby Part Deux on the first Savage after War Games.

And this time, Bobby gets to pick the stipulations.

Oh and to my old friend Mark Flynn, I think you have some unresolved guilt that you need to deal with. Maybe you and I can sit down, share a drink and reminisce about the good ole days instead of having all this tension? What do you say? Help me help you.

Looks like Ozzy's payment finally hit your account. Glad to see you're finally working for the Bastards. I lost to Alias, I got another crack. Bobby lost to Jenny, he gets another crack. Keep up the good work in the booking room, boss-man, because that's what we here at BOB like to see!

I keep booking you against Alias because you blowing Universal Title shots is the only real amusement I get these days. But you're welcome nonetheless.

(07-18-2022, 04:02 PM)Theo Pryce Said: I keep booking you against Alias because you blowing Universal Title shots is the only real amusement I get these days. But you're welcome nonetheless.

Well, you also keep booking me against Jason Cashe and Raion Kido....who's amusement is that for?

I didn't book you against Jason Cashe. You issued a challenge and he answered the call. As for Raion Kido, I wouldn't assume that past wins ensure future victories. Or do, and see what it gets you. Your call.

"Since we're talking about stepping outside of the Standard Rules.. Those chair shots tickled.. For the record."