The dimly lit auditorium is full of students who are awaiting Thunder Knuckles's arrival. The principal of Bath High walks up to the podium, where he is met with boos.

Young men and women, we have a very special guest this afternoon. I can’t lie, I’m a big fan. He is an alumnus of this fine school, a former two-time XWF Television Champion, former XWF and OCW Tag Team Champion, and the current XWF Xtreme Champion.

The kids in the know start chanting.

**No Good Bastard** **No Good Bastard**

Please, help me welcome, THUNDER KNUCKLES!

TK presses play on his boom box like he has in each school leading up to this moment. This time it plays the hook from “Politically Incorrect” by Tom MacDonald. Walking from behind the curtain, TK is met with a round of applause as he dances to the podium.

I see Bath High School still fucks with me!

The Chuckle-fucks in attendance are cheering like crazy. The kids who don't watch wrestling have no clue who TK is but they are clapping anyway. They're about to learn who TK is real quick.

Woah-

TK looks surprised for a second then gives a wicked smirk.

I guess, Jimmy, got my phone call. Anyway, the board of Education sent me here to tell you fuckers NOT to have sex.

The room went quiet suddenly until one of the disease-infested kids coughed.

I know, right? It’s legit the only fucking thing you can do in this town. Well, that and sell crack but if you’re classy as fuck, like yours truly, I stick to the finest white pony in this great state. Let the poors stomp on it.

TK brushes the dirt off his shoulder like a true G.

Nah, I’m not going to tell you not to be fucking. That shit doesn't work. They had someone come in and say that shit to us when I was your age. Do you know what it turned out doing? Not a goddamn thing. I personally fucked Susie Rottencrotch and got her ass pregnant and if you know anything about Ohio abortion is illegal after so many weeks. Well, Susie Rottencroch waited too damn long and I had to accidentally, on purpose, tripped the bitch down the steps. Turned out to be cheaper and that's how to save some cash, guys.

TK points and winks to the students in the auditorium.

No, that shit doesn't work but ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles knows something that will. Yeah… Just like that…

TK points up to the projector room above the students, giving the nerds from the AV club the signal. A screen drops down behind TK to the right. Once the screen is down a picture is displayed. The picture is of a cluster of blisters on the shaft of a penis.

That shit-heads is general herpes. Don’t think for a goddamn second that you can’t or won't get herpes. I know what you bitches in attendance think. That’s a dick. Well…

The picture of the cluster of herpes blisters on the penis changes to another cluster this time on a vagina. These blisters are busted open with puss dropping out of them.

Imagine getting that shit in the crack of your ass and let's face it in your goddamn eyes. That shit would fucking suck.

TK looks over at the principal expecting some push back but it’s not happening. TK gives the principal a thumbs up and actually receives one back.

Alright, you think herpes is bad?

A few of the kids can audibly be heard saying yeah.

It gets fucking worse, trust me.

The nerds working the projector switch the picture. Another slide of busted herpes blisters appears on the screen.

Wrong goddamn slide, next.

The picture changes again. Scabs around pubic hair are shown on the screen.

Those are fucking bugs eating your goddamn flesh. Pubic lice. You DO NOT want to fuck around with pubic lice! They’re actual goddamn bugs, yo. Alright, nerds, next side.

The nerds do as TK asks and change the slide, a yellowish-green discharge is oozing from the vagina. TK’s face looks disgusting, almost unwilling to continue as Bobby's words keep playing in TK's head. "You probably shouldn't add the slides."

Next slide, for fucks sake.

The slide of the yellowish-green discharge changes to the same disease but this time it's a gray discharge but there's more of it.

Oh, that’s good, keep going...

TK closes his eyes for a few seconds.

I can’t even say this one. Tric-hom-on-my-ass or some shit. I just call it the trick because some bitches don’t even know they got it. They just live their lives wondering why it fucking burns when they pee. Bitches are dumb. Bitches don't be dumb, go get tested, that goes for you asshats too. ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles gets tested once a week like it’s fucking COVID-19. Thank fuck, I’ve only gotten shit antibiotics cleared up.

TK pauses for a moment and tilts his head back.

FUUUUUCK.

Looking back at the audience TK smirks.

Alright, next slide, you’re doing great.

The nerds at the projector flip to the next slide of male genitalia with a large deep sore, it's about the size of a J.F.K. half-dollar coin.

Just in case you fuckers think you’re safe from STDs in other countries and shit. Well, your goddamn wrong. You have to go to a tropical third-world country for this mother fucker. This shit right here, this shit is Donovan-o-sis. I think? I just call it the Blackwater.

The next slide is shown, it looks simpler than the last, just the sore is small and there are a few more of them.

This little Bastard is just like the Blackwater just smaller. Notice that the fucking ulcer is deep as fuck with a puss blister down in the middle of it.

TK shivers trying to control himself from vomiting.

Don’t worry, this isn’t common here in the States, but in Africa, and even where I’m headed next Dubai. If you fuck with the local talent, i.e. hookers, there's a chance-roid that you catch chancroid.

TK motions to the nerds in the booth above the students and they change the slide. Thankfully, the next slide is blank.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is trying to scare us with sexually transmitted diseases. You’d be goddamn right, but you have to know of the other dangers out there too. It's not just hideous sores and whatnot. If you sleep with the wrong person with weak genetics, shit like this will happen.

The AV nerds change the slide to a picture of Bilbo Blumpkins.

Birth defects. That’s right, fuck faces, if STDs don’t do the trick then here are some more cold hard damn facts, for ya. Look at this cripple. Ladies, do you want to pop something like that out? Dudes, you want to take care of that, or be like most of your fathers, and dip the fuck out? Let’s be fucking real?

TK closes his eyes and takes a big deep breath through his nose.

MmmHmmmm. Next slide.

TK opens his eyes and addresses the auditorium again. The nerds have already switched slides. It shows a child with a cleft lip, presurgery.

Some more weak genes. Is having a baby like that palatable for you? Fucking think about it. Next slide.

The AV club puts up the final picture, it’s of Ring Master.

There are no genes weaker than my opponents at Leap of Faith, Ring Master. Despite his obvious birth defect, he was able to get buff and shit. No one is built that way except this guy, way too top-heavy. My point is if you’re going to fuck, wrap it up, if not, and this shit happens to you. Well-

TK shrugs like Shawn Warstein looking into the mirror while staring down at his junk.

You can’t say you weren’t goddamn warned…

TK closes his eyes again and makes a very satisfied sound.

Ooohhhmmm, Yeah. Swallow that shit.

TK seems pleased by his performance.

Alright, Chuckfucks and naysayers, times up. I have to get to Dubai!

TK presses play on his boom box and “Politically Incorrect” by Tom MacDonald continues to play from where it was on pause. Suddenly a woman pops up from behind the podium, wiping off her mouth. TK zips up his pants behind the podium and leans into the microphone.

Oh, yeah, by the way, Richard Stansberry, your mom made sure you get an autograph. You can thank her later. DEUCES, Bath High, I’M OUT!

The principal gives a round of applause, along with the students, as TK walks off stage. The scene fades gently into a commercial.

Drone footage of the inside of the International Cricket Stadium in Dubai is shown on your screen.

On May 29th, 2022, XWF invites you to make the LEAP OF FAITH!

Your screen now has a crew of strong burly men constructing a cage.

Thunder Knuckles puts his Xtreme Championship up for grabs against Ring Master.

The drone footage fades into the camera panning around the double cage, that is surrounded by red light and suspended in the air.

Both men are going to be entering a double steel cage-

Clips of other double steel cage matches begin to play.

-and only one man will walk out victorious.

The ominous cage is again shown in the red light. this time placed around the ring.

Join us LIVE on Pay-Per-View. Check your local listings and ORDER NOW!

The commercial quickly fades to the preach portion of TK's promotional package.

We catch back up with TK still sitting in his lawn chair at his Lima Ohio residence.

Who better is there to play in the devil's playground known as the double steel cage than ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles? Bodies will be twisted, flesh will be ripped, and blood will be lost. Make no Mistake Ring Master I'm not going to the United States of Emirates to take an L. Nah, homie, I’m showing up to take the head of my second victim's head. You sit around and act like I’ve been the Xtreme Champion for a hot minute but the reality is I just start my mother fucking journey. Legendary career, fuck I’ll give you that, but all the niceties in the world aren’t going to save your goddamn ass from me in that fucking cage.

TK’s phone rings, he reaches into his pocket and gives the one-minute finger to the camera.

Ah, shit, I gotta take this.

TK presses the screen to accept the call and places the phone next to his ear.

Yo, what up Caesar?

TK pauses for a minute letting Caesar talk before he busts out laughing.

Wait, wait, hold on I’m filming my shit right now. The people have to hear this shit, bro. Hold on, hold on.

TK takes the phone away from his ear and presses the screen to enable the speakerphone.

Yeah, man, Ring Master showed up boohooing about the casino's odds against him and wanted me to change them.

You told him you got into the casino business to make money, not lose money, right?

Fuck no, man, he looked pathetic and I figured you were going to run him down hard enough.

True, true, anyway, BOBs cut is coming soon, right?

I never miss a payment. Oh, one more thing, Ring Master went all-in on himself with five grand.

What a fucking poor.

That’s after he went off on a tangent about real men making their own odds.

Well, like most everything he said that's untrue, you make the odds. Alright, I have to get back to work. I’ll talk to you later.

Yep.

TK hangs up the phone and puts it back in his pocket.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Jimmy made me watch this fuckers promotional material. Has anyone told this mother fucker what match he’s in? Does, the no cheeks having ass, know that we’re not the ones jumping the goddamn Mia Khalifa building for a briefcase? For fucks sake.

TK looks to his side.

JIMMY!

Off-camera you hear Jimmy yell back.

Yeah?

BRING ME A FUCKING BEER!

TK looks back into the camera while scratching his nuts.

Now you’re probably wondering why ‘Ol Thunder KNuckles went to his former schools to give lectures. Well, it’s simple, I figure I’d take Ring Master to school seeing as he hasn’t learned a goddamn thing since being in XWF. Look, kid, you want to make it big here, right? Well, take my advice and get the fuck out of my way. Getting your ass beat to show you have heart is about as smart as Jenny Myst cutting off Lance's ear on Warfare. Pretty fucking stupid. I mean really what the fuck is Jenny Myst going to do to Alias? I mean, Charlie is already pissing down Alias’s dry well but that doesn’t mean that Jenny’s got the goods.

Jimmy walks up and hands TK a beer before walking back off-screen. Cracking the beer TK continues.

I heard you say I’m not taking you seriously.

TK takes a drink and belches' afterward.

Ask yourself this, why the Hell should I? You’ve proven to me you’re too afraid to get down and dirty. You’ve proven you’d rather cry about your odds and jump off Mia Khalifa than say anything of fucking substance.

TK changes his tone to that of a sniveling bitch.

The Brotherhood of Bitches are big meanies and I can’t stand meanies.

TK’s voice goes back to normal because he doesn't know how to even act like a bitch for that long.

Shut the fuck up, that shit is so played out that it’s in the Chris Page playbook. Come on, mother fucker, you’re going after MY Xtreme Championship. You're not playing fucking patty cake with Mac Bane or floundering in mediocrity like Elijah Martin. Nah, son, you're fighting one of the premier talents that this company has to offer. Where's the fucking gusto? Where's the razzle-dazzle? Threatening suicide before the biggest match of your career is weak as fuck. For the love of sweet baby Jesus, you're already committing career suicide. There's no need to take your life too. I mean, if you really want to be all goddamn emo kid about it. I'll help you out and make your dreams of legendary status come true, as the man 'Ol Thunder Knuckles legitimately kills in the ring.

After downing the rest of his beer, TK closes his eyes trying to find his beat. Once he finds it. he begins to bob his head to the track in his mind.

I became dangerous, off my bank statements, my name’s mother fucking famous. Ring Master’s beating is going to go viral. I pray to my idol, while my opponent goes on a downward spiral. Even if he doesn’t, he needs to juice up, call him minute maid. Though he’s in this trade, he just doesn’t make the grade, On May twenty-ninth he’s about to get slayed while I'm getting mother fucking paid. In this match I’ve surveyed, I’ve only been dropping hand grenades, could have been dropping nukes but I had to degrade. When I return from my crusade, I will not be swayed, I'm having a big ass parade.

TK is no longer bobbing his head, rather, he is shaking from side to side with the beat in his brain.

It’ll be time to pop the champagne as I expand my Xtreme reign. Just like D’Ville, Bumpkins, BathZaltzz the Ring Master’s attempt will be in vain. As long as I have the title, it’ll be hard to attain. Fuck’em, let’em all complain.

TK bites his bottom lip because that line was legit.

He’s just too good, could’ve, should’ve, would’ve, don’t get it misunderstood. ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles about to give’em the wood. Dick’em down faster than Eobard take meat. Like a whole football team going skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet. A lot of what you said ain't true, and on May 29th you’ll get your receipt. My word is my bond and that is concrete. You can’t blame anyone for your upcoming defeat. It’s not your fault that they threw you to the elite. Now do me a favor and get off my teet.

TK stops shaking his head from side to side and opens his eyes.

Ring Master can talk all he wants about controlling his own fate. He's going to find out that stepping into a cage with me is no goddamn joke. I fucking telling you, as soon as that cage's door is shut, the brown streak on his tights will form. Cricket Stadium will witness what American fans have known for a long time. DO NOT PUT YOUR MONEY ON RING MASTER.

TK bows his head his loyal Chuckle-fucks and Bastards everywhere know to do the same.

Bastardly Father, in your hatred, cut off my enemies and destroy all those who try to take my Xtreme Championship. I believe in the power of your word that says, “Forgive no one and you will have my wisdom which none of your opponents will be able to resist or refute. ”Everyone that has vowed that I will not get to my promised land, bring them to me and I will slay them in your presence, O Bastardly Father. I command the demons of destruction to go to the stronghold of my opponent's power, his heart, and I will destroy it. I will execute vengeance upon my opponent in your Bastadly name. As they attack me in the hallway. Help me kick out and send them fleeing on their way. Anyone that plots against me by mistake, will die by correction. I will give my opponents their worst nightmares. Let the fear and panic spread in their minds and move to their bodies. Since they have refused to let me have peace of mind, let them die a slow and suffering death. By Your ruthlessness, O Bastard above. I will vanquish my opponents, not just at Leap of Faith, no. I will put all my enemies’ plans, like their throats, under my boot. In the Bastard's name, I prey.

TK lifts his head back up to the camera.

A-goddamn-men

The scene transitions to black slowly. No... Slower than that.