TK and Gilly walk through the portal back to the Peppermint Hippo. TK runs to the closest trash can and hurls his guts up again. A female bartender walks up to TK and says,

I think you've had enough.

TK pushes the dumb twat into the portal as it disappears.GIlly is pixelated and blurred because he's not supposed to be in this world anymore outside of Banishment Island. TK walks up to the bar and motions for a beer the other bartender gladly gives him a beer in fear of whatever happened to the bouncers and the other bartender would happen to her.

Thunder Knuckles what are you doing? You can't have Gilly here!

Suck my super dick

TK smirks at Jimmy because Gilly just owned him.

What he said, Jimmy. This guy is a treasure trove of fucking information and I'm going to tap all that information.

Yeah, fuck you, nerd.

This isn't a good idea. He's only going to-

Shut the fuck up!

TK looks over to pixelated and blurred Gilly, completely ignoring Jimmy.

Well, what's it feel like to be free, man.

You can't really tell where Gilly is looking but I assure you it's over at the naked ladies on the stage. TK hands Gilly a beer and as soon as it touches Gilly's hand, it too becomes blurred.

This is awesome.

Goddamn, right it is.

TK knew this was his time to ask Gilly his secret to becoming a thirteen-time Xtreme Champion.

How'd you do it, Gilly? How'd you become a thirteen-time Champion? That's fucking amazing.

Most people think that it's just about the weapons and violence but it's not.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, man, use your environment. Most people forget that a parked car isn't just a parked car. It's a tool of destruction. A doorway is a way to crush your opponent with the door.

Good point.

Gilly pauses for a moment as one of the strippers on stage bends over and takes off her panties to give him a full view.

It doesn't hurt if you catch the Champion slipping and not kicking out when they need to... You haven't had that problem, I see. I knew you'd do great things here.

TK pats Gilly on the back and hands GIlly a hand full of ones. Gilly puts one of the bills between his lips and the stripper saunters over, taking it from Gilly's mouth.

I need to find Maria.

In time, Gilly... In time.

There's a commotion at the entrance of the Peppermint Hippo but TK nor Gilyl pay it any attention. Their focus is on the fine-ass women until a man with a wooden sword, which looks really sharp, shows up.





THUNDER KNUCKLES!

TK and Gilly both swing their head back to look at the man.

I have come for a fair wage and if you do not I have been ordered to stab you in the butt!

TK and Gilly both look at each other. TK lips the word: What the fuck? Gilly shrugs.

I've been on Banishment Island, man. What did you do?

TK looks back at Dexter with a "Fuck you, dude." look on his face.

Oh, yeah, hombre? Who the fuck are you?

The man takes his sword and put it over his left shoulder with his chest out.

I am Dexter the Destroyer! Vita sent me here for you to pay me a fair wage.

For what ass clown?

Dexter the Destroyer looks confused.

Your Reddit post, XBUXChampion6969. You said anyone who takes out Vita will get paid.

Oh, umm, yeah... So, you took the bitch out? Nice!

Rubbing his hands together and nodding his head, TK thinks to himself, she is crafty.

Wait... Do you have any proof you took her out?

Dexter the Destroyer looks down at his feet.

No...

So, what the fuck do you want a fair wage for?

TK rolls his eyes at Dexter.

Failing?

Dexter doesn't say anything.

Get fucked.

No. I will not get fucked!

Gilly stands up.

Lesson two?

Have at it.

TK bows his head and motions with both hands in the direction of Dexter the Destroyer. Gilly walks up to the man and punches him in the throat. Dexter is gasping for air, and tripping over a barstool. As this is going on Gilly grabs Dexter's sword and breaks it over his knee.

Did you see how the environment helped?

TK nods his head and Gilly smiles back before turning his attention back to Dexter. Gilly then claps his hands with the two broken pieces of the wooden sword over the man's ears. This maneuver knocks Dexter out cold. All of that was hard to watch because Gilly is pixelated and blurred. The strippers haven't stopped dancing or batted an eye at the violence going on around them. No, the strippers in Vegas are colder than most whores and thrive in the chaos. Gilly has made it back over to sit next to TK as the DJ announces the next girl.

Alright, guuuuys, don't forget we got two for one specials alll night looong. We got more amazing girls from the early 2000s coming up including Snookie, Vanessa, and even JWOW! Don't be mean, show'er that green, and put it in her Gggggg-string. We'll be rocking all week long but right now welcome to the stage, Maria Brink!

WHAT THE FUCK!

TK can't tell that Gilly is no longer interested in anything else.

Hey, Gilly, so about some other lessons in Xtreme.

The stripper who looks like Maria Brink walks out and starts dancing. You can tell this because Gilly is a pixelated blur but he is pissed.

That's not Maria Brink! She wouldn't...

Gilly jumps on stage and grabs the stripper by the hair.

YOU'RE NOT MARIA BRINK!

The music stops and everyone sits in terror.

Yo, Gilly, it's just a stripper, bro. They're professional liars.

Gilly hauls off and punches the stripper and as he does...

POOF

His pixelated blur vanishes once more onto Banishment Island. Shaking his head, TK shrugs knowing that some people just can't be helped.

Welp, I guess it's time to go.

TK starts walking toward Jimmy.

Where to now?

I'm meeting up with the Bastards and we're headed to Warfare.

To a galaxy far far away?

What? No, a goddamn soundstage in Hollywood, California. You can't take a fucking rental into space you fucking moron. Jesus Christ, that's dumber than half the shit Raidon Kidd-o said about Charlie. The dude doesn't even know what the fuck he's talking about but I guess people like to hear bullshit from a good guy. Fucked up world, Jimmy. Fucked up.

Why a rental?

Oh, I, umm, I wrecked the Bastards' Limo...

TK smirks and places his hand on Jimmy's shoulder

Not drinking and driving.

Suddenly, like at the end of Die Hard where Alexander Godunov reveals himself from under a jacket with a machine gun, Dexter the Destroyer rises up from behind TK.

HUZZAH!

Dexter lunges and stabs TK in the butt with the blade of his swiss army knife.

FUUUUUCK!

Reaching down to the knife TK pulls the blade from his ass cheek, headbutts Dexter sending him to the ground. TK grabs the fallen man's foot and delivers a concussive Thunder Strike.

🖕PREACH🖕

Your screen shows TK standing next to a knocked-out Dexter the Destroyer. TK is looking thoroughly annoyed.

Might as well get this over with since I was just stabbed in the fucking ass. It figures the spinless fuck would show up. You're welcome XWF, 'Ol Thunder Knuckles, getting rid of yet another one of yesteryears shit stains. Will I get fucking thanked for it? Nope. That's alright though, one down, four more to go. I'm going to take pleasure in beating the Hell out of Kris Cruze.

Cracking his knuckles, TK narrows his eyes.

Get fucked, stay fucked.

His eyes no longer narrowed.

Says the guy whose biggest accomplishment is winning the HeavyMetalWeight Championship. Yeah, some people might say beating Wonder Bread Gabe Reno is an accomplishment. Those people sniff their own farts and talk like the Blackwater's were hot shit once too. Give me a goddamn break, fucked is this guy's life. Let's face it Cruze wanted some TV time just so he wouldn't be forgotten but after this, he won't have to worry about it anymore. He will be forgotten. Turning the final chapter of his career as the guy who truly couldn't get anything done. Too lazy for his own good but that's his story isn't it? I'm sure if he does fire back he'll have an excuse like he overslept, he was too busy fucking my dad, or some shit. Nothing clever, nothing original. He's uninspiring and is just waiting to die.

Running his hand through his luscious mullet TK winks into the camera.

Tune into Warfare on May 5th to watch, yours truly, congratulate Kris Cruze.

TK nods his head up and down, for the nonbelievers.

Yep, you have to give thanks for taking a match that was sure to have some pop and turning into what Cruze has always been. An underwhelming, lackluster, uneventful, anticlimactic, full of potential but no goal in life, piece of shit. I wish Jim Ceadus was around to tell you to...

TK is giving a slimy grin before saying,

K
I
L
L

Y
O
U
R
S
E
L
F

TK's signature jerking-off hand gesture is on full display.

Fuck it, I guess... I did it for him. Nah, fuck that guy, not for him, no, for all the XWF fans around the world. No one will have to suffer through another round of Kris "God's gay gift" Cruze. Thank fuck for that! I suppose this gives him more time to do what he really wants to do. Be the top catcher of all things.

TK extends his pointer finger.

Dicks.

TK extends his middle finger.

Frisbees.

TK smirks and extends his ring finger.

STD's.

TK stops for a moment and ponders to himself with three fingers out. That's when he realizes that Cruze doesn't catch all things.

Everything but shade. It seems he's had his fucking fill of that. He's no Ash, just more inconsistencies from this bitch.

TK puts down his pointer and ring fingers, leaving only his middle extended. He flashes a smile and puts his hand back down by his time.

While I'm fucking thinking about it. Vinnie, next time you get on the line and call a dude up out of obscurity. Make sure he or she, because chicks can be dudes now too, is worth the goddamn air time. I know, I know, how the fuck can 'Ol Thunder Knuckles say that? When he went and got Peter FN Gilmour off of banishment Island. It's easy I did it to prove a damn point. The point is in 2022 Peter FN Gilmour is more fucking relevant than Kris "punk-ass bitch" Cruze. Now that's as sad as it gets, folks. I'd give him the same advice he gave Gabe in 2017 to quit now... But... It looks like he's already done that.

TK rolls his eyes knowing Cruze has always been a waste of time.

I'm a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2003 Pauillac red wine. RICH with layers of ripe, red berries, cedar, herbs, tobacco leaf, and spice. While Kris Cruze is like drinking a lead pencil that's been ground up and put into a bottle of Boone's Farm Blue Hawaiian, fucking gross. Even if he did show up he wouldn't have stood a chance. So, no, I'm not just going to pin Kris Cruze or make him submit to my will. Nope. I'm taking a limb with a goddamn lightsaber and that shit won't be set on stun.

Jimmy out of nowhere interjects.

Lightsabers don't do that, Thunde-

TK motions for Jimmy, completely stopping him from talking. Once Jimmy comes into the frame... TK slaps him so hard that it sends Jimmy flying out of frame.

Shut the fuck up, nerd! I know what a lightsaber is!

TK takes a deep breath and counts to ten mentally after Jimmy rudely interrupted him.

What else can I say about a guy less valuable than Ned Kaye...

TK shrugs but way cooler than Shawn Warstein could ever make it look.

If you think this shit was bad just imagine if Kris Cuck opened his mouth.

TK bows his head and all the Bastards worldwide know it is time to say a prayer for Kris Cruze.

I pray for you to bless Kris Cruze with a Thunder Strike and to orchestrate events in his life that will leave his heart exposed for the rest of the roster. As You, Bastardly Father characterized those blessings, through me, onto Ned Kaye. I pray that You would give him poverty, not only in wealth but in spirit. So he can recognize how far he has stumbled. I pray he will discover the comfort of taking this loss and in times of mourning you spit in his face again. I, through you, will humble him, in our Bastardly way on Warfare. I pray that I show him no mercy because it is too late. Knowing we were all enemies and a Bastard extends mercy to no man. In the Bastards' name, I prey.

TK lifts his head. The camera isn't zooming in but the crooked smile he gives is noticeable.

A-fucking-men.

The camera crew got everything they needed and the promo fades to black.