The United Korean Peace Officer wrinkles his forehead, peering downwards… Staring at the documents laid on the interrogation table before him.

Between the prisoner and his two interrogators… We see a smattering of snapshots. The center of which is the maniacally laughing face of a mad scientist.

“So…” He reaches up with his handcuffed wrists to scratch his nose, a friendly open smile across his face as always. “Your work has been compromised. And you two would like my help hunting for your attacker… Professor Ned Kaye.”

“Help… is a strong word.” Flynn fires back, swatting away UK’s affability. “We don’t need your input. You’d be a prop or a blunt object. To be wielded, used and thrown away.”

“Haha. What Mark Flynn means is we want your body.”

…

Flynn slowly turns his head, looking at his partner, who famously had a… maybe fake crush?... on his interdimensional counterpart, who looks exactly like him.

NK blinks, looking back at Flynn like ‘what? What do you want?’.

“Think about what you just said.”

…

NK reaches into his pocket to retrieve his notebook, where he keeps meticulous records of everything he plans on saying, from morning until night. He flips it open and turns it to today’s date…

…

Suddenly, his cheeks redden.

“Oh my!”

NK snaps the book shut and slaps it on Flynn’s arm.

“Get your audacious Western mind of the gutter, Mark Flynn!”

Flynn covers himself defensively, “You said it! I didn’t!”

“I meant it in no salacious or suggestive way! I merely mean we desire a large sample of his DNA.”

“...Jesus Christ.”

NK’s face gets even redder.

“I-I-I… I m-merely meant tha-”

UK raises his hand…s (cuz they’re cuffed together) and Flynn turns toward him. NK exhales, relieved that attention is taken off him. He smiles widely.

“I, of course, understand Comrade NK’s message completely.”

“Y-y-you do?” NK covers his pounding heart with his right hand. Flynn smacks him in the back of the head.

“Of course. I’m sure Comrade NK told you all about my research with the genetics of my FXW co-workers… Dissecting their bodies, removing their organs… Even examining their cellular structure… to develop further scientific insight into of the Broadcast Delay.”

…

“...No. That must have slipped his mind..”

Flynn looks over at NK, who lips are pursed, staring at the ceiling to avoid further humiliation.

“Well, as such, there is no need to explain to me the nature of your visit. I am already familiar with the unique attribute of FXW genetic material and its resonance at increasing frequencies when in close proximity to any another of my world. Such a biological wonder would certainly benefit you in your hunt.”

“Right, great.” Flynn crosses his arms, irritated that his opponent in this negotiation had full awareness of the barter at play. “So we all know what we’re here for. Now, that puts us at the part of this game where you tell us your demands and we tell you you’re not in any position to make demands. Wel-”

“I have no demands nor conditions. It would serve my interests to accompany you.”

…


Flynn looks at NK. NK eyes back at Flynn. Both try to maintain poker faces.

“...That’s definitely NOT suspicious.”

“I disagree, Mark Flynn. I actually find that VERY suspicious.”

“No, I’m being sarc-… never mind.”

Flynn points at UK.

“What’s your angle, psycho?”

UK chuckles, appearing genuinely at ease.

“I’ve always believed honesty is the best policy…”

“Sure, honesty. That must be why you told NK about wanting to free the FXW from being frozen…”

Flynn scratches his cheek, then snaps his fingers.

“Oh wait. That was a lie. You wanted to freeze all reality so it’d be peaceful.”

NK gets an astonished smile on his face!

“Aha! I was perplexed for a moment at your statement, but I see now you’ve revealed a well-spotted hypocrisy! Incredible, Mark Flynn.”

NK holds out his fist for a bump.

…

…

NK shakes his fist, as if the issue is Mark Flynn’s eyes not detecting the fist beside him.

…

Flynn sighs and meets the bump.

The two mime an explosion off each other’s knuckles.

UK maintains a friendly smile, with the slightest tinges of irritation at the corners of his eyes.

“If I may continue UN-interrupted… and with as few fist-explosions as possible?”

…

“Thank you. Unfortunately, in the… cell I’ve been kept in, my entertainment options have been… limited.”

“I have seen ONE program while I’ve been incarcerated… The alternate FXW Universe ending to the program in Louisville.”

“Ah, yes. Professor Ned Kaye made it clear to us he had to open a whole other parallel dimension to conclude the program after our interruption.”

UK’s smile doesn’t move… but his right eye twitches.

“Yes. Perhaps you noticed a… different competitor in the match. One… South Korean Legal Citizen…”

***
A video feed. We see an FXW newscaster, a cool guy with a leather jacket.

He delivers a finger gun to the camera.

“Ladies and Germs, Saul Stevens, your FXW backstage correspondent.”

He weaves a wet comb through his thick head of wavy hair.

“I’m here with an entrant in the Stipulation Shuffle Battle Royal later tonight, South Korean Legal Citizen.”

Beside Saul, a South Korean man wearing a polo shirt and holding a legal form of ID in each hand waves toward the camera.

“SK. What’s your strategy going into this match?”

SK smiles bashfully, scratching the back of his head.

“Well, gee, Mister Stephens! I guess I’m gonna go out there and give it all I got and know that if I do my best, I’ll win!”

“Sure, kid, sure. Any chance you’re worried about the officials calling the match down the middle? After all, they gotta keep track of a new stip every three minutes!” Saul Stephens jabs SK in the ribs with an elbow.

SK laughs like this is a ridiculous question.

“Of course not! The referees have authority over this match! As such, we should work to obey their commands at all times and make their jobs as easy as possible!”

“So, you don’t believe their authority can be abused or misused? What if an officials stop you in the middle of a match and ordered you to disrobe to show you didn’t bring a weapon to the ring?”

“If I’ve got nothing to hide, what’s the problem?”

“A’ight, daddy-o. Good luck in your match. Any parting words for your fans around the world?”

“I love immigrants! But I love it more when they respect border laws! Laws are rules! And rules exist to keep society running smoothly!”

***

“Ugh. I fuckin’ hate South Korean Legal Citizen.”

Flynn spits on the ground.

NK shakes his head in disgust, still holding his phone between he and Flynn so the tag champs can watch the clip together.

“For the record, I despise all False Koreans… However, I loathe South Korean Legal Citizen the most. With the same fervor that I love the Glorious Leader, I DETEST South Korean Legal Citizen.”

NK side-eyes Flynn, still wiping the disgust-based saliva off his chin.

“Did you know in his dimension, he applied for citizenship to every country on the planet?”

Flynn leans back in, shaking his head.

“Ugh, what an asshole. Just pick one country and be baselessly proud of it for no reason. Like everyone else, you fuck.”

“...I disagree with the implication that my love for True Korea has no basis, but I CONCUR that his nationalist pride in every nation on the globe INFURIATES me. If every country is the best, HOW IS ANY COUNTRY THE BEST?!?”

NK leans over and spits on the ground.

“Did you see him before the match trying to get the crowd to give the ref a standing ovation? For his ‘uncelebrated, tireless effort to administrate fairness’? What a kiss-ass. Fuck that guy.”

Flynn spits again.

“I heard that guy calls 911 when he sees someone going four over the speed limit.”

“I’ve heard he respects all world leaders equally as well. Could you imagine thinking the Glorious Leader is EQUAL to other diplomats?”

NK spits again.

“I heard if you invite him into your home, first thing he does is check your bed to see if you yanked off the ‘Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law’ tag.”

“Look at his hideous, sunken-in cheekbones. The gaunt bags under his eyes! He is disgusting to look at! False Koreans truly have the most cursed genetics…”

…

Flynn looks from the screen… to his partner… Back to his screen… Back to his partner.

“Bud. You two look IDENTICAL.”

NK gasps, and flicks Flynn between the eyes. Flynn covers his forehead, tapping his middle finger to check for blood.

“BITE YOUR TONGUE, MARK FLYNN!”

“All three of us are physically identical, actually.” UK says, clicking his tongue.

Flynn and NK are startled, reminded that they’re in the middle of an interrogation…

UK leans in. “But what interests me is not our physical similarities, but our ideological differences.”

UK sighs bitterly, “It seems Professor Ned Kaye, in searching for an alternate FXW reality to host his event’s conclusion… He abandoned a dimension where the Supreme Leader was born on the border between North and South Korea… And instead opted for a reality where… OUR…” UK says, nodding at NK. “Our Unique genetic code… Was born South of the border.”

NK scoffs. “Ridiculous! I could never be born south of the 38th parallel. Had my pregnant mother ever ONCE traveled below the border, my infant self would have simply REFUSED to be born.”

Flynn scratches his nose.

“As much as I love idly chatting with an interdimensional terrorist, does this story about your TV-watching habits have a point?”

…UK clicks his tongue.

“Merely this. If Ned Kaye can manipulate dimensional outputs to create a similar reality where all other conditions are the same… Save for one single individual.”

…UK’s grin multiplies in width. He is ecstaticly joyful.

“There must be the level of precision necessary to manipulate any conceivable variable in reality. With such capabilities… I could conceivably experiment to my heart’s content, shifting gravitational constants, proclivities to hoard resources, number of eyes on the human body… whatever mathematical value you could imagine would be at my control… And I could shift them to my heart’s content until I find THE answer. The answer to create a PERMANENT, IRREVOCABLE and reality-wide peace…”

…

…Flynn’s eyebrows raise.

“Did you say number of eyes on a human body? Wow. You’re, like, actually insane.”

NK elbows Flynn in the ribs, nodding.

“I told you, Mark Flynn. Beware his perfect kissable lips, for whatever words come out from betwixt them are the dulcet tones of a madman!”

“...I dunno about kissable lips, but… Yeah, he’s nuts.” Flynn turns from his partner back to the peace-lover. “Why the Hell would we let you anywhere near tech that would let you bend reality to some sick, technically-peaceful-because-gravity-dumped-all-life-into-a-quasar dimension?”

“Because, as I’ve stated before, I’m proceeding honestly. And if all three of us are being honest, you must have no alternative option to track Professor Ned Kaye, other than my DNA.”

Flynn scoffs.

“And how do you know that?”

UK tilts his head, grinning.

“If you did, you wouldn’t be here.”

…

…

Flynn snaps his fingers. The tag champs stand up and huddle behind their chairs.

“Whaddya think, NK? I think we pssst pssst…”

“Quite frankly, Mark Flynn, pssst pssst…”

“I can hear you both clearly. You’re just saying pssst pssst over and over again.”

Suddenly, Flynn turns and slams his fist against the desk. UK’s smile fades in surprise.

The two stare at each other… NK also scrambles forward to join the staredown.

…

“All right, you’re in.”

“Of course, I am. As we all know, you have no choice.”

“That’s where you’re wrong bud. We have a choice, bud. Which of us is going to rip your arms off the second you even think about trying to go rogue on us.”

In a flash, Flynn’s hands slip forward and grabs UK by his jumpsuit’s collar and yanks him forward.

“Spoiler Alert: It’s gonna be me.”

…

Flynn releases UK and he slips back on his ass. Flynn claps twice.

“Now, let’s get you out of here.”

“Excellent. Is there paperwork to fill out from your employers? If you remove my restraints, perhaps I can aid you to expedite the process.”

…Flynn scratches his head. NK looks at the ceiling.

“Um. Nah, bud.”

“We will be removing you… Without permission and without immediate intent to return you into custody.”

…

UK chuckles, raising his bound arms to adjust his collar back straight.

“How do you plan to do that? There are a number of guards outside. Surely, you two have devised an incredibly complex escape operation?”

…Flynn and NK look at each other and smile.

“...Plan is…”

NK reaches into his coat pocket…

And retrieves a SECOND North Korean military outfit.

“We’re gonna walk you out through the front-door.”

***
Mark Flynn and NK are watching a match on a small television set.

The bell rings.

Flynn reaches over and shuts it off.

“Hell yeah, Dolly scored a win.”

“Congratulations, Comrade Dolly Waters! Two wins in a row!”

“We should clarify again…” Flynn grins, as he tilts his face toward the camera.

“Because this is the trash talk section and we’re about to get mean.”

Flynn turns away.

“That we’re fans of Dolly.”

“Oh, we adore Comrade Dolly Waters.”

“She’s fine, she’s great.”

“We TREASURE our friendship with Dolly Waters.”

“All right, all right, cool it… That said.”

Flynn delivers a tilting hand towards the camera, like ‘meh’.

“Big deal, Dolly. You won two matches in a row. Against Lord Raab and Elijah Martin.”

“Congratulations for beating Anarchy’s worst, followed by it’s middle, Comrade Waters.”

“Beating Anarchy trash means you’re picking up wins at the Kid’s Table, Dolly.”

“But when you take on… The Tag-Team Champions.”

“Sister, you’re back in the major leagues.”

“You and poor Uncle RL Edgar still haven’t logged a win as a tag-team. And you’re about to face the Greatest Tag-Team of All-Time.”

“And if you’d like facts to back that up…”

Flynn reaches behind his chair…

And retrieves a megaphone.

“Y’ALL READY FOR MAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!” Flynn calls into his amplification device. He then tosses it off to the side where NK catches it.

“Let’s run some numbers.”

NK sets down the megaphone and reaches into his pocket for his notebook… He turns to a tab in the center reading, ‘STATISTICS DESIGNED TO SILENCE FOOLS’.

“FACT NUMBER ONE.”

“There are 17 Tag-Teams currently signed to and registered with the XWF that are NOT us.”

Flynn scratches his head.

“Wow, that feels like a lot. So, where the Hell are they? Why do Salt & Pepper keep getting signed for one-day contracts instead of dying in the streets like God wants?”

NK turns the page of his notebook…

“Well, eight teams are signed to Madness.”

“Ah, right. Garbage-Tier. Not even worth talking about.”

“Not only Garbage-Tier, but despite our repeated taunting, they have yet to answer our repeated challenges against their lackluster brand.”

“Cowards. They’d rather be posting new Twitter profile pics than swinging for the top.”

“Now, among these 17 teams, we stand at the top!”

“UNDEFEATED.”

“If you consider the teams we have faced on this list… We have a six-and-oh record.”

“I’ll say it again. UN-DE-FEAT-ED.”

“Then!” NK flips the page… “If you consider partial match-ups… where we’ve defeated people that are still in the tag division, but with different partners.”

“Wrestlers like Kai Morgan, Tommy Wish… And hey, Dolly!”

“That record expands to nine-and-oh.”

“ZERO. LOSSES.”

“Three of those victories are against Them No Good Bastards. A team that Dolly has a 0-1 record against over on OCW.”

“Now, some critics might retort, fine, y’all are better than the current XWF Tag Division.”

“To which, we’d reply, duh, no question.”

“But, how could you prove that makes you the greatest tag-team of all-time? Your current reign has been less than 100 days? While APEX’s lengthiest was 241… Sebastian Duke and Griffin MacAlister’s was 231… And Cataclysm reigned for 245 days.”

“Which brings us to FACT NUMBER TWO…” Flynn starts hamboning his chest and arms like a drum roll.

“At the time we’re recording this promo, Mark Flynn and I have been the tag-team champions for 92 days. And in that time, we’ve won FOUR tag-team matches.”

Flynn opens his arms like ‘boom, truth bomb’.

“As we’ve covered before, APEX had four tag-team matches TOTAL… during their record-setting World Title reign.”

“We’ve won as many tag matches as Duke and MacAlister did by the time they broke up on day 231…”

“Cataclysm? Five wins total. Win number 4 came on day 118. Win number 5? Day 179.”

“The day of our last match was day number 80. And at that point, we’d officially logged two wins over Double Trouble and two wins over TNGB.”

“We’re in shape to win match number 5 on day 94. Matching the record of the longest-reigning XWF Tag-Team of All-Time.”

“After which, we’ll have cemented ourselves as the fightingest, most dominant tag-team champions this company has ever seen.”

“Now, stack onto all that… FACT NUMBER THREE AND BEYOND!”

“The fact that Dolly and RL’s last tag-team loss was against the Ring Master…”

NK takes careful notes…

“Who just lost to Charlie Nickles…”

NK nods, writing these facts down rigorously…

“Who just lost to US.”

“Meaning that Comrade Dolly Waters is about four rungs below us on the figurative competition-food-chain.”

“Right. Put all those facts together… And Dolly’s chances on Wednesday are…?”

NK finishes tabulating the equation… And his teeth naturally bare like ‘oof’.

“SLIM.”

“INSIGNIFICANT.”

“As if the smallest of odds cried out in terror… And was suddenly silenced.”

“Dolly couldn’t beat us last fuckin’ year. When we were still a new tag-team and she had TWO working legs…”

“Now? We’ve become the Greatest Tag-Team to ever grace the wrestling industry. And Comrade Waters is still limping her way down the entrance ramp.”

“Her odds of making it up a flight of stairs are 50/50. Her odds of beating us? Astronomical.”

“Infinitesimal!”

NK and Flynn laugh and bump fists…

“The only way Dolly and RL might have a PRAYER against us is if she had some kind of secret potion…”

Flynn laughs.

…

NK does not.

“Oh, c’mon. That’s funny. The only way Dolly could win is if she had some kind of… like… Super Serum to recover from her injury…” Flynn chuckles softly, noticing the grim expression on NK’s face… “And… uh… Had enough to ALSO boost her partner, heheh…”

…

NK scratches the back of his neck.

“...What did YOU do?”

“We have said many times we love Comrade Dolly Waters! She had just been maimed by Jim Caedus!”

“YOU GODDAMN IMBECI-”

The Feed Cuts Out

***

After some minor stitchwork to unclasp and reclasp the sleeves around UK’s handcuffed wrists…

Out the door of the interrogation room, Flynn walks… with the United Korean Peace Officer, walking carefully behind Flynn to hide his still-bound wrists…

“At first, I was doubting the success of your plan, but I must admit…” UK mutters, smiling. “Comrade NK and I are indistinguishable from one another. And the guards seem to laze about their posts. This plan is so simple, it may be ingenious.”

Flynn side-eyes at the peace-lover. “We have our moments. Now, shut up.”

The two saddle up to the front desk. Two guards are at the station: One of the guards is playing on their phone, the other is reading a magazine.

UK tries to lean confidently against the desk as Flynn clears his throat.

“Perp wouldn’t take the deal. Waste of my fuckin’ time.”

Flynn reaches for the sign-in/sign-out sheet.

He grabs i-

SNAP! The guard grabs Flynn’s wrist in a flash.

…But he doesn’t look at Flynn. He’s carefully eyeing not-NK’s friendly open smile. His eyes narrow suspiciously.

“...Aren’t you a little short to be a… North Korean War Criminal?”

…The other guard folds up his magazine, joining his coworker in staring at the United Korean…

“No… That’s not it. You’re the same size. But… Something’s different.”

UK flashes his confident 1000-watt smile… Then realizing that might be the problem.

UK tries to subtly hunch his shoulders to seem slightly more like a shell of a person who would make others feel small to hide his terrible self-esteem.

“Um…” Flynn clears his throat. Both guards turn to stare down the man whose wrist is firmly held.

“He… uh… He just got a haircut. Little off the top, really brings out his smile.”

The guards fluidly turn back to UK.

…

They peer a little closer.

…

“Oh yeah. That’s it. Great look.”

The nearer guard releases Flynn’s wrist and both return to their diversions.

“All right, sign-out. Have a great day.”

Flynn quickly grabs the pen and starts jotting down the time.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll just sign-ou-”

That moment, a second NK wanders up.

“WHOOPS! WHAT A FOLLY I HAVE COMMITTED! IT SEEMS THAT I…” NK checks the message written on his palm. He nods, verifying his comprehension of the message. ”I FORGOT TO SIGN-OUT THE FIRST TIME THAT I LEFT! HENCE WHY I… THE NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL THAT YOU SAW BEFORE EXITING WITH MARK FLYNN… HAVE RETURNED! TO COMPLETE STANDARD SIGN-OUT PROCED…”

NK looks over and sees UK chopping both his bound hands across his throat and Mark Flynn squeezing his temples. The two guards alternate looking between UK and NK, slowly putting pieces together…

“Oh! It appears… that I have not left… And thus I am still here. Well…” NK chuckles as he turns to the two perplexed guards. “The humorous thing about that is EXECUTE OPERATION TABLE FLIP!”

In a flash, Flynn and NK both flip the front desk onto the guards! They are crushed under its weight! The guard nearest to the front slams his palm on his wrist! Sirens blare all around them.

Flynn grabs UK’s bound wrists.

“NEW PLAN! CHEESE IT!”

To Be Continued…