So when I was born, I learned to control my tears
When they carried me all through town and left a trail of broken mirrors
Yes, when children see me, they scream and run away
You’re absolutely right, Halloween's my favorite holiday
I am a monster, I am a mutant, a freak of nature
I'vе heard all the highfalutin nomenclaturе

Can't you see I'm much more than you think?
I've heard it all so many times
Everybody knows I'm so much more than a freak
If you wanna try to hurt me, you'd better get in line



The vocal stylings of Peter Dinklage play over the PA system as the demon star of Algol shines down upon a dying garden. The dark of night wraps around the garden like a suffocating blanket. A pack of hungry wolves can be heard howling in the distance, surely prowling the woods for their next meal. But in the garden? There is not a single sign of life….

Until a bloody mess comes stumbling into the frame. Life’s crimson ichor drips down from the man with every uneven step he takes. In his right hand he grips the leather strap of a championship belt stained with blood. His face, clothing, and hands bare all the signs of a good time with barbed wire. The night is dark, and full of terrors, but you can still make out the impression of a twisted smile growing across The Nickleman’s bruised lips. A dirty Demos mask can be seen partially tucked into Charlie’s waistband.

As the blood giveth, the blood taketh away. Let this garden take all the blood I am willing to give, let the roots below grow stronger with every scarlet droplet devoured. Let the flowers bloom, coated in my ichor forevermore.

Charlie continues to trudge his own path through the once lively garden with the TV championship in tow; his bloody footprints, however, seem to soak into the soil almost immediately. The trail being blazed by The Nickleman will be impossible to follow.

The true measure of a man is in his blood. How does it flow, how much is taken, how much is he willing to give? I am not the greatest XWF TV champion of all time merely because I claim the mantle. I am the greatest XWF TV champion of all time because my blood runs with more vigor and spills more plentifully than every champion before me. My sweet scarlet rivers are deep and wide, their flow endless. I live to bleed, and I bleed so that life may grow.

The Nickleman slows his pace as he nears a small and nearly dried out stock of cannabis. He drops to his knees in front of the plant and immediately begins caressing it with one of his bleeding hands. Charlie’s scarlet love sticks to the plant everywhere he touches it.

No one believes in me, no one believes in what I can create. No one sees the greatness that I see inside of this garden.

Good. That’s the way I like it.

If it wasn’t this way I wouldn’t be able to rub their faces in the dirt everytime I win! Force-feeding bloody crow and humble creampies to my detractors is the best part of this job. None of them believed I could beat Sebastian Duke…until I did. They didn’t believe I could beat Betsy Granger…until I did. They won’t believe I can beat Alias…until I do. I love watching the sweat drip down my detractor’s foreheads when they watch me accomplish the impossible. I love prodding them while they backpedal their claims and search for some new ‘deficiency’ of mine to cling to.

I love these little games we play, my detractors and I. Their hatred of The Nickleman quickly turns into ravenous stupidity, time and time again. It’s no wonder I always win these little games: my detractors are always thinking with the wrong head, and their HATE-BONERS for ol’ Saint Nick are too much for them to bear!

Charlie rubs the leaves of the plant with his bleeding hand as he gazes down towards his crimson-covered championship belt.

Can you believe so many of those sycophants put their money on that little japanese boy? So many big-time players were backing him that some people thought -I- was becoming the underdog! Now that’s just downright lunacy! I had won 9 matches IN A ROW, and Raion had won 3 MATCHES. I guess my detractors just can’t help themselves from placing their foot in their mouth and eating it, time and time again.

Just take Thaddeus Duke, for example. He beat that crusty commy bitch twice, so now he thinks he’s hot shit? He ain’t never squared up against The Nickleman for a one on one, but his ol’ Pappy has. Baby boy Duke should’ve spent less time beating up his old man and more time asking him bout’ Chucky Murder. Maybe then Thad wouldn’t have gassed the little lion up with false hope and a fool’s courage- I mean, just look at that little lion now. Kiddo is probably still laying on the mat in a pool of blood! Multiple Devil Hook Drops followed by a BOBBYBOMB? Nope, nu uh, there’s no way Raion’s waking up tonight.

Oh Thaddeus, how’d you ever lose to that little child? Kiddo couldn’t even take me to the end of the 15 minute time limit, he barely even made it halfway before he went down for 3! Shit, hopefully Thaddeus put a lot of money where his mouth was because I’d love to watch that pompous son of a bitch go broke. I hope that stupid cunt bet against me in each of my last ten fights! I hope he’s putting all the rest of his daddy’s money on Alias, too.

Charlie chuckles to himself before dropping to his knees. Chucky Murder maintains a big ol’ smile as he begins shoveling dirty away from a spot near the plant.

I’ll never understand why Alias cares so much about being respected by the Dukes and the Smiths of this company. What’s their respect good for? How far will their kind words and proverbial cock-sucking take you? What use was Duke’s respect and belief when Raion Kido’s face was being ripped to shreds by the barbs of the wire? Duke’s respect didn’t do JACK for the kid tonight, it ain’t gonna do a lick more for the world-eater.

Alias believes that Thaddeus can climb the proverbial mountain, Alias says that Thaddeus is one of the few motherfuckers who can get to the top. Charlie ain’t, of course, not in the book of Alias. But Thad is! Fuck, I wonder what I’m missing that Thad’s got? Is the requirement for greatness losing to Raion Kido? Shit, maybe in Alias’s world. No wonder he thinks better of Centurion and Duke than The Nickleman. But perhaps the requirement for greatness in this world is much, much more simple: just don’t be Charlie Nickles. The whole crowd loves to root for anyone pitted against me. An entire stadium will fall to their knees and worship the man that puts me down if this little streak of mine ever comes to an end.

Charlie has now pushed a sizable pile of dirt over to the side and created a hole in the soil next to the plant. Charlie’s bleeding hands drip red ichor into the dirt with each and every touch. The Nickleman wipes his bloody and dirty hands off on his shredded jeans.

This all begs the question, of course: Did Alias, like so many others, believe the comforting lie that I would be losing my championship belt tonight? Did Alias, too, pull the wool over his own eyes? The logic of my detractor’s has been shown to be nothing more than momentous stupidity every time I’ve stepped into the ring since last year. No man in their right mind would think Raion would defeat me in a match stipulation of my own choosing: yet still, it seems damn near every fool in the locker room opened their mouths and staked a claim on the losing side.

Did Alias, too, stake his claim alongside the merry fools, alongside my limitless detractors? When I was booked to fight Raion in the main event of Savage, Alias told the world that I would soon lose my Goldi and fall into a pit of despair…but that never came to pass. Perhaps Alias meant Centurion would be the one to strip my Goldi from me…but I’m not exactly sweating my pay per view booking. It was Centurion’s failure that let Betsy Granger and Raion Kido shoot for the stars…but it was The Nickleman’s devil hooks that brought both those bitches back down to earth. Can Alias really believe that Centurion is man enough to take me down or is he spinning lies to himself, just like all the fools who oppose me do, time and time again? After I turn Goldilocks into the universal championship Alias will no longer be referred to as the world-eater. Soon, he shall be the word-eater.

Charlie reaches into his waistband and pulls out the dirty Demos mask that Jenny Myst gave him during Savage. He looks down on it, shakes his head, then pushes himself up to his feet. He stands over the bloody hole he dug next to the weed plant with his championship belt in one hand and the mask in the other. Charlie stares into the mask as he holds it up near his shoulder.

I hope Alias liked the show tonight, Goldi. It was a fun ten minute preview of what’s coming for him on Wednesday. He kept asking me for a comedy routine so I made sure to give him one every time Kiddo’s flesh was being shredded like swiss cheese atop tomato soup. I couldn’t help but laugh every time that little pup cried out in pain. Does that make me a bad person? No, no- I don’t think so at all. That just makes me funny!

But I suppose I may have a sick and twisted sense of humor. Alias likes to tell stories that make people laugh until they bust a gut. I like to tell jokes that make people laugh until they cry crimson tears! We’re not quite the same, but I suppose maybe we’re not so different after all. Sometimes no one understands his stories and sometimes no one understands my jokes, but still, everyone understands that they don’t want to be the antagonists of Alias’s stories and they don’t want to be the butt of Charlie’s jokes!

I don’t have a problem with Alias telling his stories if doesn’t have a problem with me telling my jokes. Alias’s stories have never stopped from doing exactly what I want to do to him. Alias’s stories won’t stop my barbed-wire jokes from piercing his thick skin. Alias’s stories won’t stop me from taking whatever championship belts are placed around his dainty waist.

A story is just that: a story. Words on paper, words in the air, words that float along the wind and disappear as soon as they are forgotten. But jokes? A good joke will last forever.

Charlie drops the Demos mask into the bloody hole.

A good joke can never be forgotten, especially if it’s on you! I will never not be ridiculed over the failures of Demos, and Raion Kido will never forget the sound of my mocking laughter in his ear as the referee counted to 3!

Charlie holds the TV belt by the leather strap as he starts kicking dirt into the hole, quickly covering the mask.

It’s no surprise that Alias would rather speak of Demos than Charles: he has a certain penchant for targeting ghosts, doesn’t he? Demos lay in the dirt alongside all the other bitches I’ve buried in this company. Jim Caedus, Betsy Granger, Demos, Lycana, Robert Main…..they’re all ghosts now. All of them lay still in the soil, lifeless, motionless. The greatest wrestlers of a generation…turned into worm food, turned into plant food….all because The Nickleman planted the seeds. All because The Nickleman never misses a harvest.

The mask has now been completely covered by blood-stained dirt. Charlie looks down on it with a satisfied smile. His gaze slowly lifts back up to the marijuana plant: he makes one final comment to it before turning and walking away from the scene.

Eat up, baby boy. Their corpses are all around you now.

Enjoy the fertilizer.









I take back what I said Charlie, this pack is actually smoking pretty fucking good!

Yeah Charlie, if that was the heat you had on your first batch I can’t wait to watch you cross-pollinate this dank!

All three of TNGB sit in BOB branded folding chairs around a now healthy stock of cannabis planted firmly in fertile soil as a bright sun shines down upon tem. The good old boys are passing around a fatass joint amongst themselves and absolutely cheesin’ it up.

I’m just doing what a bastard do…haha!

Charlie leans waaaayyy too far forward in his folding chair with the joint in his hand. He barely steadies himself in time to avoid falling out of the chair completely. Charlie goes to pass the blunt to Bourbon, but just as Bourbon reaches out for it Charlie changes his mind and decides to take a couple more puffs. Bourbon just shrugs- he doesn’t mind because it’s Charlie’s weed, so who is he to demand a pass in the rotation?

I haven’t sparked a pack this potent in a llloooooonnngggg time, boys.

TK is looking around with a blank face and a big doofy smile. He turns his red eyes towards Charlie as he leans over to him. Both men look stoned out of their fucking minds.

What are you-

TK chuckles to himself.

What are we going to name this strain? I was thinking… I was thinking, could we call it the MONSTROSITY? Because,you know, that thing I did to Robert Main?

That ‘thing’?

Charlie's face is initially blank, but a few seconds pass and a big ol’ smile starts to crack through. Bobby rolls his eyes, thinking TK was saying nothing but stoned nonsense.

Whatever, either way we should probably wait for Barney Green to join the fold before we pick any strain names. That dude is a marketing genius. Didn’t TK set up a meeting for you and Barn this week, Charlie? We need to make sure that goes well, Barney is one of the most valuable assets we have waiting in the wings.

Bourbon looks over at his two stoned buddies and wishes he could be as high as them- but his body was too massive and his THC tolerance too high. Bobby waited for Charlie to answer his question…but Charlie was too busy comprehending TK’s joke throughout Bobby’s whole speel’.

Ohhh yeah…that ‘thing’ we bastards like to do.

Charlie winks at TK.

You all….you all didn’t have sex with Robert Main, did you?

TK looks confused as Hell.

What the fuck? No!

TEE-KAY FUCKED HIS PUSSYBRAIN WITH A BAT!

I, mean, yeah, that, but less dramatic.

Charlie acts like he has a bat in his hand and swings the invisible bat.

Home-run!

Well you're going to have to swing for the fences against Alias, Charlie. The Bastards are calling you up to bat Wednesday night because you’re our designated hitter for Alias, at least on this one. The numbers don’t lie, Charlie. The rate always goes up when the ratio does.

TK and Bobby do their signature no look first bump.

He’s right, Charlie! Jimmy ran the fucking numbers, and that’s why we chose YOU to lure Alias out, tax that ass, and humble the cunt.!

Yeah I’m always down to fight Alias, shit I always tell that bitch Karen Hunt I’m willing to fight anyone, anywhere- but I think she blocked my number or something because my calls just go to voicemail every time.

Well obviously you’ll beat the shit out of anyone at any place, but remember Charlie, this was our fucking plan the whole time!

And it’s working perfectly so far, I might add. I didn’t think Jimmy had it in him.

Jimmy may be a goddamn loser but even that tiny dicklet knows how to use a fucking calculator, and shit! His numbers are always right on the mother fucking money, son! I saw him run the simulation myself, I can vouch for that shit!

Charlie takes one last hit of the joint before throwing it to the ground and stomping it out with his boot. He ponders his friend's words for a few moments before leaning back in his chair. He rests his chin on his hand while he ponders his situation.

But like…what was the uh, what was the reason it had to be me again?

Because Alias is a cocky son of a bitch. He’s too arrogant for his own good.

But he’s smart, too! If Bourbon called him out Alias would have come out of the gate hungry and at his best. If I called him out he’d be scared shitless of ending up like Robert Main, so he’d come in with a few tricks under his sleeve.

But because you were the one to call him out, Charlie. Well, the bastards are going to catch him completely off guard.

The bastards don’t fight fair. Why the fuck would we? We fight smart!

Charlie starts nodding along, but then suddenly his eyes start to squint at TK and Bobby. He leans forward in his chair to get closer to the two men.

But wait….why would I catch him off guard? I’m the greatest TV champion of all time!

TK and Bobby look at each other and back. Bobby goes to talk, but then TK raises a hand up and cuts him off.

Let me handle this, Bobby. So basically Charlie, Bobby and I are just a lot more over than you are. Dunno’ why, you’re the only bastard on a 10 fight winning streak AND you’re set to challenge for the Universal Championship! But still, everyone just kinda hates your fucking guts and likes to pretend you’re not very good at rassling.

Those motherfuckers really will do anything to save face…

Look Charlie as far as I’m concerned you and I could fight 100 more times and we’d still be .500 against each other. It’s not about skill, it’s about perception. Alias perceives you as the weakest bastard, so he won’t even think twice about accepting your challenge. Like I said, he’s as arrogant as they come. He’ll blink when you step to him.

And when he blinks, that’s when you punch him! Right square in the fucking jaw! It’s not a cheap shot, because it cost us like ten thousand fucking dollars to run all those simulations and figure out the best way to do it!

Are you sure Jimmy’s not smudging the books and skimming off the top? I know I’d be doing that…shit, I am doing that!

TK rubs the temple of his forehead in frustration with Charlie’s insinuation.

Jimmy’s not doing any of that shit, at least not to me! Jimmy is good fucking people, bro! You just don’t know how goddamn technology works, Charlie! With all that hardware, software, uploads, downloads, the shit adds up!

It doesn’t matter whether or not Jimmy is skimming off the top, which by the way TK. He probably is, but really all that matters is the fact that Alias will start the fight with his brain off and his mouth running, and that gives you the perfect opportunity to get ahead!

Charlie nods along as he takes mental notes.

I know you’ve had a lot on your plate recently, Charlie, I mean fuck you’ve been defending that TV title every week, you’ve been starring on SuperShows, and now you’re hopping over to Warfare- but Charlie, you can’t let up. Not now. We have this blonde bitch exactly where we want him, and now it’s on you to go get that fucking kill shot! And after you beat Alias, my god, imagine how many people are going to sign up to join BOB!

Fucking everyone is going to want to join BOB after I turn Alias into BBQ burnt ends! That ‘movement’ he’s growing is probably going to switch ships as soon as they watch their golden calf get his just desserts. Everyone’s been waiting for someone to expose this blonde bitch and lift up his skirt, and when it finally happens, I can’t wait to watch the chaos that unfolds!

Bobby Bourbon and TK nod along in agreement with Charlie’s vision for BOB’s exponential growth.

This is a perfect fucking opportunity for BOB.

We’ve set up all the dominos perfectly.

Now, I just have to make sure I knock those bitches down.






Charlie Nickles and Barney Green sit across from each other in a meeting pre-arranged by Thunder Knuckles. The two men are dressed up in dark colored business suits and a pair of raybans sunglasses hangs off of the pocket of Charlie’s suit jacket. Barney adjusts his green tie while Charlie begins going through the grease stained papers inside of a manila folder. The XWF television championship is situated on a BOB branded highchair next to Charlie.

So you know why we’re here today.

Oh I absolutely do, and I am very excited for this opportunity to do business with BOB.

Both men flash professional smiles at the other.

So I know we have some history between us. A little bit of bad blood- but we’ve been working together pretty well unofficially for a while now.

Yes we have, Charlie, yes we have. There is certainly a layer of trust between us that has grown to where you can definitely believe what I tell you, especially about crypto-currency.

Charlie raises an eyebrow at the odd remark but carries on anyways.

So as I was saying, you already know the reason we have you here today. We over here at the newly refounded slash rebranded slash hopefully refinanced Brotherhood of Bastards are looking to expand.

And that’s absolutely the right thing to do in this bullish market. Expansion is the name of the game, especially with so many valuable assets available at this exact moment, I can’t think of a better time for your organization to expand!

Charlie and Barney both shake their heads in affirmation. It seems they both think they’re on the same page.

That’s exactly the attitude I was hoping you would have. So before we sign the dotted line and make things official, I just wanted to cover a couple of basic protocols to ensure that you are exactly the kind of guy we’re looking for to fill this position in our organization.

Whatever you need me to say, I’ll say it.

Good, good. Ok so first question:

Charlie looks down at a piece of paper he pulled out from TK’s briefing on Barney. It contains a list of recommended questions.

Would it be possible for Tee-Kay’s garbage to be picked up twice a week instead of just once a wee-...hey, wait a minute…

Charlie scans quickly through all the questions before flipping the page over. It’s more of the same on the other side.

Oh these are no good. That bastard.

Charlie sets that paper back down in the folder and closes the folder completely. He looks down at the folder before lifting his gaze up to Barney Green.

We’ll just do this the old-fashioned way. I’ll start off with easy questions, then we’ll make em’ a bit spicier as we go along. Try to keep up with me, okay? I hate having to repeat myself.

So tell me Barnman, have you ever hired an extra to film most of your promotional materials for you?

Barney shakes his head from side to side.

Nope, can’t say that I have. Brilliant idea though, someone should really try it. Think of how much more time I could spend selling Barncoin to good folks like you if I didn’t have to film my own stuff for all those matches!

Hmmm….

Charlie takes some notes down with a pen on the back of his left hand.

And if I were to say ‘minotaur’, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

Barney Green sits there for a moment and really ponders this one.

First thing, Barney. First thing that comes to your mind.

I just want to make sure I get it right!

That’s not really ho-

I’m going to say minotaur.

The first thing that comes to your mind when I say ‘minotaur’ is….a minotaur?

No, not ‘a’ minotaur, but minotaur, like the word you just said! You just said it, so of course it’s the first thing that’s on my mind.

Interesting, interesting…

Nickles makes a few more notes on the back of his hand with the ball-point pen.

So tell me Barney Green, do you have nicknames or, god forbid Aliases that we should know about?

Well, they do call me the Daddy of Violence. And recently forbes listed me as the #1 merchant of crypto-currency in the entire western hemisphere!

Barney adjusted his tie as a few nervous beads of sweat began to run down his face. He hoped Charlie didn’t see through his lie.

Well shit that’s a helluva’ resume, Barnman.

Charlie picks up the folder and it’s contents just to slam them down on the table enthusiastically.

With that kind of experience you could be an incredibly valuable part of BOB’s long term plan!

Barncoin is a great part of everyone’s long AND short term plans! It’s a foolproof currency that has never failed and can never fail, and that’s what makes it such a genius investment.

Charlie rolls his eyes as Barney continues to yammer on about crypto.


Well, sure Barn, but let’s cut the small talk: do you want to come onboard or not?

Definitely, how much are you wanting?

Charlie looks at Barney with confusion.


How much? Well BOB isn’t a part-time gig Barney, we’re going to need every ounce you have.

That’s the beauty of Barncoin, Charlie- it’s always being mined! It’s a constantly growing, constantly circulating crypto….so basically, you can always buy as much from me as you can afford!

Well Barney we have a generous salary and benefits package for all members of BOB, but what does Barncoin have to do with any of this? Just tell me straight: are you trying to join up with us or not?

Join up with BOB? TK said you wanted to set a meeting to learn more about Barncoin! Which is it?

Barncoin? What, no! I’m trying to get you to join BOB, Barney! You’re an extremely talented hardcore wrestler with a no-shits given attitude, that’s exactly the kind of badass we are looking for to join our ranks! You can leave all that Barncoin shit to the side, Barn, cause’ we got some really big things in the works!

What? Leave all my Barncoin behind?! There’s no way I could do that, Charlie! If I had known that this meeting wasn’t about selling Barncoin, I never would have taken it! I work too hard selling Barncoin to take pointless meetings!

Charlie rubbed the temple of his forehead with two fingers. He looked down at the briefing on Barney in clear annoyance. Charlie couldn’t believe TK would set up a meeting like this under false pretenses. Charlie grabbed a paper list of all the open positions within BOB and began scanning them as Barney Green continued on.

Barncoin has been a once in a lifetime opportunity for me! I can’t give up my dreams of becoming the world’s next Geoffrey Benzos! I need Barncoin, Charlie! If I stop selling it now, then I’m just left holding the bag! Do you get what I mean? I’d love to help ya’ll with BOB, Charlie, but I just can’t dilute my focus away from the crypto market!

Charlie continues scanning the list of open positions- until he finds the perfect fit for Barney Green.

Hey man, we all gotta eat. I think I might have the perfect spot for you, Barney…

Look Charlie, I love BOB and I love all the good, charitable work BOB does for lower-card wrestlers, but if that spot isn’t a corner to sell Barncoin from, I’m not sure we’re going to be able to come to any type of deal today.

Oh, I’ve got something a lot better than a corner for you, Mr. Sales Extraordinaire…

Charlie winks at Barney. The Daddy of Violence responds by raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

Well then….go on.

Do you know what a C.F.O. is, Barney?

Barney thinks on the question for a good, long while. Charlie sits there in awkward silence until Barney finally comes up with an answer.

Is that…like a UFO?

Charlie shrugs. He’s not really sure.

I have no idea, Barney, I was hoping you’d know! But it says here BOB needs a new one, and it says here that the CFO is in charge of all of BOB’s discretionary funding, in charge of funding our retirement accounts, and in charge of steering BOB’s many investments towards a profitable future!

Can I…..can I just spend all the money on Barncoin?

I don’t give a shit! I just want to make sure you’re available for opponent beatdowns, group music videos, and all the cool, badass shit that we do 24/7! Whatever you do with the money, man, I don’t give a single fuck. Everyone is skimming off the top in BOB!

Well…you have yourself a damn deal!

Hell yeah, Barney! We’re going to fuck shit up together. Welcome to the team, Mr. CFO.
Barney and Charlie both rise to their feet and step to the side of the table. They each take a singular step forward before meeting in the middle and shaking hands. The business agreement has now become official.

Barney breaks the handshake first.

Oh, Charlie, and before I forget-

Barney reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crusty white sock filled with..something. He passes it over to Nickles.

I found this under my couch and it reminded me of you. I think you can put this to good use against that guy that wrestles without a name.

Charlie looks down at the sock with clear confusion across his face.

A….sock? I don’t know Barney, that was kind of Demos’s thing, wasn’t it?

Barney Green simply grins as he flips the sock around and shows Charlie the contents inside of it.

Holy shit….are those…

Multiple $10 rolls of nickels from a bank tucked into a sock? Yes, Charlie, that’s exactly what these are! I was going to give this to you as an incentive for buying fifty grand worth of Barncoin from me, but under the terms of our new deal it looks like BOB will be spending A LOT more than 50 grand on Barncoin!

Charlie eagerly snatches the sock out of Barney’s hands. As he holds the sock in his hands he can see that a couple of green seeds are stuck inside the sock’s cotton fibers.

What are the seeds on this thing? Some sort of poison? Seeds that cause rashes to the flesh for extra damage?

Barney looks at the sock closely, just now noticing the handful of seeds tucked into the fibers.

Oh, no. I didn’t even know those were there. I think those are seeds from some California cannibus field BOB used to own. Back in the day I used to hit fifteen dabs in a row before running out in the fields in nothing but my socks. I suppose a couple of seeds probably got caught up in the fiber.

Charlie’s jaw drops as he encounters the old BOB seeds Bobby & TK had spoken to him about. He looks up at Barney with an appreciative gaze and goes to thank him- but Barney doesn’t need thanks. Barney cuts Charlie off as he waves away the apology before it is even spoken.

Just hit Alias in the fucking face with this thing. He’ll never see it coming.

Charlie and Barney trade sadistic grins with each other as the camera slowly fades and zooms out.









They know what we rep, they know who we are
I can tell Alias he hit, Alias he yelling out, "AHHHHH"
Tweak with us today, you won't see tomorrow
All these Shane sleep, they high off them bars
If I hit him in his head, that's gon' hurt the heart
Wanna be like me? Boy get on your job


Peter Dinklage has been replaced by Fbg Duck on the garden’s PA system as Charlie Nickles sits atop a large stone overlooking a small pond. Goldilocks lays down in Charlie’s lap as The Nickleman tosses a relatively flat rock out into the water. The flat rock skips on the surface of the water ten times before bouncing clear to the bank on the other side of the pond. Charlie can’t help but crack a smile.

What was the golden calf expecting when The Nickleman declared warfare on him? Who does he think I am? What does he think I’m about?

Charlie lets the question linger in the air as he turns his gaze directly upon the camera. A few seconds pass as Charlie slowly tilts his head to the side.

He doesn’t have a fucking clue. It seems nowadays nobody knows nothin’ bout’ The Nickleman. A shame, really. I guess if you don’t tweet out your every thought people have a hard time following your trail. If Alias could read the tea leaves half as well as he believes he can he would make a fortune picking the lotto’ numbers.

Alias said it so confidently, he knew what was to come: he told Steve Sayors the prophecy, he called it as he saw it. He said The Nickleman was going to come scalp him on Savage, Alias said ol’ Chucky Murder was going to try and bash his brains in on Saturday night. Oh Alias….you don’t know a damn thing about me or my methods, do you?

Chucky Murder shakes his head from side to side as he sits stoicly upon the stone overlooking the pond. A second or two passes by before Charlie wipes his mouth with his right hand: but instead of bringing his hand back down to his waist, Charlie holds two fingers up in front of the camera.

Another swing and a miss from the former champion. If you’re keeping track of the game at home you know exactly what that means: Alias has two strikes and no balls.

Charlie finally brings his hand back down to his waist. The big ol’ smile on his face, however, seems like it’s not going anywhere.

Do you need to borrow my bat, Alias? You’re disappointing all those people in your movement. It seems you’re not swinging as hard these days as everyone thought you would. But hey, every all-star has a couple games where they just don’t perform like they should. Maybe you’ll be a bit more adept when we face off next month.IF we face off next month. Maybe after you have some time to look at the footage and see where it all went wrong you’ll be more ready, more prepared to wage war against The Nickleman.

But come on, Alias. Did you really think I’d attack you on Savage? What purpose does that serve, what would drive me to do that? You need to think things through from my perspective if you ever hope to understand the method to my madness.

If I were to scalp you on Savage, what would people say about my impending victory over you on Warfare? If I turned Alias into a broken man laying in a pool of blood on Saturday, who would truly respect my victory over a crippled man just four days later?

When I tear your scalp from your skull this Wednesday, Alias, I don’t need anyone pointing out that it’s easier to tear open an existing wound. I don’t want anyone to see this ass-whooping coming. I want every man, woman, and child in that audience to gasp in shock when I pin you on Warfare.

Yes, Alias.

PIN.

Charlie Nickles chuckles and rubs his beard for a bit before returning his hands to his waist and clutching the leather strap of his belt.

You know how I love to play, Alias. Well perhaps YOU don’t know how I like to play, but let me fill you in. The broken bones, the gushing wounds, the charred flesh: that’s what wrestling is all about, baby! At least to me.

Did you see me in that barbed-wire, Alias? Did you watch my comedy routine on Saturday night? Did you listen to Raion Kido scream at my jokes? Everytime the barbed-wire pierced my flesh I didn’t mind, in fact, I embraced it. When the wire pokes through my skin, well, it’s just getting all the closer to my heart, isn’t it? Likewise when the flames burn my skin, well they’re just trying to get all the closer to my soul, aren’t they?

I’m not afraid of the flames, Alias. I embrace the flames and I expect them to embrace me. People may have nightmares about me, Alias, but I’m no Freddy Krueger. The inferno doesn’t scare me anymore than barbed-wire does, flames don’t scare me anymore than you do, Alias.

You see ol’ pal, you just don’t understand what The Nickleman is about. Nobody does. I’m the new enigma. When I throw you into that inferno, Alias? That won’t be the end of our battle.

It will just be the beginning.

They can ring that bell over and over and over again, but when has a bell ever stopped a bastard? The bell didn’t help Terry Borden, the bell didn’t help Raion Kido…so why would the bell help you now? When I smell your burning hair, your burning clothes, your burning flesh….when I hear your fiendish screams, when I hear the cackling of the flames on your skin, when I hear the women in the audience cry out in horror….

That’s when I’ll know that the fun has just begun.

As Charlie continues to go in on Alias, Thunder Knuckles randomly appears walking in the background with a fat fucking blunt tucked behind his ear. Charlie hears him approach and turns around briefly. TK holds up his index finger as he holds up the universal ‘1 minute’ sign to Charlie. Charlie nods before turning back to the camera.

TK: You’re welcome, nose-dick!

Charlie rolls his eyes and shakes his head from side to side as he tries to wrap things up quick enough to smoke that blunt with TK. While Charlie’s getting ready to go back in on Alias TK flips a middle finger to the camera as he walks off-screen.

I’ll follow you through the flames, Alias. I’ve followed your trail everywhere, I’ll always be behind you, chasing you, trying to gun you down. The inferno won’t be able to protect you from me.

You’ve been on the top of this company for far, far too long Alias. I won’t deny your accomplishments or diminish your iconography: I’ll simply force the winds of change to blow your impenetrable fortress down. Time erodes all greatness, Alias, and I won’t hesitate to be Father Time’s helpful hand.

When I watch you fall into the flames, Alias, I’m going to come after you. Again. Because that’s just the way of The Nickleman. I don’t merely win my matches. I dominate them!

I’m going to come for you, Alias, again and again and again until I have everything I want from you. I’m going to make you bleed, I’m going to make you break, I’m going to make you burn. And I won’t stop until your charred hide hangs from the mantle of my fireplace. I won’t stop until the world acknowledges this one simple truth: The Nickleman is the greatest man to ever step between those ropes.

It’s a tall ask of the world, I know. But I know just how to make it happen…

Charlie slings the TV championship belt over his shoulder before he steps off the large stone overlooking the pond.

After I toss your bleeding carcass into the fire, Alias, I’m going to walk through the flames behind you. And no matter how loud the bell rings, Alias, I’ll make sure to ring your bell louder. I’m going to Devil Hook Drop you inside the ring….then, I’m going to Devil Hook Drop you from inside the abyssal inferno. I’ll pin you there, right in front of our favorite fire demons, before I walk out from the fire untouched and unscathed, ready to bask in the terror of the crowd.

We’ve worked alongside each other for nearly two years, Alias, yet still you don’t know the first thing about my methods. Well Alias, I’ll teach you the most important lesson about fighting The Nickleman tomorrow night:

The bell doesn’t dismiss you. I dismiss you.

Charlie grins into the camera before turning and walking away from the scene in the direction of Thunder Knuckles. The screen slowly fades to black as the musical stylings of Fbg duck come to an abrupt end.