Previously...

And now… The Story Continues!

***

Flynn and Maria slowly climb up the stairs. Currently up the third of six flights to the Executive Suite. The fire alarm blares particularly loudly in the stairwell.

“Hey, Kyodai?”

Flynn rolls his eyes.

“What, Maria?”

“Should we be running?”

“Hell no. I’m 43 years old. I’ve run up this set of stairs once today. And that’s enough cardio for me.”

“Okay… I guess you’d be against carrying me up the stairs?”

“...”

“For fitness?”

“...”

***

“Don’tLookDownDon’tLookDownDon’tLookDownDon’tLookDownDon’tLookDown…”

The BOB-Anon repeats his mantra as he carefully steps sideways, gripping the metal bar as he creeps along the path.

“God dammit… Why do the globalist elites have to either be in obelisk structures overlooking entire facilities… or the basements of pizza places…?”

The BOB-Anon continues his slow shimmy down the catwalk… currently 100 feet away from the skybox.

And closing…

***
A bead of sweat drips from the United Korean Peace Officer’s head to the floor.

“Well? Have you any idea on how my phone traveled from Flark Mynn’s possession to your back pocket?”

NK’s 2003 Motorola Razr rests at eye level, held in NK’s right hand. The phone is pointed accusingly at UK, who the North Korean had just pickpocketed.

UK’s eyes travel to the floor. His brain is exhaustively trying to consider a plausible scenario…

“Since you seem to be deep in thought, allow me to share my working hypothesis.”

NK returns his treasured flip-phone to his pocket, where it belongs. He retrieves his notebook of the desk and lifts it to his eyes, reading his notes...

“I present the following.”

“Flark Mynn did NOT attack me in that hallway.”

“YOU did. After YOU took my phone.”

“YOU took me to YOUR dissection room. Where YOU have been dissecting YOUR fellow FXW superstars.”

“YOU led me to this office, planning from the beginning of our encounter to utilize my codebreaking skills to break into the Broadcast Delay vault… And because you pursued your ends practicing such wanton deceit, I am led to conclude that your desires are NOT to unfreeze your FXW coworkers.”

…

“Now, I must confess I am not certain what your actual designs are. But I imagine your actual desires are much less altruistic than you’ve claimed…”

UK’s eyes open wide.

“Now, shall you continue this preposterous, transparent charade or will you surrender the truth?”

…

UK starts to snicker…

NK’s eyes narrow suspiciously.

The snicker develops into a giggle. Eventually, UK covers his mouth to gather himself.

“I apologize, Comrade NK. You’ve discovered so much. I admit, you are much more astute than I surmised.”

UK laughs once more… Shaking his head.

“And yet… your hypothesis contains one significant inaccuracy.”

“Bah! As I told you earlier, I’m never inaccurate… What is it?”

“You assume my desires are not altruistic? I’d counter that what I desire is more altruistic than anyone across all conceivable dimensions.”

NK scoffs.

“Enlighten me, then, UK. What IS your desire?”

UK sighed… Walking back to the window… And staring down again…

“Peace.”

UK gestures his arm towards the scene outside the skybox…

“Look beneath us, Comrade NK. What do you see?”

…

“...A broken 70 foot television screen?”

“What else?”

“...Glass shards from the broken 70 foot telev-”

“What do you see BESIDES the broken F-Tron…?”

“...Bent bars from the scaffolding that was holding up the brok-”

“Alright. Never mind. May I share what I see?”

“...If you insist.”

“I witness… Perfection.”

UK runs a hand longingly against the edge of the glass.

“A crowd of 15,000 wrestling fans that will never cheer for violence. Instead, they hug their children. Forever. Captured in a snapshot of familial love.”

“Just out of view, backstage, as I’m sure you’ve seen, is the frozen FXW. An entire company of wrestlers that will never inflict violence again… That have been rendered INCAPABLE of further aggression.”

UK smiles, truly touched as he describes this vision of tranquility.

“Where others may see a frozen arena. Where others may only see injustice. I see… Peace.”

“...Hmm.” NK clicks his tongue thoughtfully.

“Now that I’ve shared my perspective… Allow me to expound on what COULD be.”

“Ned Kaye… And later, RM Industries, had perfected a material that was impervious to the Broadcast Delay… And thus, created the production time tunnel that the XWF had used to re-record botched footage and segments…”

NK waves his hand to skip the back story…

“Yes, yes, I watched the informational video.”

“My entire universe has been relegated to a state of dimensional suspension… to make YOUR dimension’s TV programming 3.7% less susceptible to error…”

NK blushes.

“When you say it like that, it makes the XWF sound… monstrously selfish.”

UK shakes his head.

“…No, no. What could be more selfless than this freezing?”

“I admit others may not share my perspective. Other FXW stars might have prioritized unfreezing their world. But… I savor peace above all else. Central Command tasked me with the singular goal… of spreading peace at any cost.”

“...And not even he could have imagined a world as perfectly peaceful as this.”

UK nods, truly brimming in humanitarian love for his universe.

“And… after witnessing this perfection. I realized… I could do more. I could spread peace even further… Further than Central Command could ever have dreamt of…”

UK gestures past NK, toward the vault.

NK’s brow furrows.

“The Broadcast Delay? The tunnel that allows XWF to travel back to April 1st, 2021?”

“Indeed. My universe has been SEALED in this time pocket so that your XWFers may travel back to this date at your leisure… But if I could determine the material that enabled the containment of the Broadcast Delay… Then, counteract it. If I could BREAK the seal… Then, The temporal freeze that held the FXW in place would spread…”

NK nodded.

“To the universe of the XWF.”

UK laughs dismissively.

“You think in such small terms, Comrade NK. It would not JUST spread to the XWF. But every single dimension across the multiverse. Every nation, every army, every nuclear test site… And every wrestling company. Guaranteed to never take violent action… Or any action. Ever. Again.”

UK reached into his own pocket and retrieved … a small vial. Full of red liquid.

“Of course… In order to determine the material to counteract the Broadcast Delay… the technology that froze his universe, I first had to determine what made the people of his universe susceptible… What unique attribute had allowed Ned Kaye to focus the time delay on only the FXW…”

UK smiles.

“Naturally, I took a select number of his FXW co-workers… And began to dissect them. Systematically removing their organs, taking blood samples… to determine the unique code of FXW universe DNA.”

“Does dissecting my former office-mates make me insane?”

NK raises a hand.

“Yes. I can tell your question is rhetorical, but yes.”

UK ignores his counterpart’s sass.

“The greater insanity would be allowing any harm to come to any soul across all planes of reality.”

“So… You murdered your co-workers… for peace?”

“My co-workers had been perfectly preserved. Their lungs held still with stagnant oxygen, taken in almost one year ago… Their hearts frozen mid-beat. Dissecting them did no harm. And the scientific results would guarantee no harm would ever come to anyone. EVER. AGAIN.”

“Total. And Complete. Peace.”

UK shakes the vial still in his hand, before returning it to his pocket...

“Once I had determined the unique familial DNA thumbprint of FXW superstars, it only took the freezing of several hundred animals, that I had found in Ned’s old science lab… To determine that PIGS… across every strain of the multiverse… were completely immune to the Broadcast Delay.”

“If my theories hold true… Then, applying even trace amounts of my serum to the interior of the vault that the XWF had used to transfer materials and people from the frozen FXW dimension TO the XWF dimension with FXW superstar and evil hog Hot Dog’s genetic material…”

“That’s all it would take to destroy the vault’s simple containment method.”

“And suddenly, the Broadcast Delay would spread…”

“And every universe would be frozen.”

“Resting.”

“In Peace.”

NK snickers.

“Yes. What a perfect plan. Most certainly why you succeeded…”

NK gasps in mock surprise.

“Oh wait, you didn’t.”

UK sighed, bitterly.

“Indeed… My plan was nearly perfect. But, you are correct. I lacked one necessary component: A means to open the vault.”

UK points above their heads… to the ventilation shaft NK and UK had entered the suite through.

“When I had hidden in the ventilation shaft to watch Heather Halliwell re-record flubbed commentary… I observed this truth…”

“When an XWF employee would USE the Broadcast Delay… THEY did not unlock the vault. It was done remotely through the computer system.”

“By an account named ‘rm_xwf’.”

“Indeed. Phone #1. A frequent adversary of Mark Flynn and I.”

“And briefly, since I had no training with computers or hacking procedure, I feared that my mission was doomed to remain unfulfilled.”

“Haha, git gud, idiot.”

…

“That is.”

“Until.”

“Just like my universe’s peace came together by luck and divine providence.”

“Just as I remained mobile, the only unfrozen FXW employee…”

“Some higher power has blessed my mission. The Glorious Leader himself smiles down upon my quest.”

“And, in just the same way, out of nowhere, who should stumble onto my path…”

“But, you, Comrade NK.”

NK grins, flattered.

“Ah. And upon seeing me, I’m left to assume you immediately acknowledged that I was the superior bearer of our genetic code. Perhaps you even thought I had a cute butt.”

Intentionally or not, NK flexes his ass, just a little bit.

“It’s alright if you did.”

“Not at all.”

…NK is a little hurt.

“...No?”

“No. I only thought… This fool. This dullard. This imbecile whose fallen-in-love staring at a perfect replica of his own ass.”

NK frowns.

“I-I-I can’t imagine what you mean!”

“I admit… My first approach was… ill-conceived. Fabricating a story about an insane duplicate of your partner… Flark Mynn… I’m sure you saw through that ruse quite quickly.”

NK blinks.

“Wait, Flark Mynn isn’t real?”

…

“I mean, of course, obviously. What a ridiculous… Yes, duh.”

NK reaches into his notebook and tears out a number of pages, (what had been his section of notes speculating that perhaps Flark Mynn IS R.M.…).

“Now… I lay my cards on the table. You’ve proven to be my intellectual equal. Not a blunt tool, but a peer.”

“Join me in my quest to spread peace across the Multiverse, Comrade NK…”

“Just as the XWF was a combat sports company that had inadvertently invented a peaceful universe… so will a self-described War Criminal unlock the door to a peaceful MULTIverse.”

“Like a nuclear weapon could be used to deter war, so could this war criminal be used to achieve the greatest deterrence of all: A Multiversal Freeze that would never end.”

…

NK yawns.

“Are you quite finished?”

UK turns from the window to meet his counterpart in the eye.

“Wonderful. Let’s start from the top.”

NK returns his notebook to his pocket. He raises his free hand and sticks out his index finger.

“Firstly, your…” NK delivers finger quotes, “achievement of peace in your universe is something you didn’t even do. ‘Nefarious’ Ned Kaye froze your world due to lack of funding.”

“Divine providence. The Glorious Leader’s Will Makes Itself Manifest in mysterious ways.”

NK scoffs.

“You sound like Mark Flynn with his preposterous talk of the Optimal Path. Just because you wanted something, and then it happened, doesn’t necessarily indicate that your efforts were rewarded. If I hire an assassin, and he nevers attacks the target I specify, but merely WISHES that my target will die… And THEN my target dies of poor nutrition… I don’t PAY the assassin. Because the assassin WANTING his target to die did NOTHING to achieve this objective.”

NK raises a second finger, his middle.

“Secondly, you’re an aspiring despot. Your vision of peace is mired in delusion. You seek not harmony, only the absence of discord.”

UK sighs.

“I’ve grown to believe voluntary harmony is impossible. In its place, eliminating war across the multiverse is the best any man is capable of achieving. Is that not noble? I have, my entire life, strived to spread peace. I have spread the gospel of harmony every day I have drawn breath, at the behest of the Glorious Leader. I have even attempted to convince my FXW wrestlers to take up the cause of peace. With the exception of Shawn Peacestein, none have followed my ways of non-violence.”

NK scoffs.

“Yes, your ways of non-violence. Except when you DISSECT people.”

UK is offended.

“I EXPLICITLY SAID… that they were FROZEN!”

“Oh, Frozen! Well, never mind then!” NK opens his notebook, pretending to look for a blank page. “Let me make a note of that, being dedicated to peace means non-violence… Except against frozen people. They're fair game!”

UK’s eyes narrow angrily.

“You mock me?”

NK nods.

“I do. You’re a despotic madman. You don’t truly seek peace. You seek control. You seek to eliminate the freedom of anyone to act of their own will. And you call it peace.”

UK smiles.

“Is my design so different than your homeland, UK…?”

…

“What... What do you mean?”

“Think about it, Comrade. Your world’s ‘North Korea’ is a totalitarian hellscape where the state guarantees no freedoms for its people. It holds its populace hostage, its peoples’ loyalty a form of mass Stockholm Syndrome.”

NK scoffs.

“No! …No! That’s not… That’s not even how North Korea is! You watch too much Western propaganda!”

It’s UK’s turn to scoff.

“Remarkable. You see so clearly through my deceit, and yet you seem quite content to deceive yourself.”

“I ask you one last time… Join me.”

“Sorry, he’s spoken for.”

The door to the suite opens… And Flynn and Maria walk in.

Maria is, of course, riding on Flynn, piggyback style.

"Aww man, can we go back down a floor and then back up? The ride was more fun when it was bumpy!"

"Nope, top floor, everybody off!"

Flynn sets Maria down on the ground.

NK glimmers with relief.

“Mark Flynn!”

“Kyodai?”

“Maria!”

“Ricky!”

“Stop it.”

Suddenly, NK's face twists in fear. He quickly raises his hands in surrender.

“Oh no! It’s THIS part of the adventure! Where you, my partner, stumble onto the scene where I battle my duplicate and you don’t know which one to shoot!”

“...Pardon?”

“Shoot the other me, Mark Flynn! Don’t shoot me!”

UK panicks and raises his own hands in the air as well.

“No! Wait! I am the real North Korean War Criminal!

For a moment, Maria raises her hands in the air, so she doesn't feel left out.

“Wait, I’m getting confused… Which one is Ricky?”

NK is sweating bullets… UK stammers, nervously.

“Oh, Glorious Leader, how can I convince Mark Flynn that I’m the real North Korean War Criminal…”

“W-w-well! That’s exactly what an impostor would try to do! Mark Flynn, listen to reason!”

NK snaps his fingers.

“Ah! Something only I would know!”

“Really. This is not necessary.”

“Mark Flynn! In 2012, a clown woman bit your penis off!”

”Oh please, everyone knows that! Mark Flynn says it three times per day!”

“Wait, why is Ricky A and Ricky B calling you Mark Flynn, Kyodai?!? They’re both fakes! Shoot 'em!”

“No no no! I am Ricky! I mean, North Korean War Criminal! I mean, RICKY! I MEAN BOTH!”

“Shoot him! He doesn't know who he is!”

“KYODAI, TAKE THE SHOT!”

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!”

Everyone stops yelling… As Flynn rubs his temples.

“First off…” Flynn points at NK. “That one is the real NK.”

NK smiles, his heart filled with warmth.

“Ah, of course! Because we’ve grown so close these last few months...”

Maria beams. “Wow! Kyodai, you and Ricky really are tag partners.”

“You’re.”

“Wearing.”

“Different.”

“CLOTHES.”

…

NK looks down. And sees… yes, indeed. He’s wearing military fatigues, while UK is wearing a naval captain’s uniform.

“...Aha!”

NK laughs as he pumps his fist triumphantly.

“Then, I’m afraid it’s the end of the road for you, UK!”

NK points toward Flynn.

“Shoot him now, Mark Flynn!”

“Yeah, Kyodai, shoot Other Ricky!”

Flynn is still rubbing his temples.

“Right. That brings me to my second point… I DON’T HAVE A GUN. SO STOP TELLING ME TO SHOOT PEOPLE.”

…

All three turn to Flynn.

“Wait, you don’t have a firearm?”

“No. Now, who’s this other you?”

“You’re not packing, Kyodai?”

“I’m a wrestler. What do I need a gun for? Can we focus on the clone guy?”

“Aren’t you a government agent?”

“...Against my will, but yeah, more or less.”

“Aren’t guns standard issue?”

Flynn squints at the perp clone, who is now questioning his methods…

“Yes, I was GIVEN a gun. But I lock it in a safe. I don’t need it.”

“...See, you say that, but we’re clearly in a situation where you need a gun.”

“Right. I mean, what are you gonna do? WRESTLE bulletholes into Alternate Universe Ricky over there.”

“Haha, My life is dedicated solely to peace and even I regret not having a gun right now.”

The other three people in the room chuckle at the humor of the situation.

Flynn is steaming mad right now.

“I don’t NEED a GUN!”

“There, there, Mark Flynn.”

NK reaches into his pocket and retrieves a pistol.

“Would you like to borrow my gun?”

…

Flynn looks at the gun. Then at NK. Then back at the gun.

“NK, you’ve had a gun this whole time?”

“Of course, Mark Flynn. I always carry.”

…

“Then why THE FUCK were you pretending to shoot people with your finger when we first came in!?!?”

NK is aghast.

“Do you have any idea how irresponsible it is to pretend to shoot people with a loaded gun?!?”

…Maria turns to Flynn, similarly offended.

“Kyodai, guns aren’t toys. Ricky is a responsible gun owner.”

“Indeed. For shame, Mark Flynn.”

Maria and NK both tut-tut, disappointed in Flynn.

Flynn is seething with rage.

“I’M NOT THE IDIOT HERE! NK! YOU HAD A GUN THIS WHOLE TIME?!?”

In one swing of his arm, UK reaches out and slips under NK’s shoulder. He reaches his hand in between NK’s palm and… plucks NK’s gun away.

“Now, he doesn’t. And I do.”

UK points the gun at NK, who is stunned he’s been disarmed.

Then at Maria, who looks mesmerized and in awe, like she just saw a magic trick.

Then at Flynn, who looks thoroughly unsurprised. "Of fucking course this would happen."

UK takes two steps back.

“Now. Since my Plan A: (Lying) was seen through… And my Plan B: (Recruiting) was rejected. We move onto Plan C: Give me the password and help me Achieve Peace or I’ll murder you and your friends.”

Flynn scoffs.

“Wow, yeah, achieving peace by threatening violence! What a consistent worldview you have.”

NK laughs.

“Mark Flynn, you will not believe how close your words are now to what my words were just before you arrived.”

BANG!

UK fires a shot into the ceiling.

NK’s and Maria’s hand shoot into the air.

…

Flynn begrudgingly raises his hands as well.

UK grins with relief.

“Yes, finally. Now! Comrade NK, I assume that you solved the password quite early in your efforts and toyed with me, pretending to still work at code-cracking, so you might carry out your interrogation surreptitiously…”

“...Perhaps.”

“Wondrous.”

UK points the gun at Maria.

“Enter the password or she dies.”

In the distance, just behind UK, just inside the view of the window… A large figure side-steps.

Maria stutters. “U-u-ummm… S-s-s-sir?”

“Silence! NK, enter the password. NOW!”

NK eyeballs the figure… And starts slowly walking to the computer. He turns his head and winks at Flynn.

Flynn nods.

The figure… shifts his weight.

Back and forth.

“It’s j-j-just… There’s a…”

The catwalk moves like a playground swing…

Building momentum…

“There’s a big guy right behind you…”

UK scoffs.

“Haha, my dear woman. Do you really expect me to fall for such a poorly-executed ploy? I ha-”

And it’s that exact moment… that the BOB-Anon leaps…

The window shatters.

UK collapses to the ground.

The gun slides across the floor.

And standing over the United Korean.

Standing in front of our 2 3 2.5 heroes…

”ALRIGHT LIZARD LIBTARDS, LIBERAL LIZTARDS, LIZ CHENEY, AND EVERYONE IN HERE THAT'S VACCINATED!!!”

Is the motherfucking BOB-ANON…

He unsheathes his samurai blade from his back…

”I SAY ONCE MORE! ... IT'S TIME TO...

#SAVETHECHILDREN

To Be Continued…