[bwo]W.O.R.M.D.[/bwo]


[bwo][/bwo]


Your screen lights up and that can only mean one thing. Another Thunder Knuckles promo has hit the airwaves because no one is watching Robert Main. We last left with Doctor Louis D'Ville speaking to the W.O.R.M.D. support group. The air is hot and the room is still dim. Now let us begin.


[bwo][/bwo]


Let me first start off by saying that I am not like the rest of you. I have actually fought Robert Main.

Murmurs from the audience can be heard between the members in attendance. Doc holds up a hand and they hush to silence.

High Stakes 2020. Young Duke and I, known as Doctinuum, defeated the long-reigning Tag Team Champions, Catastrophe, and forced Robert Main right back into hiding. Long before that though… You all know that my time here extends many years back, well.. So does Robert Main’s. After many opportunities to go face to face and after even more opportunities to bring a partner to the battle…. Robert Main chose to sub himself out and let the rest of AX3 take the fall. During my entire Universal Title reign, Robert Main stuck to where he belonged… Not even in obscurity because he wasn’t even high enough to fall into that yet. Years later, I had the Tag Team Championship…. See above. It wasn’t until the rest of the Kings and I were off adventuring elsewhere when he decided to poke his head out of the hole and go after some of the real meat and potatoes. And it was in my absence that Robert Main flourished and became this pompous, overrated, self-loving, ‘fraidy cat that we know him as today.

Doc pauses for a moment which receives smiles out to the of the group and some even begin to clap.

I'm sure you all have your own stories, as well, and I'm anticipating to hear them. I won't take any more of your time. Please...

Doc slightly bows and motions to a familiar face in the crowd, well as familiar as right here and now away, Micheal Graves.

Mister Graves? Would you like to take a turn?

Micheal Graves begins to walk to the front of the room. TK looks at the guy next to him and quietly says,

Can you fucking believe I got a fucking draw with this guy. Look at him, he's fucking pathetic.


[bwo][/bwo]


The man next to TK pays him no attention. Micheal shakes Doctor Luis D'Ville's hand and stands behind the podium.

Hi, my name is Micheal Graves, and with all due respect to the good Doc, I've actually faced and beaten Robert Main as well, and just like you.

Graves motions towards Doc with a nod.

The fucker has been ducking a one on one with me ever since!

Micheal takes a deep breath as he reminisces on the past.

It all began in 2018… Wait… No… 2017! Yeah, 2017 after AX3 had finally broken up! That’s when I first called out Robert Main to crickets, and that song and dance has been set to repeat ever since!

Micheal becomes a little louder while physically retaining his calm.

Robert claims that he has no reason to fight Me! He says that I'm just some troll looking to steal some shine from his name. The same lame shit he says about all of us, but it's not true for me, just like it's not true for any of you!

Graves clutches the podium as he leans in closer to the mic.

See, what Robert fails to mention when he makes that claim is something that I've never brought up before, at least, not publicly, but he knows exactly what I'm talking about, and he tried to tell me that the only reason that I beat him at Lethal Lottery was because he had a shitty partner; Never-fucking-minding the fact that I, myself, was chained to Peter F’N Fired-more!

Micheal's physical restraint is cracking and begins talking through gritted teeth.

The fucking smugness of this guy, right?! That comment pissed me off so fucking bad that I wanted to knick the fuckers head off right then and right there, but I did my job and kept the peace.

Graves no longer gritting his teeth raises his voice even louder.

WE WERE A TEAM!

Micheal takes a long deep breath and continues keeping his calm.

But now that team was dead, and this was the perfect opportunity to find out IF Robert Main could actually backup that inflated ego and defeat me as easily as he had thought he could!

Graves's demeanor has changed all the while trying to keep his cool.

The match never happened, of course! Main took a sabbatical after Cadryn punked him, and I lost my chance, because when he resurfaced, he had surrounded himself with protection, won the Uni on a cash in, and suddenly was too good to face me. Yeah, maybe, but again… PROVE IT! Funny how I’ve faced Jim twice in all of the years that I’ve VERY PUBLICLY BEGGED FOR A ONE ON ONE!

Micheal is no longer calm. His face now shows his anger.

GAH! ROBERT MAIN CAN FUCKING CHOKE ON A BIG SWEATY DICK!

Graves pounds the podium with his fist hard enough to make his point.

THAT PRICK DUCKS CHALLENGE AFTER FUCKING CHALLENGE WITH BULLSHIT EXCUSES, LIKE “I’M BUSY WITH THE TAG TITLES” ONLY TO WILLING BOOK HIMSELF IN MULTIPLE MATCHES ON THE RARE EVENTS THAT HE DOES WORK!

The fury of Micheal's words matches the intensity on his face. TK mumbles under his breath.

That's on par. Wait, until he sees I got a match.

WHY CAN’T YOU WORK ME IN ROBERT, HUH?! WHY CAN’T YOU WORK ANY OF US IN?!

Graves grips the podium firmly with both hands as he begins speaking through his gritted teeth.

Then!

Micheal gets a wild look in his eyes as his knuckles whiten from the death grip of the podium.

THEN!

A low rumble produces from deep within Micheal before exploding out with a roar!

THEN HE PUBLICLY CHALLENGES ME DURING AN EVENT THAT HE KNOWS I’M ALREADY BOOKED FOR, ALL TO TRY AND MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING COWARD THAT HE IS!

He hurls the Podium across the room as he shouts at the top of his lungs a very long-drawn-out "FUCK"!


[bwo][/bwo]


Well, that didn't take fucking long, eh?

TK says to the person next to him with an elbow nudge.

Honestly though if you got a shot at Main. How would you waste time like him?

The man continues to ignore TK. TK looks around the room to find the camera. When he finds it he nods, points at it, and winks. He knows exactly how Main would waste time. Doc places his hand on Graves's shoulder, both in a show of support and an effort to soothe him. Doc then leans in, offers a cigar, and whispers into Micheal's ear.

Your pills, Mister Graves...

Micheal takes the cigar, then complies by taking a step back, reaching into his pocket to grab his pill bottle. He dumps a large amount into his hand, shoves them into his mouth, and begins to chew. Doc points to a Japanese wrestler who is closest to the thrown podium. BY this time Graves has made it back to his seat. The man points himself as if to say "me?". Doc nods and points down to the podium and waves the man up with him.


[bwo][/bwo]


The short but stocky Japanese man grabs up the podium and walks it close to where it was originally placed.

The floor is yours, Mister Kotetsu. If you would, sir.

Kon'nichiwa, Yamamoto Kotetsu junia tomōshimasu. Robāto mein ga chichi no hissawwaza o nusumimashita.

The people in the room are mostly English speaking, but one man raises his hand and speaks up.

I know Japanese. I can translate if you all would like

Doc holds out his hand and nods giving the man permission to approach the podium. This lanky but well built for his fame man walks to the front and shakes Yomamotto Jr.'s hand. He explains to Yamamoto he will be translating for him. Yamamoto bows his head graciously to thank the man.

Hello, my name is Kotetsu Yamamoto Jr. and Robert Main stole my father's finishing move.

The audience can be heard "Hello, Kotetsu", some getting it right, but most of them are getting it wrong. Thus making what is actually heard a jumbled mess.

Watashinochichi wa 2010-nen ni nakunattanode, watashi wa ima koko ni imasu. Moshi kare ga kyō ikite itara, kare wa kare jishin no meiyo o yōgo surudeshou. Zan'nen'nagara, kare wa sōde wa naku, kare no musukodearu watashi wa robāto mein ni chōsen shimashita. Kare wa watashi ya Nihon puroresu dōmei ga ringu de au koto o torimodoshite inai. Kono okubyōmono ga watashinochichi no ugoki o nusunda koto ni fungai shite iru.

The translator doesn't miss a beat and puts the same passion Yamamoto uses, as well.

I am here now because my father passed away in 2010. If he was alive today he would be defending his own honor. Unfortunately, he is not and I, his son, have challenged Robert Main. He has not gotten back ahold of me or The Japanese Wrestling Alliance to meet in the ring. I am outraged that this coward has stolen my father's move.

At least Brisco made the move his own.

TK says to the person next to him. Yamamoto continues over top of TK.

Moshi kare ga rippana otokonara, kare wa kono chōsen o ukeirerudeshou! Kare wa okubyōmonodesu! Kare ni wa meiyo ga arimasen. Sandāpuroresuringu de kare ga shiai mae ni hitobito o kōgeki shite iru no o mita koto ga arimasuga, ikken, chōhatsu sa rete inai yōdesu.

If he were an honorable man, he would accept this challenge! He is a coward! He has no honor. I've seen him in Thunder Pro Wrestling attacking people before matches, seemingly unprovoked.

Oh, I'll talk about that shit, bet.

The person sitting next to TK looks annoyed. The look on the man's face screams "nerve of you thinking you ever get the chance to face Robert Main one on one.

What?

TK says with a smug look on his face.

Sono shunkan made akiramemasen. Watashi no te de chichi no shōri o iwau tame ni. Go chōshu arigatōgozaimashita.

Yamamoto bows to thank the audience but they don't know that yet.

I will not give up until that moment. To celebrate my father's victory with my hands. Thank you for listening.

The crowd begins to clap, as Doc approaches the podium, he gives Yamamoto a slight bow.

Thank you so much, Mister Yamamoto.

Doctor D'Ville scans the room and finds someone who looks rather brooding. He has a feeling this person has a good story.

You there,-

Doctor D'Ville points.

-yes, you, would you like to come up and tell your story?

With a deep rumbling voice, you hear.

Sure.

You notice that the person walking up to the front of the room is pretty well built. They look like they've done manual labor most of their adult life. Broad shoulders, a slight hunch in their back, and walking with the swagger of a true bad-ass. Said person, is now behind the podium.


[bwo][/bwo]


Hi, my name is Alex.


Everyone says, "Hello, Alex." Except for TK, he says,

This dude looks pissed.

I was at a bar in Texas and there he was. Robert Main. He was hamming it up drinking with his buddy, you know the one. With the eye patch. I can never remember his stupid name.

TK nudges the guy next to him again who can't stand TK by this point.

Drew. He's right though. That is a stupid fucking name.

Anyway... I overheard that fucker talking shit. Going on and on about himself. Over and over, it was nauseating, all while pirate boy just sat there nodding his head, living it up, and encouraging him. I didn't really give a damn until he the asshole had the nerve to be rude to the staff. That highfalutin bitch had no right, so I had to say something. So I did what anyone should have done. I walk up to him and say, "Hey, bitch mouth, you wanna go or what?" Then that bitch made cunt, stood up, and squared up with me.

The room gasps in astonishment.

Until I said, "You're about to get fucked up by a woman."

Holy shit, it's a bull !

The man next to TK looks appalled by these words. TK doesn't take kindly to the way he's being looked at.

Oh, fucking cry about it on Twitter you fucking bitch.

Then he wouldn't fight me. So, I became a professional wrestler, just to fight him. I've been waiting on a call back since. He probably doesn't even remember it happening. He was so intoxicated but I'll never forget. That's pretty much all I got. Thank you, guys.

Alex begins to exit away from the podium, the crowd claps lightly, and Doctor D'Ville reaches out his hand to shake the proud women's hand.

Thanks, Doctor D'Ville.

You are most welcome! Next, my friends, I would like to share the podium with a certain No Good Bastard who, I believe, has a very special announcement for us all. Mister Knuckles... Would you be so kind to share it with us?

TK looks over at the dude who's been ignoring and looking at him funny.

Trust me, you're going to listen now you little shit.

TK begins to strut to the front of the room with notebook clinched in hand. His majestic hair flows through the hot air as he walks. Once behind the podium, he smiles like an obnoxious dick head.

What's up, mother fuckers! I've got a little bit of goddamn news that's going to prevent me from coming to any more of these fucking meetings.

TK looks over at Doctor D'Ville.

Sorry, King BOB.

Doctor D'Ville smiles and nods his head. TK looks back to the crowd in the room.

Well, guys, on December 29th, 2021, in Columbus, Ohio. Yours truly-

BULLSHIT!

TK smiles.

I've landed a Steel Cage Grudge match with Robert Main. Only on Wednesday Night Warfare.

Graves screams at the top of his lungs again, another very long-drawn-out "FUCK".


[bwo][/bwo]


Micheal Graves starts to storm towards the shiny red door. TK finds this amusing but stops Graves before he makes it all the way there.

Hold on, Graves, even you will want to hear this.

Graves looks livid and rolls his hands as if to say "Well, tell us". Graves pops even more pills at this point.

It just so happens I wrote the fucking book on Robert Main. I just so fucking happen to have it here with me today.

TK holds up his notebook and everyone just looks at him awkwardly, even Doctor D'Ville.

This is how you lure the sweet creme pie'd bitch out of hiding. Because we all know you can look him in the eyes and ask, Why are you so afraid? You know, like I know, that it'll only leave one question in your head. How do I get you? Am I right?

The crowd is stunned due to the news that Thunder Knuckles was going to get a one-on-one match with Robert Main. No one is making a sound.

Well, fuck me, hold your goddamn applause assholes. Christ, it's not like I'm not going to share. I mean, for fucks sake, I stop Graves from leaving just to say that I'll be hanging out after the goddamn meeting. Just to show anyone who wants to know how to get a match with this mental midget, step by fucking step.

The crowd stands up and gives a round of applause for the man who will show them the way. TK soaks it all in and looks over to Doctor D'Ville.

I guess the floor is yours, King BOB.

Doctor D'Ville walks over to shake TK's hand. As a way to show thanks that TK had been showing up to the meetings.

Please, you can call me Doc.

Sure I can, King BOB.

The crowd is still clapping as TK heads away from the podium and directly to the free coffee and doughnuts. Only to think to himself, I wonder what Bobby's doing.


[bwo]~Meanwhile in Lima~[/bwo]


Bobby's still completely tripping balls. The one-gallon ziplock bag of "Golden Teacher" magic mushrooms is almost gone. Bobby has eaten A LOT of mushrooms. He's now entering the void that very few people have ever seen. The walls are melting, he's fully clothed even with socks and shoes, sprawled out in the bathtub. The water is breathing and all Bobby can think about is the Mexican restaurant Team BOB went to the night before War Games. His mind is tricking him to make him believe he's there right now. He sees Miss Fury drinking margaritas while Ozzy is going to town on the grande burrito meal. TK's eating the Capirotada. TK is also very drunk talking about Walnut Brain's temper tantrum. How it's one of the funniest things he's ever seen since being in XWF. Bobby even sees himself eating the same Capirotada as TK, separate dishes, don't be weird. Time like an elastic band stretches farther into that future which we know as the past. As Bobby flys quickly through the cosmos of time vivid rainbow light surrounds him. He now sees everyone sick from food poisoning. Fury is in the bathroom shitting her guts out. Ozzy is in the corner of the room puking making the most god-awful hurling noises. TK is passed out from being so drunk, laying in a puddle of his own puke. Bobby remembers being just fine. His stomach is battle-hardened and used to fighting back against food. Time snaps back to what is perceived to be the current time. The walls are unmelting but the water is still breathing. Bobby stands up out of the bathtub and walks over to the mirror. The water from Bobby's large frame is getting all over the floor. While looking in the mirror Bobby's face is twisting and turning until it focuses back. With a smile on his face, he says,

Fuck, TK was right. These shrooms are good.


[bwo]~Back at the meeting~[/bwo]

After staying over at the W.O.R.M.D. meeting to show the other wrestlers the playbook, not only to get a match with Robert Main. The playbook also contained how to win it. TK walks up to the shiny red door once again, with his notebook in hand. He opens it, the air on the other side is much colder, and there is no blinding light. He traces his steps back to the man who had blindfolded him earlier.

Well, let's get it the fuck over with.

The man nods and blindfolds TK, and again the camera has been put into a burlap sack and put in the trunk. After a lengthy car ride, the two men make it back to where they first met. One Seagate Toldeo, Ohio. The camera has now been released from the burlap sack and you see Jimmy running toward TK in a panic.

Are you alright, Thunder Knuckles?

Of course, I'm okay.

Well, the last time something like this happened you died!

TK looks around trying to find Them No Good Bastards red Hummer limo.

Where the fuck is Charlie?

Jimmy points to the parking garage.

He's in the parking garage.

Fucking call him and tell him to get-

Jimmy already has his phone out.

-his ass over here and pick us up.

Hey, Charlie? Yeah, we're out front we have to get back to Lima.

TK doesn't stop giving Jimmy instructions while he's on the phone.

Then get ahold of the production team and have them set up that thing I asked for. That straight Relentless shit.

Jimmy nods his head and points to the road.

There he is.

About fucking time.

Charlie pulls up in the beautiful red Hummer limo. TK quickly gets into the back while Jimmy takes his time. Charlie rolls down the partition.

Ready?

Let's get back to Bourbs.

Sure, man. One thing though.

TK looks annoyed because he's just trying to get home and talk to Bobby.

What the fuck now, Charlie? Your belt cant drive.

No, not that she's sleeping we've been waiting forever. What I wanted to say is you know Robert's going to bring up you losing to me right?

And? ...Listen you won fair and fucking square, Charlie. Robert Main can't handle loss, he's proven it time and time again. I can handle a loss. It molds you, makes you goddamn better, and on some rare occasions leads to the sixth-longest reigning Television Championship runs. To be fair, only to lose it, and come back to win it from someone else months later. Charlie if he thinks that's going to bother me. He's wasting his breath. 'Ol Thunder Knuckles knows who he is and what he's capable of. I'm more than capable of beating Robert Main. Plus weren't you were his Captain this year, right?

Yeah, I was. I'm just saying, don't go in there too overconfident. You know he's going to big-time you, right?

He's right, TK. You got the hard part taken care of, the match is booked. Now, we have to get you ready!

TK looks over at Jimmy and yells.

Shut the fuck up, Jimmy!

TK looks back up at Charlie.

First of all, I know he's going to big-time me Charlie. It's all he has. Second, you guys are right.

Jimmy seems puzzled, Charlie's even taken aback. Not every day does Thunder Knuckles listens to people when they're trying to help him.

I've got four more days to cram as much knowledge as I can about how to avoid anything, that shit sniffer, can throw at me. Not to mention all the time we've already spent. Now, can we get the fuck out of here now and meet up with Bourbs?

Sure thing, TK.

Finally, damn.

Charlie rolls up the partition but can be heard talking to Goldie again.

I'm sorry I woke you up, babe. I know I said we'd go on vacation. I have shit to do, damn. Why are you looking at me like that? Oh, come on! You know I didn't mean it like that. You know I think you're beautiful, right? There's that smile!

So, back on Robert Main, we have a lot more to go over.

Before you start.

TK grabs the camera and gets a real good "Parking Lot Selfie Shot" of himself.

Boy, you should be ashamed of yourself, sit down real fast. Today you don't have to put any titles on my name. No Pastor Knuckles today, Robert. No, no, I'm Thunder Knuckles to you. You coming to Columbus, Ohio to fight in a Steel Cage showed something inside of you must have wanted to grow. So it seemed... But if you wanna come out being the same, simple, and plain. Well, that's just lame. Now it's time to fucking preach on you.


[bwo][/bwo]


TK and Jimmy are still riding back to Lima, Ohio with Charlie driving as fast as he can while maintaining control of the vehicle.

While, Main, is off celebrating with yuletide cheer. 'Ol Thunder Knuckles is STILL putting in the fucking work. I chose to deliver this promo on Christmas. Because this match is a goddamn gift for me and in the spirit of Christmas. If Robert can make it all the way through to the end. I'll give him this.

TK reaches in front of him, in the back of the Hummer limo, and shows a festive-looking box.

It's a goddamn Christmas present! Who'd have thought a Scrooge, like me, would give my opponent a gift?

I think we should get down to business, TK. We're literally going to burn everything Robert Main said to the ground.

You're right, Jimmy. I said if he made a mistake he has to pay. So, I guess, we should start from the top, huh? One thing is for sure about a Robert Main promo. You can't believe anything that you hear and only half of what you see. Kind of like his brother claiming to have broken into my tailer at any point. My trailer hasn't had a front door since 2019. So, really, all the fucker would have had to do is walk right in. He must have broken into someone else's trailer and any "tape", he may, or may not, have found is doctored footage, in its own right. While we're on the subject. Who the fuck uses tapes anymore? I'm sick of Robert Main and this piss-poor acting job he has playing a bit part in an already told Chris Page Origin Saga. Sorry, mother fucker, that saga has been squeezed empty a long time ago. Absolutely no one wants to see any more of that. Where is the originality that makes Robert Main, Robert Main? What a fucking tool.

TK rolls his eyes.

The fuck am I talking about? Robert Main isn't just a tool. He's like The Yankee Driver. Nostalgic appeal but shit for functionality. Wait... wait... Magnetic Stud Finder, virtually goddamn useless. Nah, not good enough. Foam Paint Edgers? A good idea that just doesn't work. Yeah, that one is fucking perfect. This mother fucker had to relearn the fucking alphabet after I cracked him in the skull, Now, he thinks he's an O and a G.

He's something funny. Main thinks he's the attraction!

TK can't even take that comment seriously and smiles.

Sorry, Believe My Own Hype Train, all eyes are on me as I put you through a scrap metal shredder. Turns out the only thing coming out the other end is piss. Speaking of that piss is that what you were doing on Warfare? You know, when your music had to be hit twice, a GM between us, and your music to be hit a third time? That's what I'd call taking a piss, for sure.

TK's cocky smile is meant only for Robert, no one else matters.

You're just another "I'm a Legend" wannabe. Talking about how accomplished you are. Talking about money like you actually have some. Todd, show Robert some magic.

Todd gently fades in the graphic of Robert Main with an arrow pointing to the amount of xbux he currently has, 52,378. With a quote from Robert Main, "I treasure getting paid more in one single match than you get paid in an entire year you broke down bitch." The quote is colored yellow like his belly. Follow by a picture of Thunder Knuckles with an arrow pointing to the amount of xbux he currently has, 879,787. With a giant red "LOL" at the bottom.


[bwo][/bwo]


The graphic fades back to TK and Jimmy sitting in the back of the limo.


I walk outside and make it rain while your shit-shoed feet, walk out, and barely make it drizzle. I wonder if Main even knows we only get paid in xbux?

TK readjusts the way he is sitting in the back of the limo.

I'm not playing with you, peanut brain. Oh, my bad, I know you're a low-hanging fruit kinda guy. So, let me get this out of the way. You're no longer a walnut brain. I've had time to think about it and walnuts have a tougher shell and yours broke quick, as fuck. I'm be headed down to that ring with a body bag because I plan on killing you inside of that Steel Cage, and delivering you to the mortician, myself.

TK cracks his knuckles by pressing his fist together.

So, which one of your dumb-ass friends, in that little circle jerk that you got. Has been making you believe that I think we're equals?

TK gives a very lazy jerking-off hand gesture accompanied by an eye roll.

Equals pull-down equal work. You, shit cracker, are the one far from equal to me. You're going to learn that in Columbus because you're too fucking stupid to learn any other way. I'll get a stats guy on that shit soon, don't worry. Let's see who the workhorse is compared to the stagnant part-timer, yeah? This brings me to the next order of fucking incompetence. This guy brings up the fact that Apex has the tag titles, in a singles match, like it actually fucking means something. Plus, his whole can't come close to his championship runs is bullshit too. Us Bastards came close to his “record-setting run” as Crapaclysm with far more goddamn defenses. There's a stat you can write down, Rob. Do you think before you speak? Know what? Do you, Boo-boo.

How about this one, TK. You're an apathetic jackass that wants to be a household name but does nothing to get there.

TK blankly looks into the camera.

Might wanna check the footage in XWFs Video Library for the last year, shit stain. The only person not pulling their weight around this place is you.

He also said you hijacking The Exiles work to make yourself look mediocre.

Do other people see that Robert Main isn’t a good guy? Must be some kinda strange happenstance, or more likely, other people don't fall for the way you get sold. Todd, play the clip.

Busting Knuckles Said:you find out what’s fire ass hot and insert yourself in the middle trying to catch that limelight one more time.

Does this sound familiar, Main? Todd, roll that shit that hit the airwaves days earlier.

Where are we going? Said:Post milk carton, he always comes back looking to get in on shit when it's hot. God knows he wouldn't know how to turn on a heater to save his fucking life.

Hmm. Two things are wrong here. One, I made you look like a bitch because that's what you’ve been for OVER A YEAR. That's a fact. Two, according to you I’ve never been in the limelight. Then you double the fuck down with “You’d be nothing without me.” What a fucking headcase, bro. Now, Do you understand how foolish you’ve made yourself look? Sit down before you pull a muscle making another excuse.

He said he was going to be showing you who your daddy is.

TK smiles and has been waiting for this. He reaches for his wallet and produces a picture of his parents and shows it to the camera.


[bwo][/bwo]


The camera pulls back to show TK and Jimmy.

There’s my dad. Alive and well. Wait, a minute. Are you projecting your dead daddy issues on me now, Main? Tisk-tisk. I figured you'd be smart enough not to say ignorant shit like that to a guy like me. Well, I guess, even I gave you too much credit. What’s next you going to call me the dumb dumb?

TK says mockingly.

He actually did call you a dumb dumb.

TK doesn’t look surprised at all.

I know you like to pride yourself on how much of an accomplished athlete you are. Oh, and I want you to keep that for now. Maybe, just maybe, I teach you how to sell a fight soon. God fucking knows I've done all the heavy lifting here.

TK says with a devious smile.

I know there isn’t any top tire talent, I mean, tier talent, beating down your door in XWF. Maybe that's on you? That thought probably never crossed your damaged little mind, huh? Think about it. You’ve run from a talent that you deem a joke.

TK places his hand on his chest, signifying himself.

For so long that your name means absolute dog shit now. Why would Corey or Alias want to fight you? Not that either one of them would tell you no or duck you for a year. Hell, have you even tried? Probably not because you know that you'd fucking lose. Fuck, honestly, you know what? You’re welcome.

TK pauses for a moment to let that really sink into Robert Main's brain.

If it wasn’t for that crack of the bat your name would mean even less than what it does right now. Sure, you’re ONE-HALF of the tag champions and the OTHER HALF is the only one anyone gives a fuck about. You can say Bourbon carried me but all of that means right now is dick-all. What does matter, is the 29th. A win over me does nothing for Robert BUT a win for 'Ol Thunder Knuckles... Well, that changes the landscape again, doesn't it?

You know he said I hope Page-

Yeah, that shit was good when Drew said it on Twitter. I thought you said Twitter means nothing, Robert. If it doesn't why are you getting you're material from there? Just more contradictions we have to wade through. It makes all that billy badass shit he keeps pumping out look great, doesn't it?

TK waves off Robert Main using the back of his hand with two flicks of his wrist.

That was a nice little threat saying If I come after anyone in Apex after "you whip my ass", or whatever false bravado, bullshit you thought was clever at the time. I can promise that when I’m finished with you, you're not going to be around anymore. You know it, I know it-

POOF!!

Out of thin air, it's Cadryn Tiberius in Them No Good Bastards' red Hummer limo! Cadryn is dressed like a cowboy, it's unmistakably him.

Sorry, partner, everyone knows it.

TK looks over at Cadryn confused as to what the Hell is going on.

Seriously, why do you keep showing up every once in a while? It's fucking annoying.

Cadryn places his hand on TK's shoulder with a wide cereal killer smile plastered on his face.

POOF!!

What was that?

TK shrugs not knowing at all what to say. Jimmy and TK sit in silence for a few minutes before Jimmy gets them back on track.

He also said something I didn't really understand.

What's that?

He said he's been hated in this game by a ton of people. Then something about trolls that have poisoned this game dating back to the dark days of the federation.

Oh, shit! Really? I completely fucking understand though. Robert Main has always had a hard time separating reality from fiction. He must be playing a shit ton of video games these days because this is no goddamn game. That's why you'll be getting my all at the Nationwide Center. That might make me toxic or a troll to some, but it sure as shit gets the job done. Let's just say it is a game, for Robert's sake, of course. So, why did he refuse to play "the game" for so long? I know it wouldn't because he wanted to wait a year to exact revenge in a game. That would be INSANE.

I bet he's choking on those words right now.

I hope he's streaming my promo from his computer so he breaks his keyboard in anger.

What if he's streaming it from his phone.

TK smirks knowing just what kind of piece of shit he is being now.

Well, then that fucker is launched. Anyway, this sis-bitch makes zero sense and lives off pointless roofemism after roofemisms-

Jimmy corrects TK.

Euphemism.

TK open palm smacks Jimmy. Jimmy now knows it's time to shut the Hell up.

Doesn't matter they hold less weight the more and more he tries to hype himself up with them. I'm tired of talking about what Robert Main said in his promo. We can literally go over every dumbass thing he said and take hours. I want to leave without a shadow of the doubt he’s about as in control of this situation as he is behind the wheel of a car. His whole beginning to 2019 where half the matches he had were against the likes of Jab Ber Wan and people of that caliber. I come back to singles competition and who's it with? There's a stark fucking contrast there isn't there, bro?

TK's smile has gone from cocky to straight-up diabolical.

Hope I'm not beating a dead horse here and you can call me unoriginal, for exploiting your dead daddy for a match. Since you kind of already did it. Is it in poor taste? Who cares? I'm a No Good Bastard, after all.

TK is no longer smiling.

Don't worry he’s in a better place now. Far from you. Now he doesn't have to be sitting around all disappointed in most everything you ever did, like the fact you were an underwhelming football player, and you weren't very smart even before the baseball bat. To be fair, I'd rather go get into a motorcycle accident to avoid having to deal with you on a day-to-day basis.

After finishing his sentence a devilish grins forms.

Look, what I'm trying to fucking say here is... When the news reached you that dear dad checked out of this "game" we call life. The first thought that entered your mind was probably how you could use this to increase your goddamn odds of salvaging the weak-ass legacy you seem to be losing. That's exploitation and far worse than selling out anyone. Meanwhile, you're over there condemning me for going too hard on fucking Twitter.

TK, looking into the camera, cocks his head to the side confused.

Really? I don't know about you, but I'd rather take advantage of some fucking strangers on a social media platform rather than abuse the death of my dear dad. I mean, shit, that's just me. That being said, it really doesn't matter what the fuck you say, now does it? I'll still go play catch with my dad tomorrow. You won't. On Warfare I take away from you the only thing you have left. Your name. Your aspirations of victory in that Steel Cage shows your Aspergers. The date is set on December 29th, I was invited to a party on your face, and I'm about to dance all the fuck over it. While you're misfiring, son. Watch and learn because this is how to shoot!

Jimmy's cellphone rings right as TK said his final words. Jimmy answers it while rubbing the side of his now red cheek.

Hello?

Jimmy pauses for a reply.

Perfect! I'll let him know.

Jimmy presses the screen to end the call.

TK, the production team is done.

TK seems pleased with this information.

Well, Robert, you made it all the way to the end and 'Ol Thunder Knuckles is a man of his word. Here's your present. From me to you.





























































TK reaches forward again grabbing Robert Main's Christmas present. He opens the gift to show Robert what he's getting for Christmas this year. It's a big chocolate edible dildo, with veins, and all. The inside of the box's lid reads: "Eat a dick". The writing on the inside lid is very classy and festive. The "E" has a Santa hat on it and the exclamation point is made of mistletoe.





I figured you liked talking about putting stuff up asses and penises. It's everything you ever wanted! Now go ahead and say "I'm going to shove that dildo up your ass". I know you want to, ya fucking freak. Oh, don't feel left out, XWF fans around the world! Unlike, Robert Main, who doesn't value you and doesn't believe his Twitter presence for you is worth anything. Don't forget he said it himself he'd rather rassle elsewhere. You know, like any self-respecting good guy would. Anyway, I got you something too! It's just a card but I hope you enjoy it, as much as I did, having it commissioned. It's a limited edition.


TK's Christmas card for the XWF fans is shown on your TV, computer, or phone. Depending on which device you use to receive XWF high-quality entertainment.





Merry Christmas, mother fuckers.

The shot slowly fades to black, ending this recorded promo.