Thunder crackles, and the lights at a small church flicker. In the lobby stands a large group of people, all of them dressed up in tuxedos and gowns. Suddenly, Dark Cloud appears wearing a priest’s robes. Behind him are a goofy, cartoon zombie and a man wearing a white sport coat with assless chaps and carrying a bag of steroids.

“Let’s get this started," he says, as a young, mentally challenged woman begins playing the organ. Dark Cloud walks to the front of the crowd as they filter in, saying hello and offering words of encouragement to the people in attendance. The zombie and the schmuck in the chaps are still waiting in the lobby, chatting nervously. Dark Cloud picks up the microphone.

“It’s great to have everyone here today. It’s a great day – as I’m sure our very courageous friend, Alexandra Callaway, will attest!”

The mentally challenged woman stands, shouting “GO GO, POWER RANGERS!” and sits back down at the organ. An attendant walks over, setting the organ to auto-play as Alexandra seems to be having the time of her life pressing the keys, thinking she is making the beautiful music.

The music begins to fill the church. As the processional begins, Alexandra gets up from the organ and picks up a basket of flowers, tossing them up into the air as she yelps with joy. She's such a little trooper!

“Isn’t she just the bravest young lady?” asks one woman seated in the second pew. “It’s so beautiful to see her so excited!”

The first song ends, and the processional begins. Alexandra sits in the corner, trying to drink from a juice box without using the straw. As the Ecto Cooler drips down her chin, close friends of the two men in the lobby begin coming out two at a time until the best man and the maid of honor make their way down the aisle together. Finally, the two men – the poor excuse for a zombie and the juicehead in the white sport coat and assless chaps – walk down the aisle, one by one, and stand in front of the altar where Dark Cloud begins the ceremony.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here after a landmark decision in our nation. The Defense of Marriage Act has been toppled, as has Proposition 8 here in California, which has made today possible. We are here today to see these two, Reaper and Andy, joined together in holy matrimony. This beautiful union, taking place before God, has been a long time in the making and I’m quite sure that the two here are both very excited and ready to get on with this. I understand the two of you have written your own vows. Please share them with us. Reaper?”

Reaper pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins reading. “Andy, you have lit up my undead life and given me a reason to pretend to be a zombie. I treasure our time together even more than the time I beat Resident Evil in under seven hours on my mom’s television. As a pseudo-zombie-vampire-thing, I vow to consume ALL of your fluids!” Reaper winks at Andy, who is blushing, and begins to read from his napkin.

“Reaper, I love you. When I’m not with you, ummm, I’m all sad and stuff. It’s good to be a guy who has a thing. Do you even lift, bro?”

Dark Cloud looks over to Alexandra. “Bring forth the rings,” he says. She comes forward with two rings of platinum, mumbling gibberish about a kingdom and there only being one ring.

“By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you bitch and butch. You may now kiss whichever one of you is the bride.”

A sensual homosexual kiss lasts for what seems like hours as the family and friends in attendance clap and cheer. Andy picks up Reaper and carries him out to the PT Cruiser as they go their separate ways to life-long bliss.