“DOCK-Punched”

When the story left off, DOCK was heading for BoBFlags, the BoB-themed amusement park, in search of Unknown Soldier’s pirate ship. The ship would take DOCK to Banishment Island where Peter Gilmour could dick-punch DOCK to the moon like he did several years back at War Games: circa 2017. Most of the competitors have already found their way to the moon, but DOCK’s original plans fell through due to Mastermind NOT having a space program. Which was completely lame. DOCK then caught up with Them No Good Bastards, knowing already that Bobby Bourbon was a mad scientist that could SURELY build DOCK a rocket to space. Unfortunately, being broken down along-side a highway left Bobby without the necessary tools and resources, which still left DOCK without an option. Which led the Bastards to giving DOCK information about the ship.

TK claimed that the ship had been converted into a ride for the park and using it for its true purpose could be tricky. First of all, the ship only sails FOR Unknown Soldier (in some capacity) and DOCK has not had contact with the freak in years, but priority numero uno was finding the ship. It wasn’t as simple as going to the park and buying a ticket, either. The ride was taken out of service quite some time ago for unknown reasons and was closed off from the rest of the park.

The park is huge! In the first fairway out of the entrance you would be surrounded by all the games set up for all the BoB-o-Holics to win prizes and even cash! There’s Wacka-Bob, Ski-Bob, the little game where you throw the rings over the knives, but instead of knives there are spatulas. Oswald’s Arcade. Then, of course, down a different fairway are all the different rides. There are “Diesel” powered bumper cars and an Andre Dixon ride that looks like the Hulk ride from Universal Studios. There’s the Fury’s Road roller coaster which is missing part of its track. On every corner there’s a Jenny Myst Cell Phone charging station and adjacent to each of those a Chronic Joint Dispenser! When we finally catch up, we find DOCK standing in front of a ticket booth talking to Them No Good Bastards’ mascots. TK is a person in a large suit with a big TK head and Bobby Bourbon is a large man in the usual Bobby Bourbon get-up including mask and cape.


Do you honestly think I would go through all of this trouble for nothing? My chance at winning the Leap of Faith match is better than great. It’s not even all about that though. I can finally get my hands on not only Corey Smith, but Jimmy Caedus AND Chris Chaos after they’ve been out for what seems like years. Definitely years for Caedus, Chaos is so forgettable I have no idea when the last time he was here. Oh, when he lost to Duke, that’s right. And everyone was complaining that I sat out for a week and a half after May Day before announcing my entry into this match… Chris Chaos took off several MONTHS before the fire was reignited under his ass. Let’s not forget the other couple of competitors, too! While I have my eye on a special few someone's in the match, I’m sure that Demos would love to knock the old DOCK’s head around a bit. Unless he’s finally convinced that no matter what the circumstance, whether it’s Charlie, Demos, Dimes, or all of them at once, the results will always be the same. Regardless, I AM actually glad to see Demos in such a high caliber match such as this one. Matches like this need fuckers like Demos, Oswald, Sil Frigida, and Rel Dixon as a good filler so that all the real big guys aren’t killing each other the entire time. That’s an old Theo trick, don’t tell anyone. So, Demos has played that role time and time again in some high marquee match-ups. Main Events, even. Oswald, too. There isn’t a War Games where I didn’t see him throw someone through something and make an insane impact. And I’m sure that Sil and Rel are going to be great fallguys when it comes down to it, too. It’s all about entertaining the people folks! Hey, maybe one of you will get sucked out into space!! See?! These kinds of events don’t happen everyday, ya know. 24/7 contract or not, this is the shit that I live and die for right here.

Now, on to the sauce and gravy, did you guys see how Jimmy destroyed Corey and Chaos? Not. Laughing out loud. Pretty amazing stuff, though, you can’t slip anything by good ol’ Jimmy. Literally. The guy hangs onto every single word you have ever said, every single thing that you have ever done, and every damn step you have ever taken…. I thought he was full of crap when he talked about XWF airing 24/7 on the TV’s while he was locked up in the nuthouse there for a couple of years. I mean, why would a place of healing show the same thing that triggers you and brought you there in the first place? What do I know, though? What I do know is Jim knows the last shit you took, where you took it, and how much tissue you used in the end because he knew how much was there when you started. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but ya know, heh, not everyone needs to be reminded of every little thing over and over again. But hey! Without a doubt, here we are! Jim Caedus, my foes, has returned! Full in the flesh. Not dead. Not dead at all! He just took a couple of semesters in the laughing academy. Which would have been great if he got the help he needed, but judging by his current rants and state of mind I don’t believe he did. Let’s head back to square.

Before I get onto the real juicy part; Jimmy and Chaos sitting in a tree, right? That was a little disturbing. It had to be pretty bad to gross me out, huh? I’m sure the guy was limited to just sock puppets and a couple strangers while staying on the funny farm, but holy shit Jimmy… Keep it in your pants! Then again, I suppose it doesn’t matter how he completes his mission, huh? Whether it’s beating Chris Chaos into oblivion or fucking him into moondust or taking a Chaos Theory in the rear… Go right ahead and get on with those kinks you two have together as long as we keep Chaos from that case, hm? Gross Jimmy. But, hey, to each their own. I think he’s so focused on reminiscing with Chaos’s booty that he lost track of me for a little bit after May Day.

I guess I should break down a little more about what exactly happened to me a couple of weeks ago. The King was slain. He burnt up in a flame. Then I, DOCK, ascended from that flame. Is that easy to understand or not? Chris and Corey seem to get it! They know better. Corey even supplied flash cards for Jimmy (You know they were for Jimmy) to help him get it. Very clever and very helpful! And accurate! Anywho. It doesn’t matter if I spell my name with a “K” or wear a monocle or change my music and dance to the ring… I’m DOCK! And DOCK IS DOCK!!!

I don’t know why Jimmy thinks it’s such a big deal that I spent a week or so in the void. Everyone thought whatever they thought, INCLUDING him, but either they were wrong or they were right. I never withdrew from anything. I sat back and watched the wanna-be predators swarm at some easy prey and then I emerged. Corey was the first to announce his entry into the match. So why would I be in such a hurry to announce my own? Trust me, after not walking away with a title at May Day, I had plans to partake in this match. Don’t mistake my leave as a grumpy session where I considered sucking the old pipe and ending it all. It may look as if I limp away from battle at times, my foes, but I take my punches in stride. I don’t back down and I never stay down.

The King was simply misunderstood. The revolution began the very night he was crowned and for what? What everyone seems to have gotten wrong about the King during his reign was all of the bowing and ass kissing he demanded. The King merely asked for his Royal subjects to pledge their loyalty. Those who didn’t, didn’t. And boy did they stand their ground. Was the King angry that his pals from Conundruum didn’t follow suit like, say, you boys? Not at all! Fuck, I was surprised when HALF the people bent the knee! Ha! What I’m saying is, the King knew his reputation already. He never hunted down anyone who didn’t want to join his court, but they didn’t get any favors from him, either! It’s funny because Corey and all of his ancestors alike, as different as some of them may be, always had the same feelings for the DOCK. In one strong, simple word, “hate”. Honorable mentions for “distrust”, “disgust”, “loathe”. Which was always fine and dandy with me… I’ve had the reputation of the big scary man for a while now and I can understand why someone who only watched the tapes would have that impression. Or was it one of those left over feelings left deep inside that just didn’t settle right when I was around? Because, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to the fella. I don’t ever remember being in the same room as the Engineer, Lux beat me on regular XWF programming, and Corey was part of a title run with me. WHERE’S the hate? I wonder if he tries to pull this shit with Duke, too? You know he had the nerve to call me out for bellyaching over mistreatment? He cost me the Xtreme Championship! Straight up! His fault! Bellyaching… Ya know what? Fuck the Pokemon cards, he IS a child. “Hey, let’s talk about how I said I wasn’t going to get involved but how I got involved and my involvement actually led to the result of the match which I the referee ended up calling.” Then play it off like, “Oh well. It’s just DOCK. Fuck him.” “Ooopsie poopsie! Did I do that?” The fucking jerk. Of course I’m going to be Mr. Grouchy, right? Before all that, I helped Duke win the Uni. I defended the Tag Team Titles at Snow Job, without incident, with Corey and we won. So was the hate based on what Corey thought MIGHT happen? “Just in case DOCK takes a turn against us I better screw him over every chance I get.” Then Dukes like, “Yeah, whatever”, because he wasn’t really watching or listening. For a while, he was too busy shining up that Uni Title that Corey and I won for him. Other times, he was too caught up with who he was holding hands with. What a fun, frustrating trip it was, my foes.

Now, what’s nice to see is that the fear still exists. You all call it “respect”. Like Chaos “Respects the hell out of me”. What he is really saying is that “he’s still scared to death of me”. Corey said he knows better. He respects the fact that I could maul anyone including him and knows that I respect the same back. I don’t sleep on anyone. I’ve made mistakes just like everyone else around here and I’ve learned from them. Corey knows what I’m capable of. He fears the possibilities. Now, watch Corey jump out of his high chair over that controversial little word… But let’s be real. Corey was scared to death that I would win at High Stakes. “Determined” to keep me from the title at all costs. I even made number one on his douchebag thingy there. He was scared to death that I was up to no good with Duke. Maybe I was? But regardless, he and Duke did well enough to spoil and foil anything malicious I MIGHT have wanted to do. Now? He’s “determined” to make sure that the beast he took part in waking up doesn’t walk away with the prize and a potential run at the Universe.

Corey, I believe, is the one I’m going to have to kill to get what I want. It’s going to come down to me and him, you know. Jimmy thinks he’s coming out like a ball of fire, but he’s just wasting his breath, like always. And don’t listen to him, either, he IS inside and out, upside and down, foreground and background scared to fucking death of me. Jimmy likes to play the big boy card all the time. I think he suffers a little bit of a complex when he’s facing that pointy side of that “greater sign” >. He watched Alias do some impossible shit at May Day and thinks that exposed weaknesses of mine. My fall shined light on certain vulnerabilities that Jimmy and everyone on the roster can now take advantage of. Some exploits. Some, as I live and breathe, flaws. Do you guys have any idea what he’s talking about?

Them No Good Mascots look at one another and shake their heads. TK’s mascot’s hold body twists back and forth as he is incapable of shaking just his head.

I’d like to know what weaknesses Jimmy is talking about. What are these flaws? What’s this edge that he somehow has over me now? Would it be outside interference? Maybe a crooked referee? Laughing out loud. Do tell, I mean, it’s probably the first and only time he’s ever seen that happen. A loss for the DOCK is like a spectacle that everyone gathers around to see. I guess whatever makes him feel better coming into this thing, right? Why is he already making excuses though?

Not sure what I mean?

He has this sack full of DOCK kryptonite now and his lack of it before is, of course, the reason he never beat me those two other times. You know, bless his heart again for doing his homework or just remembering these matches because I sure as fuck don’t remember them. I remember kicking the shit out of Apex and AX3 back in the before time, but whether Jim was involved or not, I dunno. So, score two for the good guys then, right?

DOCK waits a moment for a response for a second then continues.

Jimmy thinks that for some reason, somehow, in some way that NOW he has a chance against me. Before he didn’t, now he does. Why is that? Because he’s watched me float along the last couple of years like a fairy or something and thinks spending time in the rubber room is better than that? At least I was here and not wishing I was. I was never hiding and denying my mistakes and beating myself up in some sympathy blanket where thank-goodness Robert Main forgave me for losing my shit and just needed a psycho and SHPLAAZAAM! There he was. Not graceful like an eagle or elegant like a swan. Not epic like a hero. Not treacherous like a villain. Robert Main literally dug Jim Caedus out of the garbage, shined him up, gave him a bath, and made a predictable, hilarious, pointless (one he’ll regret) mistake move. I guess Lane isn’t the only one looking to use Jimmy for his magical powers!

DOCK pauses and waits for a response from the two mascots standing in front of him. He looks back and forth to them both before the Bobby Bourbon mascot finally speaks up after a long uncomfortable silence.

Murhhurhmurhrmumoons?

What did he say?

He asked if you would like to buy any tickets or balloons. Look buddy, we just work here!

Exactly! So you would know where I can find THIS!

DOCK pulls out the postcard that TK gave him before that shows the now abandoned Unknown Soldier’s pirate ship!

I was told by a very reliable source that the ship was here, gentlemen!

Mrhm-muhr-herr-muh-merherer.

I don’t want ANYTHING to do with that!

The TK mascot’s speech is muffled through the costume and is impossible for DOCK to make out.

What did he say?

He said, “There is a Goddamn rumor about a ship on the other side of the park. No one working here truly knows where it came from, but it used to be one of the craziest rides known to man. Crazier than the Bobby Bomb, the ride that is infamous for killing nine elderly folks and continues to operate.”

The Bobby Bourbon mascot folds his arms and looks at the TK mascot.

There’s a reason it's closed off!

Yes, do tell! Why has the ship been placed out of order? Is it broken down?

The TK and Bobby Bourbon mascot look at each other and back to DOCK.

Murmur-murh-murm-murmur-murh--murm-mum-murher.

DOCK nudges Bobby Bourbon on the shoulder and cocks an eyebrow.

He said, “It started people.”

Pfft! It people?

muhr-mer.

How does a ride--- Ya know what? Nevermind, I get it.

It didn’t take DOCK long to realize that nothing, including a ride people, was out of the question when it comes to Unknown Soldier. This, of course, didn’t deter him from his plan. He demanded that his comrades accompany him to the deserted part of the park and help him on this final part of his journey.

Where is this place then?

Murh-her.

“Through Atara’s Tunnel of Sexuality, past Jenny House of Mirrors, and beyond the Gender Bender. The place is gated off and no one has been allowed in there in a long Goddamn time.”

The Gender Bender?

Muhr-muhr-mum-mehr-meh-mehe-roho-ruh-mehr-murhehra.

What did he say?

He said, “It’s a ride so Goddamn xtreme it turns your shit inside-out.”

Sounds amazing!

Murh-mm-murhur!

What did he say?

He said, “There’s no Goddamn way that he’s going to that part of the park. BoBployees have gone there before and never returned!”

You’re being ridiculous. If there IS any trace of Unknown Soldier in that ship or whatever is going on with it, I will face it. You two are my guides, nothing more!

Murhmermurumur-mhurhr.

What did he say?

What’s in it for us?

DOCK laughs out loud and places a hand on each of their shoulders.

You two truly are a couple of no good bastards!

DOCK continues to laugh as he walks off past the two of them. The TK mascot lifts the head off a tiny bit revealing a much smaller, sweaty head inside. He looks at the Bobby Bourbon mascot.

I was serious. What the fuck should we do?

I dunno. Follow him, I guess? It probably beats handing out balloons all day.

I was fine handing out Goddamn balloons!

You don’t have to stay in character all the time. I’ve never seen this part of the park, have you?

No and I’m fine with that. Goddamnit!

DOCK blows back like a waft of cigar smoke and creeps behind Them No Good Mascots.

You boys coming or what? I’ve got a schedule here, ya know!

DOCK snaps TK a funny look.

What’s up with your face?

TK mascot drops the head back down quickly to avoid any weird conflict. This DOCK guy already gave him strange, uncomfortable vibes…. So, he thought it was in his best interest to continue playing along with whatever he wanted.

Murh-mur.

---

---

---

The park was a hopping place when DOCK first arrived. It was a little over half-capacity and you could see anything from a senior citizen to a child roaming about having the time of their lives. The rides were bumping and the games were pumping! The arcade even pays out in Money Oswald’s personal cash! DOCK wasn’t here for the thrills though, at least that’s what he thought. A storm cloud began to loom overhead and that caused the crowd to head for the exit and make their way home for the day rather than get caught in a shit storm. If there was a chance of lightning, of course, the place would close down anyway. No refunds at BoBFlags so, as they say, you might as well fuck off. Them No Good Mascots finally submitted to DOCK’s demands request and led him through the park to the gate leading to the abandoned ship. They pass the Tunnel of Sexuality. They see Jenny’s House of Mirrors. And, as bad as DOCK wanted to take a ride on the Gender Bender, they passed it up. Just beyond was a wayward path that veered off from the fairway. It was grown in with weeds and hasn’t been kept up in a long time. A couple of steel rails block the path, but not making it impossible to pass through.

Murhur-muh-muhr-her.

Yep, here we are.

DOCK easily squeezes by the barricade and marches up the path to the gate which is locked tight with several chains and padlocks. DOCK looks over them for a moment then grabs the chains and squeezes them tightly. They turn cherry red and shatter to pieces on the ground.

Gah-hurm!

Goddamn is right!

DOCK looks back to Them No Good Mascots and smiles as he pushes open the gate. He has to fight through the grass, trees, and weeds that have grown in around it, but manages to squeeze through. On the other side is a long path that leads down to the old ship that sits by itself covered in dust and cobwebs.

Ha ha! There it is, my foes!

DOCK hustles down the path while the two No Good Mascots squeeze themselves through the gate. Like a little kid excited for the ride, DOCK rushes through the zig-zaggy barriers used as the line and jumps straight up onto the ship. He walks over to the starwheel and looks happy as could be as the two No Good Mascots finally make their way down the hill to the ship.

So, how is this thing supposed to work?

Murhurmurher!

What did he say?

He said, “How the fuck should we know?”

DOCK sighs and slams a fisted broken, busted gauntlet down . A small compartment opens up by the ship’s steering wheel and a small scroll rolls out. DOCK picks it up and unravels it.

What’d you find??

A parchment with some weird ass scribbles all over it!

DOCK shouts down to his companions who refuse to come within twenty feet of the ship.

Muhrhuhum!

What did he say?!

What’s it say?

What?!

Muhruhmuhm!

What’s it say?

I don’t know!

DOCK poofs down beside the two mascots and scares the hell out of them in the process. Bobby Bourbon’s mascot falls to his ass while TK’s mascot nearly jumps out of his suit. DOCK holds out the parchment, turns it upside down, sideways, then right side up again.

What do you boys make of this?

The TK and Bobby mascots look over DOCK’s shoulder and see the scribbly nonsense before him.

Is that Spanish?

Muhmhurmhum.

What did he say?

He said he thinks he might know who can help.

For fuck’s sake, who?!

Murhurmurhuhrur.

The lady that’s been here since the place opened. She runs CCP’s Haunted House and was here when the ship started… Malfunctioning, I guess.

What is the hold up then?! Take me to her!

DOCK hoists his fist into the air and marches forward and back towards the gate. When they arrived at the Haunted House on the other side of the park, it wasn’t exactly the experience that DOCK expected. The Haunted “House” was basically a bunch of tents and tarps set up in a maze that eventually brought you back to the entrance. And a lot of the space was used to grow weed from what it looked like.

The stand was left unattended so the crew decided to make their way in anyway. They hear music playing, coming from what would be assumed further in the maze. The purpose of the whole thing was to solve it in the dead of night with no lights, but conditions are a bit different at this point. DOCK and Them Two No Good Mascots find their way to the center where they find the CCP mascot.

Murhu!

Gretta! We need your help!

The woman stands up and makes her way over to the two other mascots.


CCP’s mascot looks DOCK up and down.

What’s up with the walkin’ ashtray?

Murhuhruhmurm.

"THE" DOCK? Hmmm... And what business does “DOCK” have here?

Herhmurherhhumurhr.

Leap of Faith, you say?!

Rah.

So…. DOCK…..

DOCK’s eyes perk up and he smiles at the creepy lady walking towards him.

What is it that I can do for you?

DOCK pulls the parchment with the scribble marks on it from before and hands it over to the CCP mascot, Gretta. She pulls out some cheaters and examines the document closely.

Hmmmm. Child's play.... I assume you have a vessel already?

Muhrhuh?

These aren’t instructions on how to run the ship… These are instructions on how to summon Unknown Soldier.

So, what now?

So, you'll need a vessel! A drop of it's blood! Aaaand... Ya know what? I'll make you a list.

Why? Why is Solider so important?

CCP’s mascot sighs and walks away from DOCK and lowers their head.

I’ve been by that ship three times… I would imagine that that bastard is somehow trapped within the ship. Which would explain all the , right?

I suppose it would.

It would!

Murhuhruhurh.

Yeah, Gretta… You never told us that.

Fuck you, you fucking panzies.

So…. What the hell do I have to do?!

I don’t have a clue. Take this.

Gretta gives DOCK a large book labeled, “Voodoo for Dummies” with a page bookmarked in red with a list of all the stuff DOCK is going to need to summon Unknown Soldier.

Maybe that’ll help. One thing I can say is you're not going anywhere with that boat the way it is. That list is all the things you’ll need for the summoning, but the rest is up to you.

---

---

---

DOCK and Them No Good Mascots stand along the path leading up to Unknown Soldier’s abandoned pirate ship. DOCK is holding a filled up Walmart bag and the other to stand on guard anticipating an attack.

The first thing DOCK pulls out is the Voodoo for Dummies book that Gretta the CCP mascot gave him earlier. It has a big red bookmark sticking out of it now which was noticeable as DOCK threw it down to the ground. The next thing was a Jenny Myst doll which DOCK had actually bought from one of the vendors in the park.




DOCK throws it on the ground, too, before he falls to his knees.

B- What should we do?

Stay the fuck back.

DOCK flips to a page in the book and looks over it for a moment. He bows down to the Jenny Myst doll and rises quickly up looking to the sky.

Ade adieu Damballa! Give me the power I beg of you!

Dark clouds roll in overhead and lightning strikes right beside Bobby Bourbon’s mascot!

FUCK! WATCH IT!

Oh shit! Lauging out loud! I was just kidding.

What do you mean?

That wasn’t the real spell. I was just fucking around.

Well, knock it off and get on with it! Don’t you have somewhere to be!

True that!

DOCK flips a couple of more pages the pulls out the list that Gretta the CCP mascot gypsie lady made up for him.

Okay… Vessel. Check! Drop of Soldier’s blood….

DOCK reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small vial filled with a red liquid.

Whahumuh?

You carry around a vial of that guy’s blood?

Yeah? I have everyone’s blood. What’s that matter? The hardest part was acquiring this!

DOCK pulls out a large sack of crystal meth which he shakes out of the bag onto the ground into the shape of a pentagram.

When the hell did you get that?

Muhuhmhm.

I think I’m going to see if Disney is hiring again. At least they lay you off during a pandemic.

DOCK places a pig with a bundle of asparagus stuffed up its ass, three Granny Smith apples, and a picture of Peter Gilmour (actually Graves-Gilly), and the Jenny doll in the middle of the pentagram and lights a match. He tosses it down and the meth, which must’ve been made from pure gasoline, lights right up and begins burning the doll. DOCK takes the vial of Soldier’s blood and adds a drop to the flame which makes it immediately explode! DOCK, TK’s mascot, and Bobby Bourbon’s mascot all fly off in separate directions from the blast. Before the smoke clears, the Bobby Bourbon mascot is the first to his feet. He stumbles along, looking for his other two comrades through the remaining dust.

Hello?! *Cough* *Cough* HELLO?! Is everyone alright?!

Tiny footsteps can be heard around him. He turns about face. Then back face again the little footsteps happen behind him.

Hello?!

Several feet away, amidst the dust, DOCK and the TK mascot reach their feet and make contact with each other.

Still in one piece?

Murhurhm.

Get away from me! Ahhhhh!! YAAAAAHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Ohshahm!!!!

Let’s move!

DOCK and TK’s mascot run through the dust, but it’s too late. They find the Bobby Bourbon mascot lying face down in the dirt with his throat cut.

MUHAHUMAHAMAM!!!!

What?!

MUHAHUMA!!! MUHAMAHAMA!!

DOCK has no clue what the TK mascot is trying to tell him, but he can tell it is in much distress after seeing the sight of it’s partner lying dead, face down in the dirt. The dust from the blast earlier is really beginning to clear up now. The ship is visible and so is the exit AND the dead body of their comrade.

Look, we’ve made it this far. All we need to-- Awe Goddamnit.

As DOCK looks back to the TK mascot, the big head of it is sliding off it’s shoulders, human head included, and falling to the ground. Before the body gives out, Unknown Soldier, now possessing a Jenny Myst doll, laughs hysterically atop the shoulders of DOCK’s newest dead homie. The body gives out and slumps to the floor and the little Unknown Soldier scurries off into the weeds.



And the work is never done!

DOCK shuffles through the weeds after the little demon. He whistles and calls it like a dog as he goes about the business.

Soldier! Hey! I got a treat of ya! Here boy!

DOCK hears the pitter patter of tiny footsteps across the wood of the “dock” leading up to the boat and sees the tiny little shadow at the very last second.

I see you, little shit!

DOCK races up the path and up to the boat and leaps on deck. He peers around, looking for the tiniest of movements, but sees nothing. From out of nowhere, a high pitched scream accompanied by a sharp pain in his neck sends DOCK tumbling down! Unknown Soldier is on top of him stabbing him in the neck with a pocket knife after he jumped from the main mast down on top of him! DOCK rips Soldier from his neck and tosses him aside, but the little fucker is relentless and jumps back after DOCK going for his one good eye! DOCK blocks the attempt with another swat from his hand, but Soldier, again, is right back up and coming after him. DOCK manages to reach his feet and stomps down at the little beast, but Soldier is quick and buries the little pocket knife into the bottom of DOCK’s foot. DOCK shrieks as he hops around on one foot for a second before pulling out the knife, picking up Unknown Soldier, and mounting him into the main mast with the pocket knife straight through his chest.

FUCK!! ENOUGH!!!

Ugh… ackk… HUUUUUK… ACCCCCKKKK….

Shut the FUCK up. Little bastard. Take me to Banishment Island, now!

SUCK MY DICK!!!

The thing’s long tongue lashes out from it’s little mouth and slaps DOCK across the face and knocks him silly. DOCK comes back and punches it straight in the face four times!

Take me!!!

WHAM! WHAM! Two more times!

TAKE ME!!!

As DOCK beats the piss out of the Jenny Myst doll possessed by Unknown Soldier… The rest of the XWF Universe has long began making their way to the moon for the Leap of Faith event. As time dwindles down… Will DOCK make it to the moon in time? Was all of his efforts thus far a waste because Unknown Soldier is actually a worthless fuck? Or were all the legends and rumors true about this place and his ship. And will Gilly actually be able to dick-punch DOCK to the moon? Find out on the next episode:

“DOCKside of the Moon”