The Impossible Traveler and The XWF Present:

“Clue: XWF Edition”

Cast:

Narrator: Atara Themis
Miss Scarlet: Betsy Granger
Colonel Mustard: James Raven
Professor Plum: Shawn Warstein
Rev Green: Marf
Mrs. Peacock: Lycana
Miss White: Ash Quinn
Detective: Steve Sayors
Mr. Black: Vinnie Lane



FADE IN:


Basketcase Hall, Main Entertaining Parlor, 02/08/2021

An elaborately decorated parlor room to a large mansion. Red and gold tapestries hang lazily from large bay windows with sitting areas built-in. The walls were made of sturdy oak and decorated with blood-red wallpaper. Portraits of the mansion’s former occupants hung all over the walls, as well as famous paintings and various awards for a number of accolades. A large red and gold carpet spans in a wide circle underneath wooden furniture. A large french door that led to an elaborately set up deck boasted a breathtaking view of the river below. Several lounging chairs, loveseats, and couches, upholstered with red velvet were scattered about the room. As were several well-dressed guests.

NARRATOR:
(enters, unnoticed by characters)

Good evening viewer, and welcome to Basketcase Hall, where we lay our scene. At the invitation of the mysterious Mr. Black, six strangers find themselves sitting together with nothing much to talk about. Little do they know that their lives are about to be forever changed when they must work together to solve… MURDER!

cue dramatic music

NARRATOR:
(Stepping up to a stunning, statuesque blonde in a red evening gown and a white feather boa. Her glossy golden locks are spilled over one shoulder, held in place by a large red rose)

Allow me to introduce Miss Beatrice Scarlet. This impossible beauty has been the apple of our humble hosts' eyes since they were children. She was invited here tonight so that Mr. Black may once again declare his intentions towards her. Though she’s spurned his advances at every turn, Mr. Black remains one determined son-of-a-gun.

Enter a tall, ruggedly handsome man in military dress. He quickly engages Miss Scarlet in flirty conversation.

NARRATOR:
(Smirking slightly as she begins to speak)

Ah, yes. Enter our dashing, decorated military hero, Colonel James Mustard. His invite comes at the behest of his mother, who happens to be Mr. Black’s dear auntie. The cousins have never gotten along, Mrs. Mustard was hoping to resolve that issue this very weekend. However, old wounds may threaten to rip open…

The narrator moves to the next set of characters. The first is a stunning brunette with pale skin and probing eyes. She’s dressed in an elegant blue gown. With her is a tall, intense-looking gentleman dressed as a man of the cloth. They are huddled together in very private conversation.

NARRATOR:
(Standing in between the mysterious pair)

May I introduce you to Mrs. Lyanna Peacock and Reverend Marfin Green? The two have recently been spotted growing rather close, despite the protestations of Mrs. Peacock’s brother, Mr. Black himself. Reverend Marf has beseeched Mr. Black, assuring him of his polite intentions towards the sister of our host, but Mr. Black has little trust in the mysterious church leader. Both accepted Mr. Black’s unexpected double invitation, hoping to use this as an opportunity to clear the air… Or make it clear that they would run off together with or without Mr. Black’s consent. Unfortunately for Mrs. Peacock, her fortune is at the hands of her older brother, who chooses when her funds will be released to her. The only loophole to that would be his untimely demise.

Another male enters the room, dressed in khaki slacks, a white button-down shirt, and a brown plaid tweed jacket. Wise eyes peek out from behind black squared glasses. The Narrator purrs slightly as he enters and she slinks over to him without a second thought.

NARRATOR:
(Reaching out but never touching, looking longingly at the newcomer)

This fine piece of ass is Professor Shawn Plum. He and Mr. Black attended university together. This unlikely duo were roommates at Yale and found that not only did they share many classes, but many outlooks about the future. They vowed to work together in their respective fields to help change the world. While Mr. Black stuck to the philanthropic promises of his youth as a successful businessman, Professor Plum couldn’t resist the pull of power and the advantages his scientific findings gave him. The once timid, humble scientist fell victim to his own greed and ego. When he came to Mr. Black for the final time, his ideas were so outlandish that Mr. Black cut off the funding to all of his projects. The two hadn’t spoken in almost twenty years until the mysterious invite that found him here now.

The narrator reluctantly leaves Professor Plum to address the final player in this mystery. An attractive young woman in a French Maid’s uniform is suspiciously watching the group, her feather duster missing its mark as she watches them all intensely. The narrator joins her with an eye roll.


NARRATOR:
(Pointing nonchalantly towards the maid)

Last but not least, we have Mr. Black’s loyal maid, Miss Ash White. Despite the age difference, Miss White displays an unusual devotion that some would say borderlines obsession. Mr. Black took her on just three years ago and whatever deal he offered her at the time earned him her eternal loyalty. Naturally, she’s familiar with the rest of our mismatched company and doesn’t trust a single one of them.

Miss White continues to eye the other guests suspiciously. Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard stand scandalously close together, talking in intimate whispers. Rev. Marf and Mrs. Peacock are also whispering conspiratorial, their heads close together. Only Professor Plum watches everything going on around him. He notes the pairs before taking in all the portraits and paintings around the walls. The narrator watches him with soft eyes before someone off camera clears their throat and snaps her back to attention.

NARRATOR:
(Disappearing discreetly towards the back of the room)

When these six seemingly unconnected individuals arrived today, they had no idea the mystery they would soon find themselves embroiled in. Now that we know our chief players, allow me to weave our chilling tale of greed, lust, betrayal… and MURDER!

Dramatic music begins to play loudly. As it does, we get another view of the invited guests, who continue to mingle. Miss White slips from the room unnoticed. The narrator watches as Colonel Mustard attempts to woo Miss Scarlet. Rev. Green and Mrs. Peacock chat quietly, eyes darting around the room at everyone else. Professor Plum has finished observing the artwork and inconveniently joins Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard. Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream is heard from somewhere in the mansion. Miss White comes running back into the parlor, her face ghost white, eyes wide with terror.

MISS WHITE:
(Breathless and distressed)

Someone please, help me! It’s Mr. Black… He’s… He’s…

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(Exasperated)

He’s what, Miss White?

MISS WHITE:
(in a loud whisper, trembling)

He’s dead, Colonel. Facedown on his bedroom floor with a knife in his back.

Pandemonium ensues. Miss Scarlet lets out a wail of horror and faints dramatically into the arms of Colonel Mustard. Rev. Green and Mrs. Peacock finally look interested in what’s going on with the rest of the room. Professor Plum looks distressed while Colonel Mustard gently carries Miss Scarlet to one of the loveseats and sets her down. He turns to the room as everyone gathers instinctively around the military hero.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(taking command of the room)

Everyone sticks close together. Not one person is to leave the group from here on in under any circumstances. Is that understood?

The others nodded agreeably. Colonel Mustard straightens his shoulders, placing his hands behind his back and pacing. Everyone else sits down and waits for him to speak again.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

First things first: We need to retrieve the body. And it may take all of us to get him from his upstairs chambers down here. As long as we work together and you follow my advice, we’ll figure out whodunnit and make it out of this place alive.

MRS. PEACOCK:
(motioning towards Miss White)

I would just like to point out that SHE was left the room just before the murder took place. Isn’t it awfully convenient that she leaves and incidentally finds the body not ten minutes later?

Miss White jumps from the settee where she’d been recovering from her shock. Now full of rage, she rushes over towards Mrs. Peacock, who stands up gracefully to meet the rage of the maid. Colonel Mustard swiftly gets in between them and gently pushes Miss White back towards the settee.


MISS WHITE:

How dare you accuse me of betraying Mr. Black! I’d kill every last one of you in this room to have him back.


COLONEL MUSTARD:

That’s enough, both of you. I know this is difficult, but we’ll never figure out who our killer is if we don’t start working together. I know everyone is looking at each other suspiciously, but as far as we know, there is only one killer here and they are working alone. Now… Let’s go get that body.

CUT TO:

MASTER BEDROOM, 2ND FLOOR, EAST WING

The guests, minus the still out-cold Miss Scarlet, have traipsed slowly up the stairs, down the long hallway, and finally into the East Wing of the expansive mansion. Now they stand in the doorway, looking in horror at the scene before them. Mr. Black was indeed facedown on the floor with a knife in his back… What Miss White had neglected to add was the number of stab wounds all over his person. His blood hair is brilliant crimson and his powder blue smoking jacket was now a soaked dark purple. Professor Plum is the first to step forward and stands in front of the scene.

PROFESSOR PLUM:

If I may, dear Colonel… While I appreciate your enthusiasm in getting control of the situation, perhaps we should leave the scene as it is and call the authorities? It seems foolhardy to tamper with any evidence they may have… Unless there was a particular reason you wanted the scene compromised?

All eyes turned towards Colonel Mustard as Professor Plum’s politely made accusations echoed through the room. Colonel Mustard smirks and crosses his arms over his chest. The other three’s eyes all dart back and forth as they watch the tension build between the two men. Finally, Colonel Mustard relaxes and lets out a chuckle, holding up his hands in surrender.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(backing out of the doorway into the hall)

Forgive me, old chap. Military habits kicking in here; Of course, the logical thing to do here would be to call the cops and let them sort this shit out.

Everyone reaches for their cells, no one giving any particular care as to who calls first. However, it isn’t long before everyone is exchanging a worried glance. Not one of them has a single service bar; even the emergency service option wouldn’t allow them to dial through.

MISS WHITE:

How is it possible that we can’t get through to emergency services?! I thought the entire point of the feature was to be able to get through whether we have bars or not?

In a display of temper, Miss White chucks her phone at the wall. It shatters to pieces as it bounces off and lands in splinters on the carpet. With a smirk, Mrs. Peacock clears her throat and her dulcet tones fill the room.

MRS. PEACOCK:
(calmly)

If I do remember correctly, I believe there is an old-fashioned rotary phone on the desk in the parlor we just left? Certainly, we’d be able to get through to the police from there?

CUT TO:

MAIN PARLOR

REVEREND GREEN:
(Running in first, shocked)

She’s gone! But where could she have gone?!

Everyone enters behind Reverend Green to find the “she” he is referring to is the now absent Miss Scarlet. Colonel Mustard rushes in, looking around, his face full of distress. He runs his hands through his hair and turns back towards the group.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(Forceful and determined)

We HAVE to find her! We’ll tear this place apart if we have to, but Miss Scarlet MUST be found.

PROFESSOR PLUM:

Of course, and swiftly. If she happens to be our killer, then we made a grave mistake letting her out of our sight so easily.

MISS WHITE:

It does seem awfully sus that we leave her alone in the room and she’s gone when we come back. I don’t know about the rest of you, but that puts her at the top of my list.

REVEREND GREEN:

Says the only person who left the room right before the old man was murdered.

Before this round of bickering can last any longer, Colonel Mustard blows a loud horn from behind the desk. Everyone shrieks and covers their ears, instinctively cowering down for cover. Setting down the horn, the Colonel takes advantage of the silence and calls the authorities. After explaining in explicit detail the full situation, he hangs up and lets his eyes study every individual in the room. Finally, Mrs. Peacock steps forward and addresses the room in her calm voice.

MRS. PEACOCK:

As unappealing an option it is, we will have to split up. It’s the only chance we have of finding Miss Scarlet faster. Sitting around and fretting over what’s to come will do none of us any good.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

I don’t like it, but Mrs. Peacock is quite right. If we break off into pairs, we should be able to locate Miss Scarlet much more quickly. Mrs. Peacock, you and Reverend Green take the upper west wing. Miss White, Professor Plump, you search around down here. We’re counting on your knowledge of the mansion to speed up the search, Miss White, so make haste. I’ll circle back to the East Wing.

MISS WHITE:
(narrowing her eyes suspiciously)

No deal. I don’t like how you keep wanting to go back to Mr. Black’s body. If you want me to cooperate, I’ll take the Professor to the East Wing, and you can search down here while you wait for the inspectors.

A silent, intense stand-off ensues as Colonel Mustard and Miss White stand toe to toe, neither one blinking or backing down. After some time, Colonel Mustard smirks and nods his head, backing away from the determined young maid. The Narrator steps out from the shadows as a single spotlight hits her and the room around her goes black.

NARRATOR:

Things are getting tense for our merry band of suspects; The natives are restless and trust is but a memory. Our pairs head off to their assigned areas, none of them suspecting the dark turn their lives were about to take...

The narrator stares gravely into the camera as her words echo repeatedly.

CUT TO:

UPPER WEST WING

Mrs. Peacock and Reverend Green meander the rooms of the massive west side of the mansion where all the guests were staying. Finally having a few moments alone, they playfully shove one another as they walk through the halls, each searching rooms on the opposite side. About half-way through their search, they meet in the middle of the long hallway. Rev. Green catches Mrs. Peacock in his arms and holds her close. They share a heart-searing kiss. A spotlight hits the Narrator as she emerges from one of the previously searched rooms.

NARRATOR:

A scandalous mystery that could ruin both their lives. As careful as they’ve tried to be, the passion between Mrs. Peacock and the good Reverend was too strong for either to deny. Rumors of their affair had been flowing strong for quite some time, but the full extent of their sordid love was yet to be revealed.

The narrator fades into shadows as the lights shine back on and show the couple pulling out of the kiss.

MRS. PEACOCK:
(stepping out of Rev. Green’s arms)

Really, my love, we should be more discreet than this. So many are already talking about us… And you know that all of them probably believe we are the killers… Because of the rumors.

REVEREND GREEN:
(pulling Mrs. Peacock into his arms again)

I’m sick of the secrecy and the needless guilt because of the public’s misperception of us. We’re not cold-blooded killers, we’re two people in love that want to start fresh. Why is that so much to ask?

MRS. PEACOCK:

It’s still too soon, dearest. So many of those people still believe that I would actually murder my own husband to get his money and be with you. They’ll never believe that we were on the cusp of telling him and getting everything out in the open. They’ll never believe we didn’t have a hand in my dear Mr. Peacock’s demise.

REVEREND GREEN:

Let them believe what they want. I told you, we can run away from this place. Move somewhere far away and start fresh. New names, new life. We leave it all behind and we can be happy… We can be free.

MRS. PEACOCK:
(tearing herself away from Rev. Green)

If only it were that simple…

Unhappy silence falls between them as the Reverend gives up for the moment. They begin searching rooms again, this time with less enthusiasm. At the end of their search, they meet frame leading out to the stairs and look at one another longingly.

REVEREND GREEN:

I’d kill him a million times, over and over, to be able to be with you openly. One day, we’ll find a way to clear your name and we’ll be free of all of it. Please, trust me through this. I promise you we’ll make it out alive.

Throwing caution to the wind, the pair exchange another lingering kiss. Unbeknownst to them, someone lurking nearby has seen and heard everything…

CUT TO:

EAST WING

Professor Plum and Miss White move through the East Wing quietly. Neither one seems to have anything to say to one another as they search quickly. After a while, however, the Professor’s natural curiosity takes over.

PROFESSOR PLUM:
(joining Miss White in the hall)

How long did you work for Mr. Black before… All of this?

MISS WHITE:

Three years as of this past October.

PROFESSOR PLUM:

Indeed? How about that, your young appearances are deceiving. How is it someone as young as you found herself in this service?

MISS WHITE:

Mr. Black was a kind man who helped out a young girl in need of an opportunity. When he found me, I was on my knees with nothing. I was on the edge and willing to jump; Mr. Black pulled me back and gave me a new life. I owe him everything.

PROFESSOR PLUM:

What a wonderful little story. Almost too good to be true… In fact, I think it is.

They both stop their search as they turn to face one another. Miss White narrows her eyes angrily and crosses her arms over her chest. Professor Plum calmly looks across the room at her, waiting for her to react fully.

MISS WHITE:
(snarling and pointing at Professor Plum)

Oh, so this WAS an interrogation! Well, isn’t that just rich coming from the mad scientist who wanted to build metal men and poison bombs to get a handle on world control?

Professor Plum tenses visibly as Miss White unleashes her anger. She notices this and a malicious, toothy smile crosses her face.

MISS WHITE:

Oh yes, Professor, I know ALL about you and your madcap ideas on the world. Mr. Black told me about your crazy ideas of a perfect world and the ways you would figure out who was worthy of such eutopia and who would be tossed aside like garbage. Tell me, Professor… What motives would YOU have for wanting the professor dead, hmmm? Maybe a little birdie let you in on the fact that he wanted to make amends so that he may finally donate to your research? And I’m sure that birdie certainly told you how much that sum was going to be… PERHAPS, Professor Plum, you knew the will had already been made a done deal and you just came here to make sure he couldn’t change his mind again?

Quick as a flash, Professor Plum crosses the room. His hand reaches out and grabs at her throat. His large hand tightens around the fragile bones of her neck as he slams her into the back wall.

PROFESSOR PLUM:
(breathing heavy, livid)

I have no idea what you’re talking about or what games you’re trying to play. The next time you want to try and rile me up, you better remember the other stories your precious Mr. Black told you. If he had any plans to leave me any of his fortunes, he didn’t make that information privy to me. He invited me here and he knows why I came. Which means, I reckon, you also know why I’m here… So we can drop this charade.

MISS WHITE:

You’ll never force me to take you to it. I’ll die before I ever release it into your hands.

PROFESSOR PLUM:
(smirks, reaching into his coat and pulling out a pair of brass knucks)

Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, shall we?

CUT TO:

GROUND FLOOR

Colonel Mustard searches the large rooms one by one, starting back in the entry hall. No sign of anyone having left recently. He walks swiftly back into the main parlor, which was still empty. Turning on his heel, he begins towards the lavish dining room and kitchens when something catches his eye. Another door, almost hidden from view, gives itself away by being slightly open. It’s then that Colonel Mustard notices one of the candles is slightly out of place in it’s holder. Fixing it carefully, Colonel Mustard steps through the doorway and closes it quietly behind him. The scene before him catches him off guard.

A secret office/bedroom lies within. The desk at the center is stacked high with piles of papers. The walls all about the room are decorated like a conspiracy theorist's wet dream: Photos of each of the guests along with brief descriptions and index cards of updated details were all attached to one another by yards of red yarn held on by push-pins. The colonel's own face stares back at him from one of the larger sections. Turning, he takes in the tiny bed with only a single pillow and a thin blanket. Sitting on top of the bed, still wide-eyed in shock at his sudden arrival, was…

COLONEL MUSTARD:

Miss Scarlet!

The colonel rushes over to the distressed damsel and drops to a knee before her. Taking her hands tenderly into his own, he looks up into her wide emerald eyes.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

Are you well, beloved? I was worried, you were gone when we returned. I thought the worst…

He cuts himself off when Miss Scarlet reaches out her hand and strokes his cheek tenderly. He leans into it and gives her knuckles a feather-light kiss. She sighs and moves her hand away.

MISS SCARLET:

I’m quite fine, Colonel, just shaken is all. Everything has happened so quickly, and realizing I was unconscious for some of it scares me. I woke up and everyone was gone and I remembered that someone had been killed… Oh, James.

Her voice breaks as she slides down to the floor with him and falls into his arms. He catches her easily and holds her lean frame against him. One arm slides securely low around her waist while he tangles his fingers of his free hand into her golden mane.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

Hey, don’t you worry about a thing, pretty lady. I’d die before I let anything happen to you, got it? I’m not letting you go now for anything.

MISS SCARLET:
(looking up at the colonel, her face full of fear)

We have to run, James. Everyone is going to think it was us. How would it look if we… Well, what I mean to say is… It might look suspicious… If we…

Her voice trails off, breathless, as Colonel Mustard draws a finger along her cheek, under her chin, tilting her head up towards his more. Despite the gravity of the subject at hand, he can’t hide the desire in his eyes.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(speaking in a husky whisper)

If we what, Bebe?

Miss Scarlet’s breath comes quick and shallow, her eyes limpid pools of emerald. His hand is hot on her back and moving tantalizingly lower. Reason and fear begin to leave her as years of held-back desire begin to break free.

MISS SCARLET:

Oh Jimmy, you haven’t called me Bebe since… Oh!

Her face goes red as a grin lights up Colonel Mustard’s face, the memory returning to them at the same time. Her fingers dig into his shoulders slightly as he presses himself against her deliciously.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(kissing along her neck as he speaks in a whisper thick with longing)

I told you there would never be another. It would always be you Bebe. You gave me that one taste of what was forbidden, and oh, it was sweet. Tried though I might, I never found anything sweeter than what you gave me that night.

He tangles his fingers in her hair again and grabs at it. Her eyes close halfway as inhales sharply, tightening her grip on his broad shoulders. Every inch of her body throbs, wanting what it had been craving since they were teens.

MISS SCARLET:

Oh, Jimmy… I never stopped wanting you… Loving you. I dreamt every night of how your arms felt around me… How your lips felt against mine… Oh my love, don’t make me wait any longer…

The words barely make it out of her mouth before he crushes his lips against her. As one without breaking their passionate kisses, they climb from the floor onto the bed. Miss Scarlet’s skillful fingers work the buttons of the uniform top as he slides the straps of her red gown down past her perky breasts. Nestling himself in between her legs, he leans down for another long kiss. Things continue progressing heavily until a scream from a nearby part of the mansion startles them both out of their passion. They quickly disentangle themselves from one another and jump from the bed. Miss Scarlet pulls up the straps of her gown and slides on her boa while the colonel hastily buttons his shirt back up. The Narrator pops out from the closet, clearly pissed and throws her large bucket of popcorn against the nearby wall.

NARRATOR:

Ugh, that couldn’t wait just another half hour or so? Fine, whatever, moving right along.

CUT TO:

WEST WING CORRIDOR, FOURTH BEDROOM FROM THE STAIRS

There is a flurry of activity as the guests hurry towards the panicked screams. Miss White and Professor Plum, both looking slightly battle-worn, are first to arrive. Miss White gasps loudly and crosses herself. Professor Plum surveys the situation with cold eyes. Mrs. Peacock is on her knees sobbing over the deceased body of Reverend Green. A barbed-wire baseball bat covered in his blood lies tossed aside carelessly nearby. The Reverend himself is face-up, eyes wide open and glassy, his mouth a perfect O of terror. His clothes are torn and the wounds all over his body are nasty and gushing.

Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet arrive from downstairs. Upon entry, their eyes immediately land on the grim scene. Miss Scarlet lets out a choked cry and turns into Colonel Mustard’s arms, hiding her face in his chest. Putting one arm around her comfortingly, he gestures for Miss White to assist the distraught Mrs. Peacock. The young maid does so reluctantly, getting the woman to her feet and into a nearby chair.

COLONEL MUSTARD:
(stern but gentle)

Tell us everything that happened leading up to this? What did you see? Was there anything amiss?

MRS. PEACOCK:

We had already searched the rooms, so we decided to chat some. After a while, nobody else had started towards the rendezvous point, so we decided to have another look in case we missed anything. When I finished my share of the rooms, I waited for him in the hallway. When about ten minutes had passed, I decided he was taking too long and went to check his rooms. I found him in here… Like this…

Her voice breaks as a fresh round of sobs break the surface. Grabbing a box of tissues, Miss Scarlet sits next to the grieving Mrs. Peacock and gently begins wiping her face. She takes one of Mrs. Peacock’s hands into her own and holds it comfortingly, speaking to her in a whisper only they can hear. Everyone else eyes Mrs. Peacock suspiciously. They freeze like this as they go black and a single spotlight hits our hidden Narrator, who’s been watching from the corner.

NARRATOR:

The killer strikes again, that cunning fiend. Two men dead, and still not a clue as to who the culprit may be. Suspicion now heavily lies on the devastated Mrs. Peacock; Is she truly as gutted as she seems or is she hiding something much more sinister behind those crocodile tears?

Even the Narrator jumps when a booming knock resounds through the entire mansion from the front door. The remaining guests look at each other in momentary terror. It’s Colonel Mustard who collects himself first and heads briskly towards the stairs.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

That will be the inspector, and not a moment too soon. Everyone with me.

No one argues as they file out of the room and follow the colonel to the large front doors. Colonel Mustard swings them open to reveal a middle-aged, questionable looking agent. His eyes probe each of them before he greets them curtly.

INSPECTOR:
(entering the mansion quickly, looking around at everything)

My name is Inspector Steve Sayors of Scotland Yard. I’m here to survey the crime scene before the rest of them come through and trample all over it. I’m hoping you left it relatively unbothered?

COLONEL MUSTARD:

Of course, Inspector. As it happens, your timing is… Uncanny. We just discovered another body in the west wing of the mansion as well. The Reverend Marfin Green has sadly been murdered as well this day.

INSPECTOR:
(shocked)

A second murder in the time it took me to get here? Well, I’m sure this is the most redundant thing I’ll say today, but all of you are now suspects of murder. None of you are to leave my sight. If any of you do split, you’ll immediately become suspect number one and treated as such when we find you. Understood?

The group nods, tension building as they all cast suspicious glances at one another. Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet stick close together. Mrs. Peacock is pale, looking lost with Reverend Green. Miss White eyes everyone hatefully with her arms crossed over her chest. Only the Professor seems to have a pleasant air about him as he approaches Inspector Sayors.

PROFESSOR PLUM:
(clapping a hand on the inspector's shoulder)

Come now, I’m sure you’ll find everyone here eager to comply. We’ll be more than happy to stay under your watchful eye, Inspector. And I’m also positive that you’d like to examine the crime scenes now before we lose any more time before the rest of the force and the medical examiners show up? So perhaps you might allow me to lead you to the first one now?

Inspector Sayors narrows his eyes towards Professor Plum, but nods to indicate his agreement. Motioning for the rest of them to go before him, he follows the group of murder suspects up the stairs.

CUT TO:

EAST WING, MASTER BEDROOM

The group traipses back into the bedroom of the original murder victim. Mr. Black still lies face down in a pool of his own blood. Except…

MISS SCARLET:
(gasping dramatically)

There was a knife in his back when we first found him, Inspector! It was wedged in between his shoulders and it’s gone!

INSPECTOR:

So this scene has been tampered with. Someone doesn’t want to get caught and realized they were leaving a trail. This means about now, one of you should be getting twitchy.

No one says a word as the Inspector casts a quizzical glance at each of them before turning towards the body. He hunches down over his knees and has a closer look at a few things. Producing a small notepad from his breast pocket, he jots down a few things, before stuffing it back in and getting to his feet. He walks around the room silently, hands behind his back, his eyes taking in everything they can. Every now and then, he bends over and looks at something more closely before making a clicking noise with his tongue. Finally, he looks back towards the anxious group and nods.

INSPECTOR:

I believe I’ve seen all I can in here. If you would take me to the other body, please?

The group shuffles quickly across the grand stairwell to the east set of wings. Mrs. Peacock heads up the group, walking swiftly towards the bedroom. Just as she approaches the door, she pauses dead in her tracks, gasping for air.

MRS. PEACOCK:

I can’t do it… I can’t go back in there. I can’t see him like that… Please, I beg of you… Don’t make me see him like that again…

Miss Scarlet puts an arm around Mrs. Peacock as she dissolves into gasping sobs again. With a nod, Inspector Sayors motions for Miss Scarlet to stay right where she was with Mrs. Peacock before entering the room. Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Miss White are close behind him, taking in the scene once more. This time, everything was intact as it had been. Inspector Sayors repeats his process as the three watch him with different thoughts racing through their heads. Inspector Sayors notes the tension and closeness between certain parties and stores them for later. Heading out of the door, he pauses and addresses them once more.

INSPECTOR:

Everyone into the main parlor. Once I call this in, we’re all going to have a little chat. It’s going to be a while until my backup shows up, which gives us plenty of time to play a friendly little game of Who Dunnit.

CUT TO:

GROUND FLOOR, MAIN PARLOR

Everyone but the Inspector and the Narrator are seated in the main parlor. Apart from Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard, who sit intimately close, everyone else scatters about. Miss White sinks into a large chair, almost disappearing into it. Mrs. Peacock, still quite shaken, lies across a sofa near the fireplace. Professor Plum sits in an uncomfortable-looking armchair, looking as though he were posing for a portrait. The Inspector paces for several minutes lost in thought. No one says a word, you could have heard a pin drop on the carpet. The Narrator sits on top of the desk and stares out at the scene as she speaks.

NARRATOR:

It’s a hell of a situation: Two cold bodies and four very viable suspects. To say the inspector has his hands full is an understatement. However, he also knows that if he puts the pressure on just enough, he could have this case cracked before his team even arrived to begin taking forensics.

The Inspector continues his contemplative pace for several more minutes, allowing each of the suspects to simmer in their own thoughts. When he finally stops dead in the middle of the room and faces them, everyone gives him their full attention.

INSPECTOR:

I was hoping by now our killer would know that he or she was going to be caught sooner rather than later and would step forward voluntarily. But I see now that we’re going to have to do this the hard way. The fact of the matter is, every single one of you has a motive, but the two murders connect much more intimately than we realize. So to move forward, we need to figure out who would have a strong enough motive to kill both Mr. Black and Reverend Green. Miss Scarlet.

Miss Scarlet’s mouth drops open in shock as he turns directly to her. Colonel Mustard looks outraged and opens his mouth to speak, but the Inspector holds up a hand for silence. Miss Scarlet turns a brilliant shade of red as she stammers in her indignation.

MISS SCARLET:

Why on earth would I ever want to kill him? Vinnifred and I have been friends since we were children; I adored him as I would my own brothers.

INSPECTOR:

Ah, but is it not true that you’ve harbored a secret love of Mr. Black’s cousin, our own Colonel Mustard for just as long? And is it also not true that he promised to write you into his will and leave you a chunk of his fortune if you promised to never marry Colonel James Mustard?

All eyes turn to Miss Scarlet now as this unexpected bit of information comes to light. Too shocked to deny his claims, Miss Scarlet jumps to her feet in her panic. Her hands clutch her hair as she shakes her head wildly.

MISS SCARLET:

I could never… Yes, Inspector, everything you just said is true. I’m not sure how you came by this information so quickly, but it’s true. The reason I never married Colonel Mustard, despite how much I love him, is because I wanted to make sure I was provided for. He never demanded me for himself, he knew I would never feel that way about him. But dear Vinnifred was a jealous man and he wanted to ensure that if he couldn’t have me, his cousin wouldn’t either. When he found out of our love, he was quick to play on my weaknesses.

She’s turned to the shocked colonel as she makes her tear-filled confession. Sinking back down to the couch next to him, she takes his hands and stares into his eyes.

MISS SCARLET:

Jimmy, my love, my darling, can you ever forgive me for such shortcomings? I’ve hated myself every day for denying us our love, all because I was too scared of not securing my future. I should have trusted you all this time to take care of us like I know you would have. I was so selfish and such a fool… Oh, Jimmy, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

Before Colonel Mustard can reply, Miss Scarlet turns abruptly towards Inspector Sayors. Although her eyes are still filled with tears, her voice takes on a hardened determination. She straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin slightly as her voice rings clearly through the room.

MISS SCARLET:

I’ve made many mistakes and paid dearly for them for a long time. But never in those years did I bear enough ill-will towards Mr. Black to want him dead, especially not by my hands. His arrangement was cruel and unfair, but I willingly took it, even if it meant denying my heart what it truly wanted. I know that our situation shines the light of doubt on my words, but I swear to you, with God as my witness: I didn’t kill Vinnifred Black.

INSPECTOR:

Quite right miss Scarlet, hence why you were the first to be scratched off my list of suspects. You were the only one who I was positive didn’t commit these heinous crimes. You’re clever and conniving, but nothing you’ve ever done has suggested you would ever do anything as drastic as murder. Your lover, on the other hand…

Miss Scarlet’s mouth drops open as Colonel Mustard gets to his feet, protesting loudly.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

Now, wait just a moment, Inspector. This arrangement, I only just heard about it tonight. I admit that if I’d known about it sooner, I may have been inclined to kick his ass from one end of this mansion to the other. But he’s my family and at the end of the day, I’d never slain my own kin. He had his flaws, but we were still close and I loved him as a brother.

INSPECTOR:
(scrutinizing the colonel before he replies)

I believe you, Colonel Mustard. I admit that until a few moments ago, you were towards the top of my list. However, when I saw the genuine shock in your face when I revealed the truth behind Miss Scarlet’s arrangement with Mr. Black, I knew that the motive I’d come in with was out the window. Along with my suspicions of you being the killer. This brings us to you, Professor Plum.

The aforementioned Professor calmly meets the eyes of the Inspector and nods.

PROFESSOR PLUM:

Of course, you must question me, I understand. I do assure you, however, that I have nothing to hide. It’s true, Vinnifred and I haven’t seen each other since we were in our early twenties. Somewhere along the way of our success, we branched off into two very different people. I had ideas that were too radical for him, and his idealism was too foolish for me to follow anymore. We had a rather nasty fight about it and severed ties. I was just as surprised as anyone to receive his invite. I was hoping to make our amends, as I missed my friend after all these years. I can assure you, Inspector, my intentions for the weekend did not include murder.

MISS WHITE:

Why don’t you tell them the other reason you came here, Professor? Don’t act like some sort of saint; making amends with Mr. Black was not your only motive for leaving your work and flying across two continents to be here.

INSPECTOR:

If you wouldn’t mind, Miss White, the fewer outburst we have, the better. However, Professor, I am curious as to what she’s referring to. IS there another reason you came all the way out here?

PROFESSOR PLUM:
(rolling his eyes and looking mildly embarrassed)

When we were in college, we had the good fortune of meeting a particular uh… Playboy Centerfold. One we were both fond of. I managed to find something of her’s to sign, Vinnifred wasn’t quite as lucky. Right before we ended our friendship and business dealings, he managed to sneak into my home and steal the calendar she’d signed for me. I was rather hoping to get it back…

Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet hold back laughter as Mrs. Peacock coughs behind her hand. Miss White looks thunderstruck by this information; noticing the look on her face, Professor Plum smirks at her pointedly and flips her off. The Inspector rolls his eyes and continues.

INSPECTOR:

A noble quest. However, there’s nothing to suggest that you’re misleading me with any false information. That brings us to our final two.

Miss White lets out a strangled little cry of shock as Mrs. Peacock picks up her head. Her dark eyes search the Inspector curiously as he stares back at her.

INSPECTOR:

Mrs. Peacock, I’m afraid that of everyone here, you have the most motive for wanting Mr. Black out of the picture. My sources tell me that the intimacy of the relationship between you and the now-deceased Reverend Green was becoming much more obvious than you’d hoped to let on. It was also no secret that your brother didn’t approve of the union, as it supposedly started before the sudden death of your late husband, Mr. Averey Peacock. How close am I to hitting the mark, Mrs. Peacock?

Mrs. Peacock never breaks her steady gaze from Inspector Sayors, even as he hurls his words carelessly at her. Each syllable rips at her heart like the loss of her beloved Reverend stabs at her over and over. When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet but steady.

MRS. PEACOCK:

Anyone who knew my brother knew he didn’t take no for an answer well. When he found out that Reverend Green had started courting me, he was adamantly against us being together. Rumors had already begun just because we befriended one another through the church. Naturally, when my poor husband passed away quite suddenly, the word “murder” was quickly tossed around, with my name attached to it. In the snap of my fingers, my entire world had fallen into chaos and I had absolutely no bright light to push me forward, except for the love of that good Reverend. Which is why I ask you, Inspector: Why one earth would I snuff out the one light that kept me warm, kept me going?

MISS WHITE:
(jumping from her seat, her eyes wide, pointing an accusatory finger at Mrs. Peacock)

There’s more to it than she’s telling you, Inspector! Tell them now, Mrs. Peacock, or I will. I know the secret the two of you share… I heard him say it to you when you were searching the rooms in the west wing. I heard what the Reverend said about your husband!

Now genuine fear begins to show on Mrs. Peacock’s face. She also rises to her feet, her breathing quickening.

MRS. PEACOCK:

I suggest you stop now before you continue down this path, Miss White. You have no idea what you’re talking about right now.

MISS WHITE:

Like hell, I don’t! Inspector, I was in the West Wing Corridor, looking for them and I walked up on them making out. I suppose they thought no one would come looking for them, so they let their guards down. But I also heard them talking, and they talked about being blamed for this, the way she was blamed for killing her husband. And I heard him, Inspector. I heard Reverend Green tell Mrs. Peacock that he’d kill her husband a million times if it meant them finally being together.

Even though she shakes her head violently, the pain in her eyes gives her away. The Inspector examines her closely; she holds his gaze as long as she can before giving up and turning away. Her shoulders shake as she weeps. Everyone is silent: Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard stare in wide-eyed shock as Miss White allows the ghost of a smug grin to play upon her lips. She crosses her arms, satisfied with her work. The Inspector gives Mrs. Peacock as much time as needed to calm down. It takes a while, but once she does, she speaks in a louder voice, with more strength behind it.

MRS. PEACOCK:

If this self-damning confession is what it takes to prove my innocence in these murders, so be it. With my beloved dead, I don’t much care what happens to me from here anyhow. So I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Starting with this: It’s true. Reverend Marfin Green did in fact murder, my husband.

Miss White has the grace to look shocked at this blunt admission while Miss Scarlet gasps. The Inspector takes out his notepad and begins jotting down notes furiously as Mrs. Peacock continues to speak.

MRS. PEACOCK:

The Reverend and I didn’t fall in love right away, despite popular belief. In fact, when we first met, my husband and I were still very much in love and happy. My friendship with the Reverend was pure and strictly platonic for a long time. It wasn’t until Averey and I started having issues that I turned to Reverend Green for guidance… That guidance soon turned to comfort. Though we both tried to resist and deny our feelings for one another, it became more impossible each passing day. One fateful night, we finally fell into each other’s arms and stayed in them ever since. We attempted to keep our romance a secret until we figured out the most peaceful resolution to our situation. Unfortunately, my brother has eyes everywhere and quickly found out about us. He gave us the ultimatum of ending it on our own, privately, or exposing us to my husband, then the church. He gave us a week to decide. We became desperate and yes, the discussion to kill my husband AND my brother came was had. Ultimately, we decided that if we could make it look as though my husband died of natural causes, we could later gain my brother's blessing on our union. But, once again, my brother always has eyes out and knew before I did what the Reverend had done the night Averey was killed. He called me into this very room and pleaded with me to end it with him, but I refused. I knew what he had planned to do, and I allowed him to do it. Avery's blood is on my hands just as much as it is on Reverend Green’s. But I promise you, the blood of these two men today is not.

The Inspector nods while Mrs. Peacock speaks, but Miss White doesn’t look quite as convinced of her words. She still has a smug look on her face as she fights back a grin. Suddenly, the Inspector turns on her and closes the space between them quickly. Miss White stumbles backward into her chair, a look of shock replacing the smug grin.

INSPECTOR:

Mrs. Peacock’s confession is breathtaking, isn’t it Miss White?

MISS WHITE:
(smiling nervously as she begins to stutter)

It sounds like she’s all but admitted to everything, Inspector. Perhaps it’s time you put her in custody so she doesn’t try to make a break for it before your backup squad arrives?

INSPECTOR:

I could do that… Or I could keep you right here and ask you why you felt the need to murder your boss… And then your own brother.

Dramatic music plays as everyone, including the Narrator, gasp in surprise. Miss White begins to fidget in the chair, her eyes darting every which way. Her knuckles grow white as her fingers grip the wooden armrests tightly.

MISS WHITE:

How could you know that? How did you come by that information? We worked our asses off to keep that hidden.

INSPECTOR:

You’d be amazed at what I know. Like the fact that your brother, Reverend Marfin Green, knew that you were growing discontented with your status around here. Wanting more from your boss, more out of the position. You thought you could seduce Mr. Black and climb your way out of the role of the servant and into the comfy position of wife, isn’t it true? And it wouldn’t have been all that troublesome, would it, due to the nature of your feelings for your boss?

MISS WHITE:

Stop it… Shut up, just shut up!

INSPECTOR:

Alright, let’s circle back to your kinship to Reverend Green. I believe it was… Five years ago, the two of you discovered one another? Records show that it didn’t take long for the two of you to bond. Despite being raised separately, the two of you managed to turn out exactly the same: A couple of no-good scammers looking for a quick cash grab. How long did you plan out this con, hmmm? I give the two of you credit, this was one of your better schemes. It took me a lot longer to track you down, but I knew the two of you would get sloppy eventually.

As these revelations come to pass, everyone shares an expression of absolute shock. Mrs. Peacock looks absolutely shattered by this information, clearly having known none of it. She stares with wide eyes at Miss White, who is trembling from head to toe with fear. Inspector Sayors bears down on her, his voice low and intimate now.

INSPECTOR:

This job was supposed to be finished long ago, wasn’t it? At least a year and a half sooner. But it didn’t take you long to fall head over heels for Mr. Black and his generous heart… And neverending bankrolls. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, Miss White: I do believe the murder of Mr. Black was one of passion. Unrequited love can definitely be a killer, as you’ve proven here today. But you should have taken a page out of Mr. Black’s book: Look at how he pined after Miss Scarlet for all these years. He didn’t resort to murder when his feelings weren’t returned. There were much healthier ways to cope with your feelings, but I digress… It still doesn’t explain why you murdered your brother.

Finally reaching her breaking point, Miss White wails loudly and buries her face for several minutes. When she finally looks up, her tear-stained cheeks are flushed and her eyes are full of rage. Her voice has a growl in it that’s full of threat.

MISS WHITE:

I could have given Mr. Black everything he ever wanted; definitely so much more than Miss Scarlet was ever willing to or capable of offering. It killed me more every day to see how much he still loved her and tried for her affections, no matter how many times she spurned his advances. All because she was in love with his wandering soldier of a cousin. That selfish cow kept both of those poor men on a string because she didn’t want to lose the love of one, and the profit from the other. Miss Scarlet is the most disgusting sort of woman there is, and all I ever wanted was for Mr. Black to finally see that. As it became more obvious that he would never douse the torch he carried for that slag, I knew there was only one way to put him out of his misery. I had it planned to a tee, the perfect murder. It should have been a cinch: While everyone is here, we off Mr. Black, empty out all his accounts, and flee the country before anyone was any wiser on it. Talk about a plan gone wrong.

MRS. PEACOCK:
(chiming in quietly from across the room)

And what about my poor Marfin… Your own brother. Why did he have to die?

MISS WHITE:
(turning towards Mrs. Peacock, spitting her words like venom)

Because of YOU! Until he met YOU, my brother and I had our lives under control. He ran the scam as a clergyman while I swooped in to do the dirty work. All those hard-earned donations that were supposed to go to the church? Totally went into our pockets. We went through almost every one of the West Coast states, scamming every ignorant bible thumper we could with our brilliant little schemes. And not a single one of them ever caught on to us. We still get letters from our faithful, updating us on their “miracles” and begging or us to return. When we found out about Mr. Black, we decided to up our ante. Unfortunately for me, that’s exactly around the time he met you. It was fine at first, he had himself a little friend outside of our pseudo criminal underworld life. You gave him a sense of normalcy that he was craving. But he fell in love, most completely and irrevocably. Once he knew that, he wanted to make one final grab and hang up his gloves. Mr. Black was meant to be his final act; one last cash grab before he whisked you away somewhere tropical, romantic, and most importantly, off the grid. You stole my brother away… I only just got him in my life, and he was willing to throw everything away to live an honest life with YOU.

With a primal scream of rage, Miss White grabs the bloody knife that had killed Mr. Black from the folds of her apron and lunges at Mrs. Peacock. Pushing Miss Scarlet away, Colonel Mustard lunges in front of Mrs. Peacock in time to take the knife in his side. He falls to the ground, writhing in pain as Miss Scarlet screams in panic and rushes to his side. While Miss White still recovers from the shock, Inspector Sayors tackles her to the ground and manages to restrain her. Once she’s secured, he joins Professor Plum, Mrs. Peacock, and the weeping Miss Scarlet.

MRS. PEACOCK:

We need to tourniquet this quickly. Miss Scarlet, I believe your boa will do the trick for now. If I may?

Quivering with fear, she willingly hands it over to the other woman. She clasps Colonel Mustard’s cold hand and watches the other woman work with deft fingers to stop the blood flow to the wound as best she could. The colonel moans in pain, his eyes opening and darting wildly around. They finally land on Miss Scarlet and some comprehension finally hits. He squeezes her hand gently, and she leans over his face, gently pushing his hair out of his eyes.

COLONEL MUSTARD:

How bad is it?

MRS. PEACOCK:

Decently deep, but nothing fatal. At a glance, it doesn’t appear that the knife got any organs, which is a blessing. As long as we can keep you from bleeding out before someone else gets here, I expect you to make a full recovery… Thank you, Colonel. I owe you my life. I will do everything in my power to make sure you leave here with yours.

After a short amount of time later, backup finally arrives. Inspector Sayors sends his forensics teams to the two bodies while setting the medical examiner to tend to the colonel immediately. After a quick inspection, the M.E. leaves for a few moments and comes back with a tray, a full roll of gauze, surgical tape. Barking out orders for Miss Scarlet, Mrs. Peacock, and Professor Plum, they all work together to dress the Colonel’s wounds and load him up into the ambulance. Miss Scarlet climbs in after him and insists on waiting with him until the actual ambulance comes to take him away. As the chaos continues, a grim calm comes over the survivors as they all begin to reflect on the insane events of the last ten hours. Everything fades to black once more as a spotlight hits the Narrator, who takes center stage.

NARRATOR:

And so ends this drama-filled tale of betrayal and murder. Two lives snuffed out before they’re time due to the jealousy and instability of one messed up chick. Lives forever linked, changed dramatically forevermore. In the aftermath of the events, Colonel James Mustard made a full recovery from his injury. He and Miss Beatrice Scarlet married soon after and live together happily in Toronto, Canada. They have two children and co-own a high-profile local comic book shop.
Mrs. Lyanna Peacock was charged with being an accessory to murder and is currently carrying out a 15-year sentence. Her case is currently in the process of being appealed. She’s eligible for parole in 2028.
Professor Shawn Plum continues his studies in Prague, increasing his fortune and fame with his ground-breaking bio-weapons.
And Miss Ash White is currently serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole. Since being incarcerated, she has taken up macrame and has very fanatically found Jesus. She can be seen as part of the prison choir every Sunday.
And as for me, your humble narrator? I do believe I’m going to finally get myself a piece of that Professor. Can you say yum? Alas, I must bid you all farewell. Remember to lock your doors and keep vigilant. You never know when you could be staring into the face of a murderer. Until next time, my friends. Good night.

The scene goes black as soft jazz begins to play and the credits begin to roll.

FADE OUT