OOC: I'm really sorry to Corey and Dolly that we weren't able to give you the fight you deserve. Unfortunately, James and I are old men, and as old men, we were under the assumption that the RP limit was 3 per team, not 3 per person. Folks, as my grandpa used to say, growing old is a bitch. On the bright side, Corey and Dolly absolutely killed it this week, and I have no doubt that they probably would have won regardless.

So, for this one, I decided to have a little fun. I couldn't NOT do this one.)



Centurion: Why do we have to do press?

(The Christmas edition of Wednesday Warfare is upon us, and the last show of the year looks to be a big one. As such, the XWF is going out of their way to make it seem like a really big deal. That includes holding the event in one of the most premier stadiums in Venice, Italy, treating their stars to a five star experience, and going all out on their publicity for the event.

It also means the wrestlers will have to do a little extra promotion, much like they would do during a pay per view week.

We open up inside the back of a limousine. There, we see Centurion in a high priced suit, sunglasses, and a mask, looking over the agenda for the next two days. Sitting next to him is Allison, who is thumbing through her tablet. Across from Centurion sits a man – an XWF staff employee, who is talking to Centurion about the upcoming events.)

Employee: The XWF wants to sprint to the finish. We want this to feel like it’s a pay per view event.

Centurion: Then why didn’t you make it a pay per view?

Employee: That’s not really my call. Point is, this is a massive event, and with you as one of the longest reigning champions of 2020, it just makes sense to have you out there as one of the selling points for this show. We think we can get record ratings this week.

Centurion: You’re not going to get record ratings. In the digital age, you’ll never get the ratings we got back in the day. Too many millennials have gotten rid of cable and substituted it for things like YouTube and Netflix.

Employee: Well…one of the highest rated shows in a while then, how about that?

(Centurion doesn’t answer. Instead, he just continues to look over his papers and read through some of the things expected of him. He crinkles his nose as he reads a few things he does not like.)

Centurion: Wednesday morning radio show? You want me to wake up early the day of the show and plug the show on radio? You’re really cutting into my routine here.

Employee: We’re sorry, but this is one of the most listened…

Centurion: (interrupting) Who even listens to radio anymore, anyway? Don’t all the kids have their music on their iPods now?

(Allison lets out a “pfft” next to Centurion. Centurion turns his head toward Allison and raises an eyebrow.)

Centurion: You have something to say?

Allison: No, no…I was just wondering how further out of touch you could possibly sound. iPods? You mean to tell me high school kids aren’t listening to CDs anymore?

Centurion: You know what I fucking mean! Digital downloads! Listen to things on their phone and stuff! Why do you have to have to make fun of me every time I say something. You’re not any younger than me, you know.

Allison: Yeah, but I’m a lot cooler than you. Besides, I know that iPods haven’t been a thing for over a decade. Did you know people don’t download music from Napster anymore?

Centurion: Yes, I know that!

(There is a slight silence as Allison shakes her head and looks back down at her tablet.)

Centurion: …they get them from Kazaa.

Allison: That’s a big “oof” there, bro.

Employee: Let’s try to stay on track. So, tonight’s press conference isn’t designed to be a promo segment, so there isn’t going to be any trash talking of your opponents. You’re just going to go up there, answer some questions about your year and what you’re looking forward to in 2021, and we’ll move on.

Centurion: Well that doesn’t make any sense. How does that sell the show at all? If all I’m doing it talking about yesterday and talking about the future, no one is going to care about what I’m doing at the present moment. That doesn’t sell any tickets.

Employee: It’s less about the match and more about the fact that you’re there. You’re one of the many big stars competing on Warfare, and just showing your face will remind people of that.

Centurion: You’re telling me there are people out there who might not already know that? I’m going to be honest, this whole thing has a lot of holes in it. You want me to promote a show which includes a match that I’m in, but you don’t want me to mention the match I’m in? That doesn’t make any sense. If you can find a way for me to promote a match that I can’t even talk about, I’ll make cheese for you.

Employee: You’ve already talked about the match. So have your opponents. The only one we need to get on the mic and talk is your partner, and we don’t know where he is.

Centurion: He’s naked on a yacht in Monaco. I don’t know if you want him on video right now. Then again, if you truly want ratings, nothing would boost the TV numbers more than the promise of seeing James Raven’s dong. Hell, nothing can compete with that.

Allison: Maybe the thought of seeing Betsy’s tits.

Centurion: Send a camera, make is a two for one special, and you have the greatest XWF show to ever exist.

Employee: Our sponsors may have an issue with that…

Centurion: Sponsors? You still have sponsors? With all the terrible things you’ve aired on your shows before, you think showing James and Betsy with their floppy bits all bouncing around is going to be the thing that sets them off?

Employee: Can we get back to the task at hand, please?

Centurion: What “task”? There is no task! This is all nonsense, if we’re being honest.

Employee: It’s all pretty simple, really.

Centurion: That’s easy for you to say. You don’t know what I’m up against. You’re telling me to promote a match with Corey Smith and Dolly Waters and not even talk about Corey Smith and Dolly Waters. It’s asinine, is what it is. If all you wanted was me talking about my year, why didn’t you just have me send in a video or something? We could have skipped this whole thing.

Employee: This is more for the press then it is for us. Vinnie made some arrangements with some pretty big media companies to cover the show, and in return they wanted full access to the superstars that are competing. So we’re making like, a big show of it. Just like any typical “media day” before a big sporting event.

Centurion: Yes, but this isn’t a sporting event, is it? And there just isn’t enough time. If we were tasked to do this a week ago, we probably could have done all the publicity you wanted, but that would have required Vinnie and Theo to open the purse strings and dish out some extra money, and I know how they are with handing out money. I have every criticism in the book I can use against Shane , but one thing that man was willing to do was spend money.

Allison: Yes, because he embezzled it all from the IRS. And he racked up millions of dollars in debt that he ended up putting on the company name, almost completely devaluing the company from a shareholder perspective.

Centurion: Well…yeah, but people were well paid.

Employee: We can negotiate some of your press appearances over the next two days, but the press conference tonight is non-negotiable. If you don’t do it, you will be pulled from the match.

Centurion: You didn’t give James that same ultimatum?

Employee: Mr. Raven operates under a completely different contract. He can set all of his appearances and decline any press events he sees fit.

(Centurion turns to Allison.)

Centurion: I want that! Can you get me that?

Allison: I’ll talk to the office.

(The limo slowly comes to a stop, and as it does, the sound of the drivers door opening is heard. Almost immediately after, the door to the back of the limo opens up, and the driver stands off to the side, gesturing to the passengers that they have arrived as their destination. The employee steps out of the limo first, followed by Centurion, and then Allison. Centurion looks at the building – which is your standard sized meeting facility, which could also be used as a convention hall. XWF officials, all wearing masks, are walking in and out of the building.)

Employee: You don’t have to say anything scripted today. Just…wing it. We’ll worry about the content of the interview after the fact.

(Centurion just nods as the three begin to walk to the front entrance of the facility. A security guard, standing at the front door, opens the door as the three approach it. They step into an opening room with a few couches and a front desk – a basic entrance lobby. Several crew and wrestlers are standing around, including Barney Green, who has a plate of cheese and crackers in his hand. As Centurion glances around, the employee places his hand on Centurion’s shoulder.)

Employee: Alright, you’re going to be on in about 20 minutes. Relax and grab some food.

(Centurion just nods as he and Allison walk further into the lobby. They see a couch, and are about to sit down, when Centurion receives a tap on his shoulder. There, a producer with a headset is standing with a clipboard in his hands, and two grips are standing on either side of him. To Centurion’s surprise, none of them are wearing masks.)

Producer: Alright Cent, here’s what we’re going to need from you. When you go on, you’re going to start with an opening statement. Just a simple welcome. Then they…

Centurion: Woah, woah. What’s this? Where are your masks?

Producer: What? Oh, we’re not wearing them. It’s not legally required here. Besides, we have a lot of hard work to do and we don’t want to have to deal with the inconvenience of the mask.

Centurion: “Not legally required?” “Inconvenience?” Do you understand how idiotic you sound right now?!

(At this point, everyone in the lobby stops speaking, and they all turn to Centurion, who is in the process of verbally dressing down the producer.)

Centurion: There’s a God damn pandemic taking place out there, and you’re here talking about inconvenience! People have lost their lives! Their jobs! Their families! And selfish people like you continue to think it’s no big deal! Do you understand the level of privilege we have here? Huh? The fact that we’re still able to work through all this? The fact that each and every one of you is still able to provide for yourselves and your families? And you want to pull shit like this?! How fucking stupid can you be?!

Producer: I’m sorry…

Centurion: This isn’t a fucking joke! This isn’t something you can just roll the dice on! This is real fucking life! You’re not just putting yourself at risk, but you’re putting your co-workers, and the entire fucking company at risk! They’re running shows in every town across the globe because of US! Because they believe in us and what we’re doing! I’m on the phone with every fucking federation at night! Insurance companies! General managers! And they’re looking at us and using us to run their shows! We are creating thousands of jobs, you mother fuckers! I don’t EVER want to see it again! Ever! And if you don’t do it, and I see you not doing it, you’re fucking gone! And anyone on this crew does it, that’s it!

(Centurion points to two of the grips.)

Centurion: And you! And you, too! Don’t you ever fucking do it again! That’s it! No apologies! You can tell it to the people that are losing their fucking homes because their industry is shut down. It’s not going to put food on their table or pay for their college education! That’s what I sleep with every night!

(Centurion turns his head as the three crew members just look down to the ground. Centurion paces back and forth with his hands on his head before speaking again.)

Centurion: The future of this fucking business! So I’m sorry, I’m beyond your apologies. I have told you, and now I want it, and if you don’t do it, you’re out. We are not shutting this fucking show down! Is it understood?

Grip #1: Yes sir.

Centurion: That’s it. Am I clear?

Grip #2: Yes sir.

Centurion: Do you understand what I want? Do you understand the responsibility that you have? That’s it. That is it. I trust you guys to be here. And if one of you gets sick, the entire thing collapses, and you will cost a lot of people their jobs. Got it?

Producer: Yes, Mr. Cortinovis.

Centurion: Good. Let me know when it’s time to go on.