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Charlie Nickles · (09-07-2020)

Charlie pulls into the parking lot of the local Arby’s. He drives his car to the back of the lot where he parks his 92’ pontiac grand am alongside a much more recent model of the dodge charger. The midnight moon is sitting up high in the clear sky. Charlie rolls down his window as the front passenger window of the dodge does the same. Inside the gold charger we see two men: one latino, one white. Both men are wearing green tracksuits, silver chains, and white berets. The white man in the passenger offers a small plastic bag through the window. Charlie nods with an enthusiastic smile as he hands the man a crisp, clean one hundred dollar bill.

Charlie: Gram like always?

Passenger: Of course, Charlie! My man. Wouldn’t do you wrong.

Driver: Eyyy Ese. It’s good to have you back! Haven’t seen you in a while, holmes!

Charlie: Yeah, yeah...

Charlie's eyes look to the side as his excitement slowly dissipates.

Passenger: You keep kicking that ass in the ring, a'ight?! None of those dogs can keep up with you!

Driver: Thas' true thas' true, vato! Them boys can't hang.

Passenger: We was watching that shit last Saturday, smoking a thick fucking blunt. Like super fucking thick, you know? In a backwoods obvi. And bruh, after that match, bruh that shit was epic!

Driver: You smashed im', holmes!

Charlie shrugged.

Charlie: Just taking care of business.

Passenger: Robbie's face was fucked, dude! Did you see it? They posted on facebook! He had glass shards stuck in his head for hours, man!

Driver: You got im' on Savage, but he's one bad hombre. You think you can take im' this Wednesday? What's yo' plan, vato?

Charlie: I won't quit. I will never quit. That's the plan. Never give up, never give in. A man's gotta stand on his own to feet, and I plan to do just that. I don't care if we fight for hours, days, or even years: I will never quit. I have already cut my life short by being in this business, I don't mind cutting it another few years shorter to walk away with a win. He can break my arms, break my neck, break my skull, gouge my eyes, rip off my fingers. I will still be standing tall, coming at him, and begging for more. I have had to fight for everything in my life. Every dollar I've earned was a skirmish. Every woman I've fucked was a battle. Every mountain I've climbed was a war. And I still have nothing...nothing but opportunity. Nothing but this one shot to make something of myself. Nothing but this one chance to make Robbie Bourbon cry like a bitch, and be crowned the one and only Warfare M.V.P.

The two drug dealers look at each other in equal parts confusion and regret for asking. They turn back to Charlie.

Passenger: Uhhh sounds good man! We'll be watching....uhhh good luck!

Charlie nods at the two as he rolls his window up. The dodge charger pulls out of the parking spot before quickly speeding out of the Arby’s lot and onto the open road. Charlie opens his bag and inspects the four medium sized heroin rocks. He reaches into the bag and grabs two of the rocks before placing the plastic bag into his center console. He places the two heroin rocks on the dashboard of his vehicle as he reaches into his glovebox and pulls out his special tools. A spoon, a lighter, a syringe, and a needle.

Charlie: Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again, baby.

Charlie places the two heroin rocks on the spoon. A look of absolute excitement washes over his face as he ignites the lighter beneath the silverware. The rocks slowly start to melt, bubbling ever so slightly as the once solid rocks morph into a thick brown liquid. He takes the tip of the needle to the spoon, sucking all the liquid gold up into the syringe. He places the spoon atop his dash as he eyes his newly filled syringe with a familiar wanderlust.

Charlie: Just like the good old days…

Charlie’s eyes soon fill with regret. A single tear drop escapes his left eye. He places the needle atop the dash besides the spoon. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He presses a few buttons before putting the phone on speaker and placing it on the dash alongside the needle. Another tear descends down his bearded cheek as the phone rings.

Woman’s Voice: The office of Doctor Avalon is currently closed. Our business hours are Monday through Friday, 10 to 5. If you leave your name and number we will be sure to get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you!

Charlie’s breathing and heart raise steadily increases as he calls the number again. Charlie’s face starts to redden as his gaze shifts between the needle on the dash and the phone.

Woman’s Voice: The office of Doctor Avalon is currently closed. Our business hours are Monday through Friday, 10 to 5. If you leave your name and number we will be sure to get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you!

BEEEEP

Charlie: I need help now damn it! I can’t take this...I CAN’T TAKE IT. She took my kids! They’re gone! GONE! ANSWEEEERRRR MEEEEE!

Charlie slams his fists against the steering wheel of his vehicle as a steady stream of tears finally breaks through his emotional dam and freely fall down his face. With one final scream of anguish Charlie reaches forward and grabs the heroin needle and the syringe before clumsily putting them together. He clutches the needle in his shaking right hand.

Charlie: You drove me to this Connie! I was a changed man! A family man! A decent man! But now...but now….

Charlie wipes the tears from his face with his empty left hand. He goes silent, staring at the needle with a familiar wanderlust. The creases in his forehead smoothed out as his whole demeanor becomes more relaxed. He takes the needle and presses it underneath the nail of his middle finger on his left hand. He pushes the tip of the needle into the skin underneath his nail, and a sigh of relief escapes his lips as the tingling sensation moves through his body. He leans back in his chair, the heroin needle fully pushed in but still stick under his fingernail. His eyes are drawn to the full moon overhead. He spaces out, still staring at the moon as the heroin flows through his bloodstream. He closes his eyes, for just a moment….relaxed, calm…

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

A cyborg is emptying the clip of his plasma pistol at Charlie! The cyborg stands well under six feet tall, but is wide as a truck and muscled up like a video game character. His skin is brown and his hair is dreadlocked. The cyborg bears a remarkable resemblance to Zack de la Rocha, spare his metal-plated skull and robotic left arm with a built in plasma pistol!

Charlie ducks and dodges each and every plasma pulse. He jumps forward, being propelled by the rockets installed on his boots. Within a few seconds he has covered nearly forty feet of the moon’s surface and is bringing his sword down upon the cyborg! In one fell swoop the cyborg falls to the ground, sliced in half vertically.

[Image: Y5zxH7a.png]

YYOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLL

Charlie immediately gets to his feet and turns around to face the roaring beast. Coming at him is an incredibly large lynx, almost twice his size! The lynx appears to be partly robotic, as wires and screws can be seen protruding from it’s joints, neck, and eyes. The lynx charges at Charlie, roaring once more as Charlie readies his sword!

Charlie: You want my sword in ye’, pussycat?!

Charlie charges at the lynx as the cat charges at him. The two are quickly approaching when A GOD DAMN FLYING SAUCER CRASHES INTO THE SURFACE OF THE MOON! Charlie and the lynx get thrown back tremendously far, the low gravity of the moon doing nothing to stop their path! The force of the crash is so intense that Lynx goes flying off the planet, trapped in space! The same fate awaits Charlie, but he is able to dig his sword into the surface of the moon to steady himself and regain control of his motions. The space ship bursts into flames, and we see the passengers desperately fleeing the spacecraft. Cybercock, the man with the cybernetic cock, is the first out of the wreckage.

Cybercock: What the fuck, Robbie?! I thought you said you were sober enough to drive!

The next being to crawl out of the wreckage bears a remarkable resemblance to famed foodie Guy Fierie, but his entire body is made out of precious metals that reflect the light of the stars. His metallic body is painted in the fashion of a butler’s black and white suit. Next out of the wreckage is the futa Fuchsia, whose non-cybernetic cock pales in comparison to the impressive qualities of Cybercock.

Fuchsia: We have to save Robbie!

Guy: Robbie needs our help! Where is he?!

The last two people to climb out of the rubble of the spacecraft are Ash, the half-smoked human cigarette, and Diamondback, the man who never has a purpose in any promo.

Fuchsia: Where’s Robbie?!

Ash: I didn’t see him in there!

Cybercock: It’s on fire! He’s going to die in there!

Guy: Someone needs to save him! We can’t go get him because we are all useless props!

Fuchsia: He’s going to die! NO!

Charlie reorients as he pulls himself back to his feet. He digs his sword out of the ground as he takes a look at the spaceship that sent him flying across the moon. Charlie flips open the gadget along his left wrist. A keyboard and a screen pop open along his armor. He types in some numbers, and then a painting of a wanted ship pops up on his screen. His eyes go back and forward from the photo-realistic portrait of stolen ship that’s wanted by galactic law enforcement and the wreckage of the ship before him. He presses play on his keyboard to hear the report.

Robot voice: This ship was hijacked from generic looking aliens. The thieves are unarmed and not dangerous, according to reports from Captain Jesper Belleepdeepdeepdeep of the Confederation of Planetary Systems. They are carrying valuable cargo on board: the warfare MVP medal. Robbie Bourbon and his lietuanants are wanted, dead or alive. The ship must be returned to the generic alien owners. Any cargo on board, however, will be granted to the brave hero who returns the ship.

A sinister grin spreads across Charlie’s face. He sheathed his sword as he pulled out his plasma long gun.

BANG

Cybercock is shot in his cybernetic dick. The energy burst from the plasma rifle overheats his circuits, and his cock explodes. He dies instantly.

BANG

Ash, the human cigarette, is shot in the filter. Ash falls to the ground, smoked.

BANG

Fuchsia is shot in the face, falling to the ground in a bloody mess. She was dead upon arrival. Honestly? She’s prettier this way.

BANG

The robot butler is shot in the neck, and his screwed on head goes flying across the moon. His metal body falls to the ground, motionless.

BANG

Diamondback was also shot and killed, but no one cared because he is a pointless character.

Charlie leaped forward, taking gigantic steps as he approached the wrecked ship. As he nears the ship he sees a smoldering arm break through the metal plating on the side of the ship. A moment later that small hole turns into a massive hole as Robo-Rob comes running out of the ship, his entire body smoldering and burnt.

Charlie: You’re a wanted man, Robbie Bourbon. Any last words?

Charlie brings his long rifle up and aims it at the masked robot from the Rocky movies.

Robo-Rob: You. Are. Ugly.

Robo-Rob speaks in a robotic voice that sounds nothing like Robbie Bourbon.

Charlie: How original. Where’s the M.V.P. shield?

Charlie keeps looking down the iron barrel sights at the robot’s masked head.

Robo-Rob: It. Is. A. Medal. Not. A. Shield. You. Fucking. Moron. You. Should. Wear. A. Mask. You. Are. Very. Ugly. I. Have. Nothing. More. To. Say.

Charlie: Yeah, well I got some shit to say to you pal! And if you don’t want to get blasted away, you better listen closely. You’ve had a good run. But now it’s over. I’m ending it. Now we can do this the hard way, or we can do this the eas-

Robo-Rob charges at Charlie with violent intent.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Three shots ring out as three plasma bursts cut right through the robot’s masked head. The robotic Robbie falls to the ground. Charlie approaches Robo-Rob with a satisfied smile. He keeps his rifle in his hands as he kneels besides the being he believes to be Robbie Bourbon, the Warfare MVP.

Charlie: Every legend has his end. No matter how grand the story, no matter how many people love him. Every legend ends at some point. The belts, the accolades, the money, the cheers….it was good while it lasted, wasn’t it Robbie? Oh I know how you loved walking down that entrance ramp to the cheering morons. Highfiving the little brats on your way to the ring, signing autographs, titties, and babies. You were one of the greats, no doubt.

But your time is over now. Everything you ever worked for is gone. Everything you will ever achieve, it is all in the past now. Your legacy is over. But my legacy, Robbie?

Charlie chuckles as he shakes his head from side to side.

Charlie: My legacy is just beginning. All the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put into this business: they’re all going to pay off. The big pay day is right around the corner. I’ve dreamed of this moment for years. I’ll find that shield, and when I do, I’ll never give it up. Then I’ll head to the Omega quadrant, and find a man by the name of Main.

Charlie brings his gun up to his shoulder once more. He aims down the iron sights at Robo-Rob’s motionless head.

Charlie: Hopefully he puts up a better fight than you.

Charlie shoots once again. From this close of range, the plasma rifle tears right through the robot’s skull, incinerating it upon contact. Charlie smiles as he stands tall. He walks around to each of the dead bodies: Ash, Cybercock, Guy, Diamondback, Fuschia. He gives them all the same treatment. Charlie presses a button on his wrist, and a microphone inside his suit turns on.

Charlie: Charlie to Blue Beetle. Charlie to Blue Beetle. Requesting extraction. Over.

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

Charlie looks around in confusion as he shakes himself awake. An arby’s employee is banging on his window. The rising sun is almost blinding.

Employee: Hey! Move your fucking car! Go home!

Charlie grumbles to himself as he starts the vehicle. He rubs his eyes as the engine roars to life.

Employee: Get out of here!

Charlie scowls at the employee as he puts his car in reverse and hauls ass out of the lot.

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