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Shawn Warstein · (07-12-2020)

Love Lock bridge….”

“What a fucking joke. People from all around the world, placing padlocks on there to signify their everlasting love. In the attempts to hide their own flaws. Their own insecurities.”

“I told her, they took them all off, but I’ll put one on there if that’s what you want.”

“Rebuffed she said, why would I want that. I don’t want it to be hidden as if it was something that needed to be hidden or was wrong.”

“So I didn’t put a lock on the bridge and we moved on from the subject. Yet something always stood out to me….”

“She didn’t say no.”

“.........”

“Wait a minute…..”

“She didn’t say No.”

“....fuck….”

Noah and I are walking down the busy streets of Pairs. I like to equate it to walking in New York, only without the smell of vomit and anger. Off in the distance we see a large gathering of people around a bridge.

“Oi… what’s all the commotion?” As we get closer Noah and I stop a few hundred feet from the bridge. I swing my backpack around and begin digging inside. “Did you have that this whole time? Where did that come from?”

“Thanks for paying attention, but yes I’ve had it the whole time.” As I continue to dig. I pull out a bright yellow vest, a police baton, and a policeman's hat. “Here…. put this on.”

“You know this is illegal right?” Noah questioned while holding the clothes in his hands.

“Yeah. But when has that ever stopped us before?”

“Fine what do you need me to do?” I pulled out a massive crowbar from the bag and leaned it up against my shoulder as well as an orange reflective vest.

“Go over there, disperse the crowd. When they are gone, I’ll head over and take care of what I need to take care of.” Noah hangs his head and takes a deep sigh.

“I look like a child…” He does. He looks like a kid playing with Dad’s work clothes. Maybe I should’ve gotten a smaller size? Nah. This is hilarious.

“Yeah and if anyone questions you… you’re a YouTube star and this is a prank show. Got it?”

“....fine….”. Noah mumbles under his breath as he begins to walk away.

“Good luck! Don’t let me down!” I said with a goofy smile and two thumbs up. I follow behind Noah for a minute before ducking off to the side and waiting for him to clear the bridge.

Noah raises his arms and begins to playfully pat people with the baton, and shooing them away. In another life he could’ve been a cop.

This is taking longer than expected. I pull out my phone, and check a few of the messages and see that we are running out of time. She’s already at the museum. Ok well this isn’t going as planned and is taking longer. I guess I’ll just shoot a quick promo and be on my way. I turn the phone's camera front facing and smile widely, but it quickly fades as I begin to shake my head.

“So usually I tend to stay even keeled when I do this kind of thing. You can never get too high, or too low. The middle ground is the sweet spot. There’s nothing wrong with being a midcarder here. The talent here is second to none. Which is why I find it funny when someone starts swinging up.” I begin to pantomime throwing punches towards the sky. “I get it from some of them. They were at the top of the ladder. Only to be thrust off into the abyss, forced to climb back up. But you…. you of all people…”

“I’m better than you.”

“You know it. I know it. Your momma knows it.” A simple shrug and head tilt. “Yet you still don’t think so. Your brain is so full of hot air that you actually think you have a shot. You think that it is actually your time to take me down. After so many attempts… YOU….”

“You think you’re ready for everything that comes along with holding this title. All of the eyes are watching you hold this title up above your head. A single tear will roll down your face, as I walk head down in pure shame and disappointment.”

“And that would be the end of Shawn Warstein in the XWF. A loss to you would be a blow to my ego so great that I would never be able to recover from it. I would t be able to show my face in public. Noah would stop answering my calls. Not a single company on this planet would book me. I’d have to go into exile only to watch my name be erased from the Hall of Legends. James Raven would deny that he made the call to bring me back. Vin would say I told you so, and Theo would just shrug and say ‘Who?’. I’d essentially fade into nothing.”

“How is it living knowing you’re nothing Mastermind? You’ve been living there for so long, if all of that were to happen I should ask someone who has been there.” I said with a smile from ear to ear.

“Okay it’s time for me to get serious.” I take my hand and put it in front of my face. My expression goes from playful to serious in an instant. “I have actually gone back and watched your promos. I must say good for you. I only wanted to jab an ice pick in my temple half a dozen times. So shall we begin?”

“You brought you my show? ‘The Afterthought’ brought to you in front of a live studio audience. I hope you realize that the whole concept of that was just for you. You should feel flattered. I needed to think of the dullest way possible to convey my message, and that’s what I came up with. How must it feel knowing that regardless of all the effort you put up a fucking joke of a concept beat you. ALL THREE TIMES. You didn’t notice that you were the only person I broke that you for. Do you know why?” I hold one hand up to my chin and then like a lightbulb going off a look of A-ha!

“You aren’t worthy of anything new or extraordinary. I don’t need to step out and reinvent the wheel. You got beat by the same sharp tongued, devilishly handsome, always better than you Fuzz.”

“Now I know that everyone is entitled to their opinions, and some people do it to get under my skin. Yet you Mastermind aren’t that clever. The name is Shawn Warstein. It’s a name so nice they will have to induct me twice.”

“Back on topic, no matter how bland that topic may be.”

“The fact that you were so overly excited for this match tells me everything I need to know. You deep down know you don’t deserve this opportunity. Hell I wouldn’t lit it past you to think you’ve never earned this opportunity. The last time you were here was luck of the draw, and you got fucking rolled by Engy. Somehow now you think the outcome is going to be any different? No. That only happens if fairy tales. Like the man getting the girl at the end. It doesn’t happen in reality. I’m sorry that reality sucks…. well for you it does.”

“You said you weren’t going to give me a few weeks off? Well….. I’m waiting. I haven’t even attempted to put it in second gear yet, meanwhile you’re sitting there spinning your wheels. I mean the biggest thing you’ve done so far is rip off a song and call that a promo. If that’s your attempt at trying, you might want to spend more time at home with the wife and kids. You never know what Disney+ movie or show will be your next big breakthrough idea.”

“Respect.”

“It’s something you said you have or had for me…. I wish I could tell you I feel the same way, but I don’t. I don’t see the appeal to you at all. You’re not funny like Noah. You aren’t serious like Page and Main. You’re the living embodiment of “Meh”... Wait, someone beat me to it.”

[Image: Mastermeh2.jpg]

“See Mastermind, it’s not just me. Shout out to The Wizard for that, even he knows you’re garbage and he hasn’t been here but a few months. You can sit there and cling to the hopes that you’ll eventually climb to the heights that I have attained, but just know that the peak keeps moving further away each day that I hold this title.”

“I honestly can’t tell whether or not your first promo was trying to be self deprecating or if you actually thought dragging yourself down would make me show some remorse? Or maybe make me go easy on you. Well the easy part was your third promo, if you even want to call it that. If you want to rip off songs, I hear Jimson is available for Leap Of Faith, because even I know that shit isn't going to fly against The Wizard.”

“It’s not even fun watching one of your promos. It’s as if you learned from a fifth grader how to cut a promo. The only difference is you’re still on a fourth grade reading level and your comprehension skills leave much to be desired. You honestly spend more time saying that you don’t belong here, than you do about how you’re going to beat me.”

“I must say you really went out on a limb talking to Sayors about the match. That’s really showing everyone that you belong. How is old Steve these days? Still blander than vanilla ice cream? Still have enough charisma to fill a thimble? Okay. Fine Mastermind. I’ll bite.”

“I won’t walk all over you. I’ve already done that. It has already happened so many times before. Again you laid it all out there, so what has changed this time? What great plan do you have? That’s right, the big guarded secret.”

“You want to know what I think your plan is?”

“You don’t have one. You know that you can’t win. I know you lay in bed at night dreaming of beating me. You run through every scenario. Every possible outcome like you’re the Slow Dr. Strange. And every time you think you’ve finally found the right future something tragic happens and the ending always remains the same.”

“Fourteen million six hundred and five.”

“There was one way they could win. For you? You’re not that lucky. There isn’t any possible scenario where you come out on top. So all of your dreams can end now, or you can continue to live in the vicious cycle of nightmares.”

“Now I have to call Mastermind out on him talking about all of his accomplishments and the shortcomings of mine. He said that I couldn’t touch Engy’s record for longest reign with the X-Treme title, and in the same breath said I was only ten days away. That I became boring, bland and stale. Apparently he doesn’t understand the concept of an UPGRADE. I could’ve held onto the X-Treme title, but unlike Mastermind I had grander ambitions. The very same night you’re calling Noah and Myself out on was the same night I became Universal Champion.”

“Seeing as how you’re coming for MY title, you might want to take those rose colored glasses off and see this for what it really is.”

“This is pity for you. Whoever booked this match wanted to show you pity. They knew that you’d never be able to earn a shot at this title. They knew that you would never be man enough to answer an open challenge. They knew that you weren’t on my level. You are nothing more than a scared little puppy on the Fourth of July. Every time the big explosions go off, you shiver, run around, bash your skull into a wall, have a seizure, and promptly piss on yourself.”

“The countdown is over. Let me give you a quick spoiler for Warfare.”

“Winner…. And STILLLLLL…”

“Yet you knew that already didn’t you? That’s why you already threw in the towel. You knew that you couldn’t and don’t compare to me. We are like cars. You’re a 1974 Ford Pinto, and I’m a Brand New Maserati.”

“Sure we are both cars, but only one of them really matters. I don’t have to spell it out for you, but I will….”

“It’s me.”

“I’m the one that matters.”

I quickly turn off my phone and jam it in my pocket as I continue to watch Noah clear off the bridge. He sees me and begins to frantically wave me over. I rush over there with the crowbar and hastily throwing on my vest.

“There cunt...everyone is gone….” Noah’s eye peer behind me. “Hey…. get off this bridge you stupid fuck! Can’t you tell we are working on it?!?” Noah rushes over to the other side of the bridge where a few other people have attempted to cross.

Ok Shawn where is it….. where did you put it?

I begin checking all the bricks along the side, when I get to the middle I spot it. One brick, slightly misaligned. Lighter in color than the rest, and carved into the side of it is a DOVE.

Jackpot.

I jam the crowbar along the side of it and begin to jostle it back and forth. The brick is breaking slightly with small crumbles of the rock coming off of the side. I toss the crowbar off to the side and pick up the brick.

In hindsight maybe a brick wasn’t the best idea, but I had the best intentions in mind.

Noah comes rushing up and is out of breath.

“That’s what we came for? A brick? What are you gonna bash your skull in from the pity your feeling for yourself?” Exasperated he shakes his head.

“Not just any brick Noah.” I begin to dust the debris off of it and there is an engraving on the other side.

‘You’re my rock.
You’re my diamond.
I’ll be yours
Till this brick is forgotten
This is Two
Of Three
For You
From Me’

“Cute.” Noah rolls his eyes and spots someone else approaching on the other side of the bridge.

“Yeah…. but that’s not all either.” I continue to remove the debris and on the other side of the brick there’s a diamond pressed into it. I carefully remove it and hold it up. As it shines in the sunlight, Noah slaps me on the back.

“Great, you’re leaving diamonds laying around for anyone to find them. Let’s go National Treasure, that’s the cops….”. Noah grabs me by the shirt and begins to pull me away. “Just put your head down, and for fuck sake put that brick in your bag. We gotta move.”

“Fine.” I shove the brick into the bag, with the crowbar and vest. “One more stop, and we are done.”

“Good. Let’s go. Where are we going now?”

“To the Louvre….”

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