Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) · (06-11-2020)

The following video plays clips from the various scenes that our narrator dictates.

“With the police after her, Ms. Direction and the rest of B.O.B. retreated to their secret lair which happened to be Vita Valenteen’s home/gym, to pack up and go on the run from the police. Graves, proving to not be much help, was dismissed to film his first promo video for his Television title opportunity against Thunder Knuckles at this week's Savage. While filming, Police raided the building and Ms. Direction and John Black were separated from Micheal graves and Tommy Wish, who escaped thanks to the power of Shane

’s golden potato, which is currently nestled firming in Micheal’s ass to prevent him from losing it again. Later, we would find out that Ms. Direction had been captured by police after crashing her car into a building. John Black was apparently not with Vita when she crashed, but it is unknown if he was in the car prior. Once unmasked by police, it was revealed that Ms. Direction was in fact prime suspect Vita Valenteen. Vita for weeks, had proclaimed her innocence, claiming instead that someone was trying to set her up.”

“Prior to being captured, Vita was involved in an alleged hit and run at the hands of Micheal Graves just before her scheduled match against Ms. Direction. The fact that this attack happened off camera, and conveniently prevented Vita vs Ms. Direction from happening, caused speculation that the attack never happened, and was just part of a play to pull suspension away from Vita. Those suspicions were amplified after it was reported that Vita had never made it to the hospital, having been “kidnapped” just prior to Ms. Direction’s appearance on the show.”

“However, as Vita Valenteen awaits trial for her alleged crimes, a new mask has risen to claim the mantle of the leader of BOB, a mysterious woman of similar height and build as Vita Valenteen no less. Which of course begs the question, what if the series of events that you’ve been fed over the past several weeks have not been as forthcoming as first thought? Could every slip of the tongue be intentional, every event perfectly planned out to cast doubt?”

“Prior to capturing Vita Valenteen, police located a hostage in her residence. Though her name has yet to be officially released, the woman in question is believed to be Jessicia Johnson, Vita’s former childhood friend, former due to them having a falling out when Vita cast away her morals for a win at all cost attitude. What if Jessicia Johnson isn’t the victim here? What if Vita Valenteen really is innocent, and Miss Fury is in fact just Ms. Direction under a new guise?”

“The truth is unknown, and the police don’t seem to be looking too hard into alternative suspects, feeling as if the DA have a strong case against Vita. That’s where we come in, I’m your host, Brian McVicker, and this is…”

[Image: Truth-Seekers-copy.jpg]

“What you are about to see is raw footage caught from a nearby apartment window.”

We cut to a fuzzy video of the night in question. We can see John Black carrying an unconscious Ms. Direction to the car and placing her into the back seat before getting in and driving off.

The video cuts to Brian McVicker, who is seen sitting behind a talk show desk, but very low budget, maybe he’s a new youtube channel or something.

“It would seem that things aren’t quite as they seem. What would you say to that Micheal?”

The camera pulls back and reveals that Micheal Graves has been sitting there this entire time.

”While I'm all for pinning this shit on someone and getting Vita outta jail, Miss Fury is not and never was Ms. Direction, and that’s just a fact!”

“Then tell me, who is this Miss Fury?”

Micheal pauses, a slight twitch in his eye. "Motherfucker, I don't you that was off limits!" he thinks as he bottles his rage.

“If you can't give a name, at least tell me where I might know her from?”

"Sure thing McDicker! The place that you're probably the most likely to know her from... would likely be?"

After an awkward pause.

“Um, I don't know Micheal, I was asking you!”

"That's the point shitstain, you don't know, and you won't know. Believe you me (he says sarcastically), I sure learned my lesson when I accidentally spoke Ms. Direction's name out loud all those times. I'm not gonna be screwing over Miss Fury by telling ya her real name's Ata... Graves eyes widen! Ah!!! ...Almost got me!"

“Did you just suggest that Atara...”

It's ATARI! Graves interjects. And no, I didn't! Now why don't you move on to the part where you talk about my upcoming TV title shot before you make this whole thing as irrelevant as that Jesus gibberish that Barthalamew fucker was babbling on about! By the way, did you understand ANY of that, or what it had to do with?"

“I'm not sure that I know what you're speaking of Mr. Graves. I asked you onto the show to discuss the identities of Miss Fury and Ms. Direction!”

Graves just looks at him for what feels like an eternity.

Before finally asking, "How's that working out for ya?"

“Well maybe we can touch base on your match before we continue.”

"Nah, you've done killed the moment McDicker!"

Graves stands up and begins to adjust his cape and shoulder pads.

“You're not leaving, are you? The interview isn't over!”

"I'm afraid it is pal!"

Graves finishes adjusting his gear and waves his hand as we watch Brian McVicker transform into a frog before our very eyes.

"Miss Fury told me to let ya know that you shouldn't go poking your nose where it doesn't belong."

Graves turns his attention to the camera to address the audience at... wait, we aren't live? Eh, hopefully, Graves figures that out after the fact and remembers to upload this shit.

"Jesus? You're giving credit to fucking Jesus? Jesus didn't point out how much you could make by bypassing the easy road and actually putting effort into defending your title, I did, but you want to credit JESUS!? Like we all don't know that you just paid some hobo and throw him in robes! Your con's done jumped the shark TK, nobody believes that shit. And why is Jesus telling you not to screw over teammates anyway? 13th commandment? Pfft, stealing material from Mel Brooks now? Listen TK, why don't you just fess up to what your problem really is. Go ahead, tell the world how this all really came to be. What's that? My butt potato is tingling! It senses hesitation from your aura. Ah fuck it, I'll just do it myself!"

"At Wargames, I offered you money to take a dive. A test to see how willing you'd be to douche over 4 other men that counted on you. Much to my satisfaction, you did not hesitate to take the cash, but the next day, to my complete surprise, you returned every last bux, why? That's a question that I asked the last time I addressed you, and one that you were sure to ignore. Well, since you're in the religious spirits at the moment, why don't we go ahead and enlighten people. You returned that money because you knew that Page and Main were onto you, and Thunder Knuckles is nothing if not a chicken shit! Don't take my word for it, just look at your every action since coming into the XWF TK. Pin me pay me became your motto because you lack the gusto to hang with the real talent here. You know, anyone above a Jimson / Boris level is just too much for ya. That's why Madison Dyson, rest her soul, good woman, and one of the very few that aged like a fine wine, anyway, that's why Madison Dyson had her thumb firmly on you the entirety of her time here. The gatekeeper of the Federweight title bested you at every turn, and she was your biggest rival! If you couldn't beat her, what in the Hell makes you think that you stand a snowball's chance with me? Because you filmed a stupid video in a lame attempt to convince the world that you're a profit of the lord? You're no profit TK, just a cautionary example of how not to make it in this business! Yeah, yeah, TV title, blah blah blah. Like I said before, you didn't earn it, you lucked into it. No harm in that, a win's a win after all, but don't try to sell that belt as anything more than luck and favorable booking! Need I remind you that this isn't the first time that I challenged, but apparently SOMEBODY in management, perhaps the "respectable" Atticus White, decided that BrIaN sToRm was a more suitable challenge.``

"Give me a fucking break by the way. My work since returning to this shithole has been phenomenal! I'm at the top of my game. Best I've been since my heyday. Do you think you can hang with that? Do you think you've got what it takes? Finger poke of doom? I'm going to shove my finger right through your fucking heart, what do ya think of that, huh? This isn't a fucking joke, I'm not looking to hit shitty imitations of every big move I've seen because I think it's flashy and makes people take notice of me. I don't care about that, just like I don't care about the money. What I care about is doing MY part to help build B.O.B. into an evil empire that rules over the XWF, and to do that, I have to go through you!"

"But it doesn't have to be this way TK, drop the belt, accept my offer to join B.O.B. Put that criminal genius to use within an organization where it can make a difference. You're not a wrestler, you're not a fighter, you're just a goof imitating what you see on TV and hoping to make a million dollars and have a sandwich named after you. A guy like that can't beat me TK, Jesus Christ or no Jesus Christ."

"RIBBIT!"

Graves turns his attention to the frog that was once the host of "Truth-Seekers".

"Still with the questions? Fine, I'll tell you the truth..."

Graves plucks the frog out of Brian's chair and whispers in his ear. The frog's eyes grow large as Graves reveals the truth about the identity of Ms. Fury.

"RIBBIT!?"

Suddenly Graves shoves the frog into his mouth. The obnoxious open mouth chewing combined with the crunching sounds and bloody slobber is enough to make one sick. Suddenly Graves' eyes widen and he gasps for air! Oh shit, he's choking! Graves drops to the floor.

Graves peeks out of one eye, before jumping up to his feet.

"Whoa, near-death experience... Good thing "Jesus" was looking out for me, huh? Also, unlike that big faker in your video, my Jesus is real and he supports everything that I and B.O.B. as a collective are doing! That must also mean that he really wants me to kick YOUR ass! Sorry TK, but that knock off Jesus of yours can't hold a candle to mine. Did you hear how he pronounced his name? Hey-Zeus! That's how you say Jesus in Spanish, and Spanish Jesus is so much stronger than you're made up white Jesus! Just look at the meaning of his name. The name Hey-Zeus indicates that you are a diligent and persevering worker who enjoys doing a job well and finishing what is started. No wonder you got Wonder Bread Jesus when you died, cause you've never been known for being a guy who can get the job done, much less take pride in it. You're just a joke TK. A fat, poorly trained joke who was either too lazy or too cheap to learn the in's and out's of the ring and rushed into the business as quickly as you could to chase after that money. Listen, I'm not shitting on it. There's no doubt that you are the fastest grossing star in XWF history, but you didn't earn that title because of your skills in the ring did you? You earned it by taking dives and screwing over partners. Sebastion Duke hasn't been seen since you dicked him over at LL, but maybe White Bread gave you a pass for that one? Did he also give Jimmy a pass for shooting one of his "disciples''? Cause I know poor Vita is rotting away in jail for killing some people, I'd hate to see your Jimmy end up in there with her. Without him by your side, you tend to make some of the stupidest decisions. Not that he exudes intelligence or anything, but even I would have known not to drink that kool-aid, and I wouldn't need some hobo in pajamas to "enlighten" me!"

"Add that to the list of reasons as to why you should just hand me that TV belt and #JoinBOB! Miss Fury is very interested in your criminal mind. You join us, she keeps you out of trouble, and you make us all tons of bux! Meanwhile, I tear through the Television division like an uncaged beast and bring all of the attention squarely on BOB, one broken body at a time! Together, we can build an unstoppable empire of villains within the XWF. We use our exposure here to promote our illegal activities. C'mon TK, even I can see the benfit in this, proving you'd have to be pretty fucking stupid if you didn't, but just in case you are a fucking or something, let me tell you what will happen if we walk down a different path. You continue to falsely believe that you don’t need B.O.B. and you find yourself broke AND broken when I cripple your dumpy ass and take the TV title anyway, and there’s nothing you, or white bread Jesus can do about it!"

"Now, I don't normally resort to this, but since TK's newest hype vid has once again exposed him as nothing more than a wannabe cosplay quote crusher, Goddamn, I know I said that you're lazy in the ring, but even outside of it, seems like Jimmy's doing all of the hard WORK while "Ole Thunder Knuckles" just stands there and allows things to happen around him. you're not a champion because you possess any real skill, and you're damn sure not where you are because of any hard work. The fact of the matter is that the only reason that you've managed to find even a semblance of success in the XWF is because you have people like Jimmy who's willing to carry your dumbass with them to the top. I should know, I'm a certified dead lifter, and I just proved it at War Games where I carried Hanari Carnes to the main event where he was able to eliminate you pretty fuckin early! And yeah, I carried his ass, that was proven when he punked out early and put everything on my shoulders, but I still landed top four, only being outlasted by the least proven Universal champion since Scully, FuZz!"

"You want to talk about which side of relevance you're looking at? I'm a veteran of over 20 years. I've dedicated my life to perfecting my craft! And while the fans may not always agree with my actions, it's hard to argue the results! Just look at the tear that I've been on since returning at the side of Ms. Directions and forming B.O.B. we've been pretty fucking dominate both in the ring and all over the news! B.O.B.s taking over TK, and either you're with us, or you're against us. Now, you have a decision to make. Accept my offer to join B.O.B. We even have a spot for your pal Jimmy. It's a good offer. You'll make that money, and do far less work. BOB will use you to play to your strengths. Trust in BOB. Otherwise, you're going to feel B.O.B. full Fury! Either way, the results are going to be the same. Soft Fluffy... Uh, what?" Graves pounds his palm against his forehead trying to, I don't know, realign his thoughts or something? [dwg]"Uh? Anyway, it doesn't matter which you pick TK, either way, the headlines are gonna be the same. "Micheal Graves Is Stronger Than God!"

Suddenly the clouds in the sky outside darken and part. Thunder BOOMS as winds pick up to insane speeds and the roof tears clear off of the building. Micheal stands in horror as he looks to the sky and sees...

"You don't scare me! I've got a Golden Potato in my ass!"

Suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes Graves' blasphemous ass from within the studio!

[Image: ezgif-2-64530be9bca5.gif]

The End?

Later

Micheal Graves is seen smoldering on the ground. A loud dry cough! He's alive!

"I'm still alive.. butt potato wins..." He says with a grin while otherwise lying motionless due to his injuries. Fortunately, The Golden Potato will accelerate his natural healing and have Graves in tip-top shape for Savage!

The End.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Truth Seekers
Author	Message