Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Alister Dante · (01-11-2020)

Log Entry

Soul searching. The evaluation of oneself through thine own eyes. No one is exempt from this ritual of sorts. Not even the holiest of holy divinities has refused to chance a glance inward. Self study for the purpose of growing and understanding. Both yourself and the world around you, for only when you come to terms with yourself can you truly be at peace and with that harmony, comes acceptance and knowledge. Two key elements on the path of true enlightenment. I always try to make time for self examination. Much has changed for me and with that alteration, I find myself changing as well. Even now, I couldn't help but slightly snicker at the term "self examination", it wasn't my intention to allude to masturbation, I was naturally referring to meditation but lord help me, if I made the mistake of saying that aloud in the presence of Axle King. I would never hear the end of it and it's with this immediate awareness and perception of how the scenario would play out, comes the knee jerk sensation of laughter. I can perceive precisely how it would have proceeded forth and I would have walked right into it.

Yes, adjusting to my roommates has been a process but I like to think, I've adapted and know their traits and personalities quite well. Dare I say I've grown used to their habits and quirks and it has come to a point where this feels like home and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Strange. How a simple transformation of scenery can modify an outlook so much and two roommates whose beliefs, thoughts and opinions are antithetical to mine, effect my own outlook in time. Mind you this is not a total and complete overhaul that's taken place but as I pointed out, there's a distinct transition from the moment I moved in, to now. Although just because I notice it, does not mean I oppose it per se. Change is good, so long as you don't completely let it overtake you and allow it to make you forget, who you were and the important lessons that you learned. Which brings me to the reason I began writing.

Through meditation and prayer, I have come to the realization that I haven't been totally honest with myself. In another entry of mine, I revisited the topic of Father Franklin uncovering my secrets, leaving the church and making the choice to stop my studies in the terms of becoming a priest. That is not entirely truthful. Yes, Father Franklin discovered the truth about my dual life and all that I hid from him and yes, I was asked to leave but that wasn't why I stopped attending seminary school. It wasn't why I decided to turn my back on the concept of becoming a priest. I could have kept attending and graduated, I chose to end it and take another course. I did this because I met someone. Met someone, I say that like it just happened, when I have known her for over a year now. Her name is Trinity and over the period of time that I've known her, she's become a vital ally and friend. After I left the church and I moved in with Axle and Wylie, there was a part of me that wondered if there could be something more to our relationship.

I never initially gave the idea the attention it deserved and often ignored the feelings that developed. Little by little though, they grew and now, I can no longer put off addressing them because they've increased to the point, where I can't avoid or overlook them. They have utterly overtaken my thoughts. To the extent where I positively know for a fact, that I gave up the possibility of becoming a priest for her. For the chance to be with her. This is an insight into myself that not only shames me for my weakness but it also brings me, immense guilt. No man is perfect though. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Everyone is capable of doubt or doing wrong but that's the thing, deep down I don't feel like I am wrong. I don't want to reject the thought of being with her and pretend it's not there, until it goes away. I want to act on it and the sensation is unbearable. In both weighing on my conscience and other far more carnal ways. Even as I write this now in my journal, a safe space for all my inner most personal thoughts, I find it hard to admit the truth. However, I need to accept it and face facts, none of this is going to simply go away.

So maybe, I should acknowledge and recognize it finally and believe in the goodness and realness of it, rather than shun it or make the concept suppress me and disgrace me with a stigma. The lord works in mysterious ways, after all and so far, he hasn't turned his back on me in my quest against the forces of evil. No matter what the plight or risk entails, he has watched over and guided me, every step of the way. Perhaps, my feelings for Trinity don't have to be seen as a bad omen, instead it could be considered a good sign. Perchance I wasn't meant to traverse my one true path alone. I do not know for certain if that's the case or if it's wishful thinking that's fueling my words, all I know is I cannot ignore what is ever present and always in my mind, any longer and so I must make a choice and I choose to pursue my passion.

Once again, I pick her.

May God have mercy on my soul and forgive me when I say, I do not give a damn if I am wrong.

Walking briskly through the night, Alister Dante approached Trinity's apartment building. Tonight he traveled not as the watchful warrior and protector of the city but merely as Alister Dante. Equipped with neither weapons nor disguise, he neared the front door. Yet he was still on a mission of sorts, there was a message that he had to deliver and this one came from the heart. A wise man once said "Love is God" so perhaps, there was more to this agenda than what could possibly initially be perceived. An understanding of that would make itself known when Alister arrived at the front door of Trinity's apartment, only to hear arguing from above. Echoing out onto the street below, it poured forth from her window.

A window that he was well acquainted with from frequenting it, during nightly patrols, he recognized her voice right away, while the secondary, accompanying voice wasn't familiar at all. No gear, no weapons and zero plan, Alister acted on instinct alone and climbed up the fire escape of a neighboring building. Accessing the interior of a stranger's flat, he entered cautiously and found the place empty, much to his relief. From there, he made his way to the roof and akin to something that the great and powerful, Azrael Erebus has done many times before in the past, he took a running leap and vaulted over to the next roof. The roof of Trinity's apartment building.

Which led him to the inside of her building and brought him to her front door. Where he knocked, three times in rapid succession. Immediately the door swung open and a skeezy looking scumbag, stood before him. Dressed in a wife beater, that surely must have been white at one point in time but was far from that now and a pair of jeans, the man took a swig of beer from the bottle that he carried with him to the door and then glared at Alister, through bloodshot eyes.

"Whaddya want?"

He asked in a slurred tone, his breath toxic enough to peel the paint off walls.

"Is Trinity home?"

"That whore? Yeah. Come on in."

Danger, Will Robinson... danger! There was something definitely foul and dastardly going on here. Alister entered anyway. Allowing his eyes to scan the internal area of Trinity's abode, he discovered her in the kitchen. Hovered over the sink with her back turned to him. Alister walked over to her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. She spun around with a large butcher knife and a raw steak over one eye. This caused Alister to step back, as he raised his hands up in front of himself, to show he meant no harm. The sight of Alister, came with instant recognition for Trinity and she lowered the blade, sighing.

"Alister. What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop by and see what you were doing. I heard yelling and got worried, is everything alright?"

This was asked as Alister placed his sights towards the slimeball's location. Captain Disgusting was sprawled out on the couch in the living room, scratching himself. Pretty much like he was attempting to find something he lost down there.

"Are you in trouble?"

Alister spoke in a hushed tone and turned back to Trinity. She shook her head and started crying. Continuing to speak softly, Alister put his arm around her. Gently taking the knife from her with his free hand, he put it into the sink.

"Do you want to get out of here? You don't have to stay here. You can come with me, right now and we'll get this sorted, I promise. Okay? I won't let anything bad happen to you."

She cast a glance towards the slob on the sofa and nodded. To which Alister responded, with a nod in kind and then he took her by the hand. Slowly they made their way out the door, unnoticed by the unsanitary sloth on the sofa, it didn't take long for them to exit the building. Trinity held Alister's hand the entire way back to his place.

"Tomorrow night, Ezra Blackwater and I shall enter the squared circle, with Robbie Bourbon and Atara Themis. Now I do not mean either of my opponents any ill will. Despite the fact, that I fully intend on taking part in a battle against them. However, this is merely business. The sport of combat and the name of the game and we all signed up to compete in the fine art of wrestling. I appreciate the athleticism in it and I believe just because we're destined to fight, doesn't mean that gives reason for things to turn ugly. Sparring with one another does not make us enemies. We're all getting paid and we all signed on that dotted line. This is not war, this is taking part in combat for the thrill of it. Because we enjoy it and we're good at it.

"People pay good money to be entertained and we live up to that expectation, tenfold. I embrace and respect everything about wrestling. From the gms that assess the competitors talent, to the match and my fellow opponents, to the fans and heck, even the random staff. I truly think we can participate in this match and walk out, without animosity. That's just me though. If my opinion isn't shared that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts but know this. Should you carry a grudge after our fight, you may want to rethink your attitude and place your sights somewhere else."

"Do not assume my kind words, mean weakness. Pursue any further than necessary and you will regret it. This is not a threat, it is simply a warning and a promise, that I will defend myself. Much like I plan to do in our match, the only difference will be the outcome. Because I won't be on the clock. Something to think about. For the future. Now lets have an amazing fight! See you all, tomorrow night."

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Love Is God
Author	Message