The Motherfuckers, oft called heroes by their opponents, are really just two guys who aren't afraid to fight, made of pure meat and bone.

For some reason, though, that scares the piss out of a time-traveling entity possessing a body and an intergalactic quasi-deity. Go figure.

THE MOTHERFUCKERS RIDE AGAIN

Shortly after subduing a group of orderlies in some hellish dark site cooked up to control the population, Robbie Bourbon glances around.

"Everybody, in here!"

Robbie calls to the frightened group of patient/prisoners in a hallway and guides them into a room where a man in a lab coat is seen in a chair with straps, unconscious, his pants soiled from when he went to the bathroom after having his testes electrocuted.

"Okay, lock the door behind me."

Robbie leaves the room. As he does, the door shuts behind him, and we hear the sound of a lock setting in place. A second later, and a klaxon wails in the halls, signalling an alarm. Robbie looks around, seeing orderlies freshly knocked out on the ground and a few doors.

"So, uh, what the hell do I do now?"

Robbie walks over to a door and tries it. It swings wide open, and on the other side we see three men in riot gear charging down another hall towards Robbie. Robbie closes the door.

"Okay, that is probably not the right way to go. Shit. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Robbie rushes to another door and opens it. Inside is a yellow bucket on wheels with a mop suspended on a hook next to it. A standard custodian's closet with cleaning supplies. Behind him, the door swings open again, and the three men in riot gear pour through.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

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Back in the Cafeteria BWP has made his way over to the table where Sid sits just staring into an abyss. Most likely believing he is telepathically communicating with his colony somewhere out in the darkness of the Universe. Pig sets his tray of slop down next to Sid who pays no attention to anything going on in the real world.

“Mind if I sit down?

Sid stares blankly as if Bearded War Pig was nothing of his concern.

“Well I’ll take that as a yes.”

Responding with the doubt that Sid even heard what he had to say. Pig then takes a seat in front of what looks to be an eggs and gravy that was barfed up by a dog. Twirling his plastic spoon in the slop he continues to try and break through the barrier with words.

“This shit here isn’t even fit for a communist prisoner; what kind of chow hall are they operating here? Fuck I ate better in an Afghan prison. Honestly a man/lady Vagina probably tastes better than this shit. What say you Sid?”

Sid continues to stare blankly. Pig begins tapping his slop covered spoon on the table attempting to keep his cool with the deranged and silent Alien want to be.

“You really would be a perfect specimen for a women, no replies, no thoughts, just sitting there soaking it all in. The ladies would love to have a man like you.”

Sid finally stirs, turning to BWP with a piercing glare.

“I am no man! I’m from planet Vista Cera. I’m the keeper of the stars and soon my colony will take this rock from you pathetic humans and enslave the strong and retain subsistence from your weak. No apologize now and I will make sure you are my personal slave!”

Normally Pig would grow hot headed from any kind of disrespect or condemning speech toward him. Instead he keeps his cool knowing what he needs to do so his plan is executed perfectly.

“Sorry Master! I meant no disrespect or anything of the sort. I just heard some very threatening news. You see that man over there?”

Pointing over to Johnathon who stirs very suspiciously and hectic like a paranoid crack head.

“He knows of your colonies plans and is preparing to slow them if not disrupt them completely. He’s been whispering to what I believed to be himself, until I noticed the small earpiece. Making me conclude he is talking to other humans, a special force, Space Force! Extraterrestrial exterminators. We must act quick and preci…”

Before BWP can finish his sentence Sid bursts out in frantic screeching hiss.

“You will all pay for your crimes and conspiracy against my colony!”

Sid grabs his slop tray and charges at Johnathon who begins to panic like a frightened child. Frozen and scared, Johnathon receives a thundering blow from the tray to the side of the head. Not really causing any damage, Johnathon still slides to the floor and begins rocking in the fetal position.

“Not again. Not again. Not again.”

Johnathon mumbles under his breath as he continues shaking back and forth. Pigs plan is working, the Orderlies including the guard who was tormenting BWP in the pit come rushing into the cafeteria. As they pass Pig and try to deescalate the incident. Sid begins lunging and biting at any ‘Human’ that attempts to come near. BWP quickly hops up onto the table, sprinting toward the Orderlies he dives like superman knocking them all to the ground. Quickly he regains his foot hold and begins kicking and stomping mudholes in the guard’s asses. With the help of Sid, it only takes a few moments before rendering all four of the Orderlies unconscious. BWP quickly grabs the high-tech cuffs and the guards key card before fleeing the scene with his ‘Alien’ Sid.

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"Get on the ground!"

One of the men in riot gear shouts at Robbie, who slowly turns within the cleaning closet and looks back at them.

"Look, I didn't do anything! These people didn't..."

"ON THE GROUND, NOW!"

The three men in riot gear stop, forming a wall. As they do, Robbie squints.

"Make your fucking move."

The three men look at each other, showing their hand; there is no way they were prepared for this to happen.

"Sir, lie on the ground and you won't get hurt."

"Oh, if I stand I'ma be fine too, shitberg."

Robbie sneers as he pulls the mop down from the hook on the wall. He paces slowly towards the three men in riot gear.

"PUT THE MOP DOWN!"

Robbie sets into a sprint, holding the mop handle wide, and clears the three men, clotheslining the trio with the mop handle. They collapse, dropping their shields and batons. Robbie drops the mop.

"Well, that was a clean hit. Or something. Damn it, Robbie, no time for puns."

Robbie reaches down and pulls a helmet off of one of the men and puts it on. He then grabs a shield and one of their batons.

"These will come in handy."

Robbie turns towards the door the three men entered from and opens it. He looks down the hall, and starts to tromp down the hall. The moans and shrieks of those locked in cells, much like the one he was in earlier, dominate the soundscape of the hall. Robbie looks in horror through small slats.

"How many of you are sick and how many of you are they trying to make sick?"

Robbie keeps walking until he sees what he had been looking for, a security office. He enters and sits at an unattended desk with two computer monitors on it. The monitors are split into several views, closed circuit security camera footage incoming from everywhere in the facility. Robbie points to a section on the monitor, the manipulates the mouse attached to the PC, double clicking on it. The view on the monitor shows only the room Robbie was about to be lobotomized in. Inside we see all the people Robbie recently liberated from the insidious captors of this facility huddled, and waiting. Robbie double clicks to zoom out.

"Hold tight, guys, let me see if I can find us a way out of here."

Robbie presses a button on the screen to disengage the alarm set in that section. He then notices, elsewhere in the building, an alarm is also triggered. Robbie double clicks and we see a cafeteria.

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On their way out of the Cafeteria Pig notices a camera and gives it two middle fingers while mouthing, “Suck my dick!” A Peter ‘Fuckin’ Gilmore classic. Booting the swinging doors open both Pig and Sid make their escape. Outside of the cafeteria BWP quickly notices three more guards sprinting toward the riot he left behind. Acting fast Pig begins to simulate attacking Sid which suddenly causes the guards to stop. One speaks out to the other two.

“Oh we should let this play out, I got money on that bearded fucker. Any of you pussies want to take that bet?”

The other two guards look at each other and nod. One of them responds.

“Two fifty from each of us, five hundred for yourself!”

The first guard and obviously their leader nods with a smile. Pig grabs Sid in a Muay Thai clench and pulls him close, whispering.

“Follow my lead, these idiots think this fight is real, with the corruption around here I figured they couldn’t pass up a gamblers opportunity. I’m going to toss you over near them, beg them to have them stop this. When they pour all their attention on you, BOOM! I’ll pounce on their asses you can help if you want.”

All while faking knees to Sid’s ribs, Pig then thrusts toward the guards with all his momentum slinging Sid like a sandbag. Crashing down in between the three guards Sid begins putting on an Oscar worthy tearful cry for help. Unable to help themselves the guards begin to chuckle at the pathetic sight that is a crying ass ‘Alien’ All three remove their attention from Pig and begin to hoist Sid to his feet. Before they can shove him toward BWP, Pig comes flying in with a superman punch connecting right on the jaw of one of the guards the cracking of bone quickly shocks the other two. Pig quickly spartan kicks another in the chest. Sid being the freak that he is jumps onto the back of one of the guards and sinks his teeth into the jugular, ripping flesh from the guard, blood begins to squirt like a broken faucet.

“What in the hell man? We don’t need to kill them; well fuck it they are some sick bastards!”

Pig walks over to one of the fallen guards and begins to repeatedly stomp in the guard’s skull with the heal of his foot that is covered by a thin slipper. After about ten stomps his skull collapses and blood begin to ooze from the hole. BWP then points to the first guard as if he is offering the kill to Sid.

Sid smiles sadistically before pulling a baton from one of the already dead guards. Quickly he uses it to apply a rear naked choke, accept with the leverage of the baton, you can hear ligaments and other shit in the throat rip and tear like piece of plastic.

“Wow that was surprisingly delightful, too bad my best bud Robbie Bourbon wasn’t here to enjoy kicking the shit out of some asshole bad dudes! He would really make this moment a little less dark and melancholie. You’d love Bourbon, Sid, it is almost impossible to not love the jolly big boned man, he is kind of like a masked badass santa clause except he doesn’t bring presents besides the joys of laughter. Any ways, we need to move, toss me another one of those batons just in case we run into any more of these fuckers.”

Sid tosses a baton to Pig and begins to run right next to BWP both men keeping an eye out for a exit or some way to escape even if it isn’t your typical way out of a dark state insane asylum.

“We really should try and do something about that alarm.”

Sid says as he suddenly stops dead in his tracks.

“Fuck the Alarm! We just need to focus on escaping this hell! Why the fuck did you stop?”

BWP turns to Sid who is staring down a hall, Pig takes a look for himself, a swarm of guards and orderlies. Sid points and his mouth opens.

“Well it seems like if we don’t stop the alarm more and more of them will come!”

Pig begins counting the enemy, stopping at ten.

“Well I believe we are royally fucked my new friend. There is no fucking way we will be able to beat, kill, or evade all of them, its like one of them impossible video games. Where wave after wave just gets even more fuckin ridiculous! Well I’m at least going down swinging, what say you?”

Sid begins tapping his baton in his hand.

“Let’s fucking show these pathetic humans why I am the Earth's overlord and you my personal warrior slave!”

BWP rolls his eyes and begins to sprint toward the masses letting out a war cry the entire way. Clashing into the first couple guards Pig and Sid eliminate them quickly with samurai like maneuvers. Pig gets caught up by one of the guards struggling as more surround him he begins kicking and fighting with all his might. Knocking two of the approaching guards down. Pig quickly smashes the back of his head into the bridge of his captor’s nose. Releasing his grip BWP rolls away and leaps up almost taking another guards head clean off. Sid is biting one’s face for a good minute before he is swarmed. The guards begin to kick and punch as if Sid is getting jumped into a gang. Pig dives in to try and rescue his new friend but the numbers are just too much… Both men now on the floor being stomped and punched almost unconscious…
--------------------------------

Robbie views the fracas occuring in the cafeteria, and sees two figures absolutely tear into some guards.

"Damn."

Robbie puts his hand on his chin and looks intently at the screen. He sees the two men leave the cafeteria. He madly scrambles between cameras by clicking on a list of numbers to the left of the security feeds shown to him. He finally stops when he sees the two figures in a hallway, and some ten plus men are headed towards them.

"Wait, is that..."

Robbie's eyes go wide with the discovery he has made. He watches as the violence continues, and his nostrils flare underneath his mask.

"No fucking way. Were they that fucking stupid that they...

...no, it has to be a coincidence. Either way, those poor souls need help from the shitstains that run this place."

Robbie turns and looks at a fire control panel on the wall, the type that shows an entire floor plan of the place plus green lights where every fire alarm is placed. While the alarm may be raised in the building, nothing is burning yet. Robbie points to a stairwell, and traces it back to the security room, planning his route. Along the path, his finger stops near a spot on the floor plan, a room specifically marked 'High Security Containment'. Robbie's eyebrow crooks.

"If that's who I think it is upstairs, and I was kept in the dungeon, what the hell is there?"

Robbie shakes his head no, physically dismissing his own curiousity. He runs out of the security room and down the hall. Some ten steps, he stops, looks around, realizes he's headed in the wrong direction, pivots, and runs down the hall, this time in the right direction. He rounds a corner, helmet snugly crowning atop his mask, his spangled and sequined windbreaker style jacket flashing like a strobe light against the fluorescent bulbs lighting the corridor. He sees the massive door blockading egress from the High Security Containment cell he saw earlier. His curiousity getting the better of him, Robbie slows, agog with the massive door.

"Huh."

Robbie approaches the door, and from within we hear sobbing. Robbie's jaw goes slack. He looks up and down the hall, then back at the door, and noticing a slat about the size of a pizza box, he knocks on it. From behind the door, what sounds like thunder is heard, then in a distinctly feminine voice...

"Hello?"

Robbie's face scrunches, his curiousity truly having gotten the better of him by now. He slides the slat open.

"Hello. I'm Robbie."

The darkness of the High Security Containment cell reveals nothing, and the voice replies.

"What is happening! Why I am I being kept here? I didn't do anything!"

Robbie sneers in disgust.

"That isn't right, and I don't know. I am going to get you out."

Robbie looks up the hall towards the stairs he was originally trying to find.

"Look, I think I have a friend here. And, well, we are going to set things right. He's like Santa. Big ole' bushy beard. I, uh, I figure they didn't kill either of us, and that's where they fucked up. But we're going to help you."

Thunderclaps behind the sealed door echo from within. The light from outside of the High Security Containment cell illuminates a face as it approaches the slat. It is unreal. She possesses a classic beauty, jet black hair, deep olive skin, rising cheekbones with bright blue eyes, almost like Shannon Doherty only not crooked. Robbie's jaw goes completely slack.

"I, uh, sorry, miss, again, my name is Robbie, and, uh..."

Her face, although beautiful, is grief stricken. The tracks of her tears that cascade down her impecable cheekbones are many, each meandering downward to her rounded but pronounced chin. Robbie glances downward, catching himself looking at her chest, which is quite ample, and intently makes eye contact to avoid doing so again. This actually wound up being far stranger than he expected as she locked eyes with him.

"My name is Ruby."

Her face almost lights up, looking back up at Robbie. Robbie, mouthbreathing in awe of the woman he has just met, half smirks, and Ruby does the same.

"Um, Ruby, I have to go save my friend, I think you're safe in here for now, but I promise..."

"No, I can help!"

Robbie glances up towards the stairwell then back at Ruby.

"Look, it's dangerous, I don't want you to get hurt."

"I can do it, I'm a grown woman."

Robbie's face goes beet red as he avoides looking at Ruby's rack again. He half smirks as she looks at him with fire in her eyes. He then considers the thundering sounds he heard. He walks over to a control panel near the door and starts to press buttons. After five presses, the panel goes red.

"Well, that was the first code try. By my math it's five to the ninth power minus one more tries."

"Oh, don't be silly. I know the code. It's four twenty sixty-nine."

Robbie lets out a belly laugh.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're dumb asses."

"I guess so. Look, do you promise not to just harvest my organs or something for the black market if I let you out?"

Robbie finishes inputting the code, and the panel turns blue. The massive door to the High Security Containment cell opens slowly.

"Do people often try to harvest your organs or something?"

The huge door makes a loud, hollow clanking sound as it stops moving, completely open. From within, we see Ruby peek her head out, then watch as it rises to a height some one foot higher than Robbie. Her v-neck t-shirt hugging her torso tightly, her long black hair cascading down to the small of her back, her lower half that of a horse. Robbie looks at her in astonishment.

"No, I don't think so. I think one guy threatened to tear my lungs out but I'm usually the one referencing specific anatomy. Uh, speaking of which..."

Robbie points at Ruby. She trots up to him, her ample bosom right in his face, their gaze struck to one another.

"Oh, I'm all centaur, sweetie. And all woman."

"Fair enough. Let's go."

Robbie rushes down a hallway as Ruby cautiously keeps a gait through the hallway which is kind of smallish for Robbie's double extra large frame but puny for a centaur. Robbie opens a door into a stairwell, then turns back to Ruby.

"Can you?"

"What, use stairs? I'm a centaur, not handicapped."

"Oh, uh, sorry, you're the first centaur I have ever met. I, uh..."

Ruby giggles at the usually bold Robbie, who is sheepishly smiling at her in between glances at the ground.

"Are you going to look for more now?"

Robbie looks at her.

"I don't think so."

Robbie and Ruby rush up the stairs and into another hall. They see a fracas, some ten plus men pummeling Bearded War Pig and Sid.

"Get on."

"Woah, what?"

Ruby looks at Robbie intently.

"Get on my back, don't be silly."

"Mmkay."

Robbie mounts Ruby the centaur, and they charge down the hall towards the dozen or so guards. Ruby tramples four guards under her hooves as Robbie dismounts with all the grace of Orlando Bloom in a Lord of the Rings film. The grabs the first guard and hoists him up, followed up by a massive Robbiebomb onto the hard linoleum. As he does, Bearded War Pig and Sid scramble to their feet, the numbers advantage massively dwindled. Robbie and Pig look at each other, grin, and bump fists. Sid takes his baton and starts to beat one of the guard's groin with it. Ruby throws a massive yet literal horse kick at a guard, crushing his jaw and sending him flying. A pair of guards run at Robbie and Pig, and Robbie delivers a back body drop to each as Pig leaps, catching both for double DDTs! Robbie then runs down the hall and spears a guard, and as he does, BWP leaps over him with a flying knee strike that would put Tony Jaa to shame to a second guard. Pig lands, throws a forearm at the guard, puts him in a Muy Thai clinch, and then rams the guards head into the wall. As he does this, Robbie Bourbon sidesteps both of them and grabs another guard in a goozle, his hand around the guard's throat. Another guard comes to grab Robbie's arm as he does, but is intercepted by a kick to the sternum from Bearded War Pig. Robbie just throws the guard straight up from the choke, allowing their head to get stuck in the ceiling, as Bearded War Pig rides another guard to the ground with elbows to the temples. Both men stop, look around or any other oncomers, see none coming, then look at each other. Robbie and Pig give each other a high five.

"Enough!"

A stern voice is heard in the hall. We see a figure in a suit approaching the scene, alone. As he steps into the light, it is revealed to be none other than Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon. Robbie looks perplexed as Pig cracks his knuckles.

"Wait, Jeff Bezos?"

"Yes, it's me! This is what Amazon was going to do in it's next step! Do you think we made billions of dollars undercutting retail while creating thousands of jobs and making investors rich for no reason? No! I'm a supervillain! Mwahahahahahaha!"

Jeff Bezos pulls the pin to a grenade and lobs it at Robbie and Pig. As purple smoke starts to emenate from it, Robbie dives on it.

"Oh, he, hehehehehehe, this really, really tickles. It's a crazy purple knockout gas grenade, an old BourbCo special."

Robbie, having dove on the knock-out gas grenade, chuckles, then falls asleep as the seeping gas permeates past his face. BWP rushes forward and with a huge shot to Jeff Bezos's jaw, drops him to the linoleum.

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We see Jeff Bezos, in handcuffs, being put into a police car. It's gray, and chilly looking outside. Pig and Robbie are wrapped in itchy gray woolen blankets, the kind used in emergencies. A police officer approaches both men.

"Well, Motherfuckers, I don't know how we would have done it without you. You took down Jeff Bezos's evil plot to make more mindless drones to work for him. Or more mindless consumers. Or, shit, we really don't know why he ran this place, I think we need to investigate that or something, but good job shutting it down. There are plenty of innocent people in there, and some of them need real care."

Ruby walks up to Robbie and puts her arm around his shoulder, comforting him. Robbie reaches up and holds her hand. Pig looks up and down at Ruby in amazement, then looks at Robbie, wondering if he's serious. As he does Robbie turns and he and Ruby kiss each other passionately. Pig laughs. As he does, Sid approaches.

"Yes! We have overthrown the lord of that vile human building, and soon we will conquer all the humans!"

Robbie stops kissing Ruby and looks at Pig.

"Where the fuck did you meet that guy???"

Pig laughs as Robbie turns, grabs a handful of Ruby's hair with his right hand, her right tit with his left, and resumes making out with his new centaur girlfriend.