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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (06-10-2013)

You need to go to Brazil for work?!?! Why? What does your company need to send you to Brazil for?

My mind scrambled to formulate an adequate response. Struggled to find the exact combination of words that would both cover my ass and ease my wife's mind. She stood gazing at me from across our bedroom with a mixture of disbelief, anger and suspicion, radiating from her eyes. Her arms were crossed and she stood firmly planted in the way of me making any sort of quick exit. I had to think fast because not only was my flight leaving shortly, but taking too long to respond to her questions would just reek of a lie. Without letting another moment of hesitation pass by, I just decided to wing it and began to spin my verbal web of deceit.

Oh yeah, there's a huge client that's down there. He's fled the country because of back taxes he owes, hasn't paid them in years. Yet for some reason he trusts not just Sherman's First National Bank, but he trusts me. Yeah , he was one of the first people I encountered when I started working there. I knew old Jake....that's the guy's name by the way, Jake. I knew him for years before he fled the country. Now he's ready to come back and pay for his crimes of tax evasion, but more importantly he's ready to invest. I know that makes zero sense, but who am I to argue. The boss wants me in Brazil first thing in the morning. I guess he wants Old Jake to toss some money our way before the government takes the rest.

What was I even saying? Half of that wasn't even plausible, realistic reasons. In fact none of it made sense. How did I let that garabage fall out of my mouth? I mean, seriously...I couldn't come up with anything more believable than that? Anyone would have to be a complete moron to believe what I just said. Yet here I was hoping my wife would believe it. I hoped she'd take those blatant lies and swallow it down as truth. How sick is that? Working for the XWF for two weeks and I'm already lying worse to my wife then I ever had before. In fact, since I met her. I've never lied to her since the moment we first met. Mostly because, I had never had a reason to lie to her. My life was pretty average, boring even. There wasn't anything outside of the ordinary, or dangerous I had participated in. She knew where I was going and when I'd be home everyday, for the 5 years of our marriage. Now, I was headed to Brazil to participate in a wrestling match against Harold Davis and since I didn't want her to worry, I needed to lie. She couldn't know this was how I made a living. How would she take that her husband, Mr. Predictable was now a pro wrestler. That I beat people up for a pay check. There's no way she'd be okay with it and even if she was, I wouldn't want her to be okay with it. I wouldn't want her to get used to the fact, I climb into the ring and fight for a living.

Are you sure they can't send someone else?

She was buying it. She believed what I just said. If anyone had just told me, what I said to my wife, I would have know they were lying through their teeth. Yet she believed me. How?

No, it has to be me, or it's not going to happen. It sucks, I know but I'll be back Tuesday. I'm catching a flight back first thing, Tuesday morning. This trip is strictly business, so there's really no reason for me to stay longer than I have to.

Okay...well, call me as soon as you land.

Sure thing, baby.

I zipped my suitcase closed and pulled it off the bed. My wife, who just swallowed all I said as the complete and total truth, still stood in the way of me departing the room. However her demeanor was a bit softer. More relaxed and a bit more trusting. Despite those reassuring factors she still placed her arms around me and looked me straight in the eyes. Her eyes seemed to be searching for something, maybe trying to gauge if I was lying about the whole thing, or telling the truth. That's when I took a deep breath and proceeded to make the boldest move ever, I told the truth.

You've caught me. I'm really going to Brazil to fight. I quit my job and became a pro wrestler for the XWF. I wrestle on their Monday night show....which is cleverly entitled Madness, under the guise of Joe Tuesday. I won my first match last week Monday and now, I have to go to Brazil to face a man named Harold Davis. It's my second match, but I feel confident that I can totally kick the shit out of this guy.

I followed all that up with a wink and a smile, which caused my wife to instantly laugh. She shook her head and then kissed me. When she stepped back, she looked at me with laughter still bubbling up inside her.

Yeah, you've become a professional wrestler. That'll be the day. You're so silly sometimes! Okay, Joe Tuesday! Just call me when you land in Brazil.

I smirked playfully and shrugged.

Of course, I'll call you babe. I'll even call you right before I head out to the ring to beat the crap out of Harold Davis. Then after I destroy Harold, I'll come back here and show you a few submission holds I learned.

My wife let out a squeal and tried to hold back the laughter, that was bursting out of her.

Stop it! You're killing me! Oh okay, I get it. You thought I was doubting why you have to go to Brazil and now you're really going to pour on the teasing. Fine, I'll see you on Tuesday....Mr. Tuesday and you better keep your promise about those submission holds.

I'll keep my promise, you just be ready to tap out.

My wife smiled at me mischievously and then immediately looked away. I knew things were now completely fine between us. So fine. that the promise of some really, great sex, lay on the horizon. Then it was another kiss to the wife and I was out the door. They say the truth will set you free. In this case the truth did, only because she thought the truth, had been a lie. As I drove off towards the airport, I couldn't help but feel a slight blow to my ego. Why was the idea of me being a pro wrestler so funny? Why was the bundle of jumbled lies, I desperately spurted out, so much more believable than the truth? Not liking where my thoughts were taking me, I decided to push those thoughts out of my head. Instead I let my mind drift to Harold Davis and my upcoming second victory.

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