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B.O.B. D · (09-13-2019)

ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AND ALL OF THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN............

A quote from one of my favorite shows of all-time, the 2004 reboot of Battlestar Galactica. While one may wonder what this has to do with my upcoming match against Thad Duke, those people can be assured it has alot more to do with it than South Park(other than my opponent being the real life version of Butters, although after Saturday, he'll be more like Kenny when I'm finished with him). You see, in BSG, this phrase refers to the endless cycle of humans creating artificial life, only for it to turn on them. In regards to my TV Title match this Saturday, the quote means so much MORE.

My XWF career has run nearly parralel with my WWF career. From the rough start(I was 0-9 in WWF before earning my first win), to taking THE Champion to the limit(I wrestled the future WWF Champion, Big Evil, to a draw in a Barbed Wire Match SO brutal the ref stopped it), and even winning my first Title(which also started with an X, crazy enough); everything has practically been a carbon copy of my past.

And as Saturday approaches, I can see the pieces falling exactly into place, like a puzzle I'd already solved before. One of them a corner in the form of a ladder match, another one a middle piece in the shape of me becoming a Double Champion; all I need to do is reach into the box and add the finishing touches. The opponent may be different, but the end result remains the same. Once Savage is over, Big D WILL hold both of his belts high above his head and show ALL the people who doubt him that he deserves to be in the Universal Title hunt. And if you don't believe me, dig deeper into my history and watch as it repeats itself.

After I became a Double Champion, I went on and became the first person EVER to hold THREE belts at once(by becoming TV Champion, ironically enough)! And after management STILL wouldn't give me the opportunity I had rightfully earned, I took my talents elsewhere on the off days. I walked into NWF, showed them all I was the top dawg, and became World Heavyweight Champion. Go read the fucking history books, Big D was the equivalent of Universal Champion. Vinnie Lane, Robert Main, Unknown Soldier, I was their equal. I don't want to take my talents elsewhere to get that opportunity(even though I've discovered a place where you can BUY a Title shot), and I don't think I'll have to. Because after I've shown Thaddeus Duke he's nothing more than a child, everyone is gonna take notice of me.

Knowing I was on the rise, I felt it necessary to start getting treated like the star I was becoming. Did that mean I required a limo everywhere I traveled? No, I had enough stylin' and profilin' when I was in NWF. Was it necessary that I stay at the finest 5 star hotels, or dine at the fanciest restaurants? Not at all, a bed was a bed and caviar was a horrible substitute for a good burger. What was the one thing I needed to know my employer had confidence in me being THE guy? Merchandise, of course.

That's what brought me to XWF headquarters, more specifically, their sales department. I stood outside the glass doors as I watched the big wigs inside having a meeting. My Xtreme Championship was around my wait and a cardboard box in my hands, as I pondered what they could possibly be discussing. It was highly doubtful my name came up in conversation, they were probably discussing stupid products like a Peter Gilmour Super Dick dildo(made from a mold of Gilly's ACTUAL penis) or a stuffed animal of Ned Kaye's stupid cat. I was the last thing on their mind, evident in the fact no-one had noticed me standing there for a good ten minutes. It was no different than the rest of the XWF, even though I had made some noise with my recent Title victory, nobody was listening. As I learned with my actions on the previous edition of Savage, if people can't hear you, you gotta shout at the top of your lungs and MAKE them listen............

"Ladies and gentlemen, have I got an opportunity for you!" I boasted as I barged in on their meeting, fed up with waiting.

"Who the hell are you?!" an elderly member of the board questioned as I plopped my box onto their nice table.

"That's Big D," another, much younger, man whispered to his colleague loud enough for me to hear. "He's the new Xtreme Champion."

"No point in whispering if everyone can hear ya, bud," I pointed out with a wink and finger gun. "And after about a week, I wouldn't I'm the NEW Champion, makes you sound like one of those radio DJs who refers to a song 6 months old as new."

"Is there a reason you've interrupted our very important meeting on profit margins?" a middle aged woman asked, giving me a death glare over her glasses.

"Calm down, menopause," I barked as I made a scratching motion in the air. "As I said when I walked in, I have an opportunity for you to increase profit margins and sales of Big D merchandise, specifically."

"Well, considering you don't HAVE any merchandise, that shouldn't be too hard," the old man, who I assumed was the head honcho, commented.

"Let's hear him out, Bob," the younger guy said, resting his chin on his fist intently. "He IS the Xtreme Champion, after all."

"And after Savage, I'll be the TV Champion, as well," I explained with a wide grin. "Which will be a hell of a marketing opportunity for all of you."

"So what's in the box?" the only female in the room asked with a sigh. You could tell she just wanted to get this done and over with, likely wanting to go home to be alone and have a hot date with her massager.

"Well, Brad Pitt, I'll tell ya," I spoke with enthusiasm before ripping the tape off the top. I opened the flaps and, doing my best impersonation of Mastermind, pulled out a small pile of t-shirts. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you all that shirts are on the rise. Vita Valenteen just came out with one(and she loses just as much as I had been) and Mastermind makes one everytime he wins(which is about once a month). So here's a few ideas I came up with to sell at XWF Live events and on the website........"

The first one I held up was the most simplistic, I figured it'd be the cheapest to make and could be sold to the poorer Big D fans. It was black and had an image of the Xtreme Championship down by the stomach on the front. Above it near the chest, read 'The Champ Is Here' in bold, white letters. The marketing team looked at it for a moment, before looking at each other with gritted teeth.

"It seems a little too WWE," the man called Bob said with hesitation.

"I have to agree with Bob," the young guy, who seemingly had my back, concurred. "It literally looks like you took a John Cena shirt and pasted the image of your Championship belt over the WWE Title." It's like he knew my process or something.

"Okay, so you didn't like that one," I shrugged, tossing the shirt into a nearby waste basket before grabbing another one. "That's why I designed several, so you'd have your choice of the absolute best of the best......"

I held up the second idea, once again, a simple one made for cost efficiency and maximum profits. It was a plain white t, with nothing more than a giant, blue letter 'D' in the center. Once again, the powers that be didn't seem too thrilled with it.

"I'm NOT a fan," the woman bitched with an eye roll. "It's too generic and anybody who sees someone wearing it would have no idea why they have a large 'D' on their chest."

"It's a BIG D," I corrected her, holding out hope someone else might enjoy it. "Other opinions?"

"What else have you got?" Bob asked, leaning back in his chair. I looked from him to the younger guy, who nodded for me to move onto something else.

Knowing these people were a hard sell, I decided to bypass some of my other ideas and go directly to the best one. I went to the bottom of the stack and pulled out another white shirt, only this one had alot more going on. On the front it said 'And that ain't no story......' with a book underneath of it, and on the back read 'it's the Cold Big D Truth!!!!' with a picture of me wearing a judge's robe under it smashing the book from the front with a gavel. As I showed this beauty to the room, they leaned forward and began to whisper for a moment. My heart was racing, convinced they'd finally been impressed. After another few seconds of deliberating, Bob spoke for the entire team.

"Maybe the world doesn't need a Big D t-shirt," he said with a concerned look. "Is there any other merchandise in there that may be of interest?"

I was a little peeved that they couldn't bother with ONE damn shirt, but I wasn't gonna be defeated. Without a word, I pulled out an item made specifically for my match with Thad Duke. It was a figurine of me sitting in a chair with my right arm in the air, a baby bent over my knee. Upon further examination, though, one could see the face of the baby was none other than Duke himself. I held it up for the group, who looked confused.

"This is a product created to show the world exactly what's gonna happen to Thaddeus Duke come Savage," I spoke with confidence. I pressed a button on the back of my figure, which caused my hand to come down and smack the baby version of Thad on the backside. I repeated this a few times, smiling with glee, a feeling obviously not shared with the rest of the room.

"It seems a little childish," the woman said on disgust as she began to file her nails.

"Well, Thad IS a child," I defended, hoping maybe someone else might disagree with her. Nobody did.

"Look, Big D," the young guy I THOUGHT was on my side began. "This is an item that's too specific. You're only facing Duke Saturday, by the time we mass produce these things, the match will be over with."

"I gotcha," I said as I put the toy back in the box. "I have some more items to show you, I'm sure something will peak your interest......."

"We really need to get back to our meeting," Bob interrupted, to which I ignored. There was no way these fuckers could deny me like this, I was a star on the rise and these assholes acted like they didn't even know who I was.

"What about this?!" I desperately asked, pulling out a different figurine. This one was a McFarlane toy style figure of me at the top of a ladder, holding both the Xtreme Championship AND TV Title above my head in victory. As I showed it to the room, I could just feel they wanted nothing more than for me to be gone.

"Big D, you have some wonderful ideas," the young member of the board placated me. "But the fact of the matter is, you're getting ahead of yourself. These last two products are all dependent on you actually BEATING Thaddeus Duke and quite frankly.........."

"We don't think you have what it takes," Bob sternly interjected.

"Excuse me?!" I blurted out, fed up with their attitudes.

"It's just, the circumstances of your Title win are questionable at best," the woman said without even looking up from her nails.

"What we're trying to say," the young guy who clearly never was on my side explained. "Is that we need to see more before we can invest the time, money, and resources to creating Big D products."

"I see how it is," I exclaimed, shoving my items back into the box before swiping it up abruptly. "Y'all have no faith in me beating Duke, despite everything I've already accomplished! Well, you can go fuck yourselves! Don't come crawling to me once I'm Universal Champion and everybody's begging to buy Big D products!"

"We won't," all three of the executives said in unison as I stormed out the door.

I was seething in anger as I made my way for the building's exit. The few people who got on the elevator with me knew it, as they all stopped short of their floors just to get away from the madman that was me. As I reached the lobby and went to leave, I saw the receptionist and decided to do something nice for a change.

"Excuse me?" I asked, setting the box of goodies on her desk. "Would you be a dear and donate this stuff to charity for me?"

"I'm sorry, sir," she responded as she rummaged through the box. "It's not polite to donate trash to charity."

WHACK!!!!!!!

In one big swooping motion, I knocked the box off her desk, sending all the contents on the floor. She seemed so offended, an odd reaction for someone who had no problem dishing it out, but I didn't give a shit.

"SECURITY!!!!!!"

"Don't bother, I'm leaving this fucking place," I said as I walked out the door, flipping the bird as I did so.

I was irritated, but even though the hand I had been dealt was shitty, it was still a winning one. NWF didn't sell my merchandise right away, either, and I went on to become a Hall of Famer there. With history clearly repeating itself in every aspect of my career, things were still looking brighter than ever. There was just one more thing that had to be done, and that was address my opponent for Savage.

"Fageus Duke............ I call you that because anyone named Thad has to be a little homo. I know you're a stupid little bitch because you're in school despite being a professional wrestler. Or are you actually smart because you know you're not good enough to last and need school to fall back on when you have to find a different career? I guess calling you smart would be a stretch considering your delusions about your age, as well as the fact you're gonna risk your safety by stepping into the ring with me........ pending you actually show up, of course. No showing in this case may actually be the intelligent move on your part. At least had you shown up to War Games you would've had 4 other people to watch your back, as opposed to it just being you."

"And after the bullshit I just dealt with, I'd be particularly worried about my well being if I were you. Because I AM hungry, I'm ALSO pissed off! Ever since I arrived, people have questioned whether I have what it takes or not. Even you seem to be questioning my ability, asking me what have I done? Well, as you can see, I'm the Xtreme Champion and did so by overcoming overwhelming odds. I also captained a winning War Games team, can't blame you for not knowing that one though. That victory led to me receiving a Universal Title shot against Robert Main, a match that I ALSO came within a cunt hair(who are you, Noah f'ing Jackson?!?!) of becoming the Champion. And if you wanna know why I didn't win, go ask Donovan Blackwater! Dude did his best Stormy Daniels impression with how he just laid there on his back and took it from Main."

"But that was then and this is now. History may have a way of repeating itself, but my history of losing is over. People aren't gonna look at me as elite if I beat Mastermind and Peter Gilmour one night, just to lose to a douchebag named Thad the next. You might think that academy is gonna teach you something important, but the fact of the matter is school will be in session once that bell rings Saturday night. I'm sure your dad taught you all you need to know about fighting someone older than you, the only difference is I'm not a crippled old man! That's gonna be a hard lesson to get through your skull, but I'm a patient teacher and will repeat it(in the form of my fists) over and over until you've got it down. If you weren't over 18, they'd be hauling my ass off to jail for child abuse! Oh wait, you're only like 5, so maybe they will be. Either way, it doesn't matter. The only thing that DOES is that Big D will be etching his name into the history books of XWF once more. And............... hold on."

Seeing an opportunity to be clever for once, I hauled ass back to XWF headquarters. As I entered the building, I juked my way past security and over to the reception desk, where someone was picking up the mess I made when I freaked out. I quickly bent down, picked up the shirt with my slogan on it and revealed it to the camera.

"And that ain't no story........"

I flipped it around to show the back.

"It's the Cold Big D Truth!"

It was the last thing I did before that fat security guard tackled my ass like he was Ray Lewis. Ouch.

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