The face of intrepid XWF interviewer, Steve Sayors appeared on the screen; just behind him, a scene of utter chaos and devastation. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out and he seemed to be lost and unsure of what to say.


BOOM


“AHHHHHHH!”

He screamed as an enormous explosion went off behind him, nearly knocking him off his feet. He turned and looked at the scene behind him, but the image suddenly went to static and a voice yelled out from just out of view; “CUT! GODDAMN IT GREY! WHERE DID YOU GET THIS ASSHOLE?!”

Steve turned back as an army of studio handlers appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere, and started resetting the scene they were filming. Steve swallowed as he saw the angry director storming over to read him the riot act, but he was quickly intercepted by a woman with a caramel completion and long flowing microbraids. Steve could tell that the exchange between them was heated, but the man seemed to relent, then he threw up his hands as he called out to everyone; “TAKE 10 EVERYONE!”

The man stormed off, after giving Steve one last dirty look. The young woman turned and walked over, wearing a smirk across her face. She reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Pretty jumpy there, aren’t you Steve? You weren’t this nervous when we first met.”

The image paused, capturing the girl’s face perfectly as she stared at him with a crooked smile and dark, mysterious eyes that pinned him to the spot.


Indeed, he had not been…







SEVERAL DAYS EARLER

I met up with Kenzi on Tuesday morning at her West Hollywood home, the day following the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition show, Chill, where she was currently one half of the Cooperative Champions, which I suppose is the equivalent to our XWF Tag Team Champions. Kenzi hadn’t been in action, she was apparently nursing a knee injury, but that hadn’t stopped her from putting in an appearance and engaging in a bit of physicality with the fiancé of our own Vinnie Lane and her bodyguard, Maxine.

She walked in with a pronounced limp, but I could see her try to hide it as soon as she realized that I had a cameraman with me. I took note of the injury, all the same, as I was sure that it was going to come into play once she and her wife found themselves up against stiff competition like Noah Jackson and Fuzz. The pairing of ‘The Sick Cunts’ had rolled over ‘Gloriously Awful’ on the previous episode of Savage and no doubt they would be looking for a weakness in the fresher team of the Grey-Lacklan duo.

“Mrs. Lacklan, I’m Steve Sayors! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“You’re welcome Steve.”

I stuck out my hand and she reached over and took it with a shake that was a lot firmer than I had expected from a woman of her stature. While she was every bit of the 5’2” that had been implied by the name of her tag team, it was apparent that this woman was just as physically capable as many in XWF had found her wife, Sarah, to be.

I glanced around the room we had met in and took note that it was a sort of shrine to their numerous accomplishments and accolades in the wrestling business. I recognized a few of Sarah’s more recent XWF achievements; pictures of her with the Federweight Title, winning King of the Ring, and her newly won Anarchy Title. Not too shabby for a wrestler of her relatively short tenor in the federation, or the sport for that matter. Of course, there were other titles and trophies which had been collected by ‘The Blood Princess’ however, the accolades of her wife were just as numerous and impressive.

“Wow! This is quite the collection that you two have amassed; singles titles, tag team titles, tournament cups! If I didn’t know better, I would think all of this stuff belonged to an entire wrestling team!”

Kenzi looked around, nodding in agreement with me. Though none of these trinkets and babbles were a surprise to her, I could tell that my comment had brought it home for her.

“We have done pretty well for ourselves, but…there are still more than a few hurdles that we would like to get over before everything is said and done.”

This was my chance to turn the conversation, and I greedily took it.

“I’m sure that the XWF Tag Tournament sits prominently on that list, but I don’t think that getting past Jackson and Fuzz will be a cakewalk. It has to concern you that ‘The Sick Cunts’ have already competed, getting their feet wet while you have yet to step foot in an XWF ring, right?”

I was proud of myself for the clever way I had jumpstarted things, but I could see in her face that something I said had stuck a cord in her. I started to play back my words inside my own head and a lump sprung up in my throat when I realized what I had said. I could feel myself turn beet red as I tried to explain myself.

“OH! I am SO sorry…I didn’t mean to be offensive! That is just what Noah and Fuzz call themselves…’The Sick…C-words.’ It’s just…well…you know. I…”

She held up her hand as she pulled out her phone and spoke into it.

“Hey Siri, call My Bitch!”

My eyes widened as Siri responded; “Calling, My Bitch.” She held the phone to her ear, tapping her foot impatiently as it seemed to take an inordinately long time for ‘her bitch’ to answer. Kenzi covered the phone and whispered to me.

“I just got her an iPhone, now she just stares at it like a monkey doing a math problem. It’s really cute!”

She looked away as the person she had called finally managed to figure out how to answer. I could tell that Kenzi was irritated by the wait, but what she had on her mind was even more of an irritation. Her black brows knitted together as she spoke to, who I could only assume, was her wife Sarah.

“Baby, for real…are we actually taking on a team named ‘The Sick Cunts?’ This better not be some kind of joke from Vinnie!”

Kenzi listened to the response, but it was clear that she found the explanation less than satisfying. She seemed to become increasingly irritated as her free hand waved angrily in the air.

“Why in the hell does Vinnie allow those two assholes to run around calling themselves that? Even Bobbi has the good sense to just leave that in her dumb ass theme song!”

She glanced at me, giving a look that suggested that I should agree with her. Kenzi’s mouth fell open, as she found Sarah’s response to be flabbergasting, to put it mildly. I could see hints of real anger shining through her otherwise demure exterior.

As of late, I had seen that the woman had been on quite the tear as she violently dealt with challengers to her title and those she had perceived to have wronged her, in spite of her diminutive size and apparently gregarious nature. Everyone in XWF knew what Sarah was, but I wasn’t sure that anyone knew who and what this woman was.

“Just to let you know, the first time he calls me a cunt, I am going to smash his fucking nuts into goddamn peanut butter!”

I had to fight the sudden urge to cover my own crotch as she leveled a threat against the testicles of who I could only assume was Noah Jackson, the resident purveyor of all things cunty. I had no love lost for the man, but like any member of the male gender, I had sympathy for anyone who had to endure a shot to the family jewels. Especially when it was on purpose and done with extreme malice, as this appeared to be.

“Oh! THAT! What in the hell is that shit all about?! Who loses on purpose when a title is on the line? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS DUDE?! IS HE TRYING TO BANG YOU?!”

My mind turned back to the XWF Anarchy Title match between Sarah and Noah as I heard mention of someone ‘losing on purpose.’ I didn’t really have a social media presence, but I had been privy to this bit of back and forth between him and the new champion following her historic win. Noah had told her…and the world, I suppose…that he had lost to her intentionally. He had laid down and taken the pinfall willingly, thus, minimizing all of her hard work to get to that point, as well as his own apparently.

Maybe it had been in jest, but if it was, he never walked it back. Their exchange had been heated, but now his words and maybe his actions had taken on a new dimension as I watched Sarah’s wife get legitimately hot over the situation. I didn’t think for a moment that Noah wanted to have sex with Sarah, but it seemed like Kenzi wasn’t nearly as sure…well…until…

Kenzi held her phone away from her ear as she frowned and seemed to turn a shade of green. I heard the sound of Sarah retching on the other end of the phone. I didn’t know if she was actually vomiting or not, but if I had to bet…I’d say she was losing her lunch!

After a moment, Kenzi got back on the phone and I could tell that her wife’s response, no matter how involuntary had served to set her mind at ease…mostly. She glanced at me, and I could tell that she had only just remembered that I was here for a reason other than to agree with her notions about Noah, Fuzz, and the vulgar name of their paring.

“Yeah, better not be! I gotta go! Kisses...”

She put her phone away and I could see the tense demeanor she had exhibited, only a few moments ago, melt away like flecks of ice.

“Sorry about that. Where were we?”

As I stared at her, I found myself wondering if I had actually seen the anger legitimately flare up in her or if it were some sort of passing joke between the two of them. At the risk of jeopardizing the pleasantries between us, I reminded her of where we had left off.

“The Sick…C-words…sorry.”

There was a beat where she seemed completely blank, then a smile manifested from nowhere.

“Yeah, Fuzz and the guy who loves having my wife lay down on top of him. Apparently, he likes it even more than championship gold. I mean, I agree. My wife is ridiculously hot, but let’s not fool ourselves, shall we? That idiot didn’t throw away a chance to win a championship after all of the shit he went through to get to that point! Maybe if he was actually banging my wife I could see it, but judging from some of the idiotic shit I’ve seen him say, he was probably only banging his goddamn head against a brick wall!”

She rolled her eyes, clearly irritated by the entire notion.

“Hey! If he is dumb enough to lay down for me, I’ll crawl on top of him for three seconds. I heard how sick Sarah got at the thought of it, so It might as well be me, right?! Take that bullet for the team!”

I have to admit, I admired her moxie, but I had to wonder if she realized what she was up against.

“With all due respect; I mean, Sarah knows what she’s up against. She is XWF, through and through. She won a title in a head to head match against Noah, but you have never seen how dastardly ‘The Hardest Worker in the XWF’ can be. You have never seen the lengths that someone like Fuzz will go in order to be counted among the elite. Their last match together on Savage was…”

“…a joke?”

She cut me off and all of the mirth had left her face. It was strange how seamlessly she drifted from the almost naïve person constantly on social media cavorting with her wife, to the antithesis of that. Was this mind games or was this really who this person was? It had to be the latter…why would she put on for me?

“I don’t want to take anything away from Noah, that he hasn’t already taken away from himself when he went onto social media and actually started arguing about throwing a match. I don’t know if he really thinks that is what happened or if he somehow thinks that’s better. Maybe it was good that XWF put him in the ring with some ‘superstars’ that he didn’t have to lay down for. GOOD FOR HIM! He’s going to lose in the next round, and maybe he can just tell everyone he couldn’t wait to get another break after such grueling competition!”

“You’re really not a fan, are you?”

She paused and I saw the most subtle of smiles play at the corners of her mouth.

“I do enjoy how much he hates children. I mean, anytime he rolls out of the ring in the middle of a match to make one of them cry…I can’t stop giggling my ass off! Besides that…no, not feeling him at all.”

“What about Fuzz?”

I had to ask, wondering if her opinions about the man were as strong as they were for his tag team partner. She merely shrugged.

“I have no impression of him one way or another. Sarah says he can go inside the ring, so that is all that matters to me. He’s teaming with Noah…so maybe he just really enjoys adversity!”

Kenzi gave slight chuckle.

“Well…Fuzz did follow me on social media not too long ago. Maybe we talked…or maybe he was just wanted to follow someone famous.”

“Or, more than likely, he wanted to scout the competition and see what he and Noah would be up against.”

Again, that cold look returned.

“What do you think he saw? Did old Mister Hall of Legends see what he wanted to see…what I wanted him to see? Did he see me having a super cool time on Twitter? Did he see me yucking it up with a chinchilla or talking to Sarah about periods and buttholes?”

“Well…I don’t know.”

She smiled, but this time I could tell it wasn’t real at all.

“He’s not going to be in the ring with my social media account. He’s going to be in the ring with the woman that tried to beat her best friend's brains out with a steel chair. A best friend that happens to sleep with one of the guys that writes his pay checks. I’m in his company now and I am saying that sooner or later, I am going to catch his fiancée and I am going to beat her until my fucking arms get tired!”

She regarded me coolly. There was no lie in her words.

“If Fuzz or even Noah, for that matter, think I am about anything other than that…I’m not going to just beat them…I’m going to fucking destroy them!”

There was a long pause…long and very uncomfortable. Finally, she cocked her head to the side, staring at me.

“Steve…you’ve got a good face for television. Have you ever considered acting?”

“Me?”