The shot opens on Corey Smith sitting at the back of a gaggle of children at what appears to be a birthday party. Before him, the kids, who all look to be about 6-8 years of age, look pretty damned bored. A few have their fingers knuckle deep up their noses. Some of the girls are whispering back and forth and giggling. Even Corey looks bored out of his skull, tapping aimlessly on his phone. And what has them so bored you may ask?



Oh, Jesus Wept.

This uncanny valley looking motherfucker twirls his magic wand awkwardly, almost dropping it on the floor. Recovering with an awkward smile, he pulls a deck of cards out of his pocket. You can actually feel the enthusiasm drain from the room. A kid in the front row farts and the whole group is so bored they can't even muster up the enthusiasm for a laugh or an exaggerated nose pinch.

Are you ready for a card trick?! The magician calls out, splaying the cards out in front of him in a fan.

No, thanks. A strangely polite child responds. Nonetheless, the magician proceeds undaunted.

He shuffles the deck. Like, not even a stylish shuffle like a Mexican Spiral Shuffle or a faro shuffle (yes, I googled those fuck you). Nope, just a basic riffle shuffle. Anyway, the magician shuffles the deck and then splays the cards out for a child to select, approaching a little girl. She crinkles her nose up as he approaches and shakes her head “no”. The magician just keeps smiling but my God the awkwardness is so palpable it's like an oppressive humidity, even weighing the viewer down and threatening to overwhelm them through the television. The magician tries again, and again, and each time the child shies away. By this point the magician is starting to look a little perturbed. Finally, he comes to Corey. Corey doesn't even notice him at first, so engrossed is he in playing Fortnite on his phone. Finally, he senses something is amiss and looks up.

Pick a card?

Oh hell! Corey startles, almost jumping out of his seat. The magician's eerie plasticine face leers at him as he fans out the cards.

Pick any card!

Corey, looking a bit abashed, flashes a fake smile and picks a card. He holds it up so only he can see it.

Hmmm.... The magician muses, making a show of trying to read Corey's mind or some shit. I guess it's....THE FOUR OF DIAMONDS!

Heh...it is. Wow. Corey tries to feign enthusiasm for the kids' sake, but my God who are we kidding. One kid sitting near Corey starts to clap like he's putting out a fire between his palms, but he looks like he eats paste and his shoes don't have shoelaces so it's not exactly a ringing endorsement.

However, a savior appears! HELPER floats into the scene, but he's not looking like his usual self. No, his round little body is now covered in a fluffy yellow fur suit. His “cheeks” have been painted rosy red and a zigzaggy tail and cute ears have been pasted onto him. Why, he bears a striking resemblance to....

HEY KIDS, IT'S PIKACHU! WE'RE SAVED! Corey leaps out of his seat and points at HELPER. The kids turn to look, and erupt into cheers before rushing the little robot.

MR. COREY, YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP, BUT THIS SEEMS A BIT UNDIGNIFIED! HELPER floats just out of reach of the children as they grab at him with their grubby candy stained hands.

Oh, just think of how happy you're making them! Now mingle amongst your people while I get Mastermind sorted, alright?

ERRRR...OKAY.... HELPER sounds unsure of himself, but dutifully does as he's told. He allows himself to drop down amongst the kids. HELLO CHILDREN....ERRR...PIKA PIKA! I....ARRRGGHHHH! HELPER yelps as he's grabbed down into the adoring throngs.

The shot firmly settles back on Corey now. Good guy, that HELPER. He claps his hands together and rubs them vigorously. Mastermind, long time no see! It's been since, what, March? Three whole months since Lux started her rise to glory here in the XWF, with you as one of her initial stepping stones. So naturally, to show her gratitude she leapt at the chance to enter another tally in her win column by facing you in your ONE HUNDREDTH match!

Wow, one hundred whole matches! A veritable centennial of.... He muses for a bit ….something, I guess. Corey shrugs. You know, I've always felt that there was something a bit “off” about you. Don't get me wrong, as a wrestler you're competent, I suppose. I'm talking about you personally. It's like....

Corey stops short, looking like he's struggling. …..it's hard to explain my feelings about you quite frankly. I know what you're thinking. “Corey Smith at a loss for words? Un-possible!” So I really had to sit and think about what makes you, well...YOU. And it was hard, man! But then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me! It hit me what you remind me of!

You remind me of a shitty children's party magician. Speaking of which.... Corey starts looking around for the weird magician from before, but he's not here. Pointing to the camera man, he addreses him directly. Did you see where he went? The camera shakes back and forth “no”. Huh. Oh! Corey bends down and picks something up off the floor. It's one of those massive multicolored scarfs that hacky magicians pull out of their mouths. The camera follows Corey's gaze and we see that the scarf leads out of the room. Corey, scarf in hand, starts to follow its path.

Corey's on the case! But anyhoo, like I was saying, shitty children's party magician. Because just like you Mastermind, a shitty children's party magician has a pretense of something supernatural and mysterious, but in the end is so corny, vaguely creepy, dull, and awkward that anything potentially cool about them is lost in that morass of suck. Like take that weird disappearing act you pulled on Savage during Lux's match. I gather that was supposed to be one of your vaunted “mind games”, but in the end it was about as underwhelming as a micro penis reveal after 20 minutes of foreplay.

Did you honestly think that's all it would take to get inside Lux's head? After all the horror she's seen? And that's not even touching on your oddly stilted promos. Or that tired ass t-shirt making gimmick. Incidentally, not quite as many of those coming out the last few months, eh?

Corey continues following the scarf into a back hallway.

Look Mastermind, you're not a BAD guy. I don't hate you and neither does Lux. But honestly I think you not being a bad guy is part of the problem. Because for a guy whose entire shtick is about mastering people's minds and engaging in psychological warfare, the antics you pull typically fall more towards the “PG rated made for Disney prankster” end of the spectrum then the “ruthless gas lighter” end. Or, to put it another way, you're like a Cesar Romero Joker when you really should be more of a Heath Ledger Joker. I think the whole mental manipulation thing demands a certain edge that you just don't seem capable of.

Now, I'm not saying you need to become some “blood bathing edgelord” waxing poetic about “dragging us down into the darkness in your soul”. But turning the dial up a couple ticks from being a cheeky supporting character on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood might do you some good. I mean Jesus man, I'm a teenage drug addict with a traumatized assassin dorming in my brain, and your last run at us basically amounted to “you're bullshitting us because lotto numbers from the future”. Not only did we stuff that toilet load right back down your throat, but Lux kicked your ass to boot. Not a whole lot of mind mastering there, eh?

He rounds a corner into another hallway, still following this absurdly long rainbow scarf. Happy Pride, BTW.

My point is this. Nobody is riper for mocking and parody than me and Lux. But if you really want to shake us, the Care Bear Stare ain't gonna cut it. You might have to get your hands a bit dirty. You might, for once in your life, actually have to get a little MEAN. But I'm not sure you're capable of that. After all, you're a family man who consults your wife for your shoots. Your psychological coup de grace is making people a t-shirt. And you once spent an entire promo cycle steeped in depression over an (admittedly awful) mass shooting. Corey winces. Have you ever considered that maybe this whole “mastering of minds” thing is out of step with who you really are? I mean, you're about as imposing as a s'more. And everybody loves s'mores. Mmmmmm....s'mores.....



Actually, that's probably MORE imposing than you. You can get burned making a s'more after all. Oh hey, looks like it's the end of the line!

Corey sees that the scarf proceeds under the door to a door helpfully marked “Janitor's Closet”. Corey goes to open the door, but then stops and turns to the camera. I wonder what he's doing in there. Do I really want to do this?

The camera nods “yes”.

Mmmmm....yes. Sound argument that. Corey opens the door, and the magician is passed out drunk with his pants around his ankles. I am SO reporting this guy to the Society of American Magicians! He slams the door shut again. At a children's party....honestly! He tut-tuts before we are abruptly treated to “Hotline Bling” by Drake. Corey starts and pulls his phone out of his pocket, answering it and silencing the ring tone.

What's up, Jo? Corey answers cheerfully. He listens intently, and slowly over time his smile starts to turn. Oh.....Jesus man, I'm..... He listens a bit longer, concern registering on his face. Yeah, no problem. We'll be there as soon as we can. Whatever we can do. He slowly pulls his phone away from his ear, looking shaken. He closes his eyes.

Lux, I can't do this.

THE NEXT MORNING

The shot reopens on the interior of a hospital cafeteria. Joachim Bright is there, feeding a couple bucks into a coffee machine. A cup drops into place and a black brew starts to trickle into it. Lux enters the cafeteria and calls out to him. Joachim!

Jo turns towards her. He smiles, but it's a weary facsimile. You came. Thank you. He walks up to her and Lux meets him half way with a hug. When they part, Jo looks a bit awkward. Lux, is it you or....?

It's me. Corey, he....he struggles with stuff like this. She says with a pained expression. How is he?

Joachim goes back to the coffee machine and takes his drink. He's awake and alert now. But... Jo's voice is strained as he speaks. They're talking about Hospice.

Lux looks towards the floor. Jesus Jo, I'm so sorry.

I knew it was coming eventually. He takes a drink to conceal the tug in his throat that was a precursor to tears. He collapsed at the house yesterday. The doctor thinks he had a seizure. I called 911 when I found him and he had another one when we got to the hospital. And then another real bad one last night. They've got him on these meds to try to control them but the cancer it's....it's really advancing quickly now and....

Yeah. Lux breathes. God....

He would probably like a visitor who isn't going to dote on him or ask him a bunch of stupid questions.

Lux nods. Of course. I'd like that too.

He's in Room 113. First left out the cafeteria, and then another right. It's just past the nurse's station.

Sure. Lux turns to leave, but then glances back at him. Are you okay? Like, really?

Jo takes another sip. No, to be honest. You always think you're ready for it. But then....

Yeah. Lux looks lost for a moment before she settles on what else she wants to say. I'll always be there for you. And I'm going to kill that son of a bitch Aiwass for doing this to him.

You can't kill a demi-God....

I'll figure out a way! Lux says icily, but then relents, not meaning to come across as so aggressive to her grieving friend. I'm sorry.

It's okay. Jo looks up at her above his coffee. Thank you.

Lux nods, and then steps out of the room. Steeling herself, she follows Jo's directions to get to Dexter Bright's room. Finding it, she stands still outside of it a moment before entering. Once inside, we see Dexter holding a TV remote aloft and quickly clicking through the channels. Daytime TV blows ass! He announces, but the typical throaty bombast that he usually produces seems somehow muted. Dimmer.

Lux approaches his bed, taking in the cords and machines hooked up to his thinner than she remembered frame. Hey Dex.

'Sup. Boy or lady today?

Lady.

Cool, cool. He coughs. When the fuck did they replace Bob Barker on the Price is Right?

Like 10 years ago.

He looks surprised. No shit? He dead?

I don't think so.

Huh. He's gotta be old as fuck. Engy stops clicking the remote and then casually tosses it onto the end of his bed. So the kid told you I'm officially runnin' my last lap?

Lux looks unsure how to respond at first. Yeah, something like that. Um, how do you feel?

Okay for now. I shit my pants last night when I had that last seizure.

Lux winces. Did they at least change your sheets? She goes for a smile.

Yeah...yeah. This must be one a them fancy hospitals. Engy looks out the window, the summer sun is peeking through it with no sign of so much as a single cloud in the sky. Doc thinks I got about a month or so. Maybe two. He looks back at Lux. I only ever made it through half my bucket list!

Lux looks shocked, remembering what was on it. She laughs a bit. I'm honestly frightened you got that far.

Yeah, well, you know, ol' Engy can be pretty convincin'. Plus, who's gonna arrest a guy with a brain full a tumors? Waste a tax payer dollars far as I'm concerned!

A long silence descends on them. Finally, Lux breaks it. I'm still working on getting at Aiwass and Madison. I....

It don't matter.

Taken aback, she stammers out a reply. Huh...?

Engy shrugs. It don't matter to me anymore. I mean yeah, I still hate the fuckers, but getting' 'em ain't gonna make me any less dead in a month. So who gives a fuck, ya know? I'm just gonna try and enjoy the little bit a time I got left with 'Jo.

Lux looks shocked. That's honestly kind of unexpected coming from you. No offense.

Engy smacks his lips. Yeah, Dr. Phil would prolly say some shit like I'm showin' “growth as a person” or some shit. You think it shows that?

Yeah, I suppose. But I'm still going to kill the shit out of them for you.

That's okay. He smirks. Still wanna fuck Scarlett Johannson though. Do they do Make A Wish, but for grown ups?

Lux can't help but chuckle. No, I don't think so Dex.

Fuck! He looks at the TV. The View is on, and he scowls, reaches back for the remote and shuts it off. After that, he sits in silence again. Lux watches him, unsure of what to say. She opens her mouth to say something neutral and reassuring but he beats her to the punch. I'm scared.

It's amazing how much power two simple words can have. Engy remains eyes forward, as though his gaze is locked on something only he can see. Lux's bottom lip quivers. Her left eye tears up, but she says nothing. There is just nothing to say. She sits down on the bed next to Dexter, wrapping one arm around him in a half hug.

She stays with him in silence long into the afternoon.